She stopped initiating contact after 3 months of dating

[AM349]

So i have this plate that i have been seeing for 3 months. We see each other about 1 time a week and each time we have s3x and fun.

In the beginning she would complain that i didn't contact her as much as she would like to.

But i noticed that for the last 4 weeks i am the one initiating the contact. She never rejected a date or something and the dates are fun but, why isn't she chasing my attention? After 3 months she should be attached right, so what am i messing up?

I haven't texted her for a week know since our last date so see if her behaviour would change, but still no text.

I usealy just text her once a week to setup a date, but this week decided to skip.

I also am starting to lose interest because why the **** would i always put in the effort to see her and arrange activities, what would you guys do?

 

[pipeman84]

why isn't she chasing my attention?

Between other guys, her vibrators and dildos, what's so special about you so that she should chase you?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You just found out that plates always have an expiration date.

Women for the most part are looking for a relationship and once they realize it isn't going to happen with you or you simply are happy with an FWB situation, they will go along with it for a while in the hopes it develops into something more but then when it is clear it won't, they end up breaking it off so they can go find what they are looking for.

There isn't anything you can do in this situation. You should always expect this to happen with plates within 3-4 months, that's usually how long you get before they make a decision about the relationship and it not having a future.

Time to move on and you should have been working on keeping your pipeline full. Big mistake most guys make is letting their pipeline slip in these situations and ending up with nothing for a few months.

You are looking at this completely wrong and I am going to guess you don't have a lot of experience in these situations or you would know this is very common especially within the timeframe you mentioned.

This woman is not going to chase after you, you are simply making it much easier for her and reinforcing the decision she made which is that she needs to stop wasting her time with you and a relationship that is going nowhere.

 

[RangerMIke]

This typically happens after about 3 months. You really can't worry about this, she has just discovered this isn't working out. The only advice I can give is to NOT double down on effort... just let her drift off and find a new girl.

 

[Chow Mein]

Nothing to worry about, OP. Just ask her out and bang, if she doesn’t then you know what the status is.

I would be happy in your shoes where there’s no communication between dates. Seems like you are getting attached to her by just caring about why she doesn’t initiate contact

 

[AM349]

okay, but what whould be the correct course of action right now?
- initiate contact and keep dating until she cancels one and just bang her for now?
- don't do anything and keep spinning my other plates?
- just ask her why her behaviour has been of lately and just talk it out as 2 grown people?
- should i just text her or?

I would not marry this plate, but the time we have is fun.
I am also seeing other woman right now, but iam just trying to learn how to handle situation like these in the future.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I would not marry this plate.
initiate contact and keep dating until she cancels one and just bang her for now?

Yes. As long as you keep tappin it, you should keep initiating

 

[New_Journey]

As the time progressed, you did the opposite that hooked her up. I'm going to tell you what changed.

In the beginning she would complain that i didn't contact her as much as she would like to

This is good. A woman spouting feelings from her mouth mean she has some level of investment, this is good, this is what you want.

But i noticed that for the last 4 weeks i am the one initiating the contact.

You got to understand that women test men. She telling you that you didn't initiate was a test, to see how invested you were, since she was very invested, and you failed.

I also am starting to lose interest because why the **** would i always put in the effort to see her and arrange activities

Exactly, you are following your instincts which is fine, you have good instincts.

This is what happened:

In the beginning you appeared like an alpha guy, who was busy, didn't have time to text, she was chasing for your time and validation, this is how every situation with a woman should be, she MUST chase you, it is in their DNA, women are hardwired to chase men, to try to get men to commit, women want to work hard for her prize.

When time went on, she complained that you didn't initiate, well, in you male brain thought "we've been having fun and sex, I should initiate more often", then you started to initiate, and poof everything went to $hit, that was your problem, doig what you thoguht she wanted, instead of doing what she needed.

You should've kept it lite, once per week with a lot of fun, and then a very cold silence from your part, that way she wonders about you. You should've been busy doing other stuff and dating other women but being silent. Women have a lot of orbiters who text them, and you not texting her, you were different, so she was hooked, but as soon as you behaved like other orbiters and giving her free attention, she despised that.

If I were you, the time she texts, reply one text normal, don't invite her to do anything, if she asks say you are busy for that week and do not give any other time to meet, is she ask you say you'll let her know, and then go on with your life dating other women. I would invite her to go out two weeks after she texts you. You need to become the guy she was attracted before, the one she was chasing, but you need to be busy living you life and not waiting for her.

No man will make a woman wait for sex, but when someone does it, it creates mystery, cause men love sex, so if you're not ****ing her given the opportunity, you must be fvcking someone else, at least in her mind, and that's what you want.

 

[New_Journey]

what's so special about you so that she should chase you?

Every man on earth can give her d!ck, but not every man can give a woman a date with a lot of fun, since women are boring as fvck, a date with a lot of fun and a guy who knows he's the prize, its what makes a guy different than orbiters.

 

[BeExcellent]

As the time progressed, you did the opposite that hooked her up. I'm going to tell you what changed.


This is good. A woman spouting feelings from her mouth mean she has some level of investment, this is good, this is what you want.


You got to understand that women test men. She telling you that you didn't initiate was a test, to see how invested you were, since she was very invested, and you failed.


Exactly, you are following your instincts which is fine, you have good instincts.

This is what happened:

In the beginning you appeared like an alpha guy, who was busy, didn't have time to text, she was chasing for your time and validation, this is how every situation with a woman should be, she MUST chase you, it is in their DNA, women are hardwired to chase men, to try to get men to commit, women want to work hard for her prize.

When time went on, she complained that you didn't initiate, well, in you male brain thought "we've been having fun and sex, I should initiate more often", then you started to initiate, and poof everything went to $hit, that was your problem, doig what you thoguht she wanted, instead of doing what she needed.

You should've kept it lite, once per week with a lot of fun, and then a very cold silence from your part, that way she wonders about you. You should've been busy doing other stuff and dating other women but being silent. Women have a lot of orbiters who text them, and you not texting her, you were different, so she was hooked, but as soon as you behaved like other orbiters and giving her free attention, she despised that.

If I were you, the time she texts, reply one text normal, don't invite her to do anything, if she asks say you are busy for that week and do not give any other time to meet, is she ask you say you'll let her know, and then go on with your life dating other women. I would invite her to go out two weeks after she texts you. You need to become the guy she was attracted before, the one she was chasing, but you need to be busy living you life and not waiting for her.

No man will make a woman wait for sex, but when someone does it, it creates mystery, cause men love sex, so if you're not ****ing her given the opportunity, you must be fvcking someone else, at least in her mind, and that's what you want.

Like @BackInTheGame78 and @RangerMIke said, plates always have expiration dates; they fall out of the rotation and for exactly the reasons the guys cited.

I disagree with @New_Journey s bit here. The only women who will ever chase men are lower self esteem/less value/emotionally unstable women. Women who are high value (and know it) will NOT chase after guys. They don't need to and they have plenty of good options showing interest in them, which allows them to relax into the responsive feminine role.

My grandmother had a wise saying:

"Wise women let the man chase her until she catches him....."

And all the women in my family were married to very alpha men, my grandmother twice (and widowed twice).

That is a very different mindset than New Journey expects to see, and quality women still do that today because it promotes masculine/feminine polarity.

Plates are always going to break; and your plates are often going to be seeing (and sexing) other guys. Neither should surprise you.

She's not marriage material in your book, let her go.

NEXT.

 

[pipeman84]

If I were you, the time she texts, reply one text normal, don't invite her to do anything, if she asks say you are busy for that week and do not give any other time to meet, is she ask you say you'll let her know, and then go on with your life dating other women. I would invite her to go out two weeks after she texts you. You need to become the guy she was attracted before, the one she was chasing, but you need to be busy living you life and not waiting for her.

No man will make a woman wait for sex, but when someone does it, it creates mystery, cause men love sex, so if you're not ****ing her given the opportunity, you must be fvcking someone else, at least in her mind, and that's what you want.

Why would a plate (which by definition is a low quality woman who most probably has multiple guys she has sex with and doesn't take more than 1-2 dates to add new guys to the roster) act the way you describe for a random guy like OP? If he were a celebrity/millionaire, then what you say would begin to make sense.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Damn OP, how many times did you initiate contact? What did you guys talk about? I’m not sure if you fully understand what “spinning plates” means, so let me break it down. Essentially, it refers to distributing your attention and effort between multiple romantic interests to keep them all “spinning,” or in motion, without letting any of them fall. This helps you avoid coming off as clingy or needy, which is generally unattractive. This is also why people are often advised not to text too much—so they don’t appear overly available or desperate.

Now, what might you have done wrong? There are several possibilities, and with the little information you’ve provided, it’s tough to say if it’s one issue or a combination. First, you may have come across as extremely relationship-focused. As you might know, feminine energy is often relationship-based, and she should ideally be the one driving that aspect. You might have treated her like she was already your girlfriend, even though she never agreed to that role.

Secondly, as I mentioned earlier, after a couple has sex, there’s usually a shift in energy. One partner might see the other as "weak" for giving in, and the other stops idealizing them and starts noticing flaws. To counteract this, you need to fight against this negative inertia. You have to keep the excitement alive—keep proving yourself, keep your attention on her, and let her know you’re not taking her for granted.

Finally, I believe that, combined with the first issue, you lost some of the mystery in the relationship. She got too familiar with you, you didn’t use absences effectively, and you became too reliable. The relationship started feeling too comfortable, and it lost the erotic tension and excitement that fuels desire.

So, what should you do now? Text only for logistics—don’t overdo it. If she initiates contact during your weekly initiation, you respond. This week, reach out and invite her out. Get your logistics in place, and use DREAD. Let her reach out to you, and remember that you’re the prize. If she doesn’t want to hang out this time, give her space and let her come to you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

okay, but what whould be the correct course of action right now?
- initiate contact and keep dating until she cancels one and just bang her for now?
- don't do anything and keep spinning my other plates?
- just ask her why her behaviour has been of lately and just talk it out as 2 grown people?
- should i just text her or?

I would not marry this plate, but the time we have is fun.
I am also seeing other woman right now, but iam just trying to learn how to handle situation like these in the future.

Go find more women and leave her alone. This one is done. Accept it and move on

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why would a plate (which by definition is a low quality woman who most probably has multiple guys she has sex with and doesn't take more than 1-2 dates to add new guys to the roster) act the way you describe for a random guy like OP? If he were a celebrity/millionaire, then what you say would begin to make sense.

Many women do not have sex with multiple guys...they will date multiple guys but once they start having sex with one of them, the other ones start fading away.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Damn OP, how many times did you initiate contact? What did you guys talk about? I’m not sure if you fully understand what “spinning plates” means, so let me break it down. Essentially, it refers to distributing your attention and effort between multiple romantic interests to keep them all “spinning,” or in motion, without letting any of them fall. This helps you avoid coming off as clingy or needy, which is generally unattractive. This is also why people are often advised not to text too much—so they don’t appear overly available or desperate.

Now, what might you have done wrong? There are several possibilities, and with the little information you’ve provided, it’s tough to say if it’s one issue or a combination. First, you may have come across as extremely relationship-focused. As you might know, feminine energy is often relationship-based, and she should ideally be the one driving that aspect. You might have treated her like she was already your girlfriend, even though she never agreed to that role.

Secondly, as I mentioned earlier, after a couple has sex, there’s usually a shift in energy. One partner might see the other as "weak" for giving in, and the other stops idealizing them and starts noticing flaws. To counteract this, you need to fight against this negative inertia. You have to keep the excitement alive—keep proving yourself, keep your attention on her, and let her know you’re not taking her for granted.

Finally, I believe that, combined with the first issue, you lost some of the mystery in the relationship. She got too familiar with you, you didn’t use absences effectively, and you became too reliable. The relationship started feeling too comfortable, and it lost the erotic tension and excitement that fuels desire.

So, what should you do now? Text only for logistics—don’t overdo it. If she initiates contact during your weekly initiation, you respond. This week, reach out and invite her out. Get your logistics in place, and use DREAD. Let her reach out to you, and remember that you’re the prize. If she doesn’t want to hang out this time, give her space and let her come to you.

You are missing the overarching issue and that is around 3-4 months women often decide whether they want to push the relationship forward or end it and find someone else.

Essentially they have committed to "seeing how things go" for a period of time, sort of like a probationary period at work when you first get hired.

Clearly she doesn't see any future with OP, mainly because he did a poor job of showing that he was interested in anything more than fvcking her.

This is simply called the expiration date of the relationship, nothing more nothing less.

Now, if that's all OP wanted then that's fine. But he needs to understand that this is going to happen frequently because most women don't want to just have sex with a guy and nothing else. She gave him a chance to see if he wanted anything else from her, he confirmed he did not, and she decided it was time to find something more than he was willing to offer.

He isn't in the wrong here, he just needs to accept that he can't have it both ways. Doesn't work that way in life.

Would be like trying to be in New York and San Francisco at the same time. Gotta pick one or the other.

 

[New_Journey]

I disagree with @New_Journey s bit here. The only women who will ever chase men are lower self esteem/less value/emotionally unstable women. Women who are high value (and know it) will NOT chase after guys.

Remember guys, women say they want one thing but that's not what they want. Also, women don't know what attracts them to men, therefore never follow advice from women, and this member is a woman. Don't fall for it.

@BeExcellent a fish doesn't know how to fish, but lets agree to disagree.

very alpha men

The mere fact that you have to emphasis on that, shows that you speak the same jargon that the "manosphere" does who know nothng. Alpha is a container words, you define what alpha is for you and what you've read online, what is alpha and what is beta are behaviors, nobody is alpha and nobody is beta, they exhibit those behaviors in which alpha causes desire and beta causes comfort.

If nobody told you what "alpha" is, you wouldn't know, you will be only be attracted by a man's behavior desire (alpha), or comfort (beta). So, yeah your grandmother were married to men, cause alpha and beta, its subjective.

 

[New_Journey]

You are missing the overarching issue and that is around 3-4 months women often decide whether they want to push the relationship forward or end it and find someone else.

Essentially they have committed to "seeing how things go" for a period of time, sort of like a probationary period at work when you first get hired.

Clearly she doesn't see any future with OP, mainly because he did a poor job of showing that he was interested in anything more than fvcking her.

You are wrong on this. The only role for a guy is to have fun with her and fvck her good, if the guy shows interest in relationship, the girl might get scared cause in her lizard brain, he's more invested in her than her into him. Relationships are a woman's job, when they want to lock you down, they usually start asking things like "where this is going.." or "what are we.." or some variation of that, she never asked him anything like that.

While its true they leave when they don't see anything progressing, if she sees the guy as her best option, she will try to do everything to get commitment from him, before leaving. So, that was not why she ended it.

There is one thing called "Loss Aversion: we all hate to lose the things that we have, than to acquire the things we don't have" Its more painful to lose $20 than the pleasure you get from finding $20, humans have that, and if this guy would've been her best option, she wouldn't try to lose him that easily to try find something better.

 

[BeExcellent]

Actually I understand women (and men) very very well. I know what works and have the results to show for it. But of course that is for each reader to discern.

 

[Gamisch]

Like @BackInTheGame78 and @RangerMIke said, plates always have expiration dates; they fall out of the rotation and for exactly the reasons the guys cited.

I disagree with @New_Journey s bit here. The only women who will ever chase men are lower self esteem/less value/emotionally unstable women. Women who are high value (and know it) will NOT chase after guys. They don't need to and they have plenty of good options showing interest in them, which allows them to relax into the responsive feminine role.

My grandmother had a wise saying:

"Wise women let the man chase her until she catches him....."

And all the women in my family were married to very alpha men, my grandmother twice (and widowed twice).

That is a very different mindset than New Journey expects to see, and quality women still do that today because it promotes masculine/feminine polarity.

Plates are always going to break; and your plates are often going to be seeing (and sexing) other guys. Neither should surprise you.

She's not marriage material in your book, let her go.

NEXT.

I get what you're saying. Still I think that GENERALLY speaking @New_Journey is right. I've heard many women say this as well..on the other hand I also heard what you say very often.

If we analyze why these 3 to 6 months relationships fail I think his advice is sound. A man shows his cards way to soon, becomes invested while the woman loses interest. In this case we all know she didn't wake up and decided out of nowhere that she wanted to GHOST OP. My guess is that somewhere around the 1 /1,5 mark ( and some sexual encounters) the swift happened.

It's difficult for average men to date with a purpose. You are obviously highly dependent on the woman you deal with and her state and dating preferences, other prospects ect. Arguably a man should vet like a pro but assuming you meet her via OLD it's not gonna be that easy...a man who walks around with a ring in his pocket will more often than not be seen as a freak/ creep and he will " suffocate " the women he tries to date.

I'd say that a single man must be able to apply both of the scenarios you guys painted:
- let a woman chase when it's called upon
- and do the chasing when it's necessary.

Experience teaches us to recognize who is who.