she showed interest, she is cold and hot, anti-slvt defense is stopping us

[hop On hop Off]

So, this is the girl I went to the museum with last week.

We touched each other's hand while exchanging things. Next day, we were out, I took her hand in my car, tried k close. She avoided k close. But she let me hold her hands firmly in the car. She took her hand back when we got back to the house.

I have escalated, but I see her leaving my car with a guilty face. She immediately messaged me she will be busy, can't go out anymore. It's the anti-slvt defense. How do I break that?

Few days ago, A guy housemate wanted to go shopping. I will be the driver. He asked everyone. She said yes.

Today, the guy backed out, leaving 2 guys 2 girls including me and her. The girl is suddenly not coming. I think she doesn't want to be too close to me.

So, a housemate decided to ask her again. Then, I decided not to walk over, but to call her. I called 3 times. It was a bad move.

How should I ask her out again? I am confident she is interested in me, but she is feeling guilty with her anti-slvt defense.

 

[hop On hop Off]

sometimes I am not doing enough, sometimes I am doing too much.

I see her interest through her action. I think I am not doing enough. I am gonna slip through a note under her door, tell her, she is embarrassing me, seriously now?!

With this highly self-guarded girl, it is better to contact frequently and break the barrier. When you cool down, the chemistry is gone. That's how I felt this week.

 

[astrn]

Man. Next her! Please for your gods sake. I read other threads that you wrote about her. You re chasing now and she is not interested in you. Now she is using your attention to fill her ego! Its gonna be your oneitis and she will find another man before you realize! And you will feel like piece of crap...

Listen these guys that trying to help you. There is nothing you can do! Just let her go and never try to date or do something again with her. Find some other things like a new hobby, girl, new friends etc.

 

[astrn]

And read materials, books, workout for your self improvement...

 

[hop On hop Off]

astrn,
Thanks so much for the wise words.

I think my ego is just butt hurt right now, so I can't get over it. I tell myself, I am better than her in every way. I finished grad school, I drive bimmer, I make twice as much as her. She has a temp job, moving away.

Yes, now that you mentioned, I think she IS using me for ego boost. Now, that's pissing me off. She's done. Ready to isolate her in the house.

Now, NC is the best path. I will report back again. Thanks SS!


PS: One thing I don't get, why is she letting me hold her hands? And submitting to my KINOs? You can just leave my car, or say no.

 

[astrn]

Because she wanted your attention in that particular moment. And she got it and filled her ego. Girls usually thinks like that And this does not mean anything for her. They are like fish, one moment they will show u affection and 30 sec later she can easily forget your face.

Dont overanalyse this situation anymore. It is not good for your mental health. Just go outside watch some movie, go to a nearest starbucks, walk, run but do something man. Trust me on that one. It will vlear your mind... And keep doing it until you dissolve her in a chunk of spoiled mustard then throw it in a trash bin...

 

[hop On hop Off]

astrn,
Thanks for spreading the positivity and giving me the confidence. I am truly thankful to read what you said.

I will do as you mentioned. Again, I will report back to let everyone know how I am farring, hopefully my experience will help someone else in the future.

Happy thanksgiving to you, astrn!

 

[astrn]

No prob. Keep it up and you ll feel better and wiser... I wont lie it is gonna take alot of time to recover and improve but just be patient and determined, you ll surprise yourself!

 

[Between_The_Lines]

astrn,
Thanks so much for the wise words.

I think my ego is just butt hurt right now, so I can't get over it. I tell myself, I am better than her in every way. I finished grad school, I drive bimmer, I make twice as much as her. She has a temp job, moving away.

Yes, now that you mentioned, I think she IS using me for ego boost. Now, that's pissing me off. She's done. Ready to isolate her in the house.

Now, NC is the best path. I will report back again. Thanks SS!


PS: One thing I don't get, why is she letting me hold her hands? And submitting to my KINOs? You can just leave my car, or say no.

Two things -

1) When you go no contact, you drop all questions that suggest you two are actively engaged in some sort of relationship. As has been pointed out above, the only thing she's interested in using you for is for ego gratification.

2) Please please PLEASE read up on the case of Elliot Rodgers. Not sure if they're still up, but check out his videos on YouTube - seriously.

 

[hop On hop Off]

Between_The_Lines,

Thing #1:
Well, my ego is just butt hurt right now. That's all. I can't believe I am getting rejected by a girl WAY below me.

Once and for all, I just want to know what's going through her mind? Do you have an interest or not?

If not, stop letting me holding your hand if you don't like me. Stop handing me stuff with your hand inside mine. Is that hard to do?

Thing#2:
Yes, I remember Elliot Rodgers. And no, I won't going around shooting people over relationship. That's loser status.

All questions aside, I am dropping her.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Between_The_Lines,

Thing #1:
Well, my ego is just butt hurt right now. That's all. I can't believe I am getting rejected by a girl WAY below me.

Once and for all, I just want to know what's going through her mind? Do you have an interest or not?

If not, stop letting me holding your hand if you don't like me. Stop handing me stuff with your hand inside mine. Is that hard to do?

Thing#2:
Yes, I remember Elliot Rodgers. And no, I won't going around shooting people over relationship. That's loser status.

All questions aside, I am dropping her.

Because a girl is 'beneath' a guy does not mean that she will automatically feel attraction toward him. SMV is rendered irrelevant if she is not attracted. Also, do not try to crawl into the mind of a female. It's similar to riding one of these immediately after eating a full meal:

http://www.peachtreerides.com/Midway/Majors/Images/Gravitron4.jpg

You should be asking yourself "is she attracted to me or not?" If the answer is not an obvious "yes", you ditch her and keep on moving.

Edit: If she is confusing you, that means she is not (obviously) attracted to you. If she keeps hanging around you, she simply enjoys the validation you give her - in other words, she's a big time waster.

 

[hop On hop Off]

Between_The_Lines,
Thanks, you are right, she is not attracted to me, it doesn't matter what she was doing. It is about what she is doing now.

She has me by the balls right now. I refuse to back down in this chase. But every time I reach out to her, I get rejected. She has even more leverage. This mentality will destroy me.

I used to worry that she will move out. Now I sense she wants to stay and keep orbiters. I also sense she will get a BF soon.

It's like stocks. I need to stop buying in with my attention, so her market value is at all time low.

Thanks SS!

 

[LMFAO]

Jesus Christ.

Seriously man you need to grow up.

You sound like you're completely invested in her and all you did is you held her hand. It doesn't mean sh!t.

She rejected the kiss and said she didn't want to go out anymore. That's pretty fvcking direct.

Seriously, why in the world would you ask her out again?

Move on.

The first step is having respect over yourself. Read up on the game, better yourself, go to the gym, come back stronger.

Whatever you do don't contact her again.

 

[hop On hop Off]

LMFAO,
Thanks for the wisdom. I agree with you, but this is what I see...

She is avoiding me, shy to see me. Yes, I was aggressive, approaching her, KINO and escalate.

Some of you think I am being an ACF, need to NEXT.

But she is not walking all over me, it's the opposite. I feel dominance in her presence, I feel confidence. I will reach for her hand anytime. These are not signs of an ACF.

She's the shy type, I think I am not aggressive enough. She wants a guy to control her. She rejects me, but when I slip my chat username under her door, she adds me? I know it's complicated, I won't attempt to decipher. But I will judge her by her ACTION. Did you add me? Did you let me hold your hand? Everything you DO, is everything you mean. Everything you say, is everything you don't mean.

I know I promised to hold back and let go. But now, I think that's not the way to go.

Girls like dominance. Deep inside, they want that guy who they can't do anything about, but to submit. They respect that guy deep inside. I think I will give that a try.

 

[astrn]

Man youre not dominating... but delusional right now...

Youre in a denial state that you think she is still has the feelings, shy, need to be more aggresive etc. Your mind is a trainwreck right now... Youre obsessed to her. Youre not being like AFC. YOURE AFC.

She is not...

Youre gonna mess your mental health! Please STOP IT... STOP THIS PARTICULAR GIRL AND STOP ANALYSING THAT YOU SHOULD ACT LIKE THIS.

IF YOU STILL WANT TO CHASE HER DO IT. BUT AFTER THAT DONT COME HERE ASKING FOR HELP...

WHATEVER YOU DO FROM THAT POINT DOESNT BRING HER BACK TO YOU.

ACCEPT AND MOVE ON!

If she is not move out then you should immediately move out from that apt immediately... Find another place to live, possibly far away from that vicinity...

Grow up man!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

OP's username is very accurate in this case if you say it over and over again.








PIMP

 

[nismo-4]

Her actions all dictate she ain't f**king interested! Quit wasting your time with this attention wh0re and move on!

Case closed. You can do better.

 

[hop On hop Off]

My comments and reactions up to date

I was talking in the hallway with a housemate. She just walked by me shut her door (on me). I am humiliated and angry right now. She is not even a HB8. She is not allowed to do that in my book.

As some posters can tell, I wanted to get her back, for my ego. She puts herself as a challenge to me, and I like to win. I never took her seriously. Never considered her a challenge. She is out of her mind for acting like a HB8. I admit by giving attention to her for free, her MV goes up, or at least she believes so. From this, I learned never give girls attention.

I am defiant against some advices here----drop her. But as advised, I have been working out, reading DJ Bible. I feel more confident.

I am a firm believer of physical contact. Girls lose their mind when they get physical with you, it doesn't have to be sex, it can be KINO and kiss. Once you break the invisible barrier, she will let you dominate, and her will follow. But she will feel guilty when she gets home. Her logical side tells her it's wrong, don't do it again.

The problem here is, to hop over the logical side, you (or I in this case) have to put out extra effort in order to be physical again. You have to strike the iron when it's hot. Get physical, and KINO (again) before the interest level is low.

Anyways, there has been no opportunity for me to get physical again. So, I think I am done. A day wasted, is a day for her to build her guard against that guy who broke it.

LMFAO,
I have been working out and reading DJ Bible, they are great advices.

astrn,
I know you are trying to rescue me from day one. I appreciate that. My ego is too big. I want to win the challenge. I fell hard.

Pimp-sicle,
What would that be?

Nismo-4,
"You can do better" Thanks for the encouragement. I think so too. It has been quite amazing to see what the older DJ has to say.

 

[Krueg]

Its just a part of life man, not everyone is attracted to one another. Not all couples are compatible with each other; not all relationships last. Even guys like Brad Pitt have been dumped.

Move on to the next one, I bet she will be all over you!

 

[hop On hop Off]

Krueg,
I would NC and I am sure she will come back, but I cannot afford doing that in the particular situation.

Girls always like to put up a game, and make themselves a challenge, and sh!t test you. If you get through it, you win.

It is exhausting owning that challenge. You need money, time, and energy, which you can use to build our career or academics.

But, she is moving soon for a new job. I don't have time for NC and let her come back. It's ACTION or NEXT. It has been a tough, and I struggled.