She said I'm too nice -- why?

[CoolRunning]

I met this girl from an online site tonight, for drinks. As time went on, I asked her what her impression was of me. She said "You seem like a nice guy. Too nice, maybe."

Damn. That's pretty much it in a nutshell. She did go on to say I was a good conversationalist, but...****. Nice guy? I don't see it at all. Because,

I kino'd on her arm from the beginning, then we sat at a booth and I stopped kino because there were no logistics. However, we moved to the bar and I started kino'ing her again on the arm, high fives, on the leg a bit. This is over the course of about 2.5 hrs.

Conversation-wise, I'm not gonna claim I was some flirting master, but I did bust on her, and made fun of her some. I also did some false takeaways like "Oh my god, I can't believe you did <blah>. I can't even talk to you anymore." An example of something I said was this. It was spur of the moment and I thought it was pretty good at the time.

Me: So didn't you say you had to be <blah> early tomorrow?
HB: Yeah, at 8 I'm doing blah blah blah
Me: Well, I promised your dad I'd have you home early. Yes Mr. HB, I'll have her home by 11. Yes Mr. HB, I'll drive safely. No Mr. HB, I'll keep my hands to myself <wink at HB>

We had a good conversation. Also, we split the tab 50-50 and I didn't fawn over her or anything.

So, I'm not seeing where the nice part comes in. Should I have been escalating kino more? Busting on her more? Ripping on her more directly? Maybe it's beacuse I didn't SOI her in the 2.5 hrs, like tell her she's cute, or I find such and such sexy about her?

Help. I think this is my problem in a nutshell.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What did you do to foster chemistry that was compatable with her personality?

 

[squirrels]

I kino'd on her arm from the beginning, then we sat at a booth and I stopped kino because there were no logistics.

This right here says it all. "Logistics"?

 

[joekerr31]

nice guy really means AFC.

and the fact that you are trying to figure out what is WRONG with you because of something some chic said is the problem.

who cares what she said. if 10 women call you a nice guy, THEN you can start wondering if thats your problem.

until then i think your problem is that you care way too much what others think of you. why the hell are you even asking / listening to her opinion of what she thinks of you? her opinion of you is irrelevant, whats important is what YOU think of HER.

BE THE PRizE>

 

[CoolRunning]

What did you do to foster chemistry that was compatable with her personality?

I don't know. I busted on her, shared stories that made her laugh, listened to some of her passions... ?

 

[CoolRunning]

This right here says it all. "Logistics"?

It was a booth. We had just met in person, literally only set eyes on each other 5 min ago. We sat on other side of the booth. After about an hour we moved to the bar where we could sit side by side and I could kino more.

 

[blueguy]

Sounds like she sensed you were trying not to step on her toes, or she sensed you liked her but weren't agressive to the full extent of your displayed interest.

 

[Nighthawk]

Woman suggests you are a nice guy.

Depending on who you really are you will either show her with your reaction that you are indeed too nice and that she could manipulate your AFC ass in a heartbeat, and you're most likely ouuta there. Or you instinctively laugh because of all the hearts you've broken and you pass the test and you're in.

 

[wayword]

nice guy really means AFC.

and the fact that you are trying to figure out what is WRONG with you because of something some chic said is the problem.

who cares what she said. if 10 women call you a nice guy, THEN you can start wondering if thats your problem.

He shoulda immediately slapped her and said, "how's that for nice?"

Or "funny, that's what my last 3 gf's told me right before they...died." *give her Charles Manson glare*

I agree, though. That was probably just her nice way of saying she wasn't attracted to you. Whether she didn't like your looks, didn't feel chemistry, etc etc. Girls aren't going to honestly tell you their shallow reasons for dumping you...but will instead rationalize something more "acceptable" that makes it YOUR fault, not THEIRS.

But then again, maybe you are simply too "nice," boring, whatever, etc.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't know. I busted on her, shared stories that made her laugh, listened to some of her passions... ?

Next time consider engaging her more about her passions, do it as forcefully as you did when you busted on her. You want her to go very deep into her mass of emotions when she's with you, that's when you can gain more chemistry through your rapport. Chemistry is when your rapport goes beyond basic entertainment.

 

[squirrels]

It was a booth. We had just met in person, literally only set eyes on each other 5 min ago. We sat on other side of the booth. After about an hour we moved to the bar where we could sit side by side and I could kino more.

Next time, if you've already established kino, sit next to her instead of across from her. If at an open table, sit adjacent instead of opposite. Or you could just tease her legs with yours...play "footsie".

I dunno, man. Usually when a girl says you're "too nice", it means you're not forthcoming enough with your sexual desire.

 

[joekerr31]

oh and theres no such thing as too nice.

being nice is a good thing.

being a dormat isn't.
having low self esteem isnt.
not standing up for yourself isn't.


personally iw ould have thrown it back in her face.

her: you seem like a nice guy
me: (smirk) as opposed to what?
her: oh nothing. i didnt mean anything negative.
me: (laugh) why would you think that i thought you were being negative?
her: ummm. anyway, just saying you seem like a nice guy.
me: (bit of a penetrating stare and grin to let her know whose boss) i'd like to think i am, but you can't always judge a book by its cover.


notice what im doing. when a chic makes a statement that in ANY WAY - and dammit listen up here guys - in ANY WAY is a value/judgement/assessment of you - MAKE HER QUALIFY IT!

chics throw that sh*t out there to make you start thinking and second guessing yourself and to put them in the dominent position - to get YOU worried about what THEY think of you.

all you have to do is make her qualify what the she is talking about and you will snatch away her sh*t test and power all in one swoop. but make sure to do it with a smile.

also note how i'm now criticizing her "compliment" - saying you shouldnt judge a book by its cover. i've taken away her power and now i'm the one judging HER and she will know it.

ive done this a hundred times, and almost always the woman quickly take hte submissive position from there on in the date.

every now and then they will keep it up and you gotta knock em back down a few more times. but they all quickly (ie. within 30 mintues or so) give in and hand over dominance.

 

[STR8UP]

I used to get all bent out of shape being called "nice" when I first came to the realization of what that really meant. But since then I have come to realize that you have to put it into the proper context before you take it as an insult.

From what you described it sounds like she WAS calling you that in a bad way. Funny how being called "nice" can be a good thing or a bad thing. Even funnier how a lot of men don't recognize that it ISN'T a compliment and how most women think they are giving you a compliment when they say it.

Back to the context thing though.....I have heard those words said to me by chicks I was fukking, so it doesn't always mean what you think it does.

Who knows. Don't listen to anything women say, watch what they do. You know the drill.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

ADVANTAGE-----JOEKERR!

Sorry guys, But I just got through watching highlights of Serena Williams' lusciously thick ASS beating the hell out of some chick in a tennis match...LOL


But anyway, Yo CoolrRunning:

Listen to JOE and everybody else, for that matter. The overall problem in your situation ocurred when you entered into HER reality and started seeing YOURSELF from her perspective.

And the ironic twist to this is that you don't even KNOW what her perspective of you really IS. WE don't REALLY know what she meant by calling you a "nice guy", do we? Sure, we can guess and make assessments about it based on our, and other guys' past experiences, but because you DIDN'T turn her attempt to QUALIFY you back on HER, it'll always STAY a "guess" for us.

There are many things that could be the reason why this chick froze you out with the "nice guy" line. Maybe you didn't pass HER particular physical attractiveness test. Maybe she's used to ROUGHNECK bad boys and you're too NORMAL for her. Or maybe she's just another bored Attention Whhore who was willing to go out with YOU for one evening. Who knows...

In the future, try these suggestions (IF you haven't already):

Project a more seductive, sexual state when you meet these Online chicks---and ALL chicks for that matter. Women LOVE to misunderstand, don't they? So that's why you have to be decisive, assertive(NOT overly aggressive), relaxed, confident, challenging, and SEDUCTIVE. Did I already say "seductive"?

Practice your Weapons of Mass Seduction more. Lower your voice, both in volume AND register. This makes women have to lean forward in public places just to HEAR you. And when they DO hear you, they usually can FEEL your voice inside them as well. THIS is sexy as hell to most of them.

Think SEXUAL thoughts when you're around her. But NOT desperately sexual thoughts. What I'm talking about is giving her that piercing, narrow slitted gaze when you're talking to her.

And I'm not talking about staring either, I'm talking about MESMERIZING her ass while you're talking to her. Just make sure you look her in the eyes a LITTLE longer than you would somebody that you're NOT interested in. Be thinking to yourself "I wanna FUKK the shiiit out of you!" whenever you're looking at her and talking to her about PASSIONATE things...but don't SAY IT, of course. lol

Lick your lips every now and then while you're gazing into her eyes. And when you KINO her, do it decisively and NOT tentatively. And let your hands caress her "safe spots" (her arms, legs, cheek, etc.) slowly and sensually before you take them away. You get the picture...

Take your cues from HER at this point. What she doesn't like, you'll be able to tell by her reactions. If she doesn't like it, she'll pull away or flinch, or dissuade you in a more direct way.

If she DOES like it, she'll either encourage you by allowing you to continue, or by initiating some KINO, etc. back at you of her own. Either way, if you do the things that I, and most of these other soldiers here on this thread have posted, the LAST thing she'll ever accuse you of being is a "NICE GUY".

But again, your MAIN MISSION is to stay ABOVE her. Make her reach up for YOU. Make her qualify herself to YOU. Keep your sense of humor and confidence locked and loaded. Practice having a quick comeback ready for any chick who tries to qualify you.

One good way to do this has already been given to you by JOEKERR.

Any questions that you are asked, that answering them directly will NOT help you accomplish your mission of attracting the chick, turn them BACK ON HER.

Yes. In this scenario, anything you say to her with a sense of humor and packed with confidence will make HER have to enter YOUR reality in order to both answer YOUR question, and to qualify herself to YOU instead.

THIS is how you take the hill, soldier. As long as you are keeping your "enemy" off balance and on the defensive, she'll have very FEW chances of throwing YOU off balance by attacking YOU.




Peace...one day.

 

[CoolRunning]

Thanks guys...this is good advice. Thanks in particular to JOEKERR and Victory for the specific examples of how to be more seductive. A lot of guys give advice without examples. I can't tell you how many times someone has said just "be more sexual". WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? An example is worth a thousand words. So your examples are definitely appreciated.

Now that I've buttered you up, if I could ask for one more... of a misunderstanding used to project sexuality or seductiveness. Is this like in JOEKRE's post? Or did you mean something different?

BTW, for some reason, I feel sure I can get another date with this one. As we were leaving, she was like,

HB: My car's over there [across skybridge].
Me: I'm in the other garage.
HB: Well, I'll walk down with you.
<then outside on the sidewalk>
Me: I had a good time tonight, HB. We should do this again some time. <hug her>
HB: We should. Let me know.

That sounds good, right? I mean, I should have kissed her, that's a sticking point I am working on. The "let me know" line doesn't sound all that interested, but when I think about it from her perspective, she may not even know if I'm interested in her since I didn't go for a kiss (after 2.5 hrs), so she might have felt awkward saying more.

 

[DoubleA]

I think you tried to be hr "Friend" to quickly...

Sometimes it's best too disagree.

 

[DoubleA]

And VICTORY UNLIMITED...

YES.

Serena's AZZ is THICK. LOL!!

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Double A,


Yeah, I find myself not even WATCHING women's tennis unless one of those thick, thoroughbred, Assed Williams girls is on the court. LOL!

And CoolRunning,

Yeah. What I mean is EXACTLY like what JOEKERR suggested in his post. Just imagine yourself saying those things to her while you're projecting that "Girl...I will FUKK the shiit out of you, RIGHT NOW!" look from behind your eyes!

And I don't think you've necessarily blown it with this chick yet, either. But the next date (if you can get it) will be the deciding factor.

Make SURE you make your sexually-charged intentions KNOWN next time. Go for the kiss at the end of the date, and if she turns her head, do like DOC LOVE says and throw her number away. Or, if that's a little to harsh for you, at least cut off all contact with her and let her contact YOU instead.

And if she DOES contact you, meet up with her and run the SAME sexy-man routine on her. Women who are attracted to you WON'T resist a simple kiss TWICE. If she does, she's just using you to fight boredom, or she's put you in the dreaded FRIENDZONE.

And remember this as well:

Your conversations can be about ANYTHING. They can be full of everyday stuff or full of sexual innuendo. Guage her personality before you decide to go a little too sexual in your discussions though.

Preferrably what you talk about should be what you two are both experiencing RIGHT then at that moment.

Why? Because what's happening NOW has an immediacy to it that talking about the past, or sharing an opinion on something, MIGHT not have. And immediacy places you AND the woman IN THE MOMENT. How you ground yourself to anyone, how you build a rapport with anyone, is by managing to get on the same vibe with them----like you're both having a simultaneous, unilaterally shared, emotional moment.

Think of a conversation like an ocean.

And finding chemistry like "catching a wave".

The longer you RIDE that wave, the deeper the connection and the stronger the rapport you will have.

And just to get all DEEP and spiritual for a few seconds...

Life in relationships is NOT measured by time so much as it is measured by shared MEMORIES.

What you are trying to accomplish here is to leave such a mark on the woman that time, distance, and her experiences with other (and hopefully for you---LESSER) guys cannot erase it.




Peace...one day.

 

[joekerr31]

of a misunderstanding used to project sexuality or seductiveness. Is this like in JOEKRE's post? Or did you mean something different?

seductiveness is just another word for confidence. and you can display confidence however you want.

theres no set of rules that will apply for each man. some guys are sexiest to a woman when they are funny. some when they are suave. some when they are quiet. some when they are dancing. etc. if a woman is attracted to a man who dances, im f*cked! hehe. but luckily that particular trait ain't one most women have as a filter.

the key is to be yourself - and i've mentioned this many times before - LOOK HER IN THE EYES!

my personal best traits are that im funny, insightful, and have rock solid character (one of the many benefits of overcome many obstacles in life). basically when im on a date with a woman im REAL. im not nervous, i dont pretend im someone im not, i dont hide either the good things about life or the struggles that may still exist. and im insightful - thats typically my gift. generally after a womans been on a date with me she's thinking - god i'd love to bang him and man that would be the ideal type of guy to have kids with one day.

to be completely honest, my biggest problem typically is not getting them to like me, but rather finding one that i could see myself with long term.

but i can tell you that what makes women like me is the same thing that makes people in general like me - ME.

i dont know what it is fully to be honest. ive had a hard life, but no matter how many things life has thrown at me i keep getting back up onto my feet - and most importantly i do so with a positive attitude. its easy to get back up with a bunch of rage and anger and bitterness - thats what 90% of folks do. the real challenge is to get back up and be a GOOD person. if you can do that you'll build the type of character that women would die for.

always remember, the most valuable thing you have is the ONE thing that no one else in the world has - YOURSELF.

a woman will fall for you not because of your shoes, your one liners, your car, etc. - sh*t, lots of people have hte same things. but NO ONE is like YOU.

YOU are the PRIZE.

get that, and youll get it that seduction doesnt require you to do anything other than be yourself.

 

[WaterTiger]

What you said:What's your impression of me?

She hears:I'm a snivling little wussy boy begging for your approval with all my smooth tricks I learned. Do you like me yet? Huh? Huh? Do you like me?

I think you were doing FINE till you asked her that question and her IL fell about 30 points. What do you care what she thinks! She hasn't proven to you that her oppinion matters yet! She's just some chick at a bar, there are 50,000 more where she came from. You are the prize! Why do you need a stranger's approval! What you should have asked was "Wanna fucX?"