She LJBF me, I told her otherwise..

[ketostix]

I think what you did was the right thing. I totally agree with what Rollo posted, that was golden. I think what KX was saying was good to although honestly I haven't read all of it yet. I disagree with people saying to agree with being friends and cut contact because even if she does contact you later on, you still are in the frame of agreeing to be friends. And like the other poster said, when she called you a selfish jerk or whatever her attraction for you increased. She knows intuitively that she's the one being the selfish jerk and you're being a self-respecting man.

I don't normally agree with giving it to a female straight and honest but in this case I do. Another way of looking at an LJBF is it's part sh!t test and you should generally never acquiesce to a test.

 

[KontrollerX]

"you still are in the frame of agreeing to be friends"

Exactly.

Here is the point several of the previous posters were missing.

And Rollo as always was brilliant.

His post basically said what mine said better but I was moved to respond due to all of the AFCery that I saw following his post.

 

[slaog]

There was a good thread somewhere in the tips section about escaping the friendzone.

I think the best thing to do is to do nothing. Say what you feel but let her know it doesn't bother you and you have other options.

I think the best thing to do is, if you see an LBJF coming, beat the girl to the punch and tell her you just want to be friends before she can do it herself.

That will really throw her a curveball.

I agree and I'm trying this at the moment so I see how it goes.

If you're in control of the situation and you're the one who LJBF'd the woman then it send out a powerful message. Doesn't mean you cannot flirt or be sexual with her it really puts you in the driving seat and maybe says to her that you have higher value as well as that you are in no rush to find somebody etc.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

NEXTing, a Takeaway, strategic withdrawal, whatever you want to call it is only punishment if that's how YOU think about it. NEXTing isn't AFC, it's simple pragmatism. If anything an inability to NEXT (particularly in light of a LJBF) is an indicator of an AFC or ONEitis.

You're never punishing her, in fact if she perceives it as punishment you went too OVERT and the effort is wasted. You need to COVERTLY remove her reward / reinforcer which is attention. That's why IQQI's panties are in a bind; if you're deliberately, OVERTLY making known that your intent is to punish you look like a spoiled, powerless child. In fact the true extent of power isn't how much control you have over others, but rather how much control you have in your own actions and maneuverability. Simply, and indifferently cut off your attention. Your attention is her currency and your investment. So if that investment isn't appreciating or paying dividends, why would you continue to allow it to depreciate further? Cut your loses and invest in better, diverse (i.e. spin more plates), opportunities.

 

[iqqi]

Your attention is her currency and your investment. So if that investment isn't appreciating or paying dividends, why would you continue to allow it to depreciate further? Cut your loses and invest in better, diverse (i.e. spin more plates), opportunities.

This is such a silly way to look at it. If you look at relationships like business or money transactions, then yeah, follow this advice.

Otherwise you are basically just throwing a tantrum because a person doesn't want to fvck you or kiss you. Which is all you wanted, if you stop speaking to her because of that. Which I don't see as being any kind of loss to a chick with self respect who maybe thought you were cooler than that.

This doesn't apply if you weren't really into the chick for more than a ONS anyways. But if she was a cool person then you just gave up all kinds of opportunities, if you are an opportunist. And plainly gave up a good friend perhaps, if you care about more.

If some guy I was cool with let me know he just wanted to be friends, and then I promptly stopped talking to him... lmao. I just can't imagine being that Not Cool.

 

[DJDamage]

The problem with that Iqqi is that any man who lacks options who befriends an attractive woman mainly does so with the intention of wanting to fvck her in the near future and hopes that somehow he would bypass her reasoning and the friendship would translate into sex.

If he doesn't want to fvck her then this problem wouldn't have occured in the first place.

Now the OP didn't say she was his friend to begin with but rather he said she was "his interest". Which means they weren't friends to begin with. Therefore any female that a man wasn't a friend with to begin with has every right to call bullsh1t on her friendship offer (which it is bullsh1t because she is not sincere but using LJBF as a rejection buffer), since there wasn't one to begin with.

 

[iqqi]

The problem with that Iqqi is that any man who lacks options who befriends an attractive woman mainly does so with the intention of wanting to fvck her in the near future and hopes that somehow he would bypass her reasoning and the friendship would translate into sex.

If he doesn't want to fvck her then this problem wouldn't have occured in the first place.

Now the OP didn't say she was his friend to begin with but rather he said she was "his interest". Which means they weren't friends to begin with. Therefore any female that a man wasn't a friend with to begin with has every right to call bullsh1t on her friendship offer (which it is bullsh1t because she is not sincere but using LJBF as a rejection buffer), since there wasn't one to begin with.

If a guy befriends a chick in the single minded pursuit and goal of fvcking her, then he is fake. A poser. A loser. An AFC, you are right. And a lot of guys who only see women as fvck prospects and not people would fit nicely into that category.

As for your last statement, when a female offers friendship, there is a chance she is being fake herself and it is a buffer, only actions would tell. However, anyone offering friendship (who means it) should be treated with respect, IMO. Calling her out on HER BS is really you calling yourself out with your true intentions.

The bottom line is, don't be a poor sport. Some chicks aren't going to want hot monkey sex with you. That doesn't mean they don't like you as a person. And if they do like you as a person, then maybe you should be flattered and not a little whiny brat about it.

 

[Warrior74]

the thing about the internet is that you never know the tone and manner of delivery. You can deliever a line like "nah I got enuff friends" in a cool laid back way that isn't petulant,whiny or angry. It's not what you say...its how you say it sometimes.

I do agree that its best to be overt about it though. I've used that to great effect in the past. Sure! We can be friends. never call again, they call back wanting attention, keep the convos short and end the phone call first. Eventually they will get the hint.

 

[iqqi]

I just realized that I love this thread.

From here on out I am going to tell EVERY guy that I am considering that I just want to be friends right now. That way if he just disappears or acts like a little whiny b!tch, I have succeeded in filtering out a fake loser. A man who gets all uptight about being friends is probably not a cool enough person to connect with me anyways, and I can just imagine the conversation with someone like this.

This is a great tip!

 

[Warrior74]

I just realized that I love this thread.

From here on out I am going to tell EVERY guy that I am considering that I just want to be friends right now. That way if he just disappears or acts like a little whiny b!tch, I have succeeded in filtering out a fake loser. A man who gets all uptight about being friends is probably not a cool enough person to connect with me anyways, and I can just imagine the conversation with someone like this.

This is a great tip!

you have got to be kidding me. Seriously. Are you currently single? Do you come to this site to just troll or be a contrary? I'm honestly asking.

Because I tell you....I've met some great girls that I fell for and when it went to LJBFs land...I had to step away. If you want one thing and she wants another, what kind of friendship will that be? An unhappy one. If later, down the road we can be friends...that might be cool. But after you've been blantantly rejected by someone romantically, I don't think anyone wants to stick around for that sort of self tourture. Let me guess, the last guy who cheated on you, you went to the mall the next day with him and his new girlfriend eh? Come on. You full of it iqqi.

Re-read my last post. You can walk away without being mean or whiney or even angry. But it's no point in hanging out with a chic after a blantant rejection. I think you will find yourself by yourself or surrounded by lame guys sucking up to you on the friendship tip trying to get 'in'. So if that's what you want...go for it.

 

[The Bat]

baurman, ignore iqqi's crap advice. I'm sure you already are...your OP tells me you're smart enough to do that.

Don't give a fuck about what she thinks of you. Just as all you want to do is bang an attractive girl the moment you see her, girls want to do the same to an attractive guy the moment they see him.

If an unattractive girl tried to be more than friends with you, you would man up and tell her you're not interested. You wouldn't LJBF her in hopes that she will become attractive to you if you two got to know each other or things escalated.

Own your sexuality. If you see an attractive girl, and want to bang her, then by all means go for it. If she is not attracted to you or fails to live up to your sexuality, then move on. No need to hang around somebody who is not compatible with you in attractiveness or sexuality. Just as you said, you have enough friends already.

Be honest with yourself and your sexual needs. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[Maxtro]

Does anybody think that this girl was actually offering her friendship? It was just the nicest/most polite thing that she could think of to reject him. I think she really meant, "I don't like you and we'll never have sex, now leave me alone." Of course most women would not say something like that. If they did then problems like the one in this thread will never occur.

Iqqi, when a guy whom you have no interest in, asks you out or lets you know that he's interested, how do you reject him?

 

[Sandow]

If a guy befriends a chick in the single minded pursuit and goal of fvcking her, then he is fake. A poser. A loser. An AFC, you are right. And a lot of guys who only see women as fvck prospects and not people would fit nicely into that category.

As for your last statement, when a female offers friendship, there is a chance she is being fake herself and it is a buffer, only actions would tell. However, anyone offering friendship (who means it) should be treated with respect, IMO. Calling her out on HER BS is really you calling yourself out with your true intentions.

The bottom line is, don't be a poor sport. Some chicks aren't going to want hot monkey sex with you. That doesn't mean they don't like you as a person. And if they do like you as a person, then maybe you should be flattered and not a little whiny brat about it.

Well, the OP was asking for advice, and i think us guys have been giving him pretty good advice. Like it or not, he needs to start thinking this way or else he'll never grow out of his AFC ways.

I don't know what kind of girl she is, but if she's like most, she'll take full advantage of him. And if we never gave our advice to the OP, I guarantee he would still be chasing her like a poor little puppy dog.

Now I'm not sure if he should completely cut off all contacts with her. we're not saying be a total prick about it. We're just saying keep your head up, smile, learn from this experience, and there are a ton of girls out there that are more worth your time. That's all. No way is that even punishment.

The bottom line is that he needs to learn how to carry himself with confidence. Respect her, say hi to her, but move on because there are other girls that are more worth his time at this given point.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Yes IQQI, God forbid a woman would actually think a guy might want to ƒuck her.

 

[Bible_Belt]

From here on out I am going to tell EVERY guy that I am considering that I just want to be friends right now. That way if he just disappears or acts like a little whiny b!tch, I have succeeded in filtering out a fake loser. A man who gets all uptight about being friends is probably not a cool enough person to connect with me anyways, and I can just imagine the conversation with someone like this.

You are proposing that one be fake to screen for fakeness. Ironic, eh?

Also, if a girl did that to me, I would ask her to help me date her friends. That would cut through the bs right away - no woman is going to let a gf of hers date a guy she likes.

 

[Maxtro]

Iqqi has hit the 10 post limit but she has PMed me her response to my post. I'll be using quotes to make this as un-confusing as possible. Way to go 10 post rule!

Does anybody think that this girl was actually offering her friendship? It was just the nicest/most polite thing that she could think of to reject him. I think she really meant, "I don't like you and we'll never have sex, now leave me alone." Of course most women would not say something like that. If they did then problems like the one in this thread will never occur.

Iqqi, when a guy whom you have no interest in, asks you out or lets you know that he's interested, how do you reject him?

Her response

i hit my max posts for the day, but in response to that question, and feel free to use the edit feature to post this ( )

If it is a random guy who expresses interest but I'm not interested in any way, I will tell him I'm not interested. He is just a stranger, no feelings to be had either way between me or him.

That's different than someone I've been hanging out with who lays his cards on the table one day. Then I tell him HONESTLY I just want to be friends. I have a lot of guy friends who ended up "falling for me". It is always flattering because I value them as a person if we are hanging out. But it is the opposite of flattering if they stop talking to you.

If he were to stop talking to me all of a sudden and just because of that, I would think two things. First would be, he was never really interested in ME, just getting some @ss. And the other would be that he is a petty person.

No loss at all for me.

Yeah there is a big difference between a random guy and a friend. Actually I see three different ways it could happen.

1. He's just a random dude who barely knows you or maybe just met you and asks you out.

2. He is one of your friends who had no interest in you at the beginning and he slowly falls for you.

3. He's liked you from the moment he first met you and wants to become your "friend" as a way for him to get close to you. He hopes that as time goes by you two would get closer and you would fall for him somehow. He may have no interest at all in becoming your friend. He may really like you/have oneitis for you but thinks that becoming a friend is the only way that might work. He might wait anywhere between a week to several years to tell you how he feels.

#3 is obviously the AFC approach. And it is something that I have been guilty of. There have been several girls that I liked and tried to become friends with first. (That's what I get for listening to my Dad and the rest of my family who say friends first) When they told me that they just wanted to be friend or that they have no interest in me, I broke all contact for several reasons. The first one is that if she doesn't like me, why even bother hanging with her? The second reason is that it might be psychologically painful to be around someone that you have strong feelings for that doesn't return those feelings. The best thing for him to do if he wants to get over a girl is to stop interacting with her. That way he can move on.

Is it petty to break all contact with a girl just because she doesn't want to date you? Maybe, but it could also be necessary.

 

[Juan_Man]

I may be getting soft, but I think being overt and rejecting her friendship is the wrong way to go.

Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do was be just friends with a girl I wanted to be in a relationship with. I mean why should I torture myself by being friends with her while she hooks up with another guy who she felt was more worthy of a relationship with her.

But that's the wrong way to look at it.

Even if you turn down her friendship offer, you will still be miserable because you will still be thinking about her romantically and she will still hook up with other guys. The world will still turn.

Now I wouldn't advise hanging out with her right away like you normally did when you pursued her, particularly if you feel you need some time away to deal with the rejection. However, if this girl is not some attention ***** and is a genuinely sweet girl (who probably had a difficult time turning you down), then why not be cool with it and accept being friends? It doesn't mean that you always have to hang out with her but be nice and friendly when you come across her path. Accept her invitation to an outing if you have nothing better to do. There are worse things in the world than being just friends with an attractive girl.

And while you are doing that, PURSUE OTHER WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!

 

[KontrollerX]

Its kind of funny I went and got my hair cut tonight at the salon where my aunt and a bunch of hot chicks work and as my aunt was cutting my hair a conversation was going on with one of the chicks telling another about guys she dated back in highschool and how after she dumped this one guy he would no longer talk to her.

She then laughed to her friend and said "he must of been crushed but whatever I guess I was just that hot".

And there was no lie in her voice covering up the truth.

She had such an air of entitlement and assurance around her that I could tell she absolutely believed what she was saying about being all that.

Now had this guy talked to her one of the times she tried to talk to him after breaking it off with him and had he said why he was no longer going to talk to her that would of burst her bubble about how great she thought she was right then and there.

She also would most likely of gotten angry since her reality was broken and verbally lashed out at the guy but you know what?

He would've won and planted some seeds for a possible future re-aquaintance with her down the line where she could play it all off as she was silly to of reacted so harshly and that she simply judged the guy wrong.

Or she could be so lost in her own delusional narcissism that she would never recover from such a blow to her fragile self esteem and never talk to the guy ever again.

The second option ladies and gentlemen would be no loss to the man.

What a woman is never told gives her room to create a favorable fantasy to herself in the truth's absence.

 

[iqqi]

I may be getting soft, but I think being overt and rejecting her friendship is the wrong way to go.

Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do was be just friends with a girl I wanted to be in a relationship with. I mean why should I torture myself by being friends with her while she hooks up with another guy who she felt was more worthy of a relationship with her.

But that's the wrong way to look at it.

Even if you turn down her friendship offer, you will still be miserable because you will still be thinking about her romantically and she will still hook up with other guys. The world will still turn.

Now I wouldn't advise hanging out with her right away like you normally did when you pursued her, particularly if you feel you need some time away to deal with the rejection. However, if this girl is not some attention ***** and is a genuinely sweet girl (who probably had a difficult time turning you down), then why not be cool with it and accept being friends? It doesn't mean that you always have to hang out with her but be nice and friendly when you come across her path. Accept her invitation to an outing if you have nothing better to do. There are worse things in the world than being just friends with an attractive girl.

And while you are doing that, PURSUE OTHER WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!

^^^ Exactly. Acting like you are going to be hurt and miserable around someone who rejected you, forever and ever more, is AFC too. It is like saying you will "never get over her" (googly eyes), and won't meet anyone else down the line that you like as much or more. A strong man wouldn't let that get him down for too long, as he knows there are more fish in the sea.

It's different if you actually WERE more than friends, then she wanted to be less. But if you were never more than friends, it shouldn't be something that is so hard to get past. Just man up, and get over it, and move on. No need to be a little b!tch about it, or to get petty.

 

[SilverSliver]

I would have to agree with Iqqi and Juan_Man, if you show anger or being upset it makes you look like a wuss. Just say thats cool, move on, and find something productive to do with you time, like find other women or work on a goal.