She gets bored frequently / Sex is decreased

[Learning Curve]

Been together now for around 1 year.

We live together, and don't start the crap "too early to move in together, you lost the game," not interested in that.

I'm not interested in any of that crap if anyone want's to post that please leave this thread. I'm only interested in solid advice and an advice that makes sense.

It was my decison to move in early, as it was beneficial for both sides after 6 months. I have posted in the past also regarding this topic. So avoid crap, and avoid stupid comments.

Anyway, moving on to the juice:

She is frequently getting bored because she lives in another city with me, as she said "i'm doing this for you"

Sex is decreased meaning that unless i initiate to have sex it will never happen. It was like this from the beggining, she did initiate some times, but most of the times i do initiate. And if i don't she never brings it up, is like she does not care. Well this starts to become a problem.

This "getting bored" situation is also becoming a problem.

As she said she moved in with me from another city, her family is 2 hours from our city and apparently she prefers to live there, not in the city we are currently living. She even told me to move in with her to her City, but i told her i'm not ready for that.

Long story short, she is becoming depressive, boring, and she does nothing after work apart from complaining that she is bored and that she is in the house all the time. Note that we do go out, every weekend, we do make things, plan, all that stuff. She can't be in the house for more than 2 days before she starts to complain.

I told her that, i'm focused on my purpose, mission, and i have stuff to do daily, i'm not a guy to go out all the f3ucking time. And waste time on drinks and food. She also is a heavy money spender. Spending money on food and drinks and eating outside all the time.

I do love her, i do wan't her but the above points need to be resolved, i'm thinking of different ways around it.

So any advice is appreciated.

 

[Bingo-Player]

You may not be interested in hearing things you don't want too but I'm going to tell you anyway

YOU ARE NOT COMPATIBLE WITH HER

Some people seem to think two people can slot into each others lives no questions asked

It doesn't work like that there's a raft of personal lifestyle choices that need to be integrated into one another

This woman sounds like she needs a lot of stimulation from a partner, from life from everything by the sounds of it

You want to focus on yourself and your own purpose

there is your fundamental issue

 

[pipeman84]

Sex is decreased meaning that unless i initiate to have sex it will never happen. It was like this from the beggining, she did initiate some times, but most of the times i do initiate.

So it's not like the current situation is a big surprise ... in fact, it was predictable.

Long story short, she is becoming depressive, boring, and she does nothing after work apart from complaining that she is bored and that she is in the house all the time. Note that we do go out, every weekend, we do make things, plan, all that stuff.

What would she be doing in her hometown that she can't do in the city you're currently living? You're not living in the middle of nowhere, are you? In other words, it's highly likely it's her that's the problem, not the place.

I get the sense she wasn't in love with you to begin with (lack of sex initiation is a big hint) and either that and/or she's not made for a relationship. To further elucidate this matter, how many guys has she been in a relationship with before? Why did those ended?

 

[Vanderdonck]

Whenever a poster prefaces a thread with "don't tell me xyz" it's a sign that they know what the problem is and what they did wrong.

But looking forward, you can't solve her boredom problems. You can't find her friends or hobbies and you're not her paid entertainment. She's a grown woman and needs to handle that. I'm like you, and I am never bored, but some women like to be doing/socializing more. Obviously you do things together and keep things interesting but you can't be a babysitter.

Also if she's not initiating sex then yeah she might be starting to check out. I agree with the above post that it's a compatibility issue, simple as that.

 

[Learning Curve]

You may not be interested in hearing things you don't want too but I'm going to tell you anyway

YOU ARE NOT COMPATIBLE WITH HER

Some people seem to think two people can slot into each others lives no questions asked

It doesn't work like that there's a raft of personal lifestyle choices that need to be integrated into one another

This woman sounds like she needs a lot of stimulation from a partner, from life from everything by the sounds of it

You want to focus on yourself and your own purpose

there is your fundamental issue

Maybe yes, but we have a-lot of things in common, she is a high-achiever she wants things from life, we do get along health wise, we go together to the gym, we have hobbies we like.

But in-terms of living together and other factors yes i agree that a percentage is missing for combatibility.

And indeed she needs a-lot of stimulation all the time.

 

[Learning Curve]

What would she be doing in her hometown that she can't do in the city you're currently living? You're not living in the middle of nowhere, are you? In other words, it's highly likely it's her that's the problem, not the place.

I do agree and also believe this, that is her the problem.

I get the sense she wasn't in love with you to begin with (lack of sex initiation is a big hint) and either that and/or she's not made for a relationship. To further elucidate this matter, how many guys has she been in a relationship with before? Why did those ended?

She does show affection, she is all over me etc is not that she is not showing signs of being in love. Previous relationships basically she ended them. She had plenty of them, one was for 4 years one for 5 years all of them failed. Yes this is a red flag. But also her EX was controlling, needy and insecure as f3uck. So, it was an easy decision for her. is not like it was all her fault and i'm not justyfing her relationships.

But most relationships she had it ended because she was falling out of love-getting bored i suppose and as mentioned the last relationship was with a controlling and needy ex.

 

[Learning Curve]

Whenever a poster prefaces a thread with "don't tell me xyz" it's a sign that they know what the problem is and what they did wrong.

Not i don't i just set the field. Because here, people post without reading the post and without thinking. Most of the comments are either "end it" or "move on" and since i know this is basically BS, i want to filter those out.

But looking forward, you can't solve her boredom problems. You can't find her friends or hobbies and you're not her paid entertainment. She's a grown woman and needs to handle that. I'm like you, and I am never bored, but some women like to be doing/socializing more. Obviously you do things together and keep things interesting but you can't be a babysitter.

Also if she's not initiating sex then yeah she might be starting to check out. I agree with the above post that it's a compatibility issue, simple as that.

Thanks.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Not i don't i just set the field. Because here, people post without reading the post and without thinking. Most of the comments are either "end it" or "move on" and since i know this is basically BS, i want to filter those out.



Thanks.

I guess the question I would ask myself is "am I happy in this situation?" or similar, is this relationship/woman a net positive for me.

 

[holidayad_]

But also her EX was controlling, needy and insecure as f3uck.

Did she tell you that or did you witness it?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She isn't that into you and her moving in has shown her that you two aren't as comfortable as she thought and has given her a much fuller picture of you...

One she doesn't like.

You may want to avoid hearing about the 'moving in together crap", but that is likely what is going to cause her to walk away sooner than she may have otherwise.

My advice? Find a woman who is more into you than you are into her.

 

[Learning Curve]

Did she tell you that or did you witness it?

She told me this, and i also witnessed it when we first got together, her EX was calling her brutally up to 40 times a day.

Until he found out that i'm in the picture and he disappeared.

 

[holidayad_]

She told me this, and i also witnessed it when we first got together, her EX was calling her brutally up to 40 times a day.

Until he found out that i'm in the picture and he disappeared.

So he was already an ex when you witnessed these calls, right?

It might have been a different story in the relationship. Women tend to magnify what happened to their ex-boyfriends to justify breaking up. And this leads to desperate attitudes on the part of her now ex-boyfriend, especially with an "unjustified" break-up.

I'm playing both sides because a relationship always has two stories.

Don’t know, man. It seems she doesn’t know what she wants and thinks the cure to her boredom is creating drama, like ending or starting new relationships. It is a red flag for me.

I am not saying that it is. I am just saying what it seems like.

Women with high-level interests tend to behave differently.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So he was already an ex when you witnessed these calls, right?

It might have been a different story in the relationship. Women tend to magnify what happened to their ex-boyfriends to justify breaking up. And this leads to desperate attitudes on the part of her now ex-boyfriend, especially with an "unjustified" break-up.

I'm playing both sides because a relationship always has two stories.

Don’t know, man. It seems she doesn’t know what she wants and thinks the cure to her boredom is creating drama, like ending or starting new relationships. It is a red flag for me.

I am not saying that it is. I am just saying what it seems like.

Women with high-level interests tend to behave differently.

This all points to her simply not being that into OP. Women who are head over heels in love with guys don't behave that way.

OP seems like a safe placeholder guy until she can find what she actually wants.

 

[BaronOfHair]

We live together, and don't start the crap "too early to move in together, you lost the game," not interested in that.

Relax, your decision was no less astute than The US invading in Iraq back in '03... All you need do to rectify the difficulties you mentioned is follow the strategy that led us to victory in Baghdad: STAY THE COURSE!!!

 

[Bokanovsky]

Been together now for around 1 year.

We live together, and don't start the crap "too early to move in together, you lost the game," not interested in that.

I'm not interested in any of that crap if anyone want's to post that please leave this thread. I'm only interested in solid advice and an advice that makes sense.

In other words, you don't want to hear that you made a mistake, right? You want to some magic bullet solution that will instantly solve your problem?

Unfortunately, I have bad news for you. She's bored because...are you ready for it...she's got nothing to do. Normally, a woman would be occupying her time by caring after her kids. The only valid reason for moving in with a woman is to start a family. If you're not interested in that because you are focused on your "purpose and mission" (whatever that means), why in the world would you want to live with a woman??

 

[BackInTheGame78]

In other words, you don't want to hear that you made a mistake, right? You want to some magic bullet solution that will instantly solve your problem?

Unfortunately, I have bad news for you. She's bored because...are you ready for it...she's got nothing to do. Normally, a woman would be occupying her time by caring after her kids. The only valid reason for moving in with a woman is to start a family. If you're not interested in that because you are focused on your "purpose and mission" (whatever that means), why in the world would you want to live with a woman??

All of this points to a woman who isn't really that into OP but thought he was a safe choice while she waits for something better to come along.

 

[Westminster]

You may not be interested in hearing things you don't want too but I'm going to tell you anyway

YOU ARE NOT COMPATIBLE WITH HER

Some people seem to think two people can slot into each others lives no questions asked

It doesn't work like that there's a raft of personal lifestyle choices that need to be integrated into one another

This woman sounds like she needs a lot of stimulation from a partner, from life from everything by the sounds of it

You want to focus on yourself and your own purpose

there is your fundamental issue

I think that more or less sums the situation up, you're not compatible.

 

[Westminster]

I do agree and also believe this, that is her the problem.



She does show affection, she is all over me etc is not that she is not showing signs of being in love. Previous relationships basically she ended them. She had plenty of them, one was for 4 years one for 5 years all of them failed. Yes this is a red flag. But also her EX was controlling, needy and insecure as f3uck. So, it was an easy decision for her. is not like it was all her fault and i'm not justyfing her relationships.

But most relationships she had it ended because she was falling out of love-getting bored i suppose and as mentioned the last relationship was with a controlling and needy ex.

Sounds like projection. Be careful, could be a red flag.

 

[Gamisch]

I agree. As harsh as it sounds you cannot demand a custom made advice. That's, among men, a BIG mistake.

Now that's out of the way, let's zoom in on the actual situation. I've lived together with the love of my life. Same shyte as you. Copy paste. Other city . Two and a half hours away from her family. Sex got less and less untill it felt like I had to grape her to bust a nut.

I will give you two different advices:
1.(reddit vannila advice) Sit her down. Talk to her(again?). Offer solutions . But do NOT expect this to be the magical thing that Will everything right..

2. (Sosuave.net don juan advice) Leave. Tell her that you don't wanna do this anymore. Tell her you rather set her free so the BOTH of you can find peace. Be the first to pull the trigger!!! Have the power to walk away. End it. Because if you don't, she will, very very soon..most likely after you THINK you resolved the issue.
__________________________________
Bro, we all been here (multiple times). Women don't reason with logic. Yes you moved in too soon. Let that be a lesson for life. Once you move in with a woman you'll lose frame. Period. Imo it's the classic case of a woman wanna play the field but now she's restricted. Why do we men even want this BS? "Easy" sex? Nah. Company? Financial shyte? Why would you even tolerate a stranger to mess up your inner peace like this???

This might go so much deeper than you realize, and if you are smart you come.out of this as a better, smarter and more experienced man..or stick your fingers in your ear and wait till it all burns down.

 

[Westminster]

I agree. As harsh as it sounds you cannot demand a custom made advice. That's, among men, a BIG mistake.

Now that's out of the way, let's zoom in on the actual situation. I've lived together with the love of my life. Same shyte as you. Copy paste. Other city . Two and a half hours away from her family. Sex got less and less untill it felt like I had to grape her to bust a nut.

I will give you two different advices:
1.(reddit vannila advice) Sit her down. Talk to her(again?). Offer solutions . But do NOT expect this to be the magical thing that Will everything right..

2. (Sosuave.net don juan advice) Leave. Tell her that you don't wanna do this anymore. Tell her you rather set her free so the BOTH of you can find peace. Be the first to pull the trigger!!! Have the power to walk away. End it. Because if you don't, she will, very very soon..most likely after you THINK you resolved the issue.
__________________________________
Bro, we all been here (multiple times). Women don't reason with logic. Yes you moved in too soon. Let that be a lesson for life. Once you move in with a woman you'll lose frame. Period. Imo it's the classic case of a woman wanna play the field but now she's restricted. Why do we men even want this BS? "Easy" sex? Nah. Company? Financial shyte? Why would you even tolerate a stranger to mess up your inner peace like this???

This might go so much deeper than you realize, and if you are smart you come.out of this as a better, smarter and more experienced man..or stick your fingers in your ear and wait till it all burns down.

That's sound advice.