Setting Boundaries is an Agreement.

[Peña]

But when they come on here and start calling you names and talk about you being insecure if you don't allow her to run around with her male friends, that's when I have to object.

Controlling her isn't insecure?

 

[zekko]

...And just like that we're back to square one. It's no wonder these boundary threads go on forever. Pena, you haven't even read the subject line of this thread, have you? Or Danger's line about boundaries being a filter?

Anyway, if having standards is insecure, I'll take insecure every day of the week.

 

[sylvester the cat]

A man doesn't install security gates and video cameras around his mansion because he is secure. He installs them to make him feel secure because he knows he has something other people want.

Boundaries work in exactly the same way. It doesn't mean the man is insecure per se.

 

[Boxer00]

A man doesn't install security gates and video cameras around his mansion because he is secure. He installs them to make him feel secure because he knows he has something other people want.

Boundaries work in exactly the same way. It doesn't mean the man is insecure per se.

Are you suggesting to install a security gate and video cameras around your gf to keep other dude's c0cks out of her? :crackup:

 

[sylvester the cat]

Are you suggesting to install a security gate and video cameras around your gf to keep other dude's c0cks out of her? :crackup:[/QUOTE

Lol.

 

[sylvester the cat]

see you have adopted the anti boundaries religion of shaming the man. Which house is more insecure, the one with the cameras the ones with out? Much more important. you see, your perspectives are completely flawed. you miss the forest for the trees. Male insecurity is not relevant to this at all, only utilitarian concerns. motive is not relevant its a red herring. only whether boundaries are effective or not is relevant.

I am not shaming anyone. The fact is a man does not install security/boundaries because he is secure. He installs them to feel secure. I repeat, this does not make him an insecure man per se.

Conversely the man who doesn't implement boundaries leaves himself open to attack.

 

[Peña]

...And just like that we're back to square one. It's no wonder these boundary threads go on forever. Pena, you haven't even read the subject line of this thread, have you?

Yes. I read all comments.

A man doesn't install security gates and video cameras around his mansion because he is secure. He installs them to make him feel secure because he knows he has something other people want.

Boundaries work in exactly the same way. It doesn't mean the man is insecure per se.

True a man wont feel safe. Controlling her keeps him secure? No?

 

[sylvester the cat]

objection relevance

I agree the house with security is now more secure whereas the other is open to attack.

My point is, if a man can reach a point where he cares not either way then that is a powerful place to be.

 

[sylvester the cat]

I agree. Not relevant to the thread though(nor plausible in an ltr...proof is in the pudding really. Indifferent people usually dont enter into relationships with people they dont care about lol.) Phm did a good job mocking indifference in ltrs...delusional.

I don't see how indifference is irrelevant. The rich man can keep on piling up the security and keep his woman chained in the basement in order to make him feel secure but the simple man who owns nothing and no-one has no need for such security as he has nothing for others to take.

If one feels the need to implement such boundaries to keep a woman perhaps he shouldn't enter into an ltr in the first place.

 

[usernamedox11]

You lay down the law. Tell her what is acceptable and unacceptable at the time you start a relationship. Tell her what lines she can't cross. If she crosses them, it's over.

 

[zekko]

Controlling her keeps him secure? No?

No one is controlling anyone. She is free to do whatever she wants. And I am free to do whatever I want. If what she wants is to hang out with orbiters and male friends, then she is free to do that. And I am free to walk, which I will. The only difference is I am letting her know this up front so there are no misunderstandings.

Also, I am not doing anything to "keep me secure". I am letting her know what my expectations are for an exclusive relationship. If she can't meet those expectations, then we won't get into an exclusive relationship.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Also, I am not doing anything to "keep me secure". I am letting her know what my expectations are for an exclusive relationship. If she can't meet those expectations, then we won't get into an exclusive relationship.

You are setting these boundaries for your own personal interests. Make no mistake they are absolutely for your own security not to mention protection. And there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

No one is controlling anyone. She is free to do whatever she wants.

I think we're all understand that you guys don't chain up your wifes/gf's down in the basement.

http://www.understandingrelationships.com/our-relationship-is-on-the-rocks/18452

Mauser posted this^ in another thread. The whole video is highly recommended. But 15 minutes may be too long of an investment for some of you guys, so if you want to check it out, at the very least watch the 6:00-10:00 portion.

4:00 minutes. That's it.

Phm did a good job mocking indifference in ltrs...delusional.

Do you realize that PHM also stated, many times, that if you get into an exclusive relationship with a woman, or if you want to get into an exclusive relationship with a woman, then you are a beta f@ggot. Do you remember him saying that? Over and over?

If this was true, then wouldn't that mean that you were the biggest beta f@gott on this board?

Just sayin.

 

[stevo]

We are just beating a dead horse.

Boundary dudes would continue to state and enforce boundaries, which is fine.

Setting boundaries is indeed an agreement but verbally stating the boundary is unnecessary.

I do not want a girl that doesn't cheat because I told her not to cheat. wtf?

I want a girl that does not cheat because she knows not to cheat.

People want to know their action are their own and not because they are someone else's Muppet.

You see with not setting boundaries, it challenges you to accept that someday your relationship could abruptly end, just like that; however it also shows you a reflection of who you are or have become.

If she brings up a scenario you do not accept, you tell her exactly that, she doesn't like it? there's the door.

If she brings up a scenario you do not accept and you cannot tell her because you know it might cause a break up then you know you've turned AFC.

If you set boundaries "one time", she's less likely to bring sheet up to know your take on it. At the start of a relationship she's more likely to agree to everything you say just to keep you, as she takes her time to craft ways to go around it smoothly.

Would you hire an employee who's only reason of not going on a killing rampage is because they might serve time if caught?

 

[Soolaimon]

You know I see a ton of hypocrisy and contradictions coming from the boundary crew.

I see other posts they make and posters they agree with like:

All hot women cheat, women are wh0res, women are liars, women are not accountable, you can't trust any woman, women treat all men like $hit, women are not loyal, relationships are for betas, long term relationships are unnatural, beta men are hungry for a relationship, betas need the woman more, women will dump you for a better deal etc.

You guys believe all that. Why do you think women will agree and stick with your "imaginary verbal boundary agreement"?

I guess they can't see or understand their own hypocrisy and contradictions. Amazing!

Here's a lot more below.

Women cheat....is this some revelation to you? You are a violently unsound thinker. Like I said, if you dont have the experiences we have then this will all be alien to you.

Yes some women do cheat. Apparently all your girlfriends cheated on you.

Why are you still for boundaries when your women all still cheat on you with boundaries?

That makes your boundaries useless and a waste of time.

You just contradicted yourself and the whole concept of the boundary crew.

Hilarious!

see you have adopted the anti boundaries religion of shaming the man. Which house is more insecure, the one with the cameras the ones with out? Much more important. you see, your perspectives are completely flawed. you miss the forest for the trees. Male insecurity is not relevant to this at all, only utilitarian concerns. motive is not relevant its a red herring. only whether boundaries are effective or not is relevant.

It is relevant when you can't function in a relationship until you hear her verbal words agreeing to "your terms" making you feel secure.

Just like the man who can't sit comfortably in his chair reading his book until the alarm system goes in.

You mean you still are confused whether boundaries are effective or not? You set boundaries in your last relationship. How effective were the boundaries for you? She ignored them and dumped you. And you're still confused on that?

Are you suggesting to install a security gate and video cameras around your gf to keep other dude's c0cks out of her?

LMAO...Now that's a boundary!

Or Danger's line about boundaries being a filter?

Yeah the phony filter that's used a security blanket by you guys.

I guess you are still oblivious to the fact that women can change their minds about their "agreement" with you.

They can also lie, con, trick you into believing what you want to hear. And you think you "filtered" them. LOL

Same women who had no problems getting past their parents boundaries and previous boyfriends boundaries. And you think they will still abide by yours when they don't want to just cause you "defined your terms".

They've been doing this stuff their whole life. Somehow you think them saying "yes" to "your terms" can filter bad women out when they can lie or change their mind about their "agreement".

If your boundary filter was so great you guys wouldn't be scared to marry these women cause your filter would show them to have the same "values" as you.

There would be no fear of "cost" a "barrier to exit" or "loss of value" fearing a rape in a misandric court system cause these women would never do that under your "boundary" and filter system.

After that you guys make excuses for the boundaries and your women.

The boundaries aren't so great are they when they are put to the ultimate test.

Anyway, if having standards is insecure, I'll take insecure every day of the week.

Having standards is telling your woman who wants to hang out with other men not to?

Why not have standards by getting a woman who doesn't like I did? That's standards.

No one is controlling anyone. She is free to do whatever she wants.

Right. Just as the same as a non boundary man do. But you and the crew shame those men calling them "weak" and "feminized" for letting her do what she wants. Hypocrisy at it's finest!

And I am free to do whatever I want. If what she wants is to hang out with orbiters and male friends, then she is free to do that. And I am free to walk, which I will. The only difference is I am letting her know this up front so there are no misunderstandings.

Just like non boundary guys who feel a woman should already know what a relationship means. More hypocrisy!

She is free to do what she wants. That does not mean she will listen to your the terms you state. Once you state your terms she will hide her cheating from you and you won't see her breaking your terms.

This is the same $hit I've been telling you and your crew in over 10 threads. But you argue with me calling it drivel. What an idiot.

Also, I am not doing anything to "keep me secure". I am letting her know what my expectations are for an exclusive relationship. If she can't meet those expectations, then we won't get into an exclusive relationship.

You are being ignorant again and can't comprehend common sense.

Letting her know "your expectations" at the start doesn't matter when she breaks it later on.

Of course she will meet "the expectations" when her interest is high.

When it's not high she won't meet "your expectations" and that makes your boundary useless.

But you and the crew still argue for men to "set boundaries" when men write they are cheated on. Like that is going to make any difference when her IL is in the $hitter. It's attraction is what matters. You can't understand that.

When her IL is gone so is your relationship....boundaries or not.

This is what I've been telling you people for over 10 threads and you still don't get it.

Setting boundaries and expectations is only a technicality and you guys make it out to be everything.

Just as a child needs to know the rules of the household, so does a woman need to be made aware of the rules of the kingdom.

Children break household rules all the time and get past their parents boundaries when the folks aren't around .

Just like women do to their unsuspecting boyfriends/husbands when they cheat behind their backs when the boyfriend/husband isn't around.

Rules, terms, agreements, expectations are easily broken by women without remorse.

Women are flakey, most don't know what they want, they change their minds on everything.

Agreeing to "terms", "expectations" and "rules" won't help you better in a relationship.

Find a good woman and all this boundary stuff will be unnecessary cause they will do what you ask without having to state it to them.

You are using a boundary yourself by refusing to accept others use boundaries.

LOL...Nice try. Not the same "stating terms" to a woman. People are stupid.

 

[TarantulaHawk]

You know I see a ton of hypocrisy and contradictions coming from the boundary crew.

I see other posts they make and posters they agree with like:

All hot women cheat, women are wh0res, women are liars, women are not accountable, you can't trust any woman, women treat all men like $hit, women are not loyal, relationships are for betas, long term relationships are unnatural, beta men are hungry for a relationship, betas need the woman more, women will dump you for a better deal etc.

You guys believe all that. Why do you think women will agree and stick with your "imaginary verbal boundary agreement"?

I guess they can't see or understand their own hypocrisy and contradictions. Amazing!

Here's a lot more below.






Yes some women do cheat. Apparently all your girlfriends cheated on you.

Why are you still for boundaries when your women all still cheat on you with boundaries?

That makes your boundaries useless and a waste of time.

You just contradicted yourself and the whole concept of the boundary crew.

Hilarious!




It is relevant when you can't function in a relationship until you hear her verbal words agreeing to "your terms" making you feel secure.

Just like the man who can't sit comfortably in his chair reading his book until the alarm system goes in.

You mean you still are confused whether boundaries are effective or not? You set boundaries in your last relationship. How effective were the boundaries for you? She ignored them and dumped you. And you're still confused on that?





LMAO...Now that's a boundary!





Yeah the phony filter that's used a security blanket by you guys.

I guess you are still oblivious to the fact that women can change their minds about their "agreement" with you.

They can also lie, con, trick you into believing what you want to hear. And you think you "filtered" them. LOL

Same women who had no problems getting past their parents boundaries and previous boyfriends boundaries. And you think they will still abide by yours when they don't want to just cause you "defined your terms".

They've been doing this stuff their whole life. Somehow you think them saying "yes" to "your terms" can filter bad women out when they can lie or change their mind about their "agreement".

If your boundary filter was so great you guys wouldn't be scared to marry these women cause your filter would show them to have the same "values" as you.

There would be no fear of "cost" a "barrier to exit" or "loss of value" fearing a rape in a misandric court system cause these women would never do that under your "boundary" and filter system.

After that you guys make excuses for the boundaries and your women.

The boundaries aren't so great are they when they are put to the ultimate test.




Having standards is telling your woman who wants to hang out with other men not to?

Why not have standards by getting a woman who doesn't like I did? That's standards.




Right. Just as the same as a non boundary man do. But you and the crew shame those men calling them "weak" and "feminized" for letting her do what she wants. Hypocrisy at it's finest!



Just like non boundary guys who feel a woman should already know what a relationship means. More hypocrisy!

She is free to do what she wants. That does not mean she will listen to your the terms you state. Once you state your terms she will hide her cheating from you and you won't see her breaking your terms.

This is the same $hit I've been telling you and your crew in over 10 threads. But you argue with me calling it drivel. What an idiot.




You are being ignorant again and can't comprehend common sense.

Letting her know "your expectations" at the start doesn't matter when she breaks it later on.

Of course she will meet "the expectations" when her interest is high.

When it's not high she won't meet "your expectations" and that makes your boundary useless.

But you and the crew still argue for men to "set boundaries" when men write they are cheated on. Like that is going to make any difference when her IL is in the $hitter. It's attraction is what matters. You can't understand that.

When her IL is gone so is your relationship....boundaries or not.

This is what I've been telling you people for over 10 threads and you still don't get it.

Setting boundaries and expectations is only a technicality and you guys make it out to be everything.




Children break household rules all the time and get past their parents boundaries when the folks aren't around .

Just like women do to their unsuspecting boyfriends/husbands when they cheat behind their backs when the boyfriend/husband isn't around.

Rules, terms, agreements, expectations are easily broken by women without remorse.

Women are flakey, most don't know what they want, they change their minds on everything.

Agreeing to "terms", "expectations" and "rules" won't help you better in a relationship.

Find a good woman and all this boundary stuff will be unnecessary cause they will do what you ask without having to state it to them.

You are using a boundary yourself by refusing to accept others use boundaries.

 

[Peña]

Also, I am not doing anything to "keep me secure".

I talk about other man. Not you. Why are you not keeping secure?

 

[Peña]

You lay down the law. Tell her what is acceptable and unacceptable at the time you start a relationship. Tell her what lines she can't cross. If she crosses them, it's over.

Beta

 

[zekko]

I think we're all understand that you guys don't chain up your wifes/gf's down in the basement.

Well, if you all understand that, then maybe some of you anti-boundary folk should stop with the name calling, calling us insecure and controlling.

There's another thread on here where the OP says that women don't like sex as well as men, and that no man has consistent access to pvssy. My reply was "I do, and I have never tried to hurt her or play mind games with her".

See, I despise game playing. I am very upfront and honest, that's the way I conduct my business. And that's why I make my expectations clear at the beginning of the relationship. You guys want to make it look like I am insecure and controlling, but I am actually just upfront and honest, and that works for me.

http://www.understandingrelationship...he-rocks/18452

Mauser posted this^ in another thread. The whole video is highly recommended. But 15 minutes may be too long of an investment for some of you guys, so if you want to check it out, at the very least watch the 6:00-10:00 portion.

First off, damn that guy comes off as a douche. Secondly, I don't see the connection to what we are discussing. If you understand that we are not chaining our girlfriends up in the basement, then you should understand that we are not sitting around "talking about our feelings" with them either. We're talking about a one time statement of our expectations. And I've never had to bring it up again in 11 years.

You see with not setting boundaries, it challenges you to accept that someday your relationship could abruptly end, just like that

I am pro-boundary, but I am also one of the biggest proponents of always keeping in mind that your relationship can abruptly end. So boundaries or no boundaries, that has nothing to do with accepting that kind of mindset.

 

[sylvester the cat]

There is not a man on this planet that does not have an insecurity about something. Walk a tightrope over the grand canyon to prove me wrong. This doesn't mean that the man is his insecurity. It just means the man is subject to his insecurities until he learns how to overcome them.

This has been the subject of religious texts the world over.