Saw A Woman Cold Approach A Guy Today

[DonJuanjr]

I prefer a great lean physique, around 5'9 - 5"11.

So @MatureDJ at 5'5" wouldn't appeal to you?

 

[HaleyBaron]

There was a really interesting experience today, Saw a woman who looked a lot like Lisa Ann but way less Busty cold approach a tall black guy. She said "hi you look interesting" and they had a brief chat near the traffic light. It sounded like she was leading the conversation and she then said "would you like to go and have lunch" to which he replied with "sorry I'm not interested'. It seemed like a polite rejection but she clearly took it the wrong way and her body language became more hostile. She answered with a loud "WHY?". They argued a bit until she called him "Gay" and angrly stormed off.

The whole thing was really interesting to witness, It was the first time I saw a woman cold approach a guy. Has anyone else seen this or had a woman cold approach you?

Yes. Usually I don't display interest if she's not attractive enough. But if she is, we exchange contact and I get to her later. But if we are like near a place that we can talk, sure I usually take it. I've had women buy me gifts and drinks, so I get the sentiment.

 

[Zimbabwe]

It's been my experience that most women won't cold approach the way that men do... in the way that you described OP. They are usually far more subtle and passive aggressive, and might even use their friends or co-workers to do it. A lot of times they "hang around" the area of the person they are interested in, hoping that they'll approach them. They might ask for a favor or things like that. But they are definitely still interested and will make that known in one way or another. Mostly through hints.

They usually do the same thing with sex and so on. They drop all these hints and suggestions and hope the guy picks up on it and takes action. Probably a mix of fear of rejection, ego, and not wanting to accept blame for anything.

Even when a girl was very clearly interested in me, this is how they approached the situation every single time. It was always asking a friend of theirs nearby while they went to the bathroom, asking a co-worker if I was single, at a bar one time a girl asked if I had a lighter she could use then started a conversation from there. Or they'd ask if I could help with a work project that they didn't need help with then we'd start flirting with each other and date from there. They are always "there" and making sure you notice them. Or they'll stare to make sure you know they're interested. Either way they make it very easy and don't back off.

All of the successful friends I had at the time (this was all in my late 20's when I was huge on socializing and looking sharp) were similar. Most of the time they were the ones who approached the girls even if the girls were interested. Because I lived in a small town and people knew each other, there was a lot of "run into again" situations, where a girl would remember the guy and they'd start talking again, and gradually build like that.

I think the problem is us guys expect women to think and behave like us in approaching/dating. If a woman was direct with me it would just feel wrird and unusual, i can see how the guy felt.

I don't get the lifts thing. I am a woman and for ME and other women I know, it's a real turn off. More so than his shorter stature.

Why? It wreaks insecurity. Guys, please don't do this.

With respect to height, tall doesn't move me. It seriously doesn't. I prefer a great lean physique, around 5'9 - 5"11.

He can't control how tall he is, so tall is not impressive to me. BUT when a man works out and takes pride in keeping himself in great shape, THAT speaks volumes as to his drive and motivation to be the best he can be.

That attitude will attract many women, including myself.

Yesterday, I had a tall guy (around 6'3"ish) approach me. Decent face, but he was gawky as hell! Skinny, lanky, I just don't get the appeal based solely on height.

Just one woman's opinion. I am 5'6".

Why exactly does it make a guy insecure for wearing lifts? By that logic women are insecure for wearing high heels even though most do it.

Keep in mind high heels were orginally invented for Men to use for horse riding.

Women first started wearing high heels to exhibit masculine power, and to match it with the more socially dominate men of the time.

Shoe heel - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Francis]

My brother is 6'6 and gets cold approached often. The height factor is real. Guys reading this can deny this fact as much as much as they want but height gives you a massive advantage.

I'm sure it does give an advantage, but it's not all or nothing. There's exceptions as well. Can't speak for anyone else, but I'm 5'6-5'7 and had no problems with attracting women based on physical appearance, especially back in the day (still get looks, but gained a few pounds and focusing on education / career). Based on what they said and what they always complimented on, it was about straight looks for them. But they were always shorter themselves which is what we both preferred.

A friend of mine at the time (who was way more successful due to approaching and not being shy) was around the same height. Other successful guys I hung around with were much taller and had their fair share. It varied a lot. I doubt women even know what they want half the time. If you have looks, height, social skills, and/or personality, you're in the game either way.

Edit: These were all good looking women.

 

[DonJuanjr]

By that logic women are insecure for wearing high heels even though most do it.

Not to mention makeup

 

[Zimbabwe]

I think it's different because when a man wears lifts, it reflects he is insecure about his height. That's the perception whether right or wrong.

I am not a mind reader but I wouldn't imagine he wears them to look and appear more attractive, with long legs, which is why women wear them.

High heels were orginally invented for men though, I can easily use the same "logic" and say women who put on makeup are incredibly insecure.

I'm sure it does give an advantage, but it's not all or nothing. There's exceptions as well. Can't speak for anyone else, but I'm 5'6-5'7 and had no problems with attracting women based on physical appearance, especially back in the day (still get looks, but gained a few pounds and focusing on education / career). Based on what they said and what they always complimented on, it was about straight looks for them. But they were always shorter themselves which is what we both preferred.

A friend of mine at the time (who was way more successful due to approaching and not being shy) was around the same height. Other successful guys I hung around with were much taller and had their fair share. It varied a lot. I doubt women even know what they want half the time. If you have looks, height, social skills, and/or personality, you're in the game either way.

Edit: These were all good looking women.

Nothing wrong with boosting yourself up over the competition, every little advantage helps.

I'm 5'9 I don't have a problem but i have noticed i get way more attention since i grew my beard,started dressing better and put on some muscle mass. I don't see anything wrong with adding some height in there as well.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Serious question. When a woman wears heels or a bit of makeup when she's out with you, does that reflect insecurity to you?

No, but neither does a guy wearing lifts to make himself appear more attractive to females. Keep in mind I'm 5'6". I wouldn't buy shoes just for this purpose. But the fact remains women are trying to appeal to what men find attractive(youth,lush skin,aroused state) in wearing makeup, just like guys wearing lifts are trying to appeal to what women find attractive in height.

 

[Francis]

High heels were orginally invented for men though, I can easily use the same "logic" and say women who put on makeup are incredibly insecure.

View attachment 7300




Nothing wrong with boosting yourself up over the competition, every little advantage helps.

I'm 5'9 I don't have a problem but i have noticed i get way more attention since i grew my beard,started dressing better and put on some muscle mass. I don't see anything wrong with adding some height in there as well.

No doubt about boosting the advantage for yourself (I used to drive a very nice convertible, took a long time to get ready, dressed to the 9's, and pissed off just about everyone I knew by taking so long), but I wouldn't fake something like height. That's going too far IMO. Just like if a girl used a butt pad. You take off her pants and there's nothing there. Screw that, lol.

But I don't doubt that doing those things helped your chances. It's amazing, isn't it? You wouldn't normally think some of those things matter, but it does to women. They pay attention to your shoes (all the damn time), how you take care of yourself, if you're well groomed, all those little details.

 

[DonJuanjr]

how you take care of yourself,

Finger nails! Females don't want dirty fingers inside them!

 

[Francis]

Serious question. When a woman wears heels or a bit of makeup when she's out with you, does that reflect insecurity to you?

Women tend to be very insecure by nature, so that makes no difference. I think it looks pretty hot, but having the natural look isn't a turn off if she is naturally attractive. A girl I dated for a while (very pretty) was surprised when I said she was attractive after she got out of the shower without make up. Legitimately thought I was lying. lol

 

[DonJuanjr]

I am not sure why you are challenging me on this, it's just MY personal opinion to which I am entitled, just as you are entitled to yours.

If this is a response to me... I didn't challenge you. You challenged my agreement with zimbabwe in that, if it's insecure for a man to wear lifts to appeal to women, than by that logic it's insecure for females to wear makeup to appeal to males.

 

[Zimbabwe]

That's fair enough. Again, I do not speak for all women, only myself.

A man's height is not a major issue for me personally, because as I said, he has no control over that. He could be tall but the laziest son of a bytch that ever lived. Fat, out of shape, whatever. So I don't see the point in lifts, for me personally. When I notice, I do make a certain judgment, that he is not confident about his natural height and THAT is a turn off, for me.

On the other hand, when he makes the effort to work out and keep in great physical shape, that suggests (to me) he takes pride in his appearance, and that's important to me. As I also take pride in myself and my appearance.

I am not sure why you are challenging me on this, it's just MY personal opinion to which I am entitled, just as you are entitled to yours.

@Zimbabwe, you posted this in a thread you created.

Nothing wrong with boosting yourself up over the competition, every little advantage helps.

I'm 5'9 I don't have a problem but i have noticed i get way more attention since i grew my beard,started dressing better and put on some muscle mass. I don't see anything wrong with adding some height in there as well.

If that is how you feel, then just do it. You don't need anyone's else approval. Just do what you want, and accept that some women will like and some won't.

Men say they feel better and more confident in shoe lifts all the time, just like dressing better or getting a fresh haircut does. I haven't tried it yet but I've already ordered a pair of 3 inch shoes to give it a go.

You can argue that it's fake confidence but so is everything else like lifting weights and dressing better. It's all temporary.

No doubt about boosting the advantage for yourself (I used to drive a very nice convertible, took a long time to get ready, dressed to the 9's, and pissed off just about everyone I knew by taking so long), but I wouldn't fake something like height. That's going too far IMO. Just like if a girl used a butt pad. You take off her pants and there's nothing there. Screw that, lol.

But I don't doubt that doing those things helped your chances. It's amazing, isn't it? You wouldn't normally think some of those things matter, but it does to women. They pay attention to your shoes (all the damn time), how you take care of yourself, if you're well groomed, all those little details.

I've seen guys on other forums talk about how big of a boost they got from the lifts, I'm not sure if it was placebo but they were also way more confident wearing them.

I honestly don't see why faking height is really a problem, most guys already wear shoes with large soles like the Nike Airforce one which add an extra 1.5 inchs. I don't see anything wrong with adding another 1.5 to that mix.

 

[DonJuanjr]

These guys didn't get rejected for lifts.


I know... It's reductio ad absurdum...

 

[DonJuanjr]

Would you prefer your girlfriends or plates go without? Because it reflects insecurity? Or do you not care that they're insecure?

It depends on what the girl looks like without. For some I wouldn't care, others, with makeup. I don't care if they're insecure.

 

[BeExcellent]

It is always a bad idea. But women buy into it because of "The Strong Independent Woman" crap.

When they do that they are taking on the role of a Man,...they are becoming the man in the exchange. The only guy who will respond to it would be a man who is willing to become the woman,...or a guy who just doesn't give a crap and thinks it makes her an easy lay (and he's probably right).

A masculine guy who has options will be put off by it. If he wanted a date with her he would have already taken care of the situation himself.

Women need to understand that if a guy doesn't try to initiate, he either (1.) Doesn't want to,...or,...(2.)Is incapable of it. It doesn't matter which one is true, they are both deal breakers.

A balance would be if a woman goes up to him and makes conversation,...but waits to see if he initiates.

True. This is a tough thing for a woman who is encouraged to be empowered to accept however but I strongly agree. In my 20s I experimented with cold approaching men. Like you said it puts the woman in the masculine role. That’s no good for anyone. I got politely rejected and thought WTF? Although I was always polite about it.

It all goes back to what my wise granny taught me…that young ladies NEVER call boys.

As a woman it’s best to sit back and see who approaches you. This gives men the masculine role and so forth. Allows the woman to respond in the feminine role.

As to the balanced approach? Yes. This is an acceptable hybrid that still allows the man to pursue or show interest. In fact my BF and I met this way. I had noticed him by himself at the end of the bar in a packed venue one Saturday night. I needed to get a glass of wine & magically the only spot to get a place along the bar to order a drink was next to him. As I was ordering I turned to him, smiled, and said “How’s your night going?” From there he picked up the conversation, asked for my number, texted & asked me out the next morning…and led from there. We’ve been dating since. He’s not one to stride across a venue to introduce himself. But it’s cute to hear him tell the story about how we met. He saw me trying to figure out where to go to get a drink & he cleared the spot for me. He had seen me when I walked in and assumed I was married to one of the guys in my entourage.

I always scratch my head when men here expect women to do the approaching. It’s not the way of things.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Do you think it's more acceptable for a woman to be insecure than a man?

Yes, because most men are not successful with women as the experienced players. I think that guys on here that are very successful with females are more picky about it. Though I don't think it affects men on a primal level the way it does females. I think that a man's insecurity is very important to a female because this shows he does not have success with females, which indicates he isn't a winner. Which indicates he is not a good prospect for safety/security/survival.

 

[BeExcellent]

Insecure women are also (typically) more seeking of a man’s guidance & acceptance which causes a man to feel needed, a primal need that men have. So insecurity actually can have an element of attractiveness where men are concerned.

Men do not like to feel inferior. Or intimidated. Unless exceptionally beautiful, insecure women are not intimidating to men. It comes across rather as feminine & demure, at least at first.

 

[Francis]

Men say they feel better and more confident in shoe lifts all the time, just like dressing better or getting a fresh haircut does. I haven't tried it yet but I've already ordered a pair of 3 inch shoes to give it a go.

You can argue that it's fake confidence but so is everything else like lifting weights and dressing better. It's all temporary.



I've seen guys on other forums talk about how big of a boost they got from the lifts, I'm not sure if it was placebo but they were also way more confident wearing them.

I honestly don't see why faking height is really a problem, most guys already wear shoes with large soles like the Nike Airforce one which add an extra 1.5 inchs. I don't see anything wrong with adding another 1.5 to that mix.

If it makes them feel more confident and gives them better chances, then all the more power to them. I've never been against other people bettering themselves. It's even possible that they became more successful because they gained more confidence. Perception matters a lot... But I personally wouldn't do that. Then again I've never had to do it either. I think that part slips by us sometimes... everyone isn't on the same playing field or has the same experiences. Someone touched up on this on another thread recently, where guys who gain success based on looks will say looks are most important. Guys with good communication will say that's most important. And so on. It's all in what we see and experience for ourselves. But it does appear that there are several ways to be successful.

But on the topic of struggles and insecurities: the biggest problem I ever had in regards to dating was never with women, but with other men trying to bully because of the perceived weakness in being short as I was attracting women. They thought I was an easy target and at the time they were probably right. They got real vicious at times and I believed all their crap for a while, not realizing it was stemming from envy and wanting to be the best. Definitely had to learn how to toughen up and not take anyone's crap. And live my own life and find my own success without having to tell everyone or invite them in (this isn't even my real name, as with the lot of you). Not many of them are happy to see other people doing well, sad as it is.

 

[roaming shark]

There was a really interesting experience today, Saw a woman who looked a lot like Lisa Ann but way less Busty cold approach a tall black guy. She said "hi you look interesting" and they had a brief chat near the traffic light. It sounded like she was leading the conversation and she then said "would you like to go and have lunch" to which he replied with "sorry I'm not interested'. It seemed like a polite rejection but she clearly took it the wrong way and her body language became more hostile. She answered with a loud "WHY?". They argued a bit until she called him "Gay" and angrly stormed off.

The whole thing was really interesting to witness, It was the first time I saw a woman cold approach a guy. Has anyone else seen this or had a woman cold approach you?

Jesus. Does that actually happen? That would shatter my entire sense of reality. I’ve literally never been approached and I look decent. What a world. Most men never get action, ever. Thankfully there’s cold approach and verbal game

 

[Bokanovsky]

Insecure women are also (typically) more seeking of a man’s guidance & acceptance which causes a man to feel needed, a primal need that men have. So insecurity actually can have an element of attractiveness where men are concerned.

Strongly disagree. There is nothing attractive about insecure women. In fact, I absolutely despise them. Insecurity fuels shallowness (i.e. obsession with clothing, restaurants and Instagram) and creates unnecessary arguments and drama. How’s that attractive?? You are confusing being deferential to men (a positive quality in a woman) with being insecure. But the two are not the same.