Rubato's Journal

[Serg897]

You know Rubato, today I've been doing a lot of thinking after a date I had last night with a very cute and nice girl - it went very well and we had a lot of fun dancing together, however when I take her back to my car and try to kiss her she denies me.

It essentially goes like this:
Me (looking into her eyes) - Did you have fun?
Her - yeah, I had such a great time
Me - leaning in for a kiss, I get very close
Her - turns away at the last minute, "Im not kissing you tonight"
Me - oh well, I had to try
Her - of course!

She then explains that she is not dealing with men (nor women) at the moment, standard female excuses - but then she tells me its because her boyfriend died last September.

Wow. I think the epiphany is that sometimes there are legitimate reasons not to try to sexualize the interaction right away. It WILL work with certain women, even if its awkward - since these women will be of that mindset to begin with. I cant tell you how many times I've escalated to sex in the first or second date. But, there may be legitimate circumstances where its important to actually take it slow, withhold on the overt sexualization as long as the kino and the sexual tension is still there, even in a subtle way.

Even Anti-Dump, if you read the old discussions with him and Pook, advocated pushing sex far back into the filtering process to make sure you and the woman are ultimately compatible. I think I might try to apply this more in my interactions, and not try to kiss close every single date I have. Or, perhaps I need a better way to gauge whether or not a girl actually wants to be kissed.

I hope that makes sense.

I have another date tonight with a girl that has been extremely friendly and receptive, but she literally just broke up with a long term boyfriend and is in the process of moving out of her house. With this situation, I may actually take it slower and see what happens.

 

[Rubato]

I've been thinking about what you said there Serg.... I really need to go back and read over some of the Pook and Anti-Dump escalation literature again, but there hasn't been the time lately. The way I see it is that if there is an IL, I really don't think I've done anything fatal. And if there's not, I don't really think escalation would have fixed that anyways.

Date Report 11/21/2012

This was from the date later in the day. This one wasn't good. First, I think the girl is an idiot. And I'm sick of vaguely referencing all these girls. I don't see how anyone is going to find this journal and if they do, it's not like an obfuscatory reference system for the girls would really keep anyone who wanted to know from finding out.

Firstly, Rebecca didn't even show up at the right place. I was running late by about 10 minutes and she was supposed to meet me at a Panera at the mall. She went to the one across the street from the mall. By the time we got everything straightened out, it was about 45 minutes late.

I just wasn't feeling calibrated. I haven't felt calibrated or like myself much these last few days. I don't know why. I probably only did 15% of the talking, which is unusual for me but probably a better habit to get in to. This girl did not interest me at all and I was scraping to come up with things to get her talking about. Thank God she loved to talk. One of the biggest things about her that seemed to annoy me is that she was a bit more overt about her hypocrisies than the average girl. She is a super SUPER Christian, which wouldn't seem to be a problem for me since I'm a Christian too (or at least... well. I believe in Christianity but feel like I'm an abhorrent example of it). She's one of those charismatic types who gets in to prophecy, exorcism, and weird crap like that. And it's not that I don't believe in any of that stuff, I'm just skeptical of people who take it to the lengths she seemed to.

I don't really know what she thought of me. I don't care. I put in my obligatory 45 min to an hour and left.

Date Report 1/22/2012

The last one in the series. This was a little much. 6 dates in 5 days. I was thinking to myself that I'm getting sick of hanging out with all these girls. And maybe that's the issue... I'm hanging out with them rather than doing something else. That's why I made the comment about escalation in my last post, because I'm getting tired of just hanging out with these girls. I'm not looking for another buddy or someone to talk to.

Sarah was a nice girl. I didn't feel in state again today. She wasn't as talkative as the girl last night, but she was still pretty talkative. She has been texting me pretty consistently for the last week and I think I correctly gauged her interest level as being higher. She was about 10 minutes late and I was actually getting ready to leave the ice skating rink thinking she was a flaker when she showed up. Her coming was a bit sacrificial too because she's pretty poor and had to skip some discretionary expenses to have enough money for gas. I wasn't planning on paying for her skate rental until she told me that. That's probably why I was an AFC for so long.

So we skated for about an hour and then open skating ended early. I wasn't expecting it to end as soon as it did. She kino'd me 2 or 3 times when she first walked in and was pretty receptive to what I had to say. I made sure I kino'd her less. I was planning on ramping up the kino after the break we took from skating, but then it closed. So. I guess that's a lesson that if you want to do something, don't wait.

I don't really think she wanted things to end as early as they ended, but I was tired and wanted to get home. She lived about 30 minutes away, didn't invite me over and about the only thing that would have brought me over there was an invitation to see her naked. But she told me a few times she had a lot of fun with me and I left.



END


Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot about the dynamic that has been going on between me and my girls this last week. I can't help but get Pook's sentiment that "only the sexual ones get the girls" out of my head. It makes so much sense to me as I've considered the difference between a friend and a lover.

A woman is a delicate creature (unless she's a fatty) but I don't know that they want to be treated delicately. Guys who are friends with girls don't rock the boat, don't tread on thing ice, and definitely escalate. I see a lot of virtue in Anti-Dump's suggestion that early escalation might not be ideal, but I also feel like that the longer a guy waits to escalate, the more he is entrenching himself in the friendzone.

When it really comes down to it, what's the main difference between a friend and a lover? You have sex with the lover.

I haven't read Anti-Dump in a while, but maybe what he was getting at is that a sexual frame should be established quickly, but you don't necessarily need to have sex quickly. I can see that as an extension of the idea that you need to keep a woman waiting and wanting more.

The establishment of a sexual frame early also seems like an effective filtering process. I definitely agree that it's better to pursue interested women than to try and forge interest when it isn't there. And sexual escalation will definitely let you know if there is interest.

So given that, when I don't want to be with a disinterested girl, I have several options, and I know what to do, why am I still afraid to do it? If one girl rejects my advances, so what? I have several others. That's the whole point to spinning plates. Is the problem really the rejection from the girl? Because if you don't escalate, you're going to be friendzoned. Same thing.

Ehh I've got work to do. I don't have time for these thoughts right now.

What's impressed me even more than all of this is that my life is much more important than my sex life. I need to focus on my future career and becoming physically, emotionally, and financially fit (not necessarily in that order). So. See you.

 

[Rubato]

Date Report

Pardon my hyperbole for a moment:

I don't think God wants me to have sex.

I get so close, I do everything right, and then something happens that I have no control over that messes everything up.

I went over to Sarah's apartment for a date today to watch a movie. We watched Shooter, and I actually liked the movie, so I actually watched it. But we cuddled throughout it and she didn't have any problems getting very close to me.

She waited on me pretty well, got me some drinks, showed me around and stuff. After the movie I got up to take a p*ss and when I came back, I sat down on the couch next to her again. She was laying down, but in such a way as that she looked like she could fall off. I should have just laid down next to her, because I can't really see why else she would have been like that unless she wanted me to assert myself there. But, whatever.

I took her hand, she sat up, I put my hand against her cheek and brought her in. We started making out and she wanted it. She started climbing on top of me and it was making my job easy. By the time our clothes started coming off, her cell phone started to ring. After the 3rd call in a row, I told her to check it out. It turns out her d*mn friend is a f*cking idiot and has a paper due tonight at midnight. 10 pages. And hadn't started it yet. That was at 6. Now, this bugs me a lot, for a lot of obvious reasons. When I was a pre-law student, I could turn out 10 pages papers that would get A's in 4 hours. And this b*tch is calling up my date while we're about ready to have sex, and disturbs the whole thing because she's lazy and doesn't know how to take responsibility for her education.

These are the idiots that will be in the work force in the coming years. I don't think anyone has a clue how bad things are going to get.

Anyways, she left. My cousin was having some dudes over for his 28th birthday today, so it's not like I didn't have somewhere to be. I told him I'd come, but I wanted some action first.

asldfjasdlk;fj

I haven't had sex since November. And I like this girl. It's a good f*cking thing I've got another date with another girl Sunday. But I wanna get back together with Sarah ASAP and finish what we started.

 

[Chamber36]

why the hell did you tell her to pick up the phone then? LOL

You should have told her to let it ring.

 

[Young Stallion]

Rubato,

You have inspired me to write my own datng log.

-YS

 

[Rubato]

why the hell did you tell her to pick up the phone then? LOL

You should have told her to let it ring.

Well dude, I know that now.... I'll lol about it later...

The way I see it, I wouldn't serially call someone unless there was an emergency, like my house was on fire or something like that. Being irresponsible is not an emergency (at least, the sort of emergency that should break up a good f*ck).

I am still having a hard time wrapping my mind around that girl's absolute total lack of... everything except stupidity.

Say hello to the future workers of tomorrow.

 

[Rubato]

Rubato,

You have inspired me to write my own datng log.

-YS

Honored, sir. I will look forward to reading it

 

[Rubato]

Date Report

I met the girl I've been dating for church today. I was late.

The service was good. She was supposed to come over afterwards to watch a movie, but my dad has the stomach flu so we went to lunch instead.

Kissed her on the way out. And it wasn't some weak peck on the lips. She wanted it. This girl likes me. I haven't had a girl kiss me like she did in a long time. She holds on to me when we got out and is almost constantly kinoing me anymore.

There's a concert over in the next town (a big one) and coincidentally enough, Amanda, Sarah, and a new girl Heather will all be there! Haha!

My brothers were planning on going and now I may go. I've never had the opportunity to juggle like that before. They are all 8's and 9's so social proof will be plentiful. Let's see how much of my chemistry I can get done.

The rest of the day

All right. Well. I had a pretty good morning.

The night left quite a bit to be desired.

I drove about 45 minutes to that concert. My brothers saved me a seat. The cut the line off to the door right before I got there... like literally as I was walking up to the venue. This p*ssed me off. A lot.

I had a lot of other things I could be doing but decided to patronize this venue with my money. And some obnoxious doorman was trying to tell me they were sold out of tickets when they didn't even offer any in advance. I tried to tell the guy I had my kids inside (I don't have kids) and needed to get in to be with them, but he wouldn't even let me for that! He told me to keep better track of my kids!

I didn't keep my composure very well in this case.

On the way home, Sarah LJBF'd me. I really don't get that one. But whatever.

I've just got a bunch of crap to do now homework wise that I don't want to do.