Rubato's Journal

[Rubato]

She's at work (she serves at a very busy Italian place) and won't be able to respond until after I'm asleep. I brought up the idea of church for 2 reasons. First, I'm a spiritual guy and she at least says she is. And second, her cousin is the preacher there and she's mentioned a few times that she wants me to meet him and the rest of her family that goes there. And while me saying that I'd like to see what her church/rest of her family is like is an obvious qualifier to you guys, since the scales have been removed from my eyes about this girl (figuratively speaking of course), I really do want to see this stuff. I'm not qualifying her now for the sake of building attraction, I'm qualifying her to see if she's legit.

She's already told me the only thing she's doing on Sun is going to the Browns game, which is a late afternoon game, so she'll have time to go to church in the morning. I'll be very surprised if she turns me down for this.

In any event, I have 3 other girls who called me tonight and I just can't bring myself to want to do anything with them. My family is gone for the weekend and so I'm here by myself, and even though I really feel like going out and doing something, I'm also very happy being here without any disturbances, especially in light of how crazy this week has been emotionally and academically. One girl asked me to come over and study with her and I told her I didn't feel like driving over there and if she wanted to study, she could come here. She said no. And I was glad she did, because I'm too tired to feel like doing any academic work or really even to seduce a girl. I'm really enjoying this peace and solitude. I think I'm going to make a fire in the woods when I'm done typing this.

The other girl asked for a date tomorrow. And I don't feel like planning anything right now. The last girl invited me over to play scrabble. And I think she actually meant to play scrabble, not as an excuse to have sex (though, I wouldn't think it would be much of a challenge with her).

I thought about going to laser quest tonight actually.... by myself, for myself. But I just didn't feel like driving out there. I played the piano for a bit and if I do anything, it will be building a fire and maybe making pouring myself some scotch, brandy, or bourbon.

I like to think of myself as a classy guy, which is probably why I'm drawn to that style of making observational comments, dressing very well (like, I wear blazers to class and sometimes ties), and having good tastes in alcohol. I'm very snobish about what I drink and that's probably one of the biggest reasons why I don't drink a lot. I don't think I've ever bought a bottle of liquor under $20 and would have a serious problem doing so because I've had the cheap stuff and I don't like it. I like straight liquor (I also like mixed drinks, but I like straight liquor better most of the time) and I like it very strong and almost room temperature.

Anyways, tonight is my night. Peace.

 

[Rubato]

Date Report

First, to finalize what happened with the HB I was talking about in my last post, she did respond when she got off work.

HB: Okay!!
HB: ) - this is supposed to be a double smiley but it didn't work out that way.

Me: What time does your service start?

HB: It starts at 9! :/ or I could go to yours sometime too

Me: What time do you normally leave for church?

HB: I normally leave at 8:45. But I am doing something with my friend Elizabeth tonight and she is staying the night. I didn't realize but do you think we could next Sunday [I was feeling pretty sketchy about this... if she hadn't offered for the reschedule, I would have been done]

Me: Don't worry about it HB... have fun tonight next week, you can come to my church [I was thinking 2 things... first, that I wanted her to think it wasn't a big deal that I was not going to see her anymore. I want her to feel like I don't care about walking away, and thus, more inspired to chase me. Second, I feel like she needs some more investment in this, and by having her drive out to my church, that would literally make her more invested]

HB: Okk!!
HB: What time is your service?

Me: 10 30

HB: Okay
HB: Well maybe it'd be better for you to come to mine next week bc I am supposed to do a jewelry party for my friend and I have to help set up. So I would be far away kinda and I'm just trying to plan ahead here [again, if she hadn't have replanned, that would have been it. I have done a very good job of curtailing my oneitis. I still want this girl badly, but I do not view her as an object outside of my grasp anymore or someone better than me. As far as I'm concerned right now, she needs to prove herself to me]

Me: Well, the last thing i'd ever wanna do is have you far away from a jewelry party! That will be fine. but. on one condition.

HB: Lol what is that?

Me: Well I don't know yet. But you'll have to agree that adding a condition certainly sounded better than "ok, that's fine".

HB: I agree completely. Well I'm anxious to see what the condition is!

Me: Ok. I have it.

HB: Okayyy what is it

Me: Patience dear, you wouldn't want to be responsible for killing the suspense.

HB: Well when will I know?

Me: [at this point, I think I performed less well than I could have. My sleeping pills had set in hard and I wasn't as imaginative as normal. What I wish I would have done was either make her wait a while still or just tell her to allocate a certain amount of time for the plans I'm going to describe and NOT tell her what they were... take her on an adventure that she has no idea about and surprise her. But, that's not what I did. And so...]

I haven't been ice skating in a long time. Sometime next week (like after finals week), we will go ice skating. And then, presuming I haven't broken a bone, we can watch elf [that's her favorite Christmas movie]

HB: Okayyy! Sounda like a good time!
HB: *sounds

Me: I can't really resist. i'm in a pretty silly mood right now... so I'll just say. I like the sounda's that too have a great night HB!

HB: You are just hilarious! Good night!!

This all took place while she was with her girlfriend and partly while I was on a date with the physical therapist HB who is in love with me, that I just can't seem to bring myself to reciprocate feelings for.

While this was going on, I was also having another conversation with the HB from my genetics/biochemistry class with a boyfriend that I tried to get to watch a movie with me. She said she couldn't. Though, after last night, I think I was right that she would cheat:

HB: So I need friends to start going out with lol you'd go out down in belden right lol ill be your wing man. [she's obviously less intelligent than the girl I really like]

Me: are you sober right now?

HB: Lmao yea only one winter Lager down... im freaking dog sitting at my aunts studying neurobiology. real exciting and i canceled plans with my gf to do this.. then my own bf conveniently stops to see my 2 guys friends at the bar after work and "has to give them a ride home" instead of come visit me!
HB: Soo i need to start going out with my friends and not be a grandma

Me: Yea. well, you texted me about an hour late. I just came home from north canton.

HB: What are you kidding. That's where my aunts house is you loser.. instead of getting sweet with one of your hunnies u could have been here doing our genetics case study on learning neurobio lol where did u go out at.

Me: I just went over to HB's house and watched a movie. and ate the dinner she made me.

HB: Nice... but which one is HB, not the girl u love? Oh and don't' cat chlamydia that's gross.

Me: lol girl, you are either a super lightweight or you had more than one drink! [she really doesn't usually act like this] and no. HB is the girl i "like". don't use the l word.

HB: Rubato u have to know i act like this in real life... and no just one im def not a lightweight i just am trying to teach u lief lessons here, nobody like to wake up with a dirty private part lmao.
HB: Plus i find it hilarious how uncomfortable my talk makes you... [I really have no idea where she got this from] or is it just a sensitive subject (good thing ur dad's a doc)

Me: if i see any red dots or get a rash, i'll give you a call. but since you're the expert you'll have to fix it.

HB: Haha no notification is needed but thanks for thinking i have the cures for these types of issues. it really makes me feel complete to be considered a dirty skankerdoodle

[by this time, I was well sedated with my sleeping pill]

Me: you really don't want to get in a oneupsmanship competition with me when i comes to crude jokes or sexual innuendo.

HB: This may be true but for the record, i believe i've onemanupdyou a couple of times

Me: do you know what HB? do you know fvcking what HB??

HB: keep thinking. oh brainstorming.
HB: P dot s u spelled my name wrong... deduct a point.
HB: While you try to think of really great comebacks... imm goin to learn about the genes for alzheimer.

Me: d@mn, you must be bored. i am sipping on some old whiskey reading some classic literature [Madame Bovary] by the lightof a candle in a chair i made myself. out of wood (not that kind of wood). and so i will not be able to respond that quickly. but i prefer to take things slow anyways. girls always hate it when a guy goes off too fast.
Me: And yes, your name does only have 1 n. but. i think it looks better with 2.
Me: BTW, waht's the difference between pink and purple?

HB: Ha okay sir edgar pretty good... i will leave u to read in dim light which my mom would yell at u for, and even if it looks better u cant just go around renaming ppl! kk ill ttyl have fun
HB: Pink is a shade of red and purple is well purple.

Me: Wrong.

HB:
HB: Well i didn't know there was a real answer.

Me: the grip

HB: Hahahaha that's bad.. i hope ur pastor never hears u talk like that.

Me: i am a pastor.

what happens when you kiss a canary

HB: Idk

Me: Come on girl. you fvcking get chirpes. and you can't tweet it since its a canarial disease. duh

HB: That joke is cute actually... minus the "fvcking' and being called girl like ur a gangsta.

Me: first, gangstas are black. i am not black. adn second. why can't men make good eye contact

HB: Because they are dumb

Me: hush girlie. because t1ts dont have eyes, obviously.

HB: Lol i was gonna say something like that... and quit calling me girl!!!! But Alright thanks for the jokes. ill have to use some of them lol enjoy the sabbath ttyl
HB: Oh and next time ur hooking up down my way let me know we will grab a beer after and who knows i may be a good chick magnet for u lmao
HB: U can bring ur wing [she spelled his name wrong].. haha

Me: its chike... girl. and he would actually like having a pivot. we'll do that when i'm free from managing my harem. or have made HB [the one I like] mine.

HB: haha u have been reading too much kk toodles bia



I feel dumber after typing all that out.

I'm going to give all of these girls names. There are too many to just keep using HB.

The HB I had/have oneitis for will be Alice
The HB physical therapist HB who loves me will be Stephanie
The HB I just finished transcribing the text conversation with will be Danielle
I will name other HB's as they come up.

Yesterday I met Stephanie's parents and spent time at her house for the first time. She has an incredibly nice house! 3 stories of antique magic in excellent condition. I really like her family and they were extremely nice and hospitable to me. They fed me dinner, we all talked for a while (I would say they vetted me for a while, but ehh, whatever) and then Stephanie and I watched National Lampoons Christmas Vacation together. It was rather uneventful actually. She had a really good time and says she can't wait till school lets out so we can start spending more time together :/

I guess that's what a guy would want to hear when he's looking for an LTR, but not when he's not looking for an LTR with that specific girl. I didn't feel like I could really escalate all that much since I was at her parents house and was never sure who was where. I did kiss her a few times, but I think she kissed me more than I kissed her.

In any event, the only other things I've been doing since the last time I wrote have been working on my business, studying, and playing music. I met Stephanie's brother last night and think I finally got to see what it looks like when a man is both alpha and has a passion. He's 1 year older than me, but he's very alpha. I felt like I held my own with him though. He runs his own business where he restores Edison era phonographs. He probably loves those phonographs more than he loves his girlfriend, and she is unbelievably beautiful and accomplished.

 

[Rubato]

That inspired me to find something like that. I don't know what it's going to be. Maybe I can dig deeper in to music. But I want to find a passion that I can start leveraging to make money. I have already proven my ability to run a successful business doing things I am somewhat passionate about. I want to find the real passion now.

Adios all. I will be beginning the DJ boot camp tomorrow so my journal will be ALIVE with activity!!!!!! I am also going sarging at a new church college group tonight. I will post the FR later. My wing says he thinks I'm about at the point to where I can start talking about getting exclusive with Alice. I haven't asked or had to ask a girl to be my girlfriend since 2006 and am not sure first, that asking is the best way, and second, that the time is yet right. I'll know better after the next time I see her, Thursday for the final.

I'm gonna go through my phone and see if I can come up with a list of all current plates/potential plates:

plates - I have let a lot of these go as of late. They haven't been keeping my interest.
Alice
Stephanie

Potential Plates
Danielle

Jessica - a girl from the dance team I met out 2 Thursdays ago. She's very easy. Easy to the point that I would be concerned about getting with her given her reputation (ie, STDs)

Elizabeth - a girl from my world civ class that met me earlier this semester on the main campus to rock climb together. I tried to hold her hand and she seemed surprised, and I couldn't tell if she was resistant, or again, just surprised. She's young and immature. I have proposed dates she's agreed to, but never followed through on them.

Rachel - the girl from ballroom dance I number closed a few weeks back. I asked her if she wanted to get together for drinks a week or so ago and she said she was too tired that night, but to ask her another time. This is the one I wrote about not being able to gauge the IL of.

Olivia - this is a girl I used to work with and always wanted to get with. I ran in to her at a dance bar the same night I ran in to Alice while I was sarging. We had talked about being dance partners before but nothing came of it. That night, she reminded me about that and was rather insistent that we start practicing ballroom dance together. She also made it a point to tell me she was in the process of trying to get out of a bad relationship. I have not made much of an effort to talk to her. That should change.

Bethany - This is another girl from the dance team that I've wanted to start something with, but just haven't had time to in the midst of all of my other endeavors. Which is dumb because she seems to be a high quality girl I'm actually attracted to. She's a nursing student and very intelligent. I will ask her for a date after finals.

Jamie - This is the girl from my anatomy and physiology class who came on very strong, kinoing me during class and telling me very sexually provocative jokes. She's made 2 attempts to get me to come over to her house and study, the first time I completely blew off, the 2nd I told her I didn't feel like driving and for her to come here. And she didn't. I still think I could make something happen if I want to. But I don't really.

Grace - This girl was a plate, I've been on 2 or 3 dates with her, but I haven't called her since right before thanksgiving. I've forgotten about her essentially and she obviously hasn't maintained enough interest to get back in touch with me. So I don't know if I'm going to pursue this one.

That's it.

Peace.

EDIT: The church group was a total bust. I ended up leaving early it was so lame. A huge sausage fest full of rhinos and an AFC speaker. I'm all for Christianity when it's actually Christianity, and not some overly feminized garbage that supposed to make you feel bad about yourself even though God loves you. It was horribly convoluted. Going to church should not equilibrate with making yourself feel inadequate/like a failure.

 

[Rubato]

Through Dec 16th

Where to begin?

I haven't done a lot of sarging since my first day of the DJ boot camp :nono:

I need to jump back on that bandwagon.

I guess there isn't much more to tell.

I spent the last 2 months or so (that really is a long time) in the middle of a big bought of oneitis, and for a little while, I at least accepted it for what it was... oneitis. I ended up having a bad week this week withdrawing from my medications as I begin a drug holiday. That didn't leave me the presence of mind to see that I was transforming in to an AFC and I sent her the most AFC Christmas card ever. Her response was better than I expected, but not that of a girl who's highly interested in me. So.

I went out tonight. And I number closed a girl.

It may just have been one girl. But I still feel pretty sh1tty from my drug holiday. I wasn't even going to go out. So I'm pretty happy with that.

 

[Serg897]

I spent the last 2 months or so (that really is a long time) in the middle of a big bought of oneitis, and for a little while, I at least accepted it for what it was... oneitis. I ended up having a bad week this week withdrawing from my medications as I begin a drug holiday. That didn't leave me the presence of mind to see that I was transforming in to an AFC and I sent her the most AFC Christmas card ever. Her response was better than I expected, but not that of a girl who's highly interested in me. So.

I hate oneitis. Mine is still affecting me but less so since it has been some time since I last talked to her. Its good that you are gauging her interest as less than yours - it means you have to withdraw and potentially move on. Don't bother with women that aren't interested ever.

 

[Rubato]

I hate oneitis. Mine is still affecting me but less so since it has been some time since I last talked to her. Its good that you are gauging her interest as less than yours - it means you have to withdraw and potentially move on. Don't bother with women that aren't interested ever.

And it's so easy to rationalize away too! At least for me, I can do some "emotional juggling" or some other crap and then a day or 2 later convince myself I've been cured! Or at least on the way to recovery.

It's so true.... "Don't bother with women that aren't interested ever."

 

[Rubato]

12/18/11

12/18/11

Like Pook said, experience is a much harsher teacher than foresight. I wish I didn't have to learn all of my life lessons this way.

I decided that there are 2 ways to address the situation with the oneitis girl loose end I have. And the first is that I can either continue to no contact her, or I can do as EFFORT suggested to me and ask her to watch a movie with me this next week, like we were supposed to do anyways. I decided that given my state right now, the best course of action was to follow EFFORT's advice. If she's not even willing to see me again, there is a big problem.

This is a difficult lesson for me because it's been so humbling. In some ways this was a great conclusion to the end of my semester and in other ways, it was terrible. This semester was the first time in my life I ever started to act on the principles of the DJ and of game. I had read a lot of stuff in the past. I had incorporated very little of it in to actual practice. I have never opened as many girls as I did this past semester, ever in my life. I think I went on more dates this semester than maybe the entirety of the rest of my life.

The reason this oneitis girl was good was because I had oneitis for her from the beginning and immediately presumed that she was "out of my league". Well, even though I did it in what was probably not the most congruent way, I still sat up dates with her and kissed her. That's proof positive that this whole "league" mindset is flawed and crap. If that were so, I would have never scored dates/kisses with her in the first place.

The reason why it was not good was because I f*cked this up. This one hurts. I fell for this girl in a way I've only fallen for maybe 4 other girls. And even though I said I dated more girls this semester than ever before in my life, don't get the idea that I haven't dated a lot. My dating life this semester could have been considered an additional class or 2. I don't think there was a week that went by that I didn't go out with at least 2 different girls in some capacity. It was getting ridiculous. I was reading through this journal and can't even remember who they all were!

But back on point, the other girls who have affected me like this were... my first girlfriend, a summer fling I had after my first year of college, the ex fiance of mine, and the girl who ultimately drove me here last Christmas. And now, this HB.

For some reason, I have fallen for all 5 of these girls very quickly, much more quickly than can be reasonably justified. I have fallen deeply. I have cared about them considerably more than is justifiable. I really don't think it is hyperbole to say I loved these girls very quickly. The reason why this happens is unknown to me. Particularly with the current oneitis girl, the summer fling, and the girl who drove me here, looking back on them, they weren't so great. They were all about 8's (an 8 for me might be another person's 7 or 7.5... it's not anything that's going to make me forget my name or some BS like that). They all had fairly strong and strange quirks about themselves. They all had some either subtle or less than subtle problem(s)/red flag(s). They were all definitely far from perfect. I really don't know what it is about them.

This has forced me to face some things that I'm not happy to admit. I've been trying to think about what I can take away from this so as not to continue repeating past mistakes. So far this is what I have:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1871075#post1871075

 

[JonJaper]

When I first posted about losing my virginity to hookers in Amsterdam, you were one of the guys that were trying to convince me against it, so you may not like what I'm going to say here...BUT...

Perhaps try casually hooking up with girls in one night stands? Or if you have the means to visit a country where hookers are legal and regulated, go f*ck them.

The reason I say this is because it might help you put things into perspective and not fall for girls so quickly. For me at least, the experience curbed my emotional side so my attraction wasn't an unhealthy obsession with a girl. Screw all that $hit about 'objectifying women'. For people like us who get emotionally attached too quickly, we need to objectify women more. Get over the magic and allure of a woman and just see them as a pair of tits, ass and pu$$y until you get to know them better.

Also if you f*ck multiple girls, oneitis won't be a problem. I cured my oneitis with my hooker experience.

 

[Rubato]

Thanks JonJaper. Objectify women more... ha... that's a new frame for me! I've been thinking about your advice and think you may be on to something good.


I think I finally hit a breakthrough point today in my withdrawal. My state feels better today than it has since before I started mentally assaulting myself in preparation for finals. I am going out sarging tomorrow. And I wish tomorrow was today. I can't wait to get back out there and start getting some more plates spinning. These last 3 weeks I've been out with 2 girls. That's the smallest amount of game related activity I've had since... a long time. Maybe May or June.

Time for that to change!

 

[evansblue]

Rubato - I'm anxious to listen to some more audio approaches. lol

 

[Rubato]

It's been a while

I haven't been on this website a whole lot since college let out for winter break. A lot of stuff has been going on in my life and quite frankly, SS isn't the most important thing I have. I decided my break would be better spent spending my time on myself, especially after the first week. I found myself spending time with my plates, asking myself how much longer I would have to spend with them and dreading when they would ask me to see them again. Not all guys would see this as a problem. But it was getting to me.

After the first week of break, I got rid of all my plates. I didn't like any of them, didn't want to spend time with any of them, and was bored. I summarily listed all of my video game systems, games, and accessories on Ebay and made a few thousands dollars. I upgraded my my music recording computer, bought a new keyboard, sold my older stuff, and bought more music equipment. And I spent the rest of break writing music and reading Kurt Vonnegut.

After the 2nd week of break, I went on maybe 3 dates max the rest of break, which was an unheard of dry spell for my dating wise, but I was very happy and contented. That personal sabbatical was one of the best things I did last year.

When school resumed, I started online dating again. I met my first girl from OKcupid and got back in to the niche website I spend the most time on. I think online dating may be having a detrimental effect on my college game right now because I'm not approaching at all like I did last semester... I don't feel the need to. I didn't have any options when school started last semester and right now I have 4-5 HB8-9's with high IL's... it's really great and it's all from that website. My wing was actually remarking at how ridiculous the quality was I have pulled there.

I had dates every day since Monday and have been forgetting to schedule dates with 2 other girls. The girl I went out with tonight is probably the hottest girl I've ever been on a date with in my life.

Things also ended up coming to a head with that girl I had oneitis for. As I suspected, she asked me what she did wrong because apparently not waiting around for her after class on Monday was acting "very weird". One thing led to another and it culminated in to what I assume was her trying to let me down gently, telling me that she did "kind of" like me.

Now

I've never been happy to find myself in conversations like that, and since I've found SS, I've tried to limit my inclusion in them. I've had a relatively high level of apathy towards my dating life since break started so maybe I just didn't get. But when the best she could tell me was that she "kind of" liked me, I felt genuinely insulted. To add insult to injury, she also made a subtle allusion to the idea that she had been spinning plates. I felt all of the feelings I had felt for that girl, the heartache I had experienced, the nights I had trouble sleeping, the anxiety. Everything. All of the totally WORTHLESS feelings I had very quickly and it was like magic... they all melted away. I was unable to comprehend the sheer lack of value in this girl, that the best she could say about me was that she "KIND OF" liked me. I don't know if a girl has ever said anything that insulting to me.

I wrapped the conversation up and the next day she continued to text me. She asked me if things were going to resume back to normal and I finally said something along the lines of:

"No. I made a big mistake last semester because I treated you like my girlfriend when you were just a friend. The difference between now and then is I know how to treat you properly now."

She was just about indignant towards me during class today, but I didn't show any emotion because I had none to show. And it just infuriated her further.

She will not be getting anymore attention refills from me.

And with that, I just don't feel like writing anymore.

 

[macallik]

Tough break with the one-itis. Every girl can't be Mrs. Rubato and Alice is not the one. She served her purpose in the journal as the someone who showed you that there is no such thing as being 'out of your league' and that might be full extent of her role in the journal that is your life. Look at it this way, you are directing your life actively nowadays and as the director you let don't cast just anyone to be the leading lady in your movie and *continue this contrived analogy some more here*

Look, long story short, how about rereading the post and thread you made on Dec 18th. They were full of clarity for someone neck-deep in oneitis and were spot on imo. Like you, said, it is not her fault that you fell for her, she is either not quality overall or you took too long to act and have to live with the consequences.

However, that doesn't mean it is time for a pity party. You have dated more girls in a semester than you have dated in your life previously. You got over the previous four girls eventually, so you can get over this one too. The difference is this time, you have that drive and determination. You have options and experience.

Nothing wrong with falling for what turns out to be not the one. Where would Romeo be if he didn't fall for Rosaline? Just don't settle for getting a rise out of telling a minor character how you wasted a semester on her. Remind yourself of the positive things she taught you about yourself and apply it to get even better females.

Good luck man, and keep us posted.

 

[Rubato]

Thanks macallik.

After thinking about what I wrote last night, I may have left the impression of being in a negative state... and that's not really the case. Sure, I'm not really happy that things with "Alice" ended the way they did, but there's nothing I can do about it and I've never had the sort of clarity before to see how little need there is for me to care for her. My spirits are pretty high right now, especially considering how successful I've been with other women lately.

I didn't document any of the date's I'd been on over break, and to be honest, I don't remember them all. Some of my life over that 4 week period is nothing more than a hazy little picture in my mind that I can't really see because of that drug withdrawal. I'll start with what I do remember clearly enough to write something about though.

1/6/12 (seriously, this is the first date I remember anything more than that I went out on a date)

This was a date with the first girl I've ever met from OkCupid. I haven't used any free dating websites since discovering game, mostly because my response rate was always abhorrently bad. I think before finding this website, I may have had a lifetime response rate of 1-2. Since I am going to most likely be losing my license next month for 6 months (my attorney can't get the prosecuting attorney to budge on this :cuss: ), I have been significantly more vigilant about developing a collection of plates to spin. I would be greatly dismayed to find myself in February, not only without the means to drive a car, but without any options as well. So I decided to start using all of my options.

This girl is a low 8 for me and has automatically been disqualified from any sort of LTR because she's got a kid. But she's pretty and I think I can get sex out of her pretty easily. Some guys have asked me why as a 24 year old I would be going on a date with a single mom... and I would accept their criticisms if I wanted to "date" this girl and form some sort of traditional romantic/relational bond with her. But I just want sex. I'm giving a 3 date allowance to get it. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as I'm vigilant about one of my most important rules:

No glove, no love.

I didn't really know what to do with this girl at first because I had virtually zero anything with her. We'd hardly communicated... I don't really know why that was an issue for me looking back on it. I decided to take her bar hopping through one of the bigger cities around here but later changed plans. I know from reading here the propensity for girls to flake on these dating websites, and I didn't want to drive out to the city just to be flaked on. So I decided to have her meet me at a country line dancing bar I frequent. That felt like "flake insurance" to me because if she didn't show up, I'd still be somewhere I'd otherwise probably be on a Friday night and there would be other sets to open.

I am not very good about checking my email in general, much less on these online dating websites. There's really just too much else to do. She had sent me about 5:00 PM a message saying that her babysitter fell through and she couldn't make it. We had exchanged numbers, so I don't know why she didn't call or text. But she ended up texting me about an hour later saying she had found another sitter (I didn't understand why I needed to know that since I didn't see the original email) and that she'd be late, but she would still be there. And she was late, about an hour, but she came nonetheless.

Since I'm just looking for sex, I made sure the conversation directed towards what I am doing with my life, since I'm going to be a cardio-throacic surgeon. She's an RN and knew what that means, particularly financially. Overall, my game wasn't necessarily the best, but I think it was good enough. I had been thinking a lot about kino during the date because I know that's a weak point in my game and made a concerted effort to try and "step it up"... I did, and I don't think it came across convoluted or anything, but since I'm not used to doing it, I didn't feel totally congruent with it. That was okay with me... I figured that I would feel incongruent and it would be better to start getting used to it and be okay with being incongruent than to wait until the never-coming day when I magically felt totally congruent. None of my friends there made any comment about me seeming incorrectly calibrated either.

She made a lot of statements with built in future projections... like:

"The next time we come here.."
"When I see you again..."
"The next time we hang out..."
"We'll definitely have to do this...."

And so on.

She made it a point on the way out to tell me twice to get in contact with her. And really, why in the world not? I'm a very good looking guy, I'm in above average shape, I'm very talented, and I'm going to be a rich Dr. someday. CT surgeons make about 550k a year. That's enough for me. And definitely better than a 60k salary for a full time working mom and her 2 year old kid. Don't take this is some beta and AFC statement that I think attraction isn't a "choice" and more about externals and internals... to that point all I'll say is that stuff is like the icing on the cake. Most people would still take a bite if it wasn't there, but adding the icing makes it that much better.

We were supposed to hang out again Tuesday night but something ended up happening with her kid that she needed to go home for. She offered to reschedule for Wed. night, but I had another date. We're getting together Monday night now.

 

[Serg897]

Good job Rubato. You are doing well. Im tempted to start my own journal on here as well, at least once things start to pick up and I get out of the mental rut Im still in.

Question: Do you use okcupid only as your online site?

Most of my thoughts were fixated on the sole fact that I wanted this girl naked in my bedroom immediately.

Ahaha, how I know this feeling. It can be a great one.

However, one must still learn to be outcome independent, and be very careful not to put her on a pedestal just because of how hawt she is. Tread carefully and be mindful.

 

[Rubato]

Good job Rubato. You are doing well. Im tempted to start my own journal on here as well, at least once things start to pick up and I get out of the mental rut Im still in.

Question: Do you use okcupid only as your online site?



Ahaha, how I know this feeling. It can be a great one.

However, one must still learn to be outcome independent, and be very careful not to put her on a pedestal just because of how hawt she is. Tread carefully and be mindful.

I would strongly recommend starting a journal. I have kept a paper journal since I was in 10th grade... I remember reading something Anthony Robbins said that if your life isn't interesting enough to write about you need to change something. It's been very helpful to have a record to look back on to gauge my personal progress and growth over the past years.

I do not use OkCupid as my only dating site. I just started using that this past year. I have used POF before finding this website and got zero results. Maybe 1 or 2 responses total. I think if I were to try it again now I could do better. At least in my area though, I notice a definite quality difference in the girls on POF vs. OkCupid.

My main dating website though is (and this probably isn't for you since you aren't a Christian) a smaller Christian dating website. Seriously though, I cannot tell you how easy I pull girls from that place. I don't know if it's something specific to my region or what, but I would say I get meetups from over 90% of the girls I open. And I get opened by girls regularly on that website. Of course not all of them are beautiful, but I there are a lot that are. I've used Match, Chemistry, eHarmony, POF, OkCupid and 2 Christian dating sites, and the one I'm talking about by far has the highest quality girls I've ever seen in a dating website, at least looks wise. I was also surprised that despite being a "Christian" website, most of the girls are relatively easy to escalate with.

If you want the website, I'll happily send you a PM and some screenshots of the girls I've pulled to give you an idea of what's out there.

 

[Serg897]

Thanks for the offer, although I think that at this point I dont want to be dishonest to people about my atheism - if I was looking for sex at any cost I would consider it, but Im also looking for women with long term potential that will almost certainly not come from that website.

 

[Rubato]

Date Report

This was a dude. I met a girl at the union for some coffee this afternoon and there wasn't any chemistry on my part. I don't know why I wasn't more interested because the girl was cute. I used it as an opportunity to practice my conversational skills with the girl. I did a very good job of keeping her laughing and I think she had a good time. Like I said, I just didn't feel a connection. I ended up leaving early

Onwards

I got a sh*t test from one of my plates today and while this may seem insignificant to some, I felt good about it because I quickly identified it and responded appropriately.

She said:

Her: "You write songs, you play the piano and guitar, you record music, you want to be a doctor, you run your own business. You won't have any time for me."
Me: "If you think that, you're probably right".

She didn't say anything for a few seconds and then started to backpedal, saying she may have been too hasty and still wanted to see me. She also reconfirmed our date for tomorrow twice today and mentioned each time she's looking forward to it.

I have confirmed my Saturday night date and will finalize the Saturday morning date soon.

I will be asking the girl I went out with last night to go to church with me Sunday morning and then go sled riding afterwards.

I asked the girl from my qual lab to go to the club with my wing and I tonight and she said:

Her (this morning): I will see how much hw and energy I have lol [I took this as a "we'll see what better things may come along as the day progresses]
Her (later): "Sorry Rubato... I'm tired already with hw left to do... Thanks for the invite though "

Oh well. I'll ask her again next week.

This is the docket for the rest of the week:

Friday - Coffee date, sarging at the country line dancing bar
Saturday - Pending mall date in the AM, another mall date at another mall in the PM
Sunday - Potential church/sledding date
In the future - there is at least one more girl out there I need to plan a date with... more than that I think.

I will now prepare to go out sarging tonight at the night club... and as always... spinning those plates!

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Whatever happened with that traffic violation?

 

[Rubato]

@AJ, it's still a pending trial issue set for next month. The judge and the prosecutor are dead set on revoking my license for 6 months (my attorney talked them down from 12) so I'm at a bit of a roadblock. My attorney thinks I may be able to convince them to drop the suspension volunteering at some soup kitchens and teaching music lessons at this drug and alcohol rehab center. My dad is the medical director there and knows the head psychologist... he's agreed to write a letter to the court explaining that this was an isolated incident and they don't need to worry about me anymore.

Sarging report

See this page http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190530&page=9

It wasn't good.

Today

I've been hungover today. One of my plates texted me and said her car got a flat in the snowstorm and couldn't make it tomorrow morning. I was looking forward to that too. Then she started texting me and told me how we could continue to get to know each other through texting. I didn't do a great job here:

Her: We can still continue to get to know each other though, assuming you can keep up of course
Me: It sounds like you're issuing a challenge miss HB. I love your imagination by the way [that was a sincere complement directed at some of the things she had just said]. i will warn you though that i'm not the biggest texter that has ever walked the earth especially as i'm getting to know someone. it's hard to communicate charm and wit in plain text (even when you have the face)
Her: Well, I'm a texting junkie, lol, so I'm not sure how we will mesh that. And you're doing [sic] coming across fine btw [she obviously didn't get the sarcasm, which is why I hate texting]
Me: As long as you can discriminate between bouts of texting seriousness and sarcasm (and it tends to be heavier on the sarcasm) it will be fine. and you'll also have to learn how to translate a messages that have been written without the aid of spell check. not quite like translating greek, but ic can be close.

Dead space

Me: Besides your flat tire and shortage of pixie dust [another inside reference], how is your day going.

Dead space.

I didn't handle that very well, I don't think.

My date tonight asked if we could meet earlier. I'll write about that later tonight.

I was gonna go out tonight, but... as the song goes.. I've gotta hangover.... woahhhh

I had another girl open me today, # closed, and have a date set up. Boom.

Date Tonight

Ehh. The girl was ok. It's frustrating sometimes because the girl could have easily been a high 7 to a low 8 if she would put some thought and care in to the way she looks. I've been using the 1/0 scale lately... if she's f*ckable, she's a 1, if not, she's a 0. This girl is at the bottom of the barrel of a 1. I had a hard time keeping things rolling with her. She's a POF girl and I think she is depressed or something. Highly anxious. I don't really want to find out anymore about her because I just want to get some sex and don't want to feel bad about using the girls. I don't care about how girls play the same games with guys, use guys, whatever it is that's going on. I think it sucks pretty bad to find out you got used, especially if you're already in an emotionally compromised state. And that women are chronically using guys en masse doesn't give justification to the bad behavior. I think it's rather hypocritical of guys who complain about the way women act but use their actions as justification for them to do the same thing.

/Rant

Anyways, I haven't decided what I'm going to do with this one. She told me to call if I wanted to hang out during the week, so... we'll see.

Since that girl I had a date with in the AM got a flat tire, I called up the girl from Wed night and am going sled riding with her tomorrow morning. I'm so freaking tired right now though and still hungover. I gotta drink some water, get some sleep, and retrieve my personality.

 

[Rubato]

Date Report

I went sled riding this morning with the girl from Wednesday night. I didn't feel quite calibrated this morning. I don't know why.

We were out for about an hour. She literally lives like 5 minutes away and the hill was literally about 5 minutes away so it was very simple. I brought some hot chocolate.

She said she had a good time multiple times, thanked me for thinking of her. Blah blah. The words of a girl mean very little to me anymore. I wait to see what it is that she does. I kissed her on the cheek as I left and feel like that was a huge copout. It's stuff like that that has been messing up my game. It's not even the hard stuff. I can get the dates, I make good dates. I can talk. I have a lot of good going on in my life and look good. I'm just not good at sexualizing it. Maybe that's the last step.

I have another date tonight. I'll write about it later.