"Romantic Rivalry" ??

[MikeYikes122]

When I saw all these posts, I got all excited because I thought she'd finally posted a picture of herself.

Iqqi, screw the beer. You should have bought him a hi-def TV, a 12-pack of Leinenkugel and an X-box 360. That is the way to show a man that you care.

 

[MikeYikes122]

iqqi, just out of curiosity, what did he do that made you like him or have a crush on him for six years? Get into specifics if you can.

 

[iqqi]

But had you done what Joekerr suggested (and what you yourself tell guys to do, "buy a drink") and suggested to get a drink with him instead of running off to play your indirect girl game, then old acquantances wouldn't have caught you alone and you probably would've ended up rocking the headboard later with Crush instead of him with your poaching girl friend maybe.

I didn't leave to fcuk with him, lol. I left to find GF, and get a drink. My life didn't revolve around Crush. And running into the old friend, was actually a plus, I was really happy to see him! I just wasn't happy to have him come up and c0ckblock.

The Crush wasn't upset I left, boys, and no self respecting secure man would be. They wouldn't even be bothered by another guy talking to their "target", so long as she was ultimately interested in him... which I displayed by going BACK over to him, AND with my final departing comment when he was leaving.

He was only upset with Old Acq. wouldn't go away, as he was about to leave, and was right at the point where you seal the deal.

THAT is why I am really hoping he got GF's # to get to me, he DID start that exchange by asking her what WE were going to be doing afterwards. If I lost him due to some c0ckblocker's 5 minutes of annoyingness and an easier alternative, then so be it.

 

[iqqi]

iqqi, just out of curiosity, what did he do that made you like him or have a crush on him for six years? Get into specifics if you can.

Gosh, it is SUCH a great story. I'll IM anyone who wants to hear it, because I wouldn't want someone to recognize that, and tell him, then he comes on here, and IQQI IS OUTTED!

Shoot me an IM, and I'll give you the story.

Besides the story, though, he is just a guy with attractive DJ qualities. He isn't obnoxious, he is quiet, he seems intelligent, he has a nice, low key manly style, I never see him with a bunch of random chicks, or hollering at every chick he can. He has a quiet secure confident vibe, that I really like. He seems like a man with a old fashioned simple philosophy. GOD I DIG HIM. I HOPE HE DOESN'T CALL HER!!!! Because then I wouldn't give him the time of day, and it would be over.

 

[cordoncordon]

Iqqi,

IMO here's what should be done in this situation. Talk to your gf about what happened. I take if from your story that she knew ahead of time that you were into this guy, and it also sounded like she was somewhat hesitant to give the guy her number. So, i think you should ask her if she would be cool with YOU ASKING THE GUY out. Strange huh? But I think you should go for it IF you really felt as though he was into you and not your gf. just get the number from someone you know would have it, call him up, and say "hey this is iqqi from the other night. We never really got to finish our conversation at the bar because we got interrupted by random drunk guy, so why don't you and I meet up for dinner-MY TREAT-and finish what we started?" I mean what do you have to lose? Instead of posting on here you can actually find out if this guy is really into you or not.

Now, be prepared that he really was more into your friend than you. As a guy who has been in a somewhat similar situation, my thinking would have been to get the number of the girl I was more interested in, regardless of the situation. But everyone is different so who knows. be prepared for rejection though.

As for your gf, i wouldn't hold it against her. She's younger, had been drinking, I'm sure she liked the attention, and it still sounded as though she was not all gung ho about giving her number to the guy. Like I said I would talk things over with her and go from there, but I dont think you have to worry to much. Let it go. Good friends are hard to find.

Best of luck to you.

 

[iqqi]

Iqqi,

IMO here's what should be done in this situation. Talk to your gf about what happened. I take if from your story that she knew ahead of time that you were into this guy, and it also sounded like she was somewhat hesitant to give the guy her number. So, i think you should ask her if she would be cool with YOU ASKING THE GUY out. Strange huh? But I think you should go for it IF you really felt as though he was into you and not your gf. just get the number from someone you know would have it, call him up, and say "hey this is iqqi from the other night. I never really got to finish our conversation at the because we got interrupted by random drunk guy, so why don't you and I meet up for dinner-MY TREAT-and finish what we started?" I mean what do you have to lose? Instead of posting on here you can actually find out if this guy is really into you or not.

Now, be prepared that he really was more into your friend than you. As a guy who has been in a somewhat similar situation, my thinking would have been to get the number of the girl I was more interested in, regardless of the situation. But everyone is different so who knows. be prepared for rejection though.

As for your gf, i wouldn't hold it against her. She's younger, had been drinking, I'm sure she like the attention, and it still sounded as though she was not all gung ho about giving her number to the guy. Like I said I would talk things over with her and go from there, but I dont think you have to worry to much. Let it go. Good friends are hard to find.

Best of luck to you.

Thanks Cordie, like the different perspective. I agree with you about the losing a good friend thing. She definately did some things to overstep my boundaries, and I would have to say that HE was the one who probably enjoyed the attention, because he wasn't giving any to her, she was giving it to him, he was giving it to me.

She has a very checkered past, with a sexual assault and drugs, and volatile abusive relationships, so I think it would be safe to assume she seeks validation through being overtly sexual and easy. She has told me she can't say no. I think once he actually asked for her #, she had to consider what she did to lead up to that.

In the car with her it was tense, she was pretty upset, and she sent me an email this morning (nothing substantial, just hey, what are you doing today to I bet gauge my feelings towards her). She told me she has never had female friends, and I know she really likes me and values my friendship. She has confided some things to me she says she hasn't ever felt like she could share with anyone else.

I think my plan of action is to address the situation that bothers me the most, which is her coming on to him. This is going to be very touchy, as she may not see it as that. The main thing I am going to bring up, is why did she go over to him and his friend without me, and hang around him for ten minutes, before I came back. She didn't know anyone over there, and that right there is the thing that really p!sses me off. We knew other people at the party, that she would have been more in line with socializing with, but instead she went over to My Crush, while I wasn't around.

If that went over decently, I was going to suggest to her that if he calls, to invite him out with US, this weekend, and take it from there. Then I could more accurately assess who it is he is interested in, and she could have an opportunity to NOT be a cunning poacher.

Besides all that, no, I will not hunt his # down to invite him out to dinner (my treat)!

That is too desperate and unneccesarily forward considering he may have just tried to fvck my easy friend, when me and him were hitting it off so well. I will wait to see if he calls her, and see what happens.

She said "God, I should have just given him YOUR number". Lol. That would have been perfect! At least she thought of a good alternative, instead of just feeling sorry for herself being a poacher.

 

[cordoncordon]

Thanks Cordie, like the different perspective. I agree with you about the losing a good friend thing. She definately did some things to overstep my boundaries, and I would have to say that HE was the one who probably enjoyed the attention, because he wasn't giving any to her, she was giving it to him, he was giving it to me.

She has a very checkered past, with a sexual assault and drugs, and volatile abusive relationships, so I think it would be safe to assume she seeks validation through being overtly sexual and easy. She has told me she can't say no. I think once he actually asked for her #, she had to consider what she did to lead up to that.

In the car with her it was tense, she was pretty upset, and she sent me an email this morning (nothing substantial, just hey, what are you doing today to I bet gauge my feelings towards her). She told me she has never had female friends, and I know she really likes me and values my friendship. She has confided some things to me she says she hasn't ever felt like she could share with anyone else.

I think my plan of action is to address the situation that bothers me the most, which is her coming on to him. This is going to be very touchy, as she may not see it as that. The main thing I am going to bring up, is why did she go over to him and his friend without me, and hang around him for ten minutes, before I came back. She didn't know anyone over there, and that right there is the thing that really p!sses me off. We knew other people at the party, that she would have been more in line with socializing with, but instead she went over to My Crush, while I wasn't around.

If that went over decently, I was going to suggest to her that if he calls, to invite him out with US, this weekend, and take it from there. Then I could more accurately assess who it is he is interested in, and she could have an opportunity to NOT be a cunning poacher.

Besides all that, no, I will not hunt his # down to invite him out to dinner (my treat)!

That is too desperate and unneccesarily forward considering he may have just tried to fvck my easy friend, when me and him were hitting it off so well. I will wait to see if he calls her, and see what happens.

She said "God, I should have just given him YOUR number". Lol. That would have been perfect! At least she thought of a good alternative, instead of just feeling sorry for herself being a poacher.

Your gf is young, has a checkered past of abuse from men, and was liking the attention. If you are going to be friends with this women, you are just going to have to accept that she may at times not do what you would do in every situation. You are a mature adult woman who seems to have a level head on your shoulders. She sounds like a young woman who has NO idea how to act in certain situations, and who on top of it has probably some mental issues when it comes to men and relationships. I would talk to her, express why you were put off by her actions, and let it go. She will learn for the next time.

As for the guy. I am somewhat confused by your lack of interest in either wanting to buy this guy a beer (trust me the guy wouldn't think less of you-on the contrary) and why you would be adverse to calling this guy up and asking him out? This is something men do on a daily basis. It's no big deal. In fact I would hazard to guess the guy would be pretty flattered that a woman actually went to all that trouble to get his number and take him to dinner. It just isn't done that often. What do you have to lose? It's better than sitting here late at night talking to a bunch of strangers about it right?

 

[cordoncordon]

You calling this guy up and asking him out is gold in my eyes. What a great wedding/marriage story to tell your kids about someday.

It's your density!

 

[iqqi]

As for the guy. I am somewhat confused by your lack of interest in either wanting to buy this guy a beer (trust me the guy wouldn't think less of you-on the contrary) and why you would be adverse to calling this guy up and asking him out? This is something men do on a daily basis. It's no big deal. In fact I would hazard to guess the guy would be pretty flattered that a woman actually went to all that trouble to get his number and take him to dinner. It just isn't done that often. What do you have to lose? It's better than sitting here late at night talking to a bunch of strangers about it right?

My lack in interest in this plan comes from the fact that it isn't necessary.

I already established an opening, interest, AND the impression I was going for, which was a woman who he loved talking to and wanted to keep coming back to, regardless of the other women who kept coming over to him.

The conversation was too initial for me to buy him anything, or to do anything more forward, then I already did by coming over there to his group. Besides, one of the biggest concepts in "game", is making them think it is all their idea. So yeah, I basically approached him, but it was with the intentions and hopes that he would initiate conversation.

He did, and it went way better than I could have imagined.

Look guys, women have problems with men, too. And the BIGGEST issue most women have is coming on too strong to a guy they like. I know some of you won't buy this idea right away, but it is true. It is the most addressed thing on relationship help guides. If you want, I will find you guys a million links to show this. I learned this hard lesson in high school, as most women who go on to be successful with men do.

Even men who are interested in a woman, can easily be frightened away by a woman who is TOO forward. I hope someone can step in and illustrate this with an example from the mans POV of this happening.

Buying this guy anything, is way too forward at this point in the game.

And unnecessary.

 

[iqqi]

You calling this guy up and asking him out is gold in my eyes. What a great wedding/marriage story to tell your kids about someday.

It's your density!

My density???? LOL.

You calling me dense?!

 

[cordoncordon]

My lack in interest in this plan comes from the fact that it isn't necessary.

I already established an opening, interest, AND the impression I was going for, which was a woman who he loved talking to and wanted to keep coming back to, regardless of the other women who kept coming over to him.

The conversation was too initial for me to buy him anything, or to do anything more forward, then I already did by coming over there to his group. Besides, one of the biggest concepts in "game", is making them think it is all their idea. So yeah, I basically approached him, but it was with the intentions and hopes that he would initiate conversation.

He did, and it went way better than I could have imagined.

Look guys, women have problems with men, too. And the BIGGEST issue most women have is coming on too strong to a guy they like. I know some of you won't buy this idea right away, but it is true. It is the most addressed thing on relationship help guides. If you want, I will find you guys a million links to show this. I learned this hard lesson in high school, as most women who go on to be successful with men do.

Even men who are interested in a woman, can easily be frightened away by a woman who is TOO forward. I hope someone can step in and illustrate this with an example from the mans POV of this happening.

Buying this guy anything, is way too forward at this point in the game.

And unnecessary.

Iqqi, it's a beer for crying out loud! You weren't offering to go have sex with they guy or to become his wife. It was a beer. I normally agree with a lot of what you say, buy you are soooo off base here when it comes to men and coming on to strong. Coming on to strong to a man means calling 10 times a day, talking about marriage after 3 dates, being a slut. Not buying the guy a drink or asking him to dinner lol.

Secondly, you may have established SOME interest on his part by your witty flirting and clever conversation. But, it wasn't enough was it? Because he asked for your friends phone number, a person who he didn't talk to nearly as much that night as he did you. You can't blame this all on your drunk random friend. As i mentioned earlier, if he thought that you were THAT into him and if he was THAT into you, he would have asked for your number regardless of some random drunk guy being there or not. If you want to salvage this you need to man up and take the initiative here.

 

[cordoncordon]

My density???? LOL.

You calling me dense?!

Well maybe in this situation haha.

No, it was a play on words for destiny. Was supposed to be funny.

 

[iqqi]

Buying him a beer is TOO MUCH DAMMIT. Lol. Maybe next time, IF he doesn't call my girl up and try to hit it.

 

[cordoncordon]

Iqqi I dare say you seem.....troubled, even flustered by all of this. You aren't your normal self in this situation imo.

 

[cordoncordon]

Buying him a beer is TOO MUCH DAMMIT. Lol. Maybe next time, IF he doesn't call my girl up and try to hit it.

You are wrong about the beer.

How is he supposed to know NOT to ask her out? I've been in that situation before where I started going out with one girl I met but was really into her friend. It was a set up date with the first girl and there wasn't much i could do. It's bad form to go behind the persons back and ask the other friend out. Nope, in this case you are gonna have to stop thinking like a woman (thinking that men should do the chasing) and go after this guy if you really think he is worth it. Sitting back, doing nothing, and relying on fate won't get it done here.

Discuss.

Ask him out.

Make it happen.

 

[iqqi]

Email

So here is the email I plan on sending my girl, what do you think? Does it sound good? This is going to be touchy.

--------------------------
G*****,

SO I've been chilling all day, and had time to digest all this weeks past events. BTW, how was class, I never heard back from you? Don't you want to know my great plan?

Anyways, there was one thing that really kind of upset me that you did the other night, and i just want to put it out there so it isn't something I have inside. You should always do this with me too!

When I was talking to my friend O***** at the bar, you left and went back up to the darts to where C***** was, even though the game was over and it was just C***** and his friend. Before he even got your # this had kind of stood out to me as not cool, because it would seem like YOU were the one who was interested in him. I actually left my conversation with O*****, because I was like "where is G*****? Did she go back over to C*****!? WHY would she do that?" And you did. That plus the fact that I tend to approach men in a very subtle (and yes, hard to get) kind of way, could have led to some confusion on HIS part. He could have thought that YOU liked him, and the reason I wasn't on his nuts even though he kept coming over and talking to me, was because I was there for YOU. And when you went up to him without me for those 5 or 10 minutes, he may have thought that was you "taking your cue" to holler. I like to have a very subtle build up, and it was building up great, I was so excited that it was going so well, so that move kind of threw it all off. Especially if he all of a sudden thought that YOU were the one who liked him. I could be reading too much into what HE was thinking, but I know that regardless, I was kind of upset and hurt that you left the main part of the party and me, to go back over to the guy I have been trying to get at, without me. The only reason I left, was to come find you, and gush about how great the chemistry was, and all that girly stuff. But instead I ran into O*****, (long story), and you went to hang out with my crush! Without me!

I know that you didn't have any intentions of anything, and that is something that I know just from being your friend, plus you were almost more upset than me, that he got YOUR number, not mine. I just had to bring it up for future reference, and because it really did upset me. I hope that if the situation is ever reversed, you can let me know too. Also, don't ever hesitate to let me know if some guy I am talking to tries to do some shady sh!t with you behind my back. I am not going to think less of YOU, and it is always good to know when some guy I am considering caring about is just a dog.

-iqqi

 

[jophil28]

And the biggest joke of this board to me, is men thinking they run off of logic. Not trying to start anything here, lol, its the truth! Men are much more easily manipulated with emotional ploys than women.

Another priceless example of a woman who believes that old crock about how easily women can easily manipulate men emotionally by running a girly game.
Ok, women do play flirty games ICKY, but we know ever last one of them. WE see the same old boring fluttering eyes over and over.
You gals are living in a self created fantasy about how powerful your sexy "game" is. Most of your attempts to sidle up to us are kinda flimsy and febble.

Oh and BTW , I believe the expression should be ,." ..my friend and I "
or," my friend and me.."
There is no such word as "conversated" . You probably meant to say "conversed".

This isn't helping your SATS..

 

[iqqi]

Oh and BTW , I believe the expression should be ,." ..my friend and I "
or," my friend and me.."
There is no such word as "conversated" . You probably meant to say "conversed".

This isn't helping your SATS..

Thanks, I actually appreciate when someone points out my grammatical errors. Is grammatical a grammatically correct word choice?

 

[cordoncordon]

Breathtaking in scope and scale haha.

Maybe a bit too emotional in the first paragraph, but I think it will do nicely.

 

[Z Man]

Thank you iqqi for posting. This has been an interesting read on the perspective of the mind of a female in the dating "game".

I can't comment on the suggestions of using overt signals as I've never had a girl do this to me. ( I posted recently about a girl who "asked me out" on a date and my ego was raised, then she back-pedaled 2 days later with the whole "friends" line and my ego was bruised, thus negating the whole experience, so it doesn't count. )