Renewed goals for this sector - aspiring DJ.

[Alle_Gory]

Usually my sympathetic nervous system is in over-drive and I'm just either not relaxed enough, or feel too overwhelmed to interact with women. The usual excuse is that I'm not a player and don't know what I'm doing, why should I even try. However, I cracked my code and have motivated me to talk to women -- but it only works on conveniant social settings where I can comfortably go by her vicinity.

Your nervous system is not the problem. Its responding just like everyone else. You fear the unknown, loss, the interaction with the woman. It's all in your head how you view the situation. You build it up in your head. Its not a big deal.

One interaction does not make or break a connection with a woman. If it does, tell her to fvck off. You don't want any stuck up *****es anyway.

To deal with this, I'm going to try to re-employ deep breathing exercises and look for stuff that can help calm my nerves down and put me into a relaxed state of mind. Another strategy I have is negotiating with myself.

No. You need to control your thoughts, and your emotions. Do some meditation so you can train yourself to calm the mind down when you feel like it. Only medicate serious problems that never seem to go away.

Another perspective is to see women as entertainment. Like watching TV, talking or interacting with a girl makes me feel good inside. Sometimes, she even feels good. You never know what sort of connection you can make. I'm not focusing on names or number closes, but on just working the nerves so I feel more comfortable and natural dealing with women.

Yes. That's it.

Women, friends, socializing all in the same category... mostly. Recreation. Interacting with people you like should be about fun, about building a connection on whatever level you want.

 

[fertileTurtle]

Another perspective is to see women as entertainment.


Bingo. They are fun to tease and joke with. If you keep that mindset and just have a little fun with it, everything will come much easier.

You beat me to the punch. I was going to use the exact same line and just add that's all I see women for anyway. Anything more than that is icing on the cake.

 

[izza]

Hi Luke,

You asked why freeing yourself, just a little bit, would help your self-confidence.

Before I answer your question, did you notice your first assumption when I said "liberate yourself from conventional sexuality"? What did you assume I meant? You wrote "I don't see how dating ugly women will help my self-confidence."

Where did I say anything about dating ugly women. This is a knee-jerk reaction. Society and our media have programmed you so well (as they program all of us). I want you to think about this knee-jerk reaction, this false assumption. I want you to look at it from every angle, like a well-cut diamond. I want you to understand it from every side. I NEVER said anything about dating ugly women. You added that. It is an element of your mind that I want you to be extremely careful about.

I never said anything about dating ugly women. What I did say is that, despite what society tries to teach you, all people are beautiful. All I encouraged you to do was empower yourself by seeing the beauty in people - not date people society thinks are ugly to "build confidence."

Big difference. And a very telling assumption on your part. I date women society thinks are gorgeous, I date women society thinks are ugly. I think all people are beautiful... but I only date people whose persaonlities really turn me on. So how could that attitude help you? Why would that build your confidence?

This is the part where I answer your question. There are several reasons why liberating yourself from society's definitions of beauty will boost your confidence.

-You retake your ability to define beauty authentically. It is easier to pick up women you're authentically attracted to.
-You retake your ability to define YOURSELF as beautiful.
-You stop defining others as ugly
-You stop defining yourself as ugly. Therefore, huge confidence boost.
-Every conventionally beautiful girl becomes just another girl. Huge confidence boost as women who you used to think were beyond you aren't. You stop acting different around women who are conventionally beautiful.
-You see all others as beautiful, giving you a huge conversational advantage, and huge motivation to connect with other people.
-You throw away need to label others as ugly, and connect better with the world.
-You gain ability to find real beauty that others don't see. When you are with a person who behaves maturely, thoughtfully, you are always better off. Another confidence boost.
-You have rare wisdom and insight. This sets you apart.
-You have the confidence to overcome your insecurities. You stop needing to "prove" that you're cool by trying to make others jealous. You stop needing others to be impressed with the women you pick up. You do it for you, for them. Again, you stop allowing others to define success or happiness for you.
-Once you realize the REAL REASONS why you're beautiful, you can convince anybody you're compatible with.

I'm not saying all of these apply to you, I'm not saying all are available to right away. Some of these confidence boosts are available to you right now, without any prelude.

All this might not make sense right away either. That's normal, I invite you to think about it. It's the kind of thing that if you're not immediately persuaded, if you keep an open mind, you may see what I mean in about 3-6 months.

Izza

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Izzy,

I've been thinking. I can not control who I feel a connection with. But I can say, whomever I do feel a connection with does not always conform to society's standard of beauty. I will not like to date someone, regardless of their beauty, that I do not feel a connection to.

 

[Bible_Belt]

But I can say, whomever I do feel a connection with does not always conform to society's standard of beauty.


Me, either. It's amazing how much more attractive almost any woman becomes when she is on your d!ck.

 

[izza]

Izzy,

I've been thinking. I can not control who I feel a connection with. But I can say, whomever I do feel a connection with does not always conform to society's standard of beauty. I will not like to date someone, regardless of their beauty, that I do not feel a connection to.

Great, that is what you want. I find everyone beautiful, but I don't connect to everyone. And those I do connect with, are always perfect 10s to me

What you said sounds great. I hope you are proud to have this enlightened attitude. You are already a rare guy with something valuable to share: real appreciation for who people are. You truly understand value.

So that's great!

I would also add that as I find more and more peace with myself, I find I connect with more and more people. You can expand who you connect with, but I agree completely that you cannot control who you connect with in a moment. It either happens or it doesn't. But there are long processes that expand who you are open to.

Cheers!
Izza

 

[fertileTurtle]

hhh

But I can say, whomever I do feel a connection with does not always conform to society's standard of beauty.


Me, either. It's amazing how much more attractive almost any woman becomes when she is on your d!ck.

And when she's eating your manmeat it really doesn't matter what her face or body for that matter looks like. Funny story, I knew this dude in high school who loved to fck fat chicks. I was naturally curious as to why this was so, he told me that fat chicks had the best *****. I assume what he meant was they never have it, so it's there for the taking. Another dude was with me at the mall. We were trying to pick up these two white girls who said they only date black guys. Funny dude, he told them that we all look black in the dark, lol. I guess some of this stuff is relative to what we chose to like and not like outside of what any other d!ck thinks about it.

 

[Desdinova]

The last sector I decided I wasn't really interested in this stuff and wanted to get some stuff sorted out. But, now here I am again, with a renewed commitment going to February 3, 2009.

It is now February 3, 2009, and still no nookie :kick:

 

[godofanxiety]

Of course not. He is like a patron saint of procrastination. If he decided to get some tonight, that might make some difference.

 

[Alle_Gory]

It is now February 3, 2009, and still no nookie :kick:

You misunderstood. Must have been a typo. The real date is February 3, 2010.

 

[AAAgent]

all that time u've spent on improving yourself and what not. i suggest you hire a dating coach. They maybe expensive but they will walk you through step by step until you accomplish your goal.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

May as well bump this up. There was an encounter with a girl on November 22 / 08 where I went within her residence, hugged her and fondled her butt and spanked her. We later french kissed later after a date. Since that encounter was within the date boundaries of this thread -- I'm satisfied that I went somewhere new.

Was there a chance to get laid with her? I don't know. She was prepared to go out to Cuba and Niagara Falls with me and stay at a hotel overnight together with me, had my mom rubber stamped it. With that type of isolation, I guess anything could have happened. She values my mom's opinion and she and my mom talked on the phone. She also introduced me to her parents. It crashed and burned instead on Nov 29th evening as my mom prayed it would fall apart because she was a single mother who had a child, and I was tired and stuff came out of my mouth in a paranoid state of mind which was equivallent of dropping a nuclear bomb.

Seemed like a great sexual chemistry. She liked spanking and rough stuff, the kind of stuff that I sort of liked. Oh well. I'm quite satisfied with whatever happened there because I felt there was a chance for serious action there.

The post below is a bump up.....

Fitness goals were pursued and it appeared that I was close to a fling with a maried woman at the office. However, my mom intervened and talked some good sence into me and I've since stopped flirting with her.

I think I'm getting stronger with the workout and will just hopefully get more stares and IOI's as my physique improves and my confidence in my looks over my physique.

I feel satisfied for purposes of this sector, and other than pursuing gym goals, I'm dropping all the other goals as not necessary. I've had an amazing experience the other day.

I meet up with a girl I meet 2 years ago on the internet and we had an amazing time. We hugged each other for a long period and she let me fondle her a$$ while hugging. She introduced me to her parents and let me see her 2 year old son. (yeah she is a single mom).

She likes rough sex, being thrown against the wall and spanking -- which is stuff I really like in my mind. We saw a couple of movies and she was on my arms and cuddling close while viewing it. We then kissed each other up and I fondled her a$$ again, and she told me "You like touching my a$$", and I responded by spanking her hard, and she then said "I didn't know you were so strong." We kissed again and I told her she was "hot chocolate" (she is Black). She then left and she told me "I wish you weren't a virgin, otherwise we could have allot of fun".

When I told her that I like spanking -- that turned her on, and she wished I could spank her right there (wow!), but she didn't want to corrupt me because I was a virgin and all that. Her mom even warned me about her.

So I'm like WOW - I feel like I hit the jackpot here and will have to, despite what anyone can say, say that I feel VERY content. We are both Christians and hopefully our relationship will bring balance the extremes of me being totally rigid around girls - with another girl who is also a born-again Christian that is open and trusting with me. I'd like to see how this plays out over time.

It's like she wants to fvck me - but does not want to corrupt me because I'm a "virgin", and of course, I should wait for the right girl. She knows I'm not seeing her in terms of relationship because she has a son and knows my mom doesn't know we are seeing each other or she may freak out.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Going to make a new goal sector going into March 3rd, 2009.

I have various woman in the office I'm working with that I know. The goal is simple as easy. Just try to connect with them and feel comfortable with them, and hopefully they will feel comfortable with me. Nothing will be escalated unless they make some sort of advance. I can keep it into the back of my mind that I want to get laid with them, but it will not be verbalised. Instead, if they make any sort of suggestion that could open a door while I'm going out with them, that will be looked into and pursued.

The idea is to just feel comfortable and see what happens. In a worst case, I just get friendzoned, or just strengthen a business (collegue) relationship. I really do not want to risk any crash and burn since these are all work collegues and I can not afford any fall-out if anything goes south. Since they are all attractive, going out with an attractive girl would probably feel good anyway, so I'm keeping an open mind about it.

I'm planning just to go out on three buffet restaurants this month with a woman, and nothing further than that. I have other problems to contend with and don't really have time for anything else. No time now for a relationship, and certainly no time for anything too serious...just focusing now on making the next deal.

Other goals such as the gym training exercises will remain the same. Want to spend as minimal amount as time as possible on this since there are other Real-Estate goals. Not prepared to test any boundaries this time around.

 

[StevenR]

Was there a chance to get laid with her? I don't know.

dude, you were in her place, you would not have been there making out with her if you didn't have a chance.

She was prepared to go out to Cuba and Niagara Falls with me and stay at a hotel overnight together with me, had my mom rubber stamped it.

You may love your mom as I love my mother, but don't don't don't involve her in your dating issues, that is not what moms are for, at least not in western culture. If she is that involved she needs to set you up with someone to marry, which is what they do in traditional cultures where the parents control their child's social life.

Okay, Luke, I hope you don't take this the wrong way and I am being serious when I say this. Maybe you are not a troll after all. My brother is autistic and it just occurred to me reading some of the things you wrote in this thread, you have a peculiar writing style that is like someone may write who has an autistic spectrum disorder like Asbergers.

For instance, when you write that some event happened on November 29, 2008 or whatever, most people don't obsess over exact dates like that. Even if they know the exact date something happened to them, when they discuss events in the context of personal social life, they will say something like, around the end of November, or the last Saturday of November I went out on this hot date and she did so and so, if it was that long ago. If it was very recent then you say it was last Saturday(of whatever day of the week it was).

Most people when they make some sort of resolution rarely pick exact dates, they will usually round it to a half a month and just say by the middle of Feburary I hope to accomplish this. If you do have an autistic spectrum disorder, you are much higher functioning than my brother, but he does this thing with exact dates when he talks or writes things. This is one example of many I see in your writing style.

I am not telling you this to insult you, although it may and I would understand if it did. I am telling you this because it may be something you want to look into. Like with my ADHD, if you know the problems, you can work on your problems from that perspective of knowing why you have the problems you do, and that will be much more effective at finding solutions than if you do not have a complete understanding of your weaknesses and problem areas.

 

[Desdinova]

my mom prayed it would fall apart because she was a single mother who had a child,

my mom intervened and talked some good sence into me

Maybe you should just give up on dating all women and have sex with your mom. She already acts like she's your wife.

 

[bornyesterday]

Maybe you should just give up on dating all women and have sex with your mom. She already acts like she's your wife.

this

 

[StevenR]

One thing I don't understand is why a mother would act like this, it doesn't make evolutionary sense. She seems to be doing everything in her power, messing with her sons head, to assure that she will never become a grandmother, at least not with Luke being the father.

 

[Alle_Gory]

One thing I don't understand is why a mother would act like this, it doesn't make evolutionary sense. She seems to be doing everything in her power, messing with her sons head, to assure that she will never become a grandmother, at least not with Luke being the father.

From the info Luke gave us, the woman believes to be an oracle from God.

I'm pretty sure the evolutionary chain was designed to end with her, but she had Luke. The unfit female raised an unfit male.

 

[StevenR]

crazy stuff

 

[bornyesterday]

I must say this is pure gold. I've never read anything so weird and absurd. His mom is controlling every inch of his existence and he worships her. In her untouchable holiness she is holding him back to get a life. Never read about anyone more in denial and more rationalizing then him (worse then capedcrusader). The entire discussion about fornication and masturbation and what the bible says about it cracks me up. Makes no sense to anyone except himself (and his mom).
All that combined with his absolute resolve and determination to become a DJ. Which is admirable and ridicolous at the same time. The two seem so incompatible. (It's like Sysiphus with memoryloss.) This is new, something is happening here. This is material for a movie.
And what about his dad? He should be a clear image of what Luke will be when he turns grey. His mom should be about finished with making him picture perfect.