Renewed goals for this sector - aspiring DJ.

[Luke Skywalker]

I believe I have a particular weak-ness where it comes to disclosure. I like to disclose too many things, or talk negative to a girl thinking that a more intimate bond will be made, or that she will accept me for who I am. However, I've come to realise intuitively that this is sort of a fault.

After reading specfific definations from Doc Love, the System dating dictionary, such as "Acceptance", "Confide", "Honest", "Humor", "Interview" and "Intimacy" and reading those sections out to myself two times a day outloud -- it eventually leaked out what the real issue is.

I really do not have a sence of humor and tend to compensate for this by making disclosures about myself, even if it's on a negative light that shows vulnerabilities -- while according to this dictionary it is counter-productive to the goal of RAISING the interest level, and is more likely than not to lower the interest level.

The real battle is keeping things light, funny and enjoyable as much as you can with your date. My analytical and serious tendencies (more appearant when I'm half-asleep) raise it's ugly head to crash and burn relationships. Therefore, the solution:

a) never take a chick to see a serious movie - just show her light and funny movies to have an enjoyable time. Bad things tend to happen in my experience if you show her an action movie or something like that. Best thing to do is just keep these types of movies to yourself if you like them and watch them on your own. Otherwise, keep light and funny movies only to help keep a positive frame.

b) never talk too much if you are half-asleep, excuse yourself and say you are tired and just move to end the date ASAP. Likihood is you may say something stupid.

c) sence of humor is essential for relationships because you need a mechanism to diffuse things if they are getting out of hand and put a humorous spin to it. The Doc Love book says how to do this and provides some examples -- however, I feel that since I'm really bad in the humor department, that I may as well get another e-book which discusses "How to make women laugh" and tackles the humor element with more detail so it comes out more naturally if you ever have to use that.



Therefore, I've just purchased an e-book about humor from Martin Merill last night for $ 58.00 cad and I've just skimmed it last night. Today I've decided that "inner game" needs to be sorted out with humor big time since it appears that I need a massive overhaul.

First step is to activate the parasympathetic nervous system (the part that makes you relax) when you are feeling stressed out (i.e. being by a woman). Breaking exercises have been suggested and positive affirmations to handle that aspect. I'm practising various breathing exercises now, and other natural ways that are supposed to relax me, including yawning, thinking of positive emotions, being mindful of my body and what I'm smelling, etc... can google 'breathing exercises'.

Seems like a long way to go, but I'm making a long-term commitment. I don't make women laugh and am usually guarded up, and think this is a step in the right direction somewhere.

 

[Darth]

I think if you are OK with shelling out the money, why would there be a problem. the only issue is if in trying to impress the trainer girl you do something stupid like lifting weights that are too heavy to prove you're not a wuss. And hurt yourself.

I speak from experience on this one....

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I think if you are OK with shelling out the money, why would there be a problem. the only issue is if in trying to impress the trainer girl you do something stupid like lifting weights that are too heavy to prove you're not a wuss. And hurt yourself.

I speak from experience on this one....

I don't understand what you mean by OK with shelling out the money. Whatever I'm buying, I really need and the insights that I have gained are priceless and have lots of potential. I'm a serious person in what I have committed to do or learn.

I take the premise that if I'm going to spend money on a woman anyway, I better take a break and learn all that I can. The gym trainer is engaged to another man, and I'm not really 'interested' in her. I've already taken her out shopping or to eat with me -- I suppose like an AFC, but that is about it.
It happens that I have other priorities with her, and maintaining a Christian image is one of them.

The bottom line here is I think I would feel very happy if I developed a sence of humor as it would be helpful at both attraction, enjoying life, and maintaining relationships by diffusing tension and avoiding nasty crash and burns -- this is not about the gym trainer or any woman currently in my life. It is about trying to find my own happiness out there by connecting with women and seeing them crack a smile or laugh and knowing that I made someone's day with a nice connection.

I'm 100% dedicated and committed to see these visions and goals a reality one day. I believe this is also self-therapy as well as humor is essential in this negative world.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I'm still hitting the gym and seeing the trainer once a week now. The goal is trying to bulk up.

- Have one crazy woman that is in North Manitoba that wants to come down to see me for her March break (she's a teacher). She is calling me like a zillion times a day. However, I'm not really into her and her continued calls are wearing down on my nervous system. She's not attractive enough for me and I'm just playing along with this for now.

- There is a married woman at the office that was interested earlier in me. I've debated over many times about that within myself. I figure I'll play around with her too and see where it pans out.

These above two are examples of my 'confidence-building' program (book "How to Succeed with Woman" - piece on the side). I'm also going to talk to at least 6 attractive girls (or try to) every day -- this is to help my nervous system process attractive women -- hopefully see that it's not that big a deal to try to connect with someone -- if I connect it's good, if I fail to connect but try then hopefully I'll be able to see it in a constructive light that doesn't depreciate myself on some stranger ignoring or rejecting my approach.

- I"ve also crossed paths with a guy that worked at an old office -- and he's really good with girls. I saw him hitting on some of them at the convention and he gets laid allot of times. May hang out with him later to see how he does things and have fun watching him pick up girls (hopefully without getting green myself!)

February 3rd is fast approaching. At the very least I think my body looks better than before.

 

[izza]

Hey Luke, just wanted to support all your hard work and courage in getting out there. I attend a number of meetups and they're a great way to meet people - especially as some of them have become like family to me.

You may already know what I'm about to say. I just can't recommend highly enough that, unlike most people in our society, you at least seriously consider what it means to value people based on their appearance, if not drop any attempt to pick up women through looks at all.

One, some of the biggest players I can think of are chubby and balding. Two, more importantly, I think many don't consider what that means to pick up the opposite sex through looks. It's much less satisfying - it's also much less effective.

But the biggest thing about it is - if you truly don't judge people based on looks, but rather on their behavior - women flock to you like crazy. Women are the biggest victims of our superficial values, which all of us have been taught through years of advertising and other culture. I tell women that I don't date people based on looks, and I tell women why I find their personalities attractive. They jump my bones dude.

Think about why. Think of picking up women as disarming them. If you approach a girl, she doesn't know anything about you. I talk to them about sexual value stuff pretty early on most of the time. And all of it says "I'm on your team, I want you for who you are, I don't care that you don't look exactly like a magazine cover" (nobody does, not even the supermodels).

Rebel wisely and thoughtfully against the junk values of our culture, and women will join your team.

But if you continue to play the same awful game, with such a lack of authenticity and value, women will continue to play defense, until you disarm them some other way. I dress down on purpose, just to challenge myself. People have recently started commenting on my belly - ok, so I'd like to exercise a bit more for me. What I mean is lots of not great looking guys get a lot of women, even ones who are conventionally beautiful. Look at Johnny Soporno for instance.

I just want you to know that you can do this if you choose to. You can transcend our society's lookism and be extremely successful with women, in every way.

I don't present this as something you should believe. I doubt most people would take my word for something like this as it goes against pretty much everything our culture teaches us. I just want you to have it as a way of thinking about the world, as a point of view, a tool. Complex people collect ways to view each situation. It's good to be able to think of things in as many ways as possible, so that's what I'm trying to give you.

Again, best of luck and good for you for all your hard work.

Izza

 

[Bible_Belt]

Hey Luke, just wanted to support all your hard work and courage in getting out there.

Me too. Good luck, Luke. I have always wished the best for you.

 

[FireOnTheMountain]

Hmm, I think it's a good idea to get personal training at a gym.

I did it. I bought 5 sessions when I got a gym membership. I had never done anything in a gym before and so I wanted to understand what to do when I got started.

I think the training was quite helpful, although it cost me less than half per session what Skywalker is paying.

 

[izza]

- Have one crazy woman that is in North Manitoba that wants to come down to see me for her March break (she's a teacher). She is calling me like a zillion times a day. However, I'm not really into her and her continued calls are wearing down on my nervous system. She's not attractive enough for me and I'm just playing along with this for now.

Two things you can do for your inner game here. 1.) Stop playing games. 2.) Drop the lookism.

For the good of your inner game, I suggest you drop the lookism. Not dating people just because they don't meet society's standards for beauty is just acting like a tool. It sounds like this lady doesn't interest you as a person, but you are leading her on and lacking compassion. If you're not interested in her, and want her to stop calling, ask her to limit how much she calls you, and tell her you're flattered by how much she enjoys talking to you.

- There is a married woman at the office that was interested earlier in me. I've debated over many times about that within myself. I figure I'll play around with her too and see where it pans out.

Play around? Don't get me wrong, I love flirting with married women, but there are plenty of single fish out there. Then again, I have a very liberated sexuality, so I often talk about that. But that's a different story.

I'm also going to talk to at least 6 attractive girls (or try to) every day -- this is to help my nervous system process attractive women -- hopefully see that it's not that big a deal to try to connect with someone -- if I connect it's good, if I fail to connect but try then hopefully I'll be able to see it in a constructive light that doesn't depreciate myself on some stranger ignoring or rejecting my approach.

One great way to build confidence is to stop valuing women based on their looks. That way, everybody just becomes a human being, you drop our society's junk values, you value yourself more, and learn to value people for who they truly are. And people really appreciate that you teach them to transcend our society's degrading ways of valuing human beings. Women flock to you for being extraordinary. Now THAT builds self-confidence!!!

Dropping the lookism will go a long way.

- I"ve also crossed paths with a guy that worked at an old office -- and he's really good with girls. I saw him hitting on some of them at the convention and he gets laid allot of times. May hang out with him later to see how he does things and have fun watching him pick up girls (hopefully without getting green myself!)

I'm confused, do you actually like this guy as a person, or are you just using him to try to get women?

February 3rd is fast approaching. At the very least I think my body looks better than before.

I'm glad you're healthier! I also think it's too bad that you look better. If you get women really interested in who you are all buffed up, you might think you've created genuine attraction because of how you look, not because you're an amazing, thoughtful, hard-working, vulnerable and loveable person.

Izza

PS Ah are you Canadian? I used to live there, it was great!

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Two things you can do for your inner game here. 1.) Stop playing games. 2.) Drop the lookism.

For the good of your inner game, I suggest you drop the lookism. Not dating people just because they don't meet society's standards for beauty is just acting like a tool. It sounds like this lady doesn't interest you as a person, but you are leading her on and lacking compassion. If you're not interested in her, and want her to stop calling, ask her to limit how much she calls you, and tell her you're flattered by how much she enjoys talking to you.

I remember being on a crush myself with a girl that went south and I want to make sure that whatever happened to me doesn't happen to her.

I'm playing along and intend to date her and keep an open mind with her. I may not like her right now, but I'm open to the idea that this could potentially change.

Made a reference to 'interest as a person'. I'm confused by that statement.
I don't know how I would manage to have a conversation with her for 30 minutes virtually every day or frequently if there was no interest in her whatsoever or compassion as you call it. How would you use up 30 minutes of your time on a woman you really weren't interested in in any degree or really lacked compassion for? That would be a difficult act to pull off - if not impossible, if there was no compassion or interest as a person.

If I really wanted to be mean and play games, then I'd pocket the money she sent by mail ($ 940) to buy airplane tickets so she can come and visit me (she doesn't have a credit card to buy airplane tickets but she has cash money) and change my number and be a crook, or waste that money on attractive escorts -- I hardly think that I'm being mean to her or not compassionate.

Play around? Don't get me wrong, I love flirting with married women, but there are plenty of single fish out there. Then again, I have a very liberated sexuality, so I often talk about that. But that's a different story.

Maybe you see plenty of single fish -- but I only see ONE thing is that -- can I connect with this woman or not. Is there chemistry? Is there limerance?
Unfortunately, it seems I'm developing feelings for all the wrong types of girls, or whatever you call it. It happens in this case it's a married woman who has also reciprocated and appeared to like me too.

It seems that I really feel a nice connection with a woman that I like once in a blue moon. These are usually 'limerance connections' where I feel like their spirit has connected with mine and I have a virtual essence of them where I can literally hug pillows while thinking about them (emotional masturbation) -- they are usually a bit chubby and I enjoy hugging them like a teddy bear.

Unfortunately, I cant seem to control who I enjoy a special type of connection with. This case, the woman happened to be married, I do not choose to have a limerance or connection with a married woman.

One great way to build confidence is to stop valuing women based on their looks.

I don't see how going after hideously ugly or smelly looking women is going to increase confidence. If anything it lowers confidence because it means that you have to settle for someone that nobody wants because you cant do any better.

A piece on the side is one thing. I already listed that as a confidence builder. In terms of lookism I think that if you develop a mind-set that you can only experience success with ugly woman -- because they are lower in grade to your relative attraction -- then in an indirect sence -- that exactly is a worser form of lookism.

If anything, the reason this woman likes me is because no man is rushing after her, she's desperate and likes me allot because I'm giving her attention, and lets face it, I feel that I'm a reasonably attractive person with a baby face that has no game with woman (even ignoring women around due to bad nerves), but I'm not a hot dude. Now if I had game (worked on those nerves) or status I'd probably have more options with women due the competition out there. So, I don't see how dropping the 'looks' factor is going to improve confidence. It's just means I'm not good enough for women that are attractive, but unless a woman is in a desperate position and has no options because of how she looks or where she is, then I'm an option to her along with other guys who are so hard up for a woman that she'll also look attractive-- sorry that doesn't help with confidence.

However - the 'piece on the side policy' suggests that experience helps with confidence and the more exposure I have with women, regardless of looks, is going going to help with confidence just on the experience factor and feeling that I'm not a 'total loser' because I have someone. In that regard, confidence is built up -- but there is still a limit on that 'confidence' as I described above.

That way, everybody just becomes a human being, you drop our society's junk values, you value yourself more, and learn to value people for who they truly are. And people really appreciate that you teach them to transcend our society's degrading ways of valuing human beings. Women flock to you for being extraordinary. Now THAT builds self-confidence!!!


Dropping the lookism will go a long way.

I don't think I have a "Lookism" problem in the way that you are portraying.
Nobody can force a relationship or marriage on me if I'm not ready for it or feel comfortable with the person. Why? If I suddenly get improved confidence and meet a woman I'm truely interested in and feel a chemistry with that's single, then what does that mean? I'm stuck with her just because I couldn't wait a bit longer?

I'm confused, do you actually like this guy as a person, or are you just using him to try to get women?

I know this guy for the past couple of years. I noticed you are using this person thing -- and I don't really understand where that is getting at. First of all, I don't interact with people that much in general, and there is always going to be a premise that someone is in my life or that I'm in theirs - the only thing is that I'm very upfront about those premises or themes and don't make any bones about it. It may seem like I don't appreciate people in my life as persons - while I'm really upfront with myself about all my intentions and feel a common goal or purpose is what brings people together.

PS Ah are you Canadian? I used to live there, it was great!

I'm Canadian - Toronto.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

You may already know what I'm about to say. I just can't recommend highly enough that, unlike most people in our society, you at least seriously consider what it means to value people based on their appearance, if not drop any attempt to pick up women through looks at all.

One, some of the biggest players I can think of are chubby and balding. Two, more importantly, I think many don't consider what that means to pick up the opposite sex through looks. It's much less satisfying - it's also much less effective.

Tell me more about those biggest players? Do they have status?
I tend to be a bottom line thinker (which has the effect I suppose of your perception of me not seeing people as person since you are always looking for the bottom line of everything first and the premises -- it's usually a black and white form of thinking. This is constantly being challenged by people that come into my life that may challenge these processes.) -- and feel that unless you happen to get a special connection with someone that looks, status and good game are the bottom line.

If your player friends are chubby and balding -- then that means they have something to compensate for that. I'd guess they are very successful, or have some really great game or personality.

If you are not very successful, or have great game or personality, then you have to work heavily on looks and work on the nitch types of women who would be attracted to that package. In my mind, if I can get more stares, IOI's from women, or better receptivity if I try to approach and talk to them, and improving my apperance accompishes that goal then I see it as necessary.

Even that married woman, and another older woman at the office attempted to feel my arm muscles. How does that make me feel? I know women like to have sex with muscular guys. If I build muscle mass or get in a habits condusive towards that -- then I feel I'm getting closer to that type of goal.

I tell women that I don't date people based on looks, and I tell women why I find their personalities attractive. They jump my bones dude.

I see, your overall theme is to try to connect with someone as a 'person'.
My concept is that I feel I have no control as to who I connect with. My nerves must just be bad with girls or something. Seriously. I will turn away if a girl is staring at me because I feel like I cant handle them. If you got nerves it's pretty hard to connect.

I know you talked about picking up someone as disarming them. However that's difficult to do if you are armed up yourself. They have to disarm me before I can disarm them.

 

[izza]

I appreciate the thought out response. This is why I support you, this is why I take the time to write all this, because I know you'll take time to think about it, and give me your feedback which helps me as well.

I hope you're not feeling any need to defend yourself... because I'm not attacking you at all. I'm not criticizing what you do. I want you to do what feels right for you. And if you're happy doing what you do, then I'm happy for you.

What I am trying to do is give you a different perspective - it's one I'm not asking you to agree with, simply to understand as a system of thought. My only goal is to make sure the mental tools I have are in your mental toolbox. If they're in there, thats what counts for me.

It sounds to me like you don't find enough people in your life that you connect with. Are you extroverted? Do you have lots of really close friends? Do you have an awesome relationship with your parents? Just keep in mind that in my experience, sexuality is a very powerful thing. It can be powerfully beneficial or powerfully destructive. You are wise to wait until you are sure it will be something that will be good for you. I ask about your friends and family because they are not optional - they are NECESSARY for sex being a good experience for you. You don't need both awesome family and awesome friends, but you need one or the other. You need to be able to process what happens with awesome people who are there for you.

So I think that would be a good first step in disarming yourself.

One great way to build confidence is to stop valuing women based on their looks.

I don't see how going after hideously ugly or smelly looking women is going to increase confidence. If anything it lowers confidence because it means that you have to settle for someone that nobody wants because you cant do any better.

A piece on the side is one thing. I already listed that as a confidence builder. In terms of lookism I think that if you develop a mind-set that you can only experience success with ugly woman -- because they are lower in grade to your relative attraction -- then in an indirect sence -- that exactly is a worser form of lookism.

If anything, the reason this woman likes me is because no man is rushing after her, she's desperate and likes me allot because I'm giving her attention, and lets face it, I feel that I'm a reasonably attractive person with a baby face that has no game with woman (even ignoring women around due to bad nerves), but I'm not a hot dude. Now if I had game (worked on those nerves) or status I'd probably have more options with women due the competition out there. So, I don't see how dropping the 'looks' factor is going to improve confidence. It's just means I'm not good enough for women that are attractive, but unless a woman is in a desperate position and has no options because of how she looks or where she is, then I'm an option to her along with other guys who are so hard up for a woman that she'll also look attractive-- sorry that doesn't help with confidence.

However - the 'piece on the side policy' suggests that experience helps with confidence and the more exposure I have with women, regardless of looks, is going going to help with confidence just on the experience factor and feeling that I'm not a 'total loser' because I have someone. In that regard, confidence is built up -- but there is still a limit on that 'confidence' as I described above.

Why is it that the moment I mention dropping your lookism, you assume I mean go for ugly or smelly women? I want you to stop and think about that. This is important. I really want you to take your knee-jerk reaction, turn it around, look at it from all sides like a gemologist. I want to know why that was the first thing you thought of.

I date all sorts of women who look all sorts of different ways - some are conventionally beautiful, some aren't. But they are all beautiful to me. Actually, all people are beautiful to me. It is very rare that I meet a girl or guy who I don't think is beautiful. I recommend against believing in our Western hierarchy of beauty, because it is false and you don't have to buy into it.

Secondly, the reason why finding everyone beautiful gives you confidence is because you won't be a tool to our consumer culture anymore. The reason evaluating people by their behavior, not their looks gives you confidence is because you will always choose real beauty over orthodoxical beauty, value over junk, substance over hype. It automatically makes you more profound, more attractive guy than over 90% of guys out there. You will automatically have something to offer any girl who attracts you: liberation from the superficial junk values of our culture.

Choosing substance over style will also mean you can pick up any girl, no matter how hot, because you don't evaluate her based on her hotness. It ends all the anxiety around "the 9s" automatically. That makes you stand out!

It means you stop evaluating yourself based on your appearance. That causes confidence - but you also have to like yourself as a person, or else you'll just be face to face with your own self-loathing.

It also takes security to value people based on their appearance. Most guys aren't picking up conventionally beautiful women for themselves. They're picking up such girls to impress their friends, to convince women that they're a valuable guy, to feel worthy, to feel like they're successful. That's what conventional beauty is for. Once you have the self-love and the friends to stop needing any of the above, I believe you will have very different criteria for beauty.

I know women like to have sex with muscular guys. If I build muscle mass or get in a habits condusive towards that -- then I feel I'm getting closer to that type of goal.

IMO only immature women care about that kind of stuff. Ones that aren't trying to impress their friends don't care much about your muscles. You'll definitely get extra looks for them. And it pays certain dividends. But is it really the best investment of all that time? Developing friendships, developing your own self-worth through volunteering, creating things of value - I believe these pursuits are much more effective at bringing you toward your goal of having sex.

I believe that looking conventionally good can actually be a barrier to success with women. I don't think a lot of guys realize how such superficial values make dating feel cheap, manipulative, and unfulfilling. Just beware of this. It doesn't sound like you know your true power as a person to live the life you want to live without going to the gym at all.

Izza

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I appreciate the thought out response. This is why I support you, this is why I take the time to write all this, because I know you'll take time to think about it, and give me your feedback which helps me as well.

Thanks allot for taking your time to write on this as well. I can see that you are taking this thread seriously and am really considering what you have to say.

It sounds to me like you don't find enough people in your life that you connect with. Are you extroverted? Do you have lots of really close friends? Do you have an awesome relationship with your parents?

I have an awesome relationship with my parents. I am introverted and enjoy being by myself rather than with people.

You need to be able to process what happens with awesome people who are there for you.

Process what happens with my parents? I'll share a story about 'processing'.

I'll tell you about that. My mom will have her heart-broken if I do anything stupid, she loves me and is very selective of who I date, and I talk to her allot about women that I'm interested in for her input. She is very close to the Lord and has a great discerning spirit.

My dad is a bit more liberal (or shall we say loose since he has cheated on my mom on the marriage quite a number of times), however he has his boundaries too. He blocked me from seeing one woman he felt I could catch an STD from (ie. not safe) on November 29, 2006 when I had an arranged meeting with a girl I meet on AFF to meet. I was looking for an aggressive girl to fix me up. My mom would have a broken-heart if I went ahead with that and dad threatened to tell my mom on me if I continued - and stopped me from pursuing that. So, yeah, my parents are very involved in romantic and sexual issues and they are virtually my closest friends.

This above case is used as one of the best dynamic and dramatic examples of my parents being involved in my life on issues of sexuality.

However, I still feel uncomfortable around women, and have a case of nerves despite the above. I think the only realistic way (this concept is reflected by authors of the book "How to Succeed with Women" to deal with the nerves is to talk to intimidating or attractive women whenever there is an opening to do so, I'm not exactly sure how else to work that one out to be honest. But I do have a great parental relationship and consider them my life consultants.

I date all sorts of women who look all sorts of different ways - some are conventionally beautiful, some aren't.

You are not married? What type of girl do you see yourself marrying then?
Anyone can have various intentions when they are dating. Some may be casual dating, having a fling, or looking for a marriage partner.

For the record, you did mention that you date all sorts of women -- INCLUDING conventionally beautifully women. I agree that I don't mind dating all sorts of women, as long as that conventionally beautiful women are also included in the mix for contrast.

Choosing substance over style will also mean you can pick up any girl, no matter how hot, because you don't evaluate her based on her hotness. It ends all the anxiety around "the 9s" automatically. That makes you stand out!

However, you are ignoring the subconcious and unconcious processes. You would still like it that, even if it's the behaviour you connected with, that looks are a bonus. You did say that you do not exclusively date women who are ugly, and you didn't marry any girl as of yet, so you haven't really made a 'choice' that would really strongly support what you are saying. In fact, did you consider that you could be 'using' ugly girls to improve your inner game to score more attractive girls and really prefer more attractive girls? (which seems precisely what I'm trying to do here)

Personally, the women I looking to connect with aren't necessarily hb9's, they are usually hb6-7 category (because they are a bit chubby -- but they have some persona about them that seems to connect with my spirit). I'm not really attracted to hb9's that way. An hb6-7 to someone, may be an hb10 to me. Therefore, I'm not just hoping for conventional beauty in a future mate, but someone that's reasonably attractive that I feel a connection with.
There is no heirarchy with me.

But, I feel I'll be lying to myself if I were to say that looks did not matter. I'm being realistic, not superficial. But I like your presentation - but do you really honestly that presentation reflects what you really believe deep down inside or have you internalised part of your game and have perhaps convinced yourself that beauty is not a factor in order to be congruent?

Also I'm curious as to how you evaluate behaviour? Say you are in a gym, or some place, and you are approaching someone for the first time. What makes you choose which girl to approach first if you know nothing about them other than the tasks they are performing in their ambient respective locations?

You only can judge behaviour if you know the person, are friends with them, or have are actually dating them.

It means you stop evaluating yourself based on your appearance. That causes confidence - but you also have to like yourself as a person, or else you'll just be face to face with your own self-loathing.

I have encountered on this board, and on another board, lots of ancedontal evidence that a guy's confidence with women improved once they developed their body. This evidence can not be ignored. You also feel more confident if you get more stares or IOI's.

Apperance is one factor of attraction. Personality and status are other factors. I've said that one has to compensate for the other if other parts are lacking. Do you agree with this?

IMO only immature women care about that kind of stuff. Ones that aren't trying to impress their friends don't care much about your muscles. You'll definitely get extra looks for them. And it pays certain dividends.

That's exactly what I want.

But is it really the best investment of all that time? Developing friendships, developing your own self-worth through volunteering, creating things of value - I believe these pursuits are much more effective at bringing you toward your goal of having sex.

These other investments are noted and may be considered AFTER February 3rd. I'm focused on a current stragegy, even if the stragegy is wrong, up to target dates.

 

[Bible_Belt]

My mom will have her heart-broken if I do anything stupid, she loves me and is very selective of who I date, and I talk to her allot about women that I'm interested in for her input. She is very close to the Lord and has a great discerning spirit.

:kick:

Everyone on this web site has told you for years to stop doing that. But you never listen. Everyone on Earth besides the domineering alpha-females like you mother will always find this behavior repulsive. If you don't stop it, you will either die a virgin, or even worse, find a woman who is equally bossy and domineering as your mom, and then she will order you around for the rest of your days. Those are your two destinies right now, Luke, as long as Mom keeps running your life. You choose this path every day...obviously one of these outcomes is what you really want the most.

 

[rushing dude 123]

Luke got to say great work, i can definetly see some hardcore light inside you from seeing that u have set urself a target and u r sticking to it, i got to respect that. For the personal training, good choice, i am currently finishing off my personal training qualification and i know that if u have the money and the motivation its an excellent choice and u will see ur goal a lot better and reach it a lot faster. Make sure u got a good P.T though, rather than one that just count sit ups while drinking a cup of coffee, this trainer should do everything she can to meet ur needs and always be teaching u something new and helping u get closer to ur goal.

ask ur self though dude, what does it mean to u and why are u making urself muscley and sexy? girls maybe idk or to feel stronger? then ask ur self again what does that mean to u and why....continue to do this again and again and u should find what ur looking for deep deep down.

Best advice in my opinion on the girl situation from what i read about ya is, Don't over think it and just have fun, think what u want to do and just do it.

Good luck my friend.

ps. not that u need it

 

[Luke Skywalker]

My mom will have her heart-broken if I do anything stupid, she loves me and is very selective of who I date, and I talk to her allot about women that I'm interested in for her input. She is very close to the Lord and has a great discerning spirit.

:kick:

Everyone on this web site has told you for years to stop doing that. But you never listen. Everyone on Earth besides the domineering alpha-females like you mother will always find this behavior repulsive. If you don't stop it, you will either die a virgin, or even worse, find a woman who is equally bossy and domineering as your mom, and then she will order you around for the rest of your days. Those are your two destinies right now, Luke, as long as Mom keeps running your life. You choose this path every day...obviously one of these outcomes is what you really want the most.

I'm not doing that regularly. I was referring to one particular occurance that happened a couple of years ago. Most other stuff is common sence and I just talk to my parents for moral support. For example, talking about flirting or having feelings on a married woman is one of them. My parents are like best-friends -- I was answering izzi's question about who I'm connected to in real life the most.

Maybe you are right about the domineering alpha-female thing since it looks like there is one in the background up in North Manitoba that wants to come down to see me and is throwing herself on me - but that's more with my personality style rather than my mom's influence. My mom for example, doesn't really like this girl for me and doesn't think I'm taking a strong stand with her and letting her her push me to like her or I'm stringing her along.

I don't interact muc with girls much which is the greater problem. It's not like I'm stuck at home all day. I can go out and talk to whomever I want to if my nerves will let me. Mom has nothing to do with this.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I thought I got some inspiration on slickaz's recent thread about "New Plate:" and studied his game style (appeares a mix of looks and authority). I'm not sure if it was really inspiration, or some flashbacks of a previous crush in my life two years ago -- certain threads seem to connect with that theme. Sort of like reading various novels that explain the same subject from various points of view. That thread could have been read that way.

It makes sence. I was looking for another thread on here. Anything at all that could inspire me -- or capture that spark within me that I would really feel egged on. After searching for a while --- I've noticed rushing123's approach attempts -- he found himself at the end of all of that and thought it was cool. I've also noted the 'Homeless natural' thread. All very interesting.

Nothing else so far has sparked my curiosity or interest or is challenging my comfort zone. I was viewing a thread after thread and nothing griped me like last night. Ok, back to normal then. I'll try looking for a few threads here and there, maybe something will come to mind.

In my case, I think Bible_Belt has sized me up correctly -- my style and his style are different except we have different backgrounds and values.

After going through a few more threads on here, I think I'll just touch base with a few other female friends/family to get more exposure to help calm the nerves.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I'm feeling AMAZING with all the new female attention I'm getting from my new looks (mainly from older women who think I've just finished high-school). Now, sometimes a woman may start saying 'hi' to me first or may start a convo first, this never happened before. IT feels totally amazing when this happens. Something has to be changing.

First of all, if I'm looking yonger that means I can easily connect with a yonger woman or lie about my age on the internet if I want to.

Second of all, more girls are appearing friendlier and noticing me a bit more. This GYM is a great investment and I'm going to continue working out and getting into shape and eating well. In a worst case scenerio (which isn't happening) I'll improve my health. In a best case scenerio -- I'm hitting the bottom line -- woman want a guy with developed muscles.

As another poster said, I'm not going to over-rely on my looks and keep an open mind about appearance.

 

[fertileTurtle]

This is good. I think working out is a basic part of being a man. I hope you turn into a beast. Best of luck to you. If you stick to a good program, you will get laid.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Working on my nerves.

I've mentioned on a previous post that it appears I have a bad case of nerves with women. Usually my sympathetic nervous system is in over-drive and I'm just either not relaxed enough, or feel too overwhelmed to interact with women. The usual excuse is that I'm not a player and don't know what I'm doing, why should I even try. However, I cracked my code and have motivated me to talk to women -- but it only works on conveniant social settings where I can comfortably go by her vicinity.

To deal with this, I'm going to try to re-employ deep breathing exercises and look for stuff that can help calm my nerves down and put me into a relaxed state of mind. Another strategy I have is negotiating with myself.

For example, if I see a girl I want to talk to. I'll negotiate and say "you know what - I know it's difficult for you to go up to this girl and talk to her, but I tell you what, if you can just sit down beside her or get a bit closer to her, then taht will be good enough, but if you can do more that that's a bonus".
Basically, the idea is just to be nice to myself and praise myself whenever I do something right and say 'didn't that feel good'.

Another perspective is to see women as entertainment. Like watching TV, talking or interacting with a girl makes me feel good inside. Sometimes, she even feels good. You never know what sort of connection you can make. I'm not focusing on names or number closes, but on just working the nerves so I feel more comfortable and natural dealing with women.

Also, need to keep in perspective to quit once I'm satisfied with an interaction. Not doing this for ego, but once I get a connection with someone, then that should be it for that time.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Another perspective is to see women as entertainment.


Bingo. They are fun to tease and joke with. If you keep that mindset and just have a little fun with it, everything will come much easier.