please explain...wife/divorce

[sodbuster]

Not sure he's been divorced then......

 

[kingvavy]

been a while guys..., I didin't really believe any of you when you wrote all of this...how wrong I was. You were all right. Like a script. She took me for everything, turned everyone I knew against me, including my own Mother, basically poisoned the well so bad that I lost everyone save for 2 buddies from childhood. She tried to get me arrested by arming my 6 year old son with a note to "run to the neighbours and call 9-1-1..." She secured the house by threatening to move her and the kids out of state...I barely see my kids now because of the custody settlement which my lawyer says "is better than what a judge would have given you..."I didn't believe you guys...TO ANYONE READING THIS THREAD, BELIEVE EVERYTHING THESE GUYS TELL YOU. EVERYTHING!!! I am rebuilding, but I am not the same guy. This has broken everything I once believed in.

 

[sodbuster]

You'll be BETTER, you only have to deal with the kids on visitation days, you have TIME to improve your life. Pay down debts,etc, get more education, get a job that takes more hours, etc. 8 years later, my net worth is triple what she left me with and double what WE had together.... Hit Mr Money Moustache {sp} website, learn how to live by your needs , not societies....at least as far as money goes

It's hard to believe the fairy tale society has sold you is all a lie, but you WILL come out better. Then once you start seeing all the rest of their lies, you will be a better, richer man

 

[kingvavy]

Once their mind is made up, it is made up. THEN they will convince themselves you are a monster to assuage their guilt while they try and bankrupt you.

this... X 1000

 

[kingvavy]

for the newbies who may be reading this...read my original thread, the one I posted BEFORE this...the one where I thought "I can still rescue this, I still love my wife, I need to save my family for my kids, blah, blah, blah..."

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=216930&referrerid=126668

ONCE THEY ARE DONE WITH YOU, THEY WILL START THEIR CAMPAIGN TO DESTROY YOU. THEY WON'T LET UP UNTIL THEY HAVE SQUEEZED OUT EVERY LAST DIME, RUINED YOUR REPUTATION, TAKEN YOUR CHILDREN, POISONED YOUR CHILDREN, AND PUSHED YOU TO THE POINT OF MENTAL COLLAPSE. They don't do 'amicable.' They do nuclear.

 

[Epimanes]

I still disagree.. But I may be clouded by my own personal experience. My wife was done with me also for quite some time.. But we turned it around. I may be a minority and that's unfortunate.. Sorry kingvavy thaat things didn't work out and your wife had an underlying agenda to screw you over.. Not everyone carries a good set of morals I guess... I feeel sorry for your kids and for you man.

Epi

 

[latinnova]

Welcome to the club brother, sorry to hear that it happened, but we all knew it would. Just keep your head up, keep busy (work and hobbies), love your kids like never before, and make sure you make it a point that your ex never contacts you about anything except the kids. Also, forget the b!tch, do not ask the kids what she has been up too, do not stalk anything facebook or instagram, etc.. Pretend she doesn't exist except when you have to see her when you pick up the kids or when something concerning the kids come up. Makes things way easier and you can move on much faster.

 

[kingvavy]

thanks...I am way past caring about what she is up to...if she does things that are harmful to the kids, I just document it and move on. I may need the evidence one day. The hardest part is seeing my poor kids suffer. They are only 4 and 7. Last night my little girl woke up at 11 just screaming "I want mommy!" They never did anything to deserve this pain. I am so consumed with rage towards my ex, and it's a struggle to not let that toxic **** get in the way of being there for my kids.

Funny how well they can game us when they want the ring...and how quickly they start changing once they get it.

 

[kingvavy]

I still disagree.. But I may be clouded by my own personal experience. My wife was done with me also for quite some time.. But we turned it around. I may be a minority and that's unfortunate.. Sorry kingvavy thaat things didn't work out and your wife had an underlying agenda to screw you over.. Not everyone carries a good set of morals I guess... I feeel sorry for your kids and for you man.

Epi

Thanks man. You got really lucky in that you didin't marry a personality disordered psychopath. Normal people can drift apart and come back together. If your wife was truly psychotic, your situation would have played out like mine and many of the guys here. I remember you, and your well intentioned advice...that stuff applies when dealing with a mentally healthy spouse...not my situation. Good for you for rescuing yours, but most of the guys here who have been burned badly were not in your shoes. Not all people are bad, but some are really, really bad, and some of us end up marrying and having kids with the really bad ones.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Honest question, how many LTRs did you have before your wife? How long did you know your wife and had you moved in? It seems like most of you guys don't do your research and jump into this sh1t with both feet.

 

[kingvavy]

You are 100% right. I proposed 6 months in and only had 2 LTR's. I dated briefly and am already in a new LTR. I have learned a thing or 2 from all this, and I am in no rush to relive my old hell all over again. I love fishing, and I have learned that there is a lot in common between playing a trophy fish and playing a woman.

 

[speed dawg]

The hardest part is seeing my poor kids suffer. They are only 4 and 7.

Yep. Unfortunately it is not changing. It's a sad reality. Broken homes suck. Back when I was younger my advice was always to eject. Now, with kids involved, I advise to try and make it work, but intelligently (by taking back the frame). Too late for you on that, obviously.

Whatever you do, don't bring another woman around your kids. Stay single, or f*ck some hos, whatever, but don't bring them around the kids. And get ready, your ex is going to attempt to replace you with whoever it is she shacks up with next. Good job on the documentation, keep that up, it will eventually help you.

Bad situation. Good luck.

 

[latinnova]

And get ready, your ex is going to attempt to replace you with whoever it is she shacks up with next. .

THIS!! My ex moved in with her new boyfriend about a month after our divorce. He bought her a house. Anyhow, from day one she started hammering our kids about calling the new boyfriend "dad" rather then by his name, and my kids are teenagers. They pissed about it at first, but after numerous yellings and shaming by their mother, they now have two men in their lives that they call "dad" WTF?? I don't say anything about it because the kids are in a tough enough place, but my god, what the hell is wrong with women?

 

[kingvavy]

Yep. Unfortunately it is not changing. It's a sad reality. Broken homes suck. Back when I was younger my advice was always to eject. Now, with kids involved, I advise to try and make it work, but intelligently (by taking back the frame). Too late for you on that, obviously.

Whatever you do, don't bring another woman around your kids. Stay single, or f*ck some hos, whatever, but don't bring them around the kids. And get ready, your ex is going to attempt to replace you with whoever it is she shacks up with next. Good job on the documentation, keep that up, it will eventually help you.

Bad situation. Good luck.

I get that...I've been seeing someone for 6 months now...I kept her away from my kids until just a few days ago. We did an activity together. The kids were super happy. They seemed to feed off seeing me genuinely happy, and it was a huge help having an extra set of hands. I am going to back off from doing that...thanks for the tip. They really liked her and I don't want see an attachment form.

 

[kingvavy]

Honest question, how many LTRs did you have before your wife? How long did you know your wife and had you moved in? It seems like most of you guys don't do your research and jump into this sh1t with both feet.

women with clinical personality disorders are extremely good at hiding the fact that they are bat **** crazy...you can do your research and still get burned. That being said, you have to be that much more diligent. I get your point and agree with you.

 

[speed dawg]

I get that...I've been seeing someone for 6 months now...I kept her away from my kids until just a few days ago. We did an activity together. The kids were super happy. They seemed to feed off seeing me genuinely happy, and it was a huge help having an extra set of hands. I am going to back off from doing that...thanks for the tip. They really liked her and I don't want see an attachment form.

I know it is tough bro, but you have to let go of the 'feelz'. Your job as a man is be logical and rooted in principles, not driven by emotion like women. To me, that's the biggest difference in red pill and blue pill.

And stop looking to women to make you happy. I suggest you take time to work on yourself. I realize this advice is probably going in one ear and out the other, because you are pretty far gone in this journey, and I'm guessing you feel doubly lost.

women with clinical personality disorders are extremely good at hiding the fact that they are bat **** crazy...

Man, get rid of this thinking. There is no such thing as 'clinical' disorders....there is just crazy. Crazy comes from a variety of places, but you cannot discern this from the medical field. Trust me.

 

[Tenacity]

Ok, so I'm married 7 years, 2 kids (3 and 6). My wife checked out emotionally a year ago, we've been in separate beds, etc. I came on this site a while back and poured my heart out...all the cynical vets said "prepare for divorce", I said "you're wrong"........you were all RIGHT. She asked for a divorce.

When she asked for the divorce I said "no way" and did the typical "read every self help book and change my flaws" route. I did manage to make some great personal changes that have resulted in me being far less angry, and far more in control of my emotions. She noticed the changes, but she still said she wanted a divorce. Then we had some very typical married disagreement, and she blurted out "I was going to give this a chance, but now I can see you'll never change...we need to divorce!" At that point, I had a fundamental shift inside of me. I said "nothing is worth this...if I don't get out, my kids will suffer, I am in a fundamentally abusive relationship and I deserve to be happy." Since then, I've been hanging out with friends, working out, talking to girls, generally living my life as if I'm single. I've also been spending a TON of quality time with my kids. Life is actually better. It's just BS that now that I've made a commitment to going through with the divorce, she now seems to be dragging her feet....

All of this is unfortunate man, but I still have no clue why guys get married today? All of the information on the Family Court is out there and it's common knowledge that women can SHIFT their attitude/personalities at a drop of a dime.

As I keep telling you guys, you don't have to "do anything wrong" for a chick to divorce you. Most of the time the chick just wants to get out of the marriage and go fvck other guys, or be "free", most of the time it has nothing to do with you.

But in the middle of all of this, the family structure is destroyed because in today's market, the family structure isn't valued.

 

[Epimanes]

She's dragging her feet becasue women spew shyt on a whim they never mean... The wind changing directions can cause her to change how she feels. She follows her heart, which often lies to you, instead of leading it. It is a deep rooted loyalty test.. But she's back peddling now because the winds changing directions and she no longer has the feelings she did the day she said it.

That's my take... My wife has had several moments in our 20 years where it seemed things would end and my wife wished I was dead.. And said some horrible nasty things, thrown shyt.. Cops... (It doesn't escelate anymore if I don't let it.) You name it.... Now I don't listen to most of her negative dribble and just give it time and be non chalant and as I don't respond her tune changes. Mayeb its a day... Or a week... Usually not much longer than that and her sail comes down and the wind stops blowing and she realizes I didn't move.

Epi

Edit to say: Make sure you don't Dismiss their feelings in the moment because their feelings are real to them in the moment. Acknolwedge them using "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't" or some varying degree of it and then stop right there... Go do something awesome.. Stfu... Don't feed the hamster..

ALL WOMEN ARE THIS WAY in some varying degree or another. I have said it before.. And I will say it again "ALL women are psycho, its a matter of finding the right one you can put up with"

 

[Young OG]

After reading stuff like this, I'm so glad I never married my kids mom. If we would have married, her and her boyfriend would be living in my house right now and I would be renting an apartment somewhere. Instead, there both living poor while I'm living it up!

Guys, don't ever get married!!! It's just not worth it...

 

[Tenacity]

After reading stuff like this, I'm so glad I never married my kids mom. If we would have married, her and her boyfriend would be living in my house right now and I would be renting an apartment somewhere. Instead, there both living poor while I'm living it up!

Guys, don't ever get married!!! It's just not worth it...

^^^ This is so true. There are a lot of guys in this situation right now and I honestly don't know how they can do it? I mean if I lost everything like that then had to sit back and WATCH (literally WATCH) two idiots party up with the hard earnings that I built up over years.....I'm going to hell and those two idiots would be coming with me lol.

But you wouldn't believe it, but a LOT of divorced men are in this very situation right now. I don't know how they can live through that because I couldn't.