Online Dating Field Report

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by al77
Well... they liked something about the ad, didn't they?
I doubt it was a discount and references to some real world advertising: really why would it be attractive to women?

But if you take off the very first line with "finance", "professor", "viking" I am sure women's perception of the ad would be almost totally different.

Conclusion? You may write a very successful ad of just a couple of lines if you put some direct references to what you have in terms of career. It is an instant career->success->money conclusion for women.

you're still not getting it...it was the total off the wall humor of the ad that got the responses. the chicks that responded were ones that liked sarcasm and satire. and that is exactly the types of chicks i tend to like.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
you're still not getting it...it was the total off the wall humor of the ad that got the responses. the chicks that responded were ones that liked sarcasm and satire. and that is exactly the types of chicks i tend to like.

Well.. I dont argues with that. They probbaly do love satire.
Look at it this way: If you post that ad without the first line, all those sarcasm lovers will disappear...would not it make you think it was not really about sarcasm?
I mean if you have something attractive fro women, you state it, and dont really have to work muh more on the ad.

 

[ogre]

here is a posting by a guy who posted in the w4m section of the CL personals intended as advice for men. he claims to have "boinked" 44 women in the past 2 months. btw this is verbatim - spelling errors and all:

I'm working on boink # 45 and 46 already

Thank you guys for all your positive responses and questions. I will however not respond to your e mails directly but in answer to the theme of most of the questions i will say this and please bear this in mind. If these women n c/l were not desperate they would not be placing these ads anyway...so jst feed into there desperation and there longing and there loneliness and n more cases than not there wanting your money....so the operative word is DNGLE DANGLE DANKLE....Now go forth and learn

so... what do y'all have to say about this?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Online Dating Field Report

Originally posted by al77
Well.. I have some reponses to my profile, so I guess it is not the biggest problem. I talked to some women for for some time over email (3-10) emails... but, nearly 99% of women bail on me in a very weird way when I suggest to meet:

Me: Lets get together....
She: Sounds good.....
Me: XXXX would be a good place to meet..
She: yeah, why dont you call me at YYYY?

I called, she never picked up the phone and never return my message. After a week I wrote her "Hey how was youw eekend?"
She: fine... I am sorry I was busy blah blah..
NEXT.

Me: Lets get together......
She: Sounds good......
Me: XXXX would be a good place to meet..
She: yeah, that's nice.

But she didnt confirm the date, and didn't reply anymore.
After a week she sent "Oh I was busy... travelled to YYY for work"
Me: Ok, Lets get together......
She:...never replied.

What the heck is going on? What do I do so wrong that when I attempt to meet her, her IL drops so low that she gradually
disappear???

Any advice how to improve it?

This is too easy.

Me: Lets get together......
She: Sounds good......
Me: XXXX would be a good place to meet.. How abot Thursday at 6:30?
She: yeah, that's nice.

OR

Me: Lets get together....
She: Sounds good.....
Me: XXXX would be a good place to meet..How abot Thursday at 6:30?
She: yeah, why dont you call me at YYYY?
Me: If you don't think that you can make it at 6:30 on Thursday, what's a better time for you?

Loof, time after time women say that they prefer men that can put together a plan and make decisions. Why make half @ssed plans just to be shot down? Be a man, be specific, don't let her BS you!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
funny because i did the same thing a while back and got killer responses. here was the ad...this is just the unformatted text...just this and nothing more....

======

[size=huge]

LIMITED TIME OFFER--A REAL MAN!

A FINANCE PROFESSOR! A CONSULTANT! A VIKING!
A HUMANITARIAN!
He Chops, He Slices, He Dices!

!AMAZING!

Not a cheap Chinese imitation.
But a REAL MAN, with a LIFE, a CAREER!!!

!INCREDIBLE!

IMAGINE
By taking advantage of our special FLEX-PAY® program, He can be YOURS for only,

36 EASY PAYMENTS
OF $599.99*

But wait...THERE'S MORE!
Act NOW, and receive a coupon for one
FREE dinner to TACO BELL!

Unconditional 30 Day MONEY BACK GUARANTEE!
If you're not COMPLETELY SATISFIED, simply return the unused portion for a FULL REFUND**
and keep your FREE dinner coupon as our
SPECIAL GIFT to you!

HURRY, take advantage of this
LIMITED TIME OFFER!!!


Act NOW!
Operators are standing by

[/size]

-----------------------------------
*Plus Shipping and Handling. **50% restocking fee applies. Merchandise MUST be returned in it's original packaging, unused, undamaged. Offer not valid in MT, RI, SD, ND, KS, ID, NE, KY, WV, TN, Guam, American Samoa, Puerto Rico. Void where prohibited. Terms and conditions apply. Sorry, no COD's.

Viking Enterprises, LLC. PO BOX 69-4U Hollywood, CA.


==========

chicks were digging it.

That's good. I did one like an infomercial before and it rocked. There's the obvious humor and the fact that you don't seem to take yourself too seriously. I think that women will consider guys like that more approachable.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by ogre
If these women n c/l were not desperate they would not be placing these ads anyway...so jst feed into there desperation and there longing and there loneliness and n more cases than not there wanting your money....so the operative word is DNGLE DANGLE DANKLE....Now go forth and learn[/I]

so... what do y'all have to say about this?

Not quite getting what he suggested.
It does not matter really is they are desperate... they are, I agree, but still it is not usable feature of online dating.
despearet or not, women qualify us immediatley: looks, job, age...
if you don't fit, you have to be a super DJ to get anything...
some HB9-10 are desperate too, but they wont low their standards anyway... they got much better game than most guys.

Plus, that guy mmight go for chicks HB1-5, which are usually easy...Find some chick who is just modest 3, and she will love you right away....it is a tough, usual people market.

Anyway, lonly or not women keep their standards. I wish i know how to help women lower them

 

[al77]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Online Dating Field Report

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
This is too easy.

Me: Lets get together....
She: Sounds good.....
Me: XXXX would be a good place to meet..How abot Thursday at 6:30?
She: yeah, why dont you call me at YYYY?
Me: If you don't think that you can make it at 6:30 on Thursday, what's a better time for you?

Loof, time after time women say that they prefer men that can put together a plan and make decisions. Why make half @ssed plans just to be shot down? Be a man, be specific, don't let her BS you!

Yes, I tried the specifics too, exactly when you suggested.
If I come up with specifc place, day, time... she usually says "why dont you call me...my number is...".
And guess what, she doesn pick up teh damn phone. never.
doesnt return my message.

The only probem I can think of is not enough of rapport.
Well, by why the heck she gave me her number? that just drives me nuts: I invest time in those 4-7 emails, she volunteers her phone number when I suggest to meet and she never picks up the phone. I had about 5 such cases.
I suspect I do somehting totally wrong.......

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Online Dating Field Report

Originally posted by al77
Yes, I tried the specifics too, exactly when you suggested.
If I come up with specifc place, day, time... she usually says "why dont you call me...my number is...".
And guess what, she doesn pick up teh damn phone. never.
doesnt return my message.

The only probem I can think of is not enough of rapport.
Well, by why the heck she gave me her number? that just drives me nuts: I invest time in those 4-7 emails, she volunteers her phone number when I suggest to meet and she never picks up the phone. I had about 5 such cases.
I suspect I do somehting totally wrong.......

It's either rapport (lack of) or your qualifying skills.

 

[Chrispy]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Online Dating Field Report

Originally posted by al77

The only probem I can think of is not enough of rapport.
Well, by why the heck she gave me her number? that just drives me nuts: I invest time in those 4-7 emails, she volunteers her phone number when I suggest to meet and she never picks up the phone. I had about 5 such cases.
I suspect I do somehting totally wrong.......

Possibly it is lack of rapport, but two things:
First, you sound like you're putting too much time in too many emails (4-7? Just 2 maybe) - e-mails are only good to make a point or establish something, but anything more than that is a waste of energy.
Second, I've gone through this. Unavailable people usually already have a boyfriend, and are just looking at other options. So if it's so hard to reach the person, move on.

 

[al77]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Online Dating Field Report

Originally posted by Chrispy
Possibly it is lack of rapport, but two things:
First, you sound like you're putting too much time in too many emails (4-7? Just 2 maybe) - e-mails are only good to make a point or establish something, but anything more than that is a waste of energy.
Second, I've gone through this. Unavailable people usually already have a boyfriend, and are just looking at other options. So if it's so hard to reach the person, move on.

Hmm.. are you saying some weirdos just emailing out of curiosity and without any intent to meet in person? I didn't know they exists. Hm.

Rapport: well... there is not way in 2 emails I get rapport and she agrees to meet. If I suggest a meetin after 2nd email, she usually donsnt reply anymore... or just skip my suggestion.
So rapports means more emails and sure more quality emails.
any tips on what specific questins would help to establish rapport?

 

[DonRob]

Originally posted by Genghis Juan
Hey guys,

I consider myself pretty good looking, I am about a 7/10 I think.

Anyways, I've posted my profile on both match.com and yahoo.com and these are my stats so far total.

Emails sent out: 15 -- Returned: 0
Emails written to me: 2 -- I responded to: 1

I think I could post pictures of me that are way better, but I just get the feeling that online dating is kind of a waste of time. I did a search of the number of women that meet my criteria in my area and found about 250. Just to get an idea of the numbers, I did a similar search on guys of a similar age range and found about 580.

Has anyone here had any amount of success with online dating?

It just seems to be alot of work for nothing. If I am going to be spending hours thinking of creative emails to send off, why not just go to a bar or place in town and just try to meet real people?

I dont have the data to support this view but I think there are a couple of dynamic on these sites that play into the low response rates.

1) There is a percentage of women who are not really single/serious ect. They use the site to get some sort of emotional kick to meet something missing in the current relationship.

2) The much more likely problem is that the online personals take personality out of the equation unless you are a truly gifted writer. That means that she is judging you almost exclusively on your pictures. Women arent like men when it comes to looks. You'd be hard pressed to find a guy who wouldnt want to bag Angoli Jolie (sp) but you can find plenty of women who dont think Brad Pitt is all that and a bag of ho-ho's.

3) You waste so much time just getting to the meet only to discover the pic she used is old and she no longer looks like that. Worse yet, she has no personality or she is a drama queen, *****y, demanding and just no one you'd want to ever see again.

The longer Ive been involved in th online personals the more I think they are not the best way to meet a rationally sane woman. There is a whole segment of women who think that the online personals is trashy... Im starting to find I agree with them.

 

[DonRob]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Online Dating Field Report

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Now this was a perfect example of prevailing thoughts of online services. Notice what happened in this example:

1. Did not get immediate results.
2. Not willing to do the work.
3. Not effectively qualifying the women first.
4. Meeting non-qualified women.
5. Made excuse for only being able to portray his best self in person.
6. General piss poor attitude about the experience.

No wonder there's so many guys who don't like the personals. But consider this, you will have the same attitude if you do these same six things while meeting women face to face!!!

When it comes down to it, no matter if you are online or not, you are either a DJ or a AFC. Either you know what you are doing or you don't.

Fact 1 there is a SIGNIGICANT % of women who will have nothing to do with the personals.

Fact 2 You're taking a much longer drawn out way to figure out if the woman you are emailing is the same in the photo, is rationally sane and someone you want to be involved with.


Now if you dont care what she looks like then knock yourself out.

Most of the nay sayer here think is a lower yeild, longer drawn out way to meet women. If Im in a club and I talk to a HB it doesnt take long to get a vibe for her personality. With an online contact I have to send an email, get a reply or how many it takes before I set up a coffee get together all to learn what I learned in a brief conversation in the store, library, nightclub, bar, beach and street!

 

[al77]

Re: Re: Online Dating Field Report

Originally posted by DonRob

1) There is a percentage of women who are not really single/serious ect. They use the site to get some sort of emotional kick to meet something missing in the current relationship.

2) You'd be hard pressed to find a guy who wouldnt want to bag Angoli Jolie (sp) but you can find plenty of women who dont think Brad Pitt is all that and a bag of ho-ho's.

3) The longer Ive been involved in th online personals the more I think they are not the best way to meet a rationally sane woman.

1. How did you figure that out - they admit they are not single and just "flirting online"? anyway thats sad when people lie in theri profiles that much.

2. Hm. I personaly dislike Jolie...and notice that many guys like her cuz she fits into that mass media image of a pretty woman.
She is popular, ok, we'll like her...and women follow trends much more than men, so it would be hard to find a woman who think Pitt is not attractive too.

3. Well... and what other, better ways to find sane women?
Besides bars? There are some good ways, but they do not drin much in terms of numbers: you can sign up for a class but chances to meet somebody in our age range, height range etc are quite low...Besides how many classes you can sin up for... not many.

It is interesting that conclusion is we gotta qualify women on a more strict scale.

 

[al77]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Online Dating Field Report

Originally posted by DonRob
If Im in a club and I talk to a HB it doesnt take long to get a vibe for her personality.

With an online contact I have to send an email, get a reply or how many it takes before I set up a coffee get together all to learn what I learned in a brief conversation in the store, library, nightclub, bar, beach and street!

Right onthe first part - much more efficient. Did you try speed dating then?

Second:...well, sure... but how many women in the store\street are single, and ready for a relationship in your age range?
Very few... and there is no guarantee that you approach them, so chances are even lower...
Out of 100 approacches, how many phone numbers and dates you got?
I estimate it is anywhere from 1-20 phone numbers, and probably 1-5 dates.
Still sounds ok? But how much time you need to do this 100 approaces? Months! While online you can do it in a couple of days.

 

[HereToImprove]

The absolute critical key has to be using IM tools rather than e-mails. I have only sent a few e-mails in my life and never once got a response. However, using whatever IM tool comes with the site, I get at least a 75% response rate and can play the conversation out similar to a RL pickup. It is also critical to get an alternate IM name, as most girls will be on the site rather hit and miss, but usually girls who are Internet savvy enough to use online dating almost always have AIM, MSN, Yahoo, or the like. Usually the dynamic goes like this:

See Profile - Message - Fluff talk - Collect Alternate IM - Second Convo - # close - Short Convo/Date Setup - Date 1

In relatively limited action, I have fished maybe a dozen dates, 4 that progressed to the sexual level, one creepy stalker(!) and one awesome 3 1/2 year relationship from the waters of just a couple smaller sites. (The LTR cut off my game a lot since 2001 so my numbers are low)

Absolutely every one of them came from IM, not email. Unless you have eyed up a certain girl for awhile and she is never online, I would keep emails as a last resort.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by HereToImprove
...Absolutely every one of them came from IM, not email. Unless you have eyed up a certain girl for awhile and she is never online, I would keep emails as a last resort.

So why do you think that they don't answer your emails?

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
So why do you think that they don't answer your emails?

But he is right about IM being much better tool regradless of how inefficient his emails were.

I had tons of emails and replies. When I meet her - she is usually somebody who I could not even imagine reading her emails. Poor qualifiing skills? Maybe, but: If we talked online through IM- thats a totally different matter - it conveys dynamic of the convo and her IL. I meet her and she's somebody very similar to the person I talked to over IM.

I would recommend using IM more - much better accuracy, I'm going to do it myself.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
But he is right about IM being much better tool regradless of how inefficient his emails were.

I had tons of emails and replies. When I meet her - she is usually somebody who I could not even imagine reading her emails. Poor qualifiing skills? Maybe, but: If we talked online through IM- thats a totally different matter - it conveys dynamic of the convo and her IL. I meet her and she's somebody very similar to the person I talked to over IM.

I would recommend using IM more - much better accuracy, I'm going to do it myself.

I'm not saying that IMing doesn't work, I would just like for someone to explain why emailing may not be as effective.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
I'm not saying that IMing doesn't work, I would just like for someone to explain why emailing may not be as effective.

You have to have some style, some ideas what to say and what not to say when you write emails.
So if a guy tries emails and IM, he will immeditely see that emails do not work, but IM does since there he types in a very similar way to how he speaks.

Obviously IM is much close to real life convo than emails.
Emailing requires significant thinking about what you write and some experience. IM has fewer requirements.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
You have to have some style, some ideas what to say and what not to say when you write emails.
So if a guy tries emails and IM, he will immeditely see that emails do not work, but IM does since there he types in a very similar way to how he speaks.

Obviously IM is much close to real life convo than emails.
Emailing requires significant thinking about what you write and some experience. IM has fewer requirements.

I see what you are getting at. But none the less, it sounds as if someone chooses IMs, he will not need to put forth nearly the effort he would as if he used email.

Would that mean that he wouldn't need the style or wit necessary for emails? That he wouldn't need to put forth nearly as much thought to hold her attention? That he could kinda 'half-@ss' it as he does in real life because it's very similar to the way he naturally speaks?

Here's the problem with that. The majority of posts on this site is about guys doing just that and not being able to keep, not to mention raise, the interest level of a woman through conversation. They relegate themselves to being seemingly victims of luck and chance to gain the interest of women. Women themselves say that they enjoy men that hold their interest, how can a guy do that if he does nothing?

So why avoid having a good conversation with a woman no matter the medium? We all read through the diatribes posted in this forum and have probably everyone has written one or two themselves. So why not with women? It's all about effective, interesting communication no matter the medium. Ever why so many guys get excited one moment when they actually approach a woman and get her number just to have fear and dread the very next because he has no idea what to say when he calls her?

Also, what happens if he does get the balls to call and just asks for a date and she accepts??!!! What the hell is he going to do? ACTION DATE!!!! Another way to avoid the dreaded one on one conversation where he has to use his innate qualities to amuse her.

At this rate, when will a guy ever get to find out if this woman is even his type? Usually after he's put forth the time, effort and money. After she's gotten bored of the same old type of guy that does the same as all of the rest.