Okay, so I'm a bastard....

[STR8UP]

Here's the question in my mind: Has the 22 year old girl invested half the time, energy, or ego discussing this pseudo-relationship with her girlies as our man Str8up has spent on it here?

Probably not. But that's only because the psychology behind this is sort of a hobby of mine.

Odds are, he is the one who's gonna get hurt...

You only get hurt of there's an emotional investment.

I like LatinoMan's Sex and the City simile. Those chicks are repulsive b/c they are way past their prime, but still acting like they're 22. It's like they never found anything better out of life. They're basically emotionally stunted.

Huh?

Str8up, that is the risk you are taking here, of becoming one of those creepy old guys hanging around the college dorm, inviting the kids to party with you, bragging about banging ex Playboy models. It's not a moral issue. It's a character issue. It's about you becoming the next Ed McMahon.

You have no idea what you are talking about.

Although I don't think I look THAT young, I still get carded all the time and most of them are pretty shocked to find out that I'm 36. No danger of me looking "creepy" around younger people any time soon. My looks along with my attitude allow me to fit in with a wide range of people.

If it isn't the same for you I suggest you take care of yourself and learn to get rid of the poor attitude when it comes to this sort of thing.

 

[synergy1]

I like LatinoMan's Sex and the City simile. Those chicks are repulsive b/c they are way past their prime, but still acting like they're 22. It's like they never found anything better out of life. They're basically emotionally stunted.

what comes to mind when you say this are women who are at a point in life where they can't accept they are past their prime. You see this with women who probably were hot in their hayday, but still carry around the holier than thou art attitude. Its as if they never adapted, and now they just look silly trying so "hard" to still be hot and act like prissy beyotches.

Although I don't think I look THAT young, I still get carded all the time and most of them are pretty shocked to find out that I'm 36. No danger of me looking "creepy" around younger people any time soon. My looks along with my attitude allow me to fit in with a wide range of people.

Creepy in my book is synonymous with "trying too hard". Regular college guys can and are creepy often. Heck I used to be when I was getting in the game a number of years ago! Change gears to my buddy's father who is 50 years old, and loves drinking and having a good time with his kids friends; he's not trying to fit in. This guy tells you his life stories and is just a social guy. He's not going after the girls, he's just enjoying life as he has been for the past 3 decades ( the guy is puerterian so they are a little more laid back than us)

I really don't understand the whole debate that has been going on here the last few weeks. The older guy vs. younger guy thing is beaten to death. Some older guys prefer younger girls, some guys prefer older women, some prefer more intellectually developed women and the like. I wish we could all accept that we all have different tastes and appreciate them. Its interesting looking at the mating patterns of my family, and all the males got married later to younger more intelligent women. My grandfather was 10 years older than my grandmother which in the day was extremely taboo. Should marriage ever happen, I predict a similar outcome!

to each their own. go out and enjoy life! get pimpin'

 

[guru1000]

If this is a PLATE with no LTR potential, there are no rules.

If this girl has LTR potential and you are TESTING her character to see if she is up to par with your standards, then you would be foolish to Bait and Switch her.

Distance is not the deal breaker; her character is.

Full Disclosure OVERT expression in regards to non-exclusivity will not be a deal breaker for her either. She will understand that you are cautious to jump into exclusivity until she is proven suitable.

 

[vagrant]

I just came from new york yesterday. I visited my girl. I stayed at her place for a week. Everything was great. The only bad thing about LDR that I can see is the slow progression. Plus you miss out on many things and you spend a lot of money.

I've been dating my girl for almost 5 years. LDR for almost 2 years. I don't get much p*ssy sure but I do get to work on my self more. We had awesome sex btw. I still miss it right now. Yes I do wish that she lives close by but she still goes to school and still under her parents roof like I'am.

At the end of the day, it's still about being a DJ. That's what I'm striving for day in and day out. Working on my conversation skills. Working toward my goals and dreams. Just improving every part of my life every single day.

The risk of the LDR being over is definitely there. A lot of people tells us it will never work. Sometimes the temptation is there. A lot of hot chicks are waiting on the line for me and my girl for sure. When me and my girl went to six flags all the guys were all over her. If I never knew about this site I would've still be an afc. I would've acted differently and responded stupidly to all the attention my girl was getting. But I know better now.

Anyways, as long as it's working you just let it. I absolutely love the girl and I will definitely have a hard time if she finds someone else. I'm sure the same thing goes for her. But everything is going well. I'd love to spend my life with her and that's what it's supposed to be. People don't get it. I sacrifice being in a LDR with her not because I don't have any option but she's the only good option. Any guy would be happy to be with my girl.

Don't let anything influence you. Just because you see everybody playing around doesn't mean you have to play. Just because everybody tells you LDR does not worth sh*t doesn't mean you have to listen.

There's no such thing as absolute. Maybe in math. 1 plus 1 will always equal to 2. But in life not all the girls in an LDR will cheat on you. Like Pook said it's actually the guys fault. Just be a man and be the man your girl will always love you for. If a girl cheats on you, to her eyes you're just not worth it. Be a DJ folks. Keep improving your self. Be it LDR or LTR if you straight your self up, you are giving your girl absolutely no reason to leave you. Live a good life!~

 

[STR8UP]

She's in my bed asleep right now, and here I am thinking this whole thing over.

We talked tonight, and she's still throwing out the line giving me the opportunity to choose whether or not I want a relationship with her.

WTF????

Relationships aren't negotiated! ESPECIALLY physical relationships.

This looks like a losing proposition for me no matter what I do.

I can be the "bastard" and agree to a committed relationship with her, see her once a month or so, and go do my own thing in the meantime, and STILL be at the mercy of her wanting to "take it slow". Jeesus f'in christ....we're gonne see each other ONCE A MONTH if were lucky and she wants to "take it slow" in a committed relationship?? So what, is it gonna take me a month to get a kiss and another two to fukk the same chick who was at one time but ass naked in my jacuzzi sucking my d!ck all night?

I tell ya, b!tches are wack.

She wants to live some sort of fantasy relationship with me. Do women NEED to have SOMEONE THAT BAD???

Before everyone gets their panties in a wad saying "I told you so" and whatnot.....I'm fully conscious of what is going on here, it just never ceases to amaze me the sheer grandeur of the fantasy world some women live in.

 

[KontrollerX]

So what do you think you will end up ultimately doing Str8up?

You gonna try to re-negotiate this awful deal or just play along with her take it slow nonsense?

And yeah to me it looks like she's going to blue ball you with this nonsense if you play it her way and then give it up to some stranger one random night when she's horny.

Rollo is spot on the money when it comes to relationships ie no negotiating physical intimacy which you yourself just pointed out.

 

[STR8UP]

What am I gonna do?

She's staying one more night, and I'm seriously contemplating laying out MY version of how this should go down.

Now there's a 99% chance that she'll stick to her guns with her "no sex outside a committed relationship" deal. But what do I have to lose?

Matter of fact, I'm probably gonna tell her that I thought it over and I think it's best she goes to school and does her own thing, cause I'm not interested in getting involved in her little self-discovery "rebirth" project.

I'm a man, and although I don't "need" sex. I'm not going to stand around and wait for someone to thaw out enough so that I can touch them when *they" are comfortable with it.

Hell, I was out with the AW friend of mine the other day who I have never fukked, and (long story short) she basically said "we should just go ahead and have sex already".

I have other options to pursue if i wanna get laid, but I'm too old for that game. If that's ALL it is, then I'm not interested in putting any more effort into it than making sure the sheets are clean for the night.

 

[STR8UP]

I have a day to figure out my game plan. but I can assure you that I will be laying it out there on MY terms, which she can take or leave.

 

[ketostix]

I can't say I've ever been in a situation quite like that Str8up. To be honest, women either hate me or end up fukking me with no middle ground. I'm not sure what would happen if you played along and told her you were going to agree to a relationship. Would she then have sex right away? It seems like you have the opening here to turn the tables on her while telling her the truth as a side effect. Such as, you are interested in a relationship with her, but you have doubts about her maturity, integrity, etc to maintain a LDR. I'm sure you thought of that though. Only thing else I can figure is you have been maintaining your will firm and maybe she wants to see your softer side and for you to entertain her silliness if you not what I mean... Tell her what she wants to hear.

 

[STR8UP]

I just don't see how both of us can have our needs met in this situation.

It really sucks cause even though I could care less about sex at this point, I don't even feel like trying to touch her or kiss her or anything cause I'm just not getting that vibe, and although she SWEARS that she is interested in pursuing much more than a friendship, things just don't go down this way when you are "getting involved" with someone. It's either you do or you don't. you don't talk about it and discuss taking it slow when you're only going to see each other off and on.

If anything it should be the opposite, and despite her being adamant about still wanting to pursue this, something just doesn't add up.

I'm fine with taking it slow as in "ok sex isn't the first priority", but when there isn't that spark of passion (or it's being supressed for whatever reason) that doesn't sit well with me.

The way I see it at this point is that I'm hesitant to go into anything (even knowing that I am going to keep my options open) where sex is s sticking point, but when intimacy in general is an issue.....I don't see how I can win in any way shape or form. I might just have to lay it out and tell her that I would like to pursue something with her, but this whole "who knows when" mentality to taking things slow with EVERYTHING is a no go.

Either that or I can shut the F up and step it up and let her either accept it or reject it.

I dunno....I'm almost thinking that might be the right course of action. If I escalate physically (and not even sexually) and she hesitates she will be able to tell disapproval if things don't go the way i want them to.

There's just something about her saying "We could date exclusively LD" and "but we need to take things slowly" that doesn't jive with me, even though I know there are lines between the lines with everything a chick says.

I know, I know, my time is better spent pursuing other options. That's why she's here so I can get this out of the way right now cause I haven't and don't intend to put a lot of effort into this.

 

[ketostix]

although she SWEARS that she is interested in pursuing much more than a friendship, things just don't go down this way when you are "getting involved" with someone. It's either you do or you don't. you don't talk about it and discuss taking it slow when you're only going to see each other off and on.

If anything it should be the opposite, and despite her being adamant about still wanting to pursue this, something just doesn't add up.

I'm fine with taking it slow as in "ok sex isn't the first priority", but when there isn't that spark of passion (or it's being supressed for whatever reason) that doesn't sit well with me.

Yeah it doesn't make sense to me either. Like I said, either a girl wants to have sex with me or it's pretty clear she's not into me at all. It's like Rollo says, it's not something that is negotiate, it happens or it doesn't happen , or something to that affect. It would be easy to conclude that this girl is string you along but this is a strange level of stringing someone along.

The way I see it at this point is that I'm hesitant to go into anything (even knowing that I am going to keep my options open) where sex is s sticking point, but when intimacy in general is an issue.....

Yeah really it makes no sense for her to make sex or even getting physical a sticking point over intimacy.

I dunno....I'm almost thinking that might be the right course of action. If I escalate physically (and not even sexually) and she hesitates she will be able to tell disapproval if things don't go the way i want them to.

Yeah this is what I would do, escalate physically and if she's not receptive freeze her out. That's basically what I always do, escalate physically and not talk about it and negotiate it. It just kind of seems like she's keeping you in her frame and in her control. Maybe you hesitated too long to escalate or negotiated with her demands too much or something.

To me an LDR would mean lots of sex and physicality whenever you are together. An LDR and "taking it slow" would be a total no go for me.

 

[Vulpine]

Someone said on here "if you aren't ƒucking her, someone else is". RT?

Man, now that I read your last replies, STR8UP, this chick has a certain stink that would put off Pepe Le Pew.

That "Rose" chick I was messing with played this sort of game with me in the beginning. Essentially, it turned out, she had a dude and wanted to make sure that she had a TIGHT grip on the next branch before letting go of the last. But, of course, she turned out to be borderline personality, so... *shrug*. I've been noticing that "cluster B" issues are abundant with women - more so than I could have previously imagined.

The "female logic" is that she's not "cheating" on her actual BF by not having sex with you. If you commit, then, she can dump her current BF and hook up with you completely justified and righteous in her mind.

That's just the vibe I'm picking up, but, it sounds like you have your head right anyway. It just seems like a fruitless endeavor.