No real motivation to meet/date girls anymore

[ManlyMan]

With all the me too stuff and society's attitude to men approaching women outside of dating apps becoming increasingly negative, it's hard for me to believe that most women wouldn't be offended if I approached them.

If you are interested in cold approaching. You might not be. I did not read the whole thread. Than try a very under the radar style of cold approach. that could help out with one the girls anxiety and also your own anxiety around cold approach.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

If you are interested in cold approaching. You might not be. I did not read the whole thread. Than try a very under the radar style.

I'm not really into the idea of cold approach. It may be ideal for some guys but I'm not one of them. What would a more under the radar style look like?

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Are you doing cognitive behaviour therapy with your therapist or have done so in the past? If you dont want this thread to be a total waste then take a few months off and work on your inner game.

Yeah I am doing CBT with a therapist, but I'm not really sure how he'd be able to help me in this specific area that I'm talking about. A few days ago my psych informed me that he's got some health problems that require surgery and he'll have to take at least a few weeks off from his practice. So I won't be able to have any appointments with him during that time

 

[ManlyMan]

I'm not really into the idea of cold approach. It may be ideal for some guys but I'm not one of them. What would a more under the radar style look like?

You could open with a situational question? Something like "Do you know where xyx is? After she answers you could change to a related topic. And if the conversation is mutual and she will ask a question for more information(intentional) than you continue if not you politely leave. Than you could invite her somewhere related to what you are talking about for example. There are many different ways. Under the radar. Just looked like you were asking for directions.

 

[SW15]

With warm approach I essentially mean when you're in an environment where there's a woman you see there on a regular basis and you might know her to some degree and then you try approaching her in earnest. In this situation you're not complete strangers, but you still might not know her that well. "Cold approach" in my mind is when you're in a bar or on the street or some other public place where you're approaching random strangers.

With a warm approach, there is the stronger possibility of seeing her again (semi-regular contact). Let me go through some approach settings and classify.

1. Co-ed sports league: That would be warm approach. I've called it "weak social circle" before. Most co-ed sports leagues have sponsor bars where multiple teams congregate after games. If you hit on a woman on your same co-ed sports league team, that's a guarantee of repeated interaction. Hitting on women on other teams isn't a guarantee of seeing them again, but it's feasible.

2. High school or college classes are warm approach settings. It still takes a degree of courage to do these approaches.

3. High school or college extracurricular activities will count as warm approach.

4. Indoor retail venue approaching is cold approaching. It's highly unlikely to see the same person twice at a grocery store or mall.

5. The gym/fitness classes could be either cold or warm approach. Unlike an academic class, there's no guarantee you'll ever see the same female twice at a fitness class. There's no mandatory attendance. As for the general gym floor, it's more likely you'll see the same woman again if you two keep going to the gym at similar times. Gym floor approaches are difficult approaches. Fitness class is a little easier. I tend to think of these approaches more as cold. The fact that both of you go to LA Fitness isn't as strong of a bond as other approach settings.

6. Bars are cold approaches.

7. Outdoor approaching is cold approaching.

With all the me too stuff and society's attitude to men approaching women outside of dating apps becoming increasingly negative, it's hard for me to believe that most women wouldn't be offended if I approached them. Even if it isn't so, the amount of time and effort I would have to spend on cold approach before even beginning to remotely achieve similar results to apps makes it not worth it to me. I wish dating apps were more balanced but their entire business model revolves around keeping men on a hamster wheel. All the advice I've gotten on here regarding approaching or apps doesn't seem to fundamentally address the specific issues I've brought up. Apps will keep giving me diminishing returns no matter what, cold approach isn't worth it for guys like me to learn, and warm approach is out due to the reasons I've just explained in detail. This thread is approaching two months in age, but I still don't have a good answer as to what I should do. Is the only "answer" for me to just forget about all of this and instead find happiness in other areas?

Your attitudes are limiting your ability to progress. I approach women all the time. I do not care in the slightest bit if they are offended or not. Most aren't. @We_ArE_VeNOM doesn't care either. The advantage you perceive with apps is the fallacy of efficiency and convenience. You like the ability to sit at home in comfortable clothing or even your underwear and swipe & text. You can swipe through hundreds of women in 2 hours sitting at home whereas if you did an outdoor/indoor retail approach session and were socially calibrated, you might do 5 approaches in 2 hours outdoors. 200-300 swipes vs. 5 approaches. I've also had 2 hour daygame sessions where I only did 1 approach. I've had plenty of daygame sessions where I did few approaches and arranged 0 dates/collected 0 phone numbers.

Your only alternative to approaching or swiping is to pay directly for sex. You will either need to pay directly for sex or pay indirectly for sex with dates and the time/effort it takes to either approach/swipe. Also, men often buy material possessions to impress women and that factors into the indirect cost of getting laid.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

You could open with a situational question? Something like "Do you know where xyx is? After she answers you could change to a related topic. And if the conversation is mutual and she will ask a question for more information than you continue if not you politely leave. Than you could invite her somewhere related to what you are talking about for example. There are many different ways.

Hmm that's pretty good. One problem I have is I have no idea what openers I should use, but something that low key sounds much better. Still I wouldn't be able to bring myself to approach in public right now. I would feel pretty weird about it and something like that is really out of character for me. Idk if you've heard of this guy called Chris Duodes, but he has this site called GoodLookingLoser and one of the things he's got on there is a series of exercises on how to get over approach anxiety, but I really didn't get far with it and I fell off the wagon after a while. The exercise I did was to go up to a woman and say that my phone was dead and ask for the time. I only ended up doing that once tho, even if it wasn't that nerve wracking. I just did that once in the grocery store and never again. Nothing bad happened when I did that, but I never did that exercise again regardless. With how slow of a progression learning to approach can be, it's really hard for me to stay motivated. Every time I've tried before to learn how to approach I've always fallen off the wagon and made very little progress. I always end up going back to swiping on apps since it's the only way I can be visible to women

 

[corrector]

Yeah I am doing CBT with a therapist, but I'm not really sure how he'd be able to help me in this specific area that I'm talking about. A few days ago my psych informed me that he's got some health problems that require surgery and he'll have to take at least a few weeks off from his practice. So I won't be able to have any appointments with him during that time

You have too much negative self talk. Pehaps if you felt that some women want you to approach them that would make you feel better about approaching?

 

[corrector]

Your attitudes are limiting your ability to progress. I approach women all the time.

We don't see many approach threads made by you. It sounds like something that you did in the past and said you didn't like doing it.
You mean to say you no longer have your 2-girl rotation and are starting to approach again?

That comes to mind, you are posting on here on a Friday night? That definitely tells me you are not doing nightgame approaches now, lol!

I do not care in the slightest bit if they are offended or not. Most aren't. @We_ArE_VeNOM doesn't care either.

You said that you would spend allot of time staking out a location to find someone to approach. Most women are not the type you want to approach or are with someone.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

You have too much negative self talk. Pehaps if you felt that some women want you to approach them that would make you feel better about approaching?

I mean perhaps but I never feel like they want me to. All of the women I met on apps I would have never approached irl, and these women were mostly mid as I've said. The few times I've gotten a girl's number irl it was when the woman approached me. In my current state a woman approaching me irl is the best I can hope for as far as meeting women without apps, but that's never a realistic thing to count on since as a general rule women don't do that.

 

[corrector]

I mean perhaps but I never feel like they want me to. All of the women I met on apps I would have never approached irl, and these women were mostly mid as I've said. The few times I've gotten a girl's number irl it was when the woman approached me. In my current state a woman approaching me irl is the best I can hope for as far as meeting women without apps, but that's never a realistic thing to count on since as a general rule women don't do that.

The rule of thumb, is because of hyper-competition in dating apps vs less immediate competition irl, you are likely to get better than mid-tier girls if you are cold approaching. Also, as you can talk to whoever you want, you are not at the mercy of only communciating with the type of lady who has matched with you which and you'll always feel that you deserve better but that is all you can get (when you deal with apps).

@Hamurabimbi has a positive attitude about approaches and what women are thinking about him. He also makes approches and doesn't wait for them to approach him. @characternote is also positive (he claims he does not have the looks but has to soldier on until he finds a lady who in a niche way thinks he's hot). Why not just go over the posts of these two members and see if you can find some inspiration from that.

 

[zekko]

@Hamurabimbi has a positive attitude about approaches and what women are thinking about him. He also makes approches and doesn't wait for them to approach him. @characternote is also positive (he claims he does not have the looks but has to soldier on until he finds a lady who in a niche way thinks he's hot).

@Hamurabimbi says he gets approached and gets IOIs, so that helps with a positive attitude. I guess they're both looking for their niche though. Not every woman is going to like you, unless maybe if you're rich and famous.

 

[corrector]

@Hamurabimbi says he gets approached and gets IOIs, so that helps with a positive attitude. I guess they're both looking for their niche though. Not every woman is going to like you, unless maybe if you're rich and famous.

True, however, the OP is not an incel and said he's able to get mid-tier women from Tinder. I don't get how he's able to get anyone at all with OLD but feel differently about irl approaches. He should at least get mid-tier women with cold approaches if he's able to get them online. From my estimation, OP should also be getting IOIs and occasional approaches too, but he's either not attune to this, or is not going to the right environments. His negative attitude doesn't come from rejection or poor outcomes with approach, but from reddit threads that has the worst toxic things he could read.

 

[zekko]

True, however, the OP is not an incel and said he's able to get mid-tier women from Tinder. I don't get how he's able to get anyone at all with OLD but feel differently about irl approaches. He should at least get mid-tier women with cold approaches if he's able to get them online. From my estimation, OP should also be getting IOIs and occasional approaches too, but he's either not attune to this, or is not going to the right environments.

Stands to reason that if he's successful online, he should be getting IOIs in real life. But maybe he doesn't get out much, or as you say, socialize in the right environments (places where there are women, and specifically, single women).

 

[BergischerLöwe]

But maybe he doesn't get out much, or as you say, socialize in the right environments (places where there are women, and specifically, single women).

Accurate

 

[BergischerLöwe]

From my estimation, OP should also be getting IOIs and occasional approaches too, but he's either not attune to this, or is not going to the right environments. His negative attitude doesn't come from rejection or poor outcomes with approach, but from reddit threads that has the worst toxic things he could read.

First sentence is accurate. As for the latter point a lot of my attitude comes from the fact that I've never been able to effectively approach irl, either cold or warm approach. Not learning how to appraoch during my teenage years really screwed me over in the long run

 

[Hamurabimbi]

@Hamurabimbi says he gets approached and gets IOIs, so that helps with a positive attitude. I guess they're both looking for their niche though. Not every woman is going to like you, unless maybe if you're rich and famous.

Let me be clear. These things don’t happen all the time. Yhey happen on occasion. I’m not some Chad who walks around with women jumping out of the woodwork trying to pull his pants off.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

With a warm approach, there is the stronger possibility of seeing her again (semi-regular contact). Let me go through some approach settings and classify.

1. Co-ed sports league: That would be warm approach. I've called it "weak social circle" before. Most co-ed sports leagues have sponsor bars where multiple teams congregate after games. If you hit on a woman on your same co-ed sports league team, that's a guarantee of repeated interaction. Hitting on women on other teams isn't a guarantee of seeing them again, but it's feasible.

2. High school or college classes are warm approach settings. It still takes a degree of courage to do these approaches.

3. High school or college extracurricular activities will count as warm approach.

4. Indoor retail venue approaching is cold approaching. It's highly unlikely to see the same person twice at a grocery store or mall.

5. The gym/fitness classes could be either cold or warm approach. Unlike an academic class, there's no guarantee you'll ever see the same female twice at a fitness class. There's no mandatory attendance. As for the general gym floor, it's more likely you'll see the same woman again if you two keep going to the gym at similar times. Gym floor approaches are difficult approaches. Fitness class is a little easier. I tend to think of these approaches more as cold. The fact that both of you go to LA Fitness isn't as strong of a bond as other approach settings.

6. Bars are cold approaches.

7. Outdoor approaching is cold approaching.



Your attitudes are limiting your ability to progress. I approach women all the time. I do not care in the slightest bit if they are offended or not. Most aren't. @We_ArE_VeNOM doesn't care either. The advantage you perceive with apps is the fallacy of efficiency and convenience. You like the ability to sit at home in comfortable clothing or even your underwear and swipe & text. You can swipe through hundreds of women in 2 hours sitting at home whereas if you did an outdoor/indoor retail approach session and were socially calibrated, you might do 5 approaches in 2 hours outdoors. 200-300 swipes vs. 5 approaches. I've also had 2 hour daygame sessions where I only did 1 approach. I've had plenty of daygame sessions where I did few approaches and arranged 0 dates/collected 0 phone numbers.

Your only alternative to approaching or swiping is to pay directly for sex. You will either need to pay directly for sex or pay indirectly for sex with dates and the time/effort it takes to either approach/swipe. Also, men often buy material possessions to impress women and that factors into the indirect cost of getting laid.

I consider bars/clubs to be warm approaches.

 

[SW15]

The exercise I did was to go up to a woman and say that my phone was dead and ask for the time.

That's a pointless exercise. That's going to burn prospects. How would someone arrange a date and collect contact information with a dead phone? He'd have to carry around a pen and paper.

Also, there are still wrist watches. We had a thread about whether the most well known luxury wrist watch brand can get a man laid.

Will a Rolex Get You Laid? Will a Rolex Help You Get a Longer Term Girlfriend?

https://nypost.com/2013/01/16/meet-the-rolex-romeos/ Rolex is one of the most prestigious brands. To get a Rolex time piece, expect to spend more than $8,000. While there are other watch brands, Rolex is the one most well known. If a man isn't getting laid and is struggling in...

www.sosuave.net

In my current state a woman approaching me irl is the best I can hope for as far as meeting women without apps, but that's never a realistic thing to count on since as a general rule women don't do that.

My photos rate around a 7 on Photofeeler. My looks are slightly above average and in normie range. Since turning 16 (24 years ago), I've rarely been opened by a woman. It has maybe happened about 5 times and all 5 times the woman was subpar looking.

Why would a woman need to initiate an approach? She has enough men approaching her. Additionally, some women don't even need to be approached anymore because their swipe apps and social media DMs are full of men.

Even though I haven't gotten approached much in real life, I have received IOIs and done approaches off of the IOIs I've received.

I consider bars/clubs to be warm approaches.

In what way? The person is a complete stranger and the connection is tenuous as best. There's no expectation that you and her will ever be in the same bar at the same time again, just like there'd be no expectation of that at the mall/grocery store.

 

[corrector]

First sentence is accurate. As for the latter point a lot of my attitude comes from the fact that I've never been able to effectively approach irl, either cold or warm approach. Not learning how to appraoch during my teenage years really screwed me over in the long run

You are approaching girls that have given you IOIs though right? What type of IOIs did you get yesterday or the past week? Lets talk about IOIs then. How many IOIs were from women you wanted to approach?

It sounds like you have potantial to reach your goals and should be successful on here.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

That's a pointless exercise. That's going to burn prospects. How would someone arrange a date and collect contact information with a dead phone? He'd have to carry around a pen and paper.

Also, there are still wrist watches. We had a thread about whether the most well known luxury wrist watch brand can get a man laid.

Will a Rolex Get You Laid? Will a Rolex Help You Get a Longer Term Girlfriend?

https://nypost.com/2013/01/16/meet-the-rolex-romeos/ Rolex is one of the most prestigious brands. To get a Rolex time piece, expect to spend more than $8,000. While there are other watch brands, Rolex is the one most well known. If a man isn't getting laid and is struggling in...

www.sosuave.net

My photos rate around a 7 on Photofeeler. My looks are slightly above average and in normie range. Since turning 16 (24 years ago), I've rarely been opened by a woman. It has maybe happened about 5 times and all 5 times the woman was subpar looking.

Why would a woman need to initiate an approach? She has enough men approaching her. Additionally, some women don't even need to be approached anymore because their swipe apps and social media DMs are full of men.

Even though I haven't gotten approached much in real life, I have received IOIs and done approaches off of the IOIs I've received.



In what way? The person is a complete stranger and the connection is tenuous as best. There's no expectation that you and her will ever be in the same bar at the same time again, just like there'd be no expectation of that at the mall/grocery store.

Everyone there is under the expectation that they may wind up meeting someone. Even if only for a short chat. If you go to a bar/club as a woman. You can expect to be approached. As a man, it is not expected , but certainly possible. unlike, say, a grocery store. Where no one expects an interaction. Also, it is acceptable to approach st at bar. And, unless the dude is hideous, creepy or innapropriatly drunk, Girls find it a pleasant experience. And most rejections are soft.