My Support Thread... Help me get over x , TY

[Ever onward]

Let me ask you something. Is this your first major break up?

I do know exactly where you're at though. I've been there before and I'm sort of there right now.

A few weeks ago I posted a thread on here about a girl who wanted to keep her options open though we were f-buddies. I knew she was after a bigger, better deal but I persisted with her. At one point she said to me that she had feelings for me and we were a happy couple for awhile. But then, without notice or reason really, she broke it off.

So I too am coping with a loss. I'm doing surprisingly well though. Especially by my standards.

See I was once like you. I had some ultra devastating break ups in my time. I remember when girls used to dump me (especially the first time I had a major relationship) I just felt destroyed. I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to move, I didn't want to do anything. There were times when I couldn't stop crying and times when I was on depression so that the only thing that numbed the pain was the pills. There were times when I had good friends right there by my side and there were times I had to pull myself together all by myself.

And yes I can relate to the way you looked her up on face book. I would do similar things. I would look at her Yahoo profile. Or I would drive by her house to see if there were any strange vehicles there.

And why would I do this? Even though I knew that she was seeing someone else, why would I punish myself? Because I still had a glimmer of hope. I thought "hmmmm if she's not with him then maybe it's because she realized what a mistake she made and she regretted losing me". Or I would think that she would realize what a great guy I am and come back to me and make it up to me. But that never happened with any of the girls who broke my heart.

Was some of this stalkerish behavior? Probably. But I was an emotional wreck and I didn't care. All I wanted was a glimmer of some hope to hold on to. But there was none. And eventually month after month went by and I would force myself not to make contact with her. I would mark it off on a calendar with a black marker to track my progress.

And finally one day, it stopped hurting so much. Life moved on. And there were other girls on the horizon.

Now I talked about this behavior sort of like it was one break up but it was many break ups that followed that pattern. At least 4 that I can think of.

And now here I am, a lot stronger. A girl just broke up with me and it's not that big of a deal. That is the power of indifference. Indifference is such a great emotional quality to cultivate though it may sound negative. Indifference simply means that nothing is a big deal. A month ago I had an extremely hot 24 year old tall blond milf who wanted to use me for sex. And now I don't. The truth is that it wasn't a big deal when I got her. It wasn't even a big deal when I lost her. It doesn't really make a difference in my life in the long run. Life goes on.

So I hope that in time you will learn to deal with your break ups better as I have. Meanwhile, do check out Swingers. That movie got me through some DARK times. I'm not sure I like your reading list though. There are some good books in there (and some not so good ones) but I think it's too early for you to think about finding a new woman because really, that's not what your life should be about.

So guess what. My ex was texting me a bit tonight. So tomorrow I'm going to start fresh marking off the days on the calender in which I don't contact her. Won't you join me? After all, why give them the satisfaction of thinking that we're the same losers that they dumped and are still pining over them?

Man I posted this response on August 14th. My break up with my ex happened at roughly the same time as yours. I think it's obvious that you won't accept that it's over. Talk about a big case of denial.

But guess what? I got over mine. I met a new girl a week before Thanksgiving. She's extremely hot and a tiger in bed. She also "gets me" which is something my ex or no other girl really has before.

Long story short, I moved on and found my bigger better deal. I'm glad my ex broke up with me. Because it allowed me to move on to someone who LIKES ME.

Listen dude, you can keep letting your ex call you and you can keep thinking about her. You can hope that your use of "Ganji Games" or whatever will bring her back to you. But as long as you think about her, remain in contact with her, and hope for her to come back, you will not heal. You are just delaying the healing process. By holding on like you do, you're not prolonging the relationship, you're prolonging the break up. You gotta heal some day. It's your choice to start now, or a few months from now when she dates someone else (again) after using you for an emotional tampon.

The longer you put off the inevitable healing process, the longer you're putting off finding your own Bigger Better Deal. I hope you get there some day.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Man I posted this response on August 14th. My break up with my ex happened at roughly the same time as yours. I think it's obvious that you won't accept that it's over. Talk about a big case of denial.

But guess what? I got over mine. I met a new girl a week before Thanksgiving. She's extremely hot and a tiger in bed. She also "gets me" which is something my ex or no other girl really has before.

Long story short, I moved on and found my bigger better deal. I'm glad my ex broke up with me. Because it allowed me to move on to someone who LIKES ME.


me too, me too, the exact same story, and I agree with your advice.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I was not a man.


And you're still not acting like one. Stop living in the past and move on. If you want to be a man, then as soon as a woman stops giving you what you want, you cut her out of your life. I get what I want or I stop giving altogether.

Your sour grapes excuses about how sex is bad remind me of Luke Skywalker, the 31 y/o virgin. You are simply trying to justify your involuntary celibacy by insulting sex, which is transparent. Sex is good, especially for you. You laying other women is also good for that silly 20 y/o girl you are hung up on. It will make her see the value in you. That's how women work. The best ganji game is letting her know that a lot of women are having sex with you.

A recent hb9 gf of mine dumped me and went back to an ex, but I had another girl before she even told me that she was back with me. She's still in denial that I replaced her so quickly. Every man she's ever met has turned AFC on her because she's hot and great in bed. It drives her nuts that I did not. She has been crying over me, obsessing over my myspace page, calling, and texting. Now she's single again, and will probably soon be a fb of mine. Btw, the ex I was boo-hooing about long ago on this thread is about a hb7 and now that I have had the hb9, the hb7 ex does not seem so hot.

So I just ganji'd a hot ex back by letting her know that I replaced her right away and went on having sex with different women. If you want your ex back, then you will do the same. I'm rooting for you, feelingloved, and I want to see you be happy. Like comedian Chris Rock says, 'New pvssy always clears the head!'

 

[feelingloved]

Thanks for rooting for me guys. She might be playing me. But either way I am over it.... in terms of not putting much attachment to either outcome.

I'm OK with whatever happens at this point. I'm enjoying life more. Work is great. My body is turning out as well as can be imagined... its truly a wonder. I'm getting my finances under control.
My herpes (or whatever the fck that was) is pretty much gone. I'm the best looking I've probably been in 10 years.

And the best part of it is she is contacting me 3 times to the 1 I contact her. ..giving me compliments, sucking up, and blaming herself for the breakup. Its a real personality shift for her.

So the part of my mind which I felt was broken, is now rebuilt. I've regained my sanity. My main goal of this thread was to find a way in life to get to this point. I wanted to have her want me again, to respect me again, to have a "choice" again.
And I feel I've got to that point. My self image is new. So a great burden is released from me. I finally feel I will be able to move on without regret, if we don't get back together.

So I don't really care at this point what happens. I'm just sharing my story from this point forward.

She is realizing what she lost. And I'm just going to continue doing what I've been doing.

Over the next 10 weeks I will buy a new bed and a big screen tv. I will get my ride cleaned up. Then I will put aside some dating money, & start hitting the bars and health stores looking for girls who suit my taste.

I'm still going through the book of pook. I've been reading LTR websites & forums.
And I discovered "sexgodmethod" which I will read soon.

And yes, the true method for Ganjiing is to start dating others.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Good, FL, I am glad to hear things are going well. I am rooting for you.

the true method for Ganjiing is to start dating others

You are right. I want you to go and do it so that you can see how much fun it is.

The hb9 ex I was talking about, she is visiting a relative at the hospital, and I have been going to see her the past two nights. Tonight I brought her some booze and got her drunk as we sat in my car in the parking lot. She constantly made fun of her baby daddy whom she left me for, and was waiting AFC-style for her in the hospital to get done with me. And then the other guy I think she screwed after we broke up started calling her, and must have called and texted thirty times over two hours; I'm not exaggerating. The last text was like 'please don't be mad. I'll be waiting by the phone for you to call.' She told me he had no self-esteem. She also told me about another couple guys calling her, and we laughed about them. Then I subtlely pulled all of our little dj tricks - ec, kino, push/pull, hair-stroking kiss test, freeze outs, etc, just for fun, and we ended up making out as I felt her up and got her hot and bothered. We almost fvcked in my car, but I didn't care enough to press the issue. It's obvious that we will soon anyway. I actually care for this girl a lot, crazy though she is.

But I got her back because I went and got another gf, whom I also care a lot about - but not enough to not see other people. I also have what should basically be a 'show up and fvck' date tomorrow night with girl #3. There's also another girl I dated who I stopped calling but I know was into me a lot...she'd get drunk and tell me.. she would be plate #4. I have done nothing to hide any of this from hb9 girl, the one I actually want the most. Tonight she told me that I fvck with her head and that no other man has ever been like me. What she means is that I didn't turn AFC on her...and she is talking about A LOT of men. Compliments from slvtty girls mean a lot. But maybe none of those guys ever get to read sosuave and plate theory (thank you sosuave).

Another thing, when she was being b!tchy and leaving me, she told me that it was 'hard to think of me sexually.' That hurt That is until I remembered that words mean nothing - actions are what count. Tonight I was pulling her hair, making her moan and groan, wanting to have sex in a parking lot. I am going to show her 'hard to think of sexually' Words mean nothing. Whatever hurtful or post-breakup enticing things that ex of yours has said mean absolutely nothing. Don't carry around pain over anything that a woman has said to you. Actions are all that matter. If she's not with you, then another girl deserves your attention.

Now go forth and prosper

 

[Ever onward]

Well props bud! We may give you tough love sometimes but it's only because we care, and we have been there.

Sounds like you're really getting your life in order. That's a good step.

 

[feelingloved]

Ever_onward, Bible_Belt
thank you for teaching me as a wing. All of it is encouraging.

 

[Zero2]

.... this thread is still around?

Dude, my breakup was the same time as yours.. Im porking my co worker in the staff toilet already, wat are you still doing here bro?

 

[feelingloved]

I'm a chump.

You're right. All of you.

I did get a love letter 1 week ago, telling me how "Great" I am. I think it is now really a blow off just to ease her guilt. Same thing will all the calls and time spent talking.

We talked on Friday. (She called) She went to a theater with her female boss, she said. I figured she might not be dating this guy, or things could be on the rocks with them. (IE why not go with him). Any ways, we had a great conversation late Friday night, and at the end she said she would call me this weekend.

I wanted to stop her from saying it, because she has said that kind of thing many times before, and turned out to be a lie. IE she says she will call but doesn't. I just don't want to see her as a liar. She insisted she would call me this weekend past. So I didn't bring the lying topic up.

9:30 Sunday, no call yet. I called her cell. No answer. 11:30 I called her cell.
I left a message saying "I hated how she lied about little stuff like that. I know she has issues, but thats pretty simple."

No call again today. So 7:15 here, I called her cell. No answer. I basically said. "C, This is knida hard to say. I love you. I miss you. And because of that I hate you. And its better for me if I just don't talk to you. I hope you understand."

I'm turning off my answering machine. I am removing her from facebook friend, from MSN. I'm done.

I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

Way I look at it, if she can lie about little things, she can lie about big things. And we know she has already done that. I can understand falling out of love, losing attraction, affairs, being mean... etc. I just don't understand anyone lying about little things that don't matter.
I have no understanding for that. No empathy.

I want to have nothing to do with it. So it has freed me. The only way I would talk with her is if she stalked me down and was standing in front of me in tears. And even then it would be a bad idea.

As for moving on... I'm not thrilled with the idea of falling in love again. I guess I could sleep with someone who I wouldn't mind being in love with. I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who I knew I would never love.
So its a catch 22.

My life plan is just to put more time into sleep, workout, get by, and learn more.

So fire away guys if you want. Sorry for wasting all your time. Maybe this thread will be a lesson for someone else.

 

[KontrollerX]

This has been a great thread and a historical part of Sosuave for future members to look at who've had a rough time going through a breakup but like another poster said feelingloved I think you need to start a new thread at this point about your new life and the great future ahead of you or else you'll just keep getting morons coming in here telling you to get over it when it seems you have but continue to use this thread sending the wrong message and allowing people to troll you.

Anyway good job on getting fit, getting more well read and deleting her contact information.

And please start a new thread about your new life and future goals or at the very least strongly consider doing this.

You're a good man and brother in the Sosuave army and you don't deserve to be trolled so put this thread to bed make a new and improved thread about your future, leave this one in the dust where also your pain belongs and move onto that brighter future.

Bible Belt and I and I'm sure other members who have followed your journey will support you in your new thread just the same as we have done here and we'll all continue to learn and grow from eachother's wisdom.

We're pulling for you brother.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who I knew I would never love.

Me either, but I can love just about anybody.

Not to defend your ex, but women lie..a lot. A girl I am seeing has a jealous bf who texts her constantly to ask if she is with me. And he is naive enough to think that a woman would tell him the truth about that?

I would suggest that you forget about love and go find sex... lots of the best sex you can have with the most beautiful women you can find. Then one of them will fall in love with you. Let the woman be the one tortured by love. I know how you felt all weekend when she didn't call, been there plenty of times, but I'm never going back. Remove the happily ever after fairy tale ideas of love from your thinking and you will become a lot happier and more successful in your relationships.

And yeah, a new thread would be a great idea.

 

[Ever onward]

FL said:

Way I look at it, if she can lie about little things, she can lie about big things. And we know she has already done that. I can understand falling out of love, losing attraction, affairs, being mean... etc. I just don't understand anyone lying about little things that don't matter.
I have no understanding for that. No empathy.

I don't understand why girls do that either. Believe me, it's not just your ex. It's almost like they just want to prove to themselves that they still have your feelings. I bet she's telling herself "see how special I am! FL is STILL so much into me that he gets so upset over a little thing like a phone call from me".

I told you about my new girlfriend right? She invites me over for the weekend. She makes dinner for me. We bake cookies together. When a girl WANTS you the difference is like night and day. She will go out of her way to spend time with you let alone do something simple like make a phone call.

I know that most of us don't fault you for the rough time you've had with all this. We've all had bad break ups. I had one "break up" that lasted a year. It happens man.

But Kontroller is right, if you want to start a new thread about moving on with your life, Bible Belt and I will give what support we can.

Oh yeah, one more thing I want to comment on. :crackup:

The only way I would talk with her is if she stalked me down and was standing in front of me in tears. And even then it would be a bad idea.

This reminds me of something funny I came up with during one of my bad breaks up years ago. Back then I would say this about my ex:

"I'll talk to her, but only while she's svcking my d!ck, only to tell her how worthless she is"

 

[Eddie417]

We're pulling for you brother.

Ditto. And KontrollerX is right. Start a new thread not just for practical reasons but for symbolic ones. Leave the past in the past.

One thing that has always struck me when I'm in a great relationship. I always think "man I can't believe how despressed I was when my ex and I split up. Seems like such a non-issue now".

You'll get there someday and think the same exact thing.