my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

[GoodMan32]

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread.

In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me (which I generally like to hide from a woman):

• The fact I don't drive.
• The fact I partially rely on parents financially.
• The fact I have hardly any social life.
• The fact I hold extreme political beliefs (Since we aren't supposed to talk politics on this forum, I won't get into my exact beliefs. The point is: Extreme political beliefs in either direction can hurt your chances with the ladies. Extreme beliefs are called extreme for a reason. Most of the population doesn't hold extreme beliefs).
• The fact I have mental illnesses galore.

With everything I hide from a woman, it reaches the point where I'm basically preventing a woman from getting to know the true me.

Hardly any woman would go for a man with everything I mentioned that's working against me, right?

 

[BPH]

• The fact I don't drive.

Go get a license...if 16-year-olds can do it, I'm sure you can too.

• The fact I partially rely on parents financially.

I'm in a similar boat. I live with them but they don't subsidize my life; I still have a job and pay for my things. If you're unable to do that, get a job.

• The fact I have hardly any social life.

Then go outside, dude. I have several friends at my local gym just because I go so regularly. I see the same people every time and get to know them just by proximity and asking to work in on exercises. This has the added benefit of making you more attractive by being in better shape.

• The fact I hold extreme political beliefs (Since we aren't supposed to talk politics on this forum, I won't get into my exact beliefs. The point is: Extreme political beliefs in either direction can hurt your chances with the ladies. Extreme beliefs are called extreme for a r

Have you tried NOT doing that? Seriously, how hard is it to not make your political beliefs your identity? I consider myself conservative. But that doesn't mean I won't date or sleep with women who have more liberal ideologies. If THEY have a problem with MY political leanings, that's their issue, not mine.

• The fact I have mental illnesses galore.

Then maybe you shouldn't date, dude. Nobody is entitled to somebody else's attraction. If you have problems that are bad enough that they get in the way of relationships you should probably work on them.

Hardly any woman would go for a man with everything I mentioned that's working against me, right?

You're fishing for validation that somebody with as many shortcomings as you mention is still worthy of dating. Reframe your question as if you were selling somebody a car:

"This car barely runs, breaks down often, doesn't get many miles to the gallon, is butt ugly, and you'll spend more time fixing it than you will be driving it. Will you be paying by cash or card?"

Do you see how stupid that sounds?

Women are not going to be flocking to you, based on how you describe yourself. What matters now is deciding whether you're ok with that fact, or whether you're going to make some changes.

 

[needimprovement250]

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread.

In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me (which I generally like to hide from a woman):

• The fact I don't drive.
• The fact I partially rely on parents financially.
• The fact I have hardly any social life.
• The fact I hold extreme political beliefs (Since we aren't supposed to talk politics on this forum, I won't get into my exact beliefs. The point is: Extreme political beliefs in either direction can hurt your chances with the ladies. Extreme beliefs are called extreme for a reason. Most of the population doesn't hold extreme beliefs).
• The fact I have mental illnesses galore.

With everything I hide from a woman, it reaches the point where I'm basically preventing a woman from getting to know the true me.

Hardly any woman would go for a man with everything I mentioned that's working against me, right?

I can relate, that’s why I wanted to reply. I don’t have ASD, but I do have low confidence and never learned how to properly interact with women during the formative years. This is my list:

I still live at home with my parents

My political beliefs aren’t extreme, but the party I vote for is a super minority in my state

The fact that I have no experience with women at 31, which is off putting and a big turn off to most of them

The fact that I have no career or income stability.

 

[Kladed]

@BPH pretty much summed it up, but to add on a little.

Just take baby steps.

Start with saying Hi to old people you pass as a nice gesture. Compliment a couple people in passing. Walk up to a struggling dude at the gym and help him out. Walk up to the buff guy at the gym and ask him to give you some tips. In the end work your way up to cold approaches etc.

I had similar issues to you, and I am still working on some. All it took is building myself up one step at a time. You won't fix your problems immediately, but you need to stop being in your head and take action.

 

[GoodMan32]

I can relate, that’s why I wanted to reply. I don’t have ASD, but I do have low confidence and never learned how to properly interact with women during the formative years. This is my list:

I still live at home with my parents

My political beliefs aren’t extreme, but the party I vote for is a super minority in my state

The fact that I have no experience with women at 31, which is off putting and a big turn off to most of them

The fact that I have no career or income stability.

I know a guy who's a virgin (he's in his early to mid 30s).

He makes decent money, has a reliable vehicle, and owns a house. So he has some factors going for him. Evidently though his income/vehicle/home ownership hasn't gotten him anywhere with the ladies. I guess what I'm saying is even if you have stuff going for you, there's still no guarantee you'll succeed sexually.

 

[SW15]

I guess what I'm saying is even if you have stuff going for you, there's still no guarantee you'll succeed sexually.

We have a great example of that on this forum. @sangheilios is 6'4" and fit/muscular. That sounds like a top tier man (aka 'Chad'). Despite being 6'4" and fit/muscular, he has had seduction challenges.

 

[corrector]

I guess we have all the pain. You are still dealing with some women at least.

 

[GoodMan32]

I guess we have all the pain. You are still dealing with some women at least.

I know you've pointed out before that my luck is seemingly better than yours.

Rest assured though, most (if not all) of these broads I get minimal attention from would fly away like a bat out of hell if they learned the ins and outs of the true me.

 

[needimprovement250]

I know a guy who's a virgin (he's in his early to mid 30s).

He makes decent money, has a reliable vehicle, and owns a house. So he has some factors going for him. Evidently though his income/vehicle/home ownership hasn't gotten him anywhere with the ladies. I guess what I'm saying is even if you have stuff going for you, there's still no guarantee you'll succeed sexually.

I completely agree. Even when attaining all of what you described that guy has, you can still have no success with women. Who knows, it could be his looks or personality that’s turning them off, or it could be the fact that he’s inexperienced. I’ve heard from women who have said even if a guy is good looking with money, they still wouldn’t want him if he’s inexperienced because they don’t want to deal with a guy who doesn’t know anything about relationships or sex. Its a big dealbreaker for women and only guys who are older and inexperienced can truly understand how much experience matters to people when you’re someone who has none.

 

[GoodMan32]

I completely agree. Even when attaining all of what you described that guy has, you can still have no success with women. Who knows, it could be his looks or personality that’s turning them off, or it could be the fact that he’s inexperienced. I’ve heard from women who have said even if a guy is good looking with money, they still wouldn’t want him if he’s inexperienced because they don’t want to deal with a guy who doesn’t know anything about relationships or sex. Its a big dealbreaker for women and only guys who are older and inexperienced can truly understand how much experience matters to people when you’re someone who has none.

As I remember a woman putting it (on a tweet) once: A man having a decent-paying job, a vehicle, and his own place are simply the bare minimum requirements to get him through the door. There's no guarantee he'll get anywhere with her.

The virgin I know in his early to mid 30s is close to 300 pounds. Additionally, he has a tendency to hyper-focus on specific girls (He doesn't know when to let it go. He'll replay all sorts of scenarios in his head of how he might have had a chance with her if only he did xyz thing differently). He also doesn't seem to understand female employees in service jobs are polite to him because they have to be; not because they're into him.

His lack of experience certainly doesn't help either. The furthest he's ever gone with a woman has all been above the belt.

 

[corrector]

I completely agree. Even when attaining all of what you described that guy has, you can still have no success with women. Who knows, it could be his looks or personality that’s turning them off, or it could be the fact that he’s inexperienced. I’ve heard from women who have said even if a guy is good looking with money, they still wouldn’t want him if he’s inexperienced because they don’t want to deal with a guy who doesn’t know anything about relationships or sex. Its a big dealbreaker for women and only guys who are older and inexperienced can truly understand how much experience matters to people when you’re someone who has none.

But you have some experience since you are not a virgin and have been with a woman before. I have some experience too. We both don't (and many guys don't either) have relationship experience in terms of being more than 9 months into a relationship.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Honestly you shouldn't even be worrying about women until you rewire your mind.

And that is going to take a long time and a lot of hard work.

 

[corrector]

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread.

In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me (which I generally like to hide from a woman):

• The fact I don't drive

I do drive. However, I only legally own one car that I have a loan on. My dad mainly drives the car when I'm off to work, drops me to the train station, and picks me up. I take the train to and from work and don't want to drive to work and back as I can't stand the traffic, parking fees, and all the other issues that would further undermine and already low-paying full-time job.

• The fact I partially rely on parents financially.

That explains how you are functioning on a job at $ 35K and having a side-hobby of escortcelling. It would not be realistic to afford escorts unless you were getting some sort of help. I'm supported by my folks, have a similarly paying job as you do (when adjusted for currency?) and can say that unless I have a life partner/marriage, I can't support the current lifestyle on my own or more than half the monthly paycheque would go to shelter costs.

This is a big issue with me and it feels like you are carrying a heavy weight on your back that zaps the life energy from you where you can't even think of getting involved with any woman.

At least you are not a caregiver to your folks. Imagine, when your folks start relying on you, you have to do ALL the chores in the home, including dishes and laundry, and the new expenses that they start incurring (ie diapers, chair lifts if they fall and become disabled, etc...) to further put you into a hole. This is where I'm at and any desire I may have had to find someone in the last decade is pretty much gone now unless the woman wants to be a caregiver to my folks and help relieve the burden.

• The fact I have hardly any social life.

You get minimal attention from broads. Honestly, I do too. I have a journal that looks at every interaction I have with the opposite sex every day. If there is no interactions for 2 days, then I'll allow myself to watch ASRM videos to have personal attention in that manner.
ASMR videos have been very effective in creating a false sense of having a social life. Having a creative an intelligent mind that can choose the right videos and have a sense that I have a connection and flowing into a direction is great.

Sometimes I'll bring one of those 2-4 hour long study videos and sneak in a smartphone and watch a study video at my desk at work to feel like I have a connection with a lady. It actually works.

• The fact I hold extreme political beliefs (Since we aren't supposed to talk politics on this forum, I won't get into my exact beliefs. The point is: Extreme political beliefs in either direction can hurt your chances with the ladies. Extreme beliefs are called extreme for a reason. Most of the population doesn't hold extreme beliefs).

On the land of youtube, who doesn't have an extreme belief these days? You don't tend to get allot of views as a content creator unless you have some extreme views. Maybe you should make your own youtube channel and become a content creator yourself so you can make money with your extreme views or build up a following (which would include compatibable women).

• The fact I have mental illnesses galore.

With the way the economy is going, who doesn't? Poverty had a tendency to get people anxious, stressed out and mentally ill. Too many bills can push anyone on the edge.

I wrote an email to another manager at work, telling her I miss seeing her in the cafeteria since I use her presence as a justification to subscribe to streaming services, so I have a visual distraction to not approach and talk with her.

Unless you wrote an email like that to one of your co-workers or managers, then perhaps you are not as crazy as I am, lol! I still have the job by the way. I think she agrees with me. I last saw her in the cafeteria this past week, and we both were alone in the cafeteria together and we both did not talk to each other -- but I watched videoss, and I'm sure going to continue subscribing for at least another month since I last saw her! You think you can do any worst than I can? You think I'm going to get laid with that lady? You can't possibly do worst than that with any ASD or whatever you are talking about.

 

[needimprovement250]

But you have some experience since you are not a virgin and have been with a woman before. I have some experience too. We both don't (and many guys don't either) have relationship experience in terms of being more than 9 months into a relationship.

Yeah but it was nearly 10 years ago. That’s also the only date I’ve ever been on. That definitely makes it tough because most women either of us come across will have more experience than us and find that unappealing that she’s the more experienced one. I think you’ve said before that you live with family members too and that makes it harder too when you’re a grown adult.

 

[needimprovement250]

As I remember a woman putting it (on a tweet) once: A man having a decent-paying job, a vehicle, and his own place are simply the bare minimum requirements to get him through the door. There's no guarantee he'll get anywhere with her.

The virgin I know in his early to mid 30s is close to 300 pounds. Additionally, he has a tendency to hyper-focus on specific girls (He doesn't know when to let it go. He'll replay all sorts of scenarios in his head of how he might have had a chance with her if only he did xyz thing differently). He also doesn't seem to understand female employees in service jobs are polite to him because they have to be; not because they're into him.

His lack of experience certainly doesn't help either. The furthest he's ever gone with a woman has all been above the belt.

That’s sad but true these days. OLD and social media have inflated women’s standards to absurd levels. Also the fact that they have dozens of men in their phone who are trying get with them and you have to compete against all of them, so it’s no surprise they see what you described as the bare minimum.

Sounds like looks and personality are definitely his problem and that he gets oneitis very easily. Even I have enough common sense and self awareness to know that women in service jobs aren’t flirting with me and that it’s just their customer service personality. Yeah his lack of experience is definitely a detriment too, I’ve had sex but it was so long ago. Inexperience also causes you to make so many obvious mistakes that most other men have already made and learned from years ago. So it hurts your chances beyond women being turned off by it

 

[corrector]

Yeah but it was nearly 10 years ago. That’s also the only date I’ve ever been on. That definitely makes it tough because most women either of us come across will have more experience than us and find that unappealing that she’s the more experienced one. I think you’ve said before that you live with family members too and that makes it harder too when you’re a grown adult.

Right, but it's better than no experience at all 10 years ago. That means you are not a virgin. The other issue of logic, is would it matter if you had a second, third, fourth or even fifth women? These women have been with ALLOT of guys. Even if you have been with more than one it would still be a differential where she has way more experience than you do so you still can't win even with that logic. If you are looking at playboy/Chad level of experience, then you are always going to come up short.

Since you are using the same excuse all the time, then continue using that woman you did have experience with as a reference point that you are not a total loser...you dealt with someone in the past. Same situation with me. I was married in the past. We are all objectively not incel, but subjectively, we feel that way because we are not dealing with women and have insanely long dry-spells.

 

[MatureDJ]

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread.

In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me (which I generally like to hide from a woman):

• The fact I don't drive.
• The fact I partially rely on parents financially.
• The fact I have hardly any social life.
• The fact I hold extreme political beliefs (Since we aren't supposed to talk politics on this forum, I won't get into my exact beliefs. The point is: Extreme political beliefs in either direction can hurt your chances with the ladies. Extreme beliefs are called extreme for a reason. Most of the population doesn't hold extreme beliefs).
• The fact I have mental illnesses galore.

With everything I hide from a woman, it reaches the point where I'm basically preventing a woman from getting to know the true me.

Hardly any woman would go for a man with everything I mentioned that's working against me, right?

Yet, if the OP were a chick, none of these would be an impediment to having a social life.

Or if the OP were a dude, but tall, these would not be an impediment either.

 

[MatureDJ]

• The fact I hold extreme political beliefs (Since we aren't supposed to talk politics on this forum, I won't get into my exact beliefs. The point is: Extreme political beliefs in either direction can hurt your chances with the ladies. Extreme beliefs are called extreme for a reason. Most of the population doesn't hold extreme beliefs).

Heck, the extremists in ISIS couldn't keep the poontang away, so I don't agree with this assessment. Pol Pot wasn't a RiceCel.

 

[Bingo-Player]

OP you have to understand the world does not owe you anything

Ok you've got personal issues , find me someone who doesn't ?

Find solutions to the issues and improve yourself , then worry about women

its not rocket science to understand a woman wants the best type of man she can get and vice versa