My plate is pregnant what should I do.

[azanon]

>Marrying because of an unwanted pregnancy is dumb. If you don't believe me, I might be able to get you to talk with my brother who just recently divorce and married because of an unwanted pregnancy.

>There's only one good reason to marry; Because both of you are absolutely in love with each other and really desire to spend the rest of your lives together. All other reasons are bad. If that comes across matter-of-fact, and not just an opinion, that was intentional.

> She's pregnant, not you. Therefore, if any baby is aborted (killed, if you must), then you can be completely certain that it won't be you doing it. Also, it's completely her choice whether you're going to pay (in the form of child support) or not. She's either aware of that fact.. or she isn't. Cost-wise, an abortion would be an absolute bargain. Even if it isn't yours and she was banging someone else, are you willing to gamble $500 or so vs. 18 years of child support?

>Start using a condom 100% of the time from now on, or get married and don't use one. Also, protect discarded condoms. Yes, women will go in a bathroom and scoop up your sperm and insert it in themselves.

>IMO, the unwanted pregnancy is mostly her responsibility anyway. Since she knows as a woman she can get pregnant, its logically primarily her responsibility to take many of the variety of forms that can be used to prevent it. Condoms worn by a man should be, in practice, just additional protection over and above the measures that a woman should be taking. If you think its logical for you to think of this as just as much your fault, then also start blaming yourself, when your friend doesn't take care of his automobile simply because every other weekend he comes over to your house to watch a football game and parks that car in your garage. HIS car, HIS responsibility to care for it.

 

[Colossus]

Hey LOOKYOUNG--

It sounds to me like this happened with an ideal girl....as far as these things go. I agree with Jeffst and Guru---this may be a blessing in diguise.

I think this is one of those life events that separates the Men from the boys. What you do with this decision really says a lot about your character. I'm not saying there is a right or wrong answer, per se, but I agree with you about the abortion thing. I would not feel right about this.

I cant really say what I would do, since I'm not in your shoes. As impartial advice, however, I would encourage you not think of this in "soulmate" terms. First of all, Sosuave is not the place to bring that question, and second--waiting for this "soulmate" feeling keeps a lot of people from being happy.

I would also caution you with the paternity test. This could really, really hurt your girl and may make matters more difficult. If you have any doubt, however, then do it. Better to know for sure and maybe rock the boat then ignore your doubt out of regard for her feelings.

Best of luck whatever you do.

On a related note, DO NOT marry her just for the baby. My sister did this at 20 years old, and now she is in the process of divorce at 24, trying to recapture her lost college years. At the time her and her ex-husband did it bcause of family pressure and because they thought it was "the right thing to do". I gotta tell you, marrying a girl because you got her pregnant IS NOT always the right thing to do....because the couple can end up resenting each other. I'm not trying to be negative, but keep this in mind because with traditional-type families there is a lot of pressure.

 

[STR8UP]

It's called taking responsibility for your actions. That's what makes us men different from the girls you keep *complaining* about all the time.

To the OP - I'm not saying that if you marry her the relationship is going to work - but you better at least *try*. Besides, it might actually turn out for the BETTER.

So let me get this straight. You are telling him to at least "try" marriage?

Are you kidding me?

You realize the possible consequences if it doesn't turn out for the better (which based upon the information here and statistics is unlikely)?

What you are essentially saying is that because the two of them "screwed up" and made a baby, that part of HIS obligation is to hand her an undated check for half his assets?

Are you INSANE???

There is HUUUUUUGE difference between supporting a child you bring into this world, and throwing the dice because you want to "do the right thing". Option one= 18 years of child support, Option 2= 18 years of child support+alimony+half your wealth if it doesn't "work out for the better".

Wow, I had no idea how deep into this web some of you guys still are.

Hey LOOKYOUNG--

It sounds to me like this happened with an ideal girl....as far as these things go. I agree with Jeffst and Guru---this may be a blessing in diguise.

He refers to her as a "plate", says that he believes that he won't be happy if he marries this woman, and you refer to her as an "ideal girl"???

I do not disagree with a person marrying for practical reasons...."love" is bullsh!t anyways.....but to suggest that he marry a "plate" that he knocked up?

Wow, just....wow...

 

[speed dawg]

If some of you would read his post instead of trying to preach, you'd realize where he said he had 2 choices. Letting her raise the baby on her own wasn't one of them.

She's pregnant, not you. Therefore, if any baby is aborted (killed, if you must), then you can be completely certain that it won't be you doing it. Also, it's completely her choice whether you're going to pay (in the form of child support) or not. She's either aware of that fact.. or she isn't.

Anazon that's the dumbest sh1t I've ever heard. Yeah, Lookyoung's not responsible at all. Give me a fvcking break.

I know it's freaking against the rules to care about the life of another human being (especially women) here, but sh1t some of you self proclaimed hardasses should step back and look at what you're typing.

 

[azanon]

If some of you would read his post instead of trying to preach, you'd realize where he said he had 2 choices. Letting her raise the baby on her own wasn't one of them.

Anazon that's the dumbest sh1t I've ever heard. Yeah, Lookyoung's not responsible at all. Give me a fvcking break.

I know it's freaking against the rules to care about the life of another human being (especially women) here, but sh1t some of you self proclaimed hardasses should step back and look at what you're typing.

Unless I'm mistaken, men don't have abortions. Also, unless I'm mistaken, (biological) men don't get pregnant. If abortions are legal in her state, I can tell you with exact precision what percentage of that decision is hers, and what percentage of that decision is his. 100% hers, 0% his. Ethics will have exactly zero relevance when things are all said and done. Legal trumps ethics every single time no matter how much you like or don't like that.

Any questions, Einstein.... I mean speed dawg? You've been here long enough to know that a pollyannish mindset is thought of as a naive one, speed dawg.

Maybe ..... eventually, .. women and their mothers will start teaching them how to prevent horrible tragedies such as unwanted pregnancies. If they have to learn this the hard way, then so be it.

When women start volunterring to check my balls once a month for testicular cancer in the shower, then maybe I'll start seeing this thing differently. Until then, I think I'll keep considering it my responsibility to care for my body, and women can consider it their responsibility to care for their body.

 

[Trader]

So let me get this straight. You are telling him to at least "try" marriage?

That's what happens when you mess up and get some girl pregnant. You OWN it.

Are you kidding me?

Not at all - better to *try* marriage than to have another baby killed or have another baby grow up in this world without his/her real father there in the home.

You realize the possible consequences if it doesn't turn out for the better (which based upon the information here and statistics is unlikely)?

What you are essentially saying is that because the two of them "screwed up" and made a baby, that part of HIS obligation is to hand her an undated check for half his assets?

Are you INSANE???

That's what happens when you create new life. Sex has HUGE ramifications. This is not some *game* little boy where you can push the reset button. This is a precious human baby we are talking about.

There is HUUUUUUGE difference between supporting a child you bring into this world, and throwing the dice because you want to "do the right thing". Option one= 18 years of child support, Option 2= 18 years of child support+alimony+half your wealth if it doesn't "work out for the better".

Wow, I had no idea how deep into this web some of you guys still are.

You are correct, but alas you are ONLY looking at it from a financial point of view.

Must suck to be that baby who gets aborted, or grows up without his real father in his home.

He refers to her as a "plate", says that he believes that he won't be happy if he marries this woman, and you refer to her as an "ideal girl"???

I do not disagree with a person marrying for practical reasons...."love" is bullsh!t anyways.....but to suggest that he marry a "plate" that he knocked up?

Wow, just....wow...

For the baby's sake yes. If you want to avoid responsibility - I highly recommend you cut your balls off and turn into a girl - or go into a fantasy world (like SIMS).

Newsflash - when you create a baby, it's not all about YOU any more. It's about the baby - it's your damn seed, own it.

 

[Trader]

Anazon that's the dumbest sh1t I've ever heard. Yeah, Lookyoung's not responsible at all. Give me a fvcking break.

I know it's freaking against the rules to care about the life of another human being (especially women) here, but sh1t some of you self proclaimed hardasses should step back and look at what you're typing.

Exactly. It's your seed, it's your baby, you better damn well care about it.

Unless I'm mistaken, men don't have abortions. Also, unless I'm mistaken, (biological) men don't get pregnant. If abortions are legal in her state, I can tell you with exact precision what percentage of that decision is hers, and what percentage of that decision is his. 100% hers, 0% his. Ethics will have exactly zero relevance when things are all said and done. Legal trumps ethics every single time no matter how much you like or don't like that.

Azanon - you are correct that legally, the decision is completely the girl's. But no girl would EVER get an abortion if men as a whole refused to tolerate it. Alas, men run away from responsibility and say: 'If you want to get an abortion, it's your choice, my hands are clean.' This gives girl the LICENSE to go through with abortion. You know it, I know it.

Maybe ..... eventually, .. women and their mothers will start teaching them how to prevent horrible tragedies such as unwanted pregnancies. If they have to learn this the hard way, then so be it.

You are better than that. You are expecting girls to take on responsibility to prevent unwanted pregnancies? Keep dreaming. You know that 'girl' + 'taking on responsibility' are incompatible with each other. The only way to prevent unwanted pregnancies is through us guys. If you don't want to get girls pregnant, don't bang them, or get a vasectomy, or use a condom, or BJ only, etc. You know and I know that girls can BS you about being on the pill.

 

[MrLuvr]

That's what happens when you mess up and get some girl pregnant. You OWN it.

And btw, this is not the first time he has been in this situation. If I recall correctly, he posted another drama thread a while back about being all freaked out that a girl he banged without a condom was pregnant.

He obviously didn't learn his lesson that time and continues with the same behaviour.

 

[decades]

plate spinning gets a reality check!! "should I marry one of my PLATES?" hilarious. would you be asking to marry her if she wasn't pregnant? no? also, she may be "spinning" too. get a paternity test.

 

[azanon]

Azanon - you are correct that legally, the decision is completely the girl's. But no girl would EVER get an abortion if men as a whole refused to tolerate it.

What world do you live in? If you mean, if men would collectively pass a law against it, then yeah maybe so. If not, I ask again.... what world do you live in?

Alas, men run away from responsibility and say: 'If you want to get an abortion, it's your choice, my hands are clean.' This gives girl the LICENSE to go through with abortion. You know it, I know it.

Preventing unwanted pregnancy, especially in unwedded, sexually active women, is 100% the woman's responsiblity. Any woman having premarital sex without implementation of a SOLID, near fool proof birth control method is completely, and utterly irresponsible. There's the pill, there's the patch, there's inserts.... all sorts of measure that are 98%+ effective.

The only reason I'd advise, and continue to advise, men to always use a condom, is because there are so many women out there that are under the mistaken impression that it's not fully their responsibility or.... worse... they think it's completely the man's responsibility to prevent THEIR body from becoming pregnant. Granted, this is to say nothing of the added health benefits of wearing a condom.

If you want to know what is man's fault, it's man's fault for creating this mistaken impression that taking care of THEIR bodies is as much our responsibility as theirs. WE have let these feminists trick us into thinking their bodies are ours to take care of. I see you've bought this mistaken belief in exactly three ways; hook, line, and sinker.

BTW, I've been married for 16 years now, and the only birth control we've ever used is her taking the pill. I have one 5 year old son. Know how that happened? She went off the pill ONE MONTH (because we were ready to have a child and collectively decided that she go off the pill), and we confirmed pregnancy with a test 14 days later. This is but one of several 98-99% effective birth control measures that (responsible) women can take.

 

[STR8UP]

And the lambs go off to slaughter....

This thread will be locked by tonight, which is too bad because it brings up many VERY thought provoking discussion and shows just how deeply ingrained this whole idea is that "men are disposable".

I could care less about the abortion argument. My concern is that not only do we have the OP talking about "soulmates" and adopting a "save a h0" attitude (she won't be able to marry an Albanian man if she has a kid), but that we now are proposing that he ink his life away "for the sake of the kid".

Not at all - better to *try* marriage than to have another baby killed or have another baby grow up in this world without his/her real father there in the home.

What has this world come to? Are you REALLY proposing he marry a woman so his (presumably) kid will have a two parent household?

That's what happens when you create new life. Sex has HUGE ramifications. This is not some *game* little boy where you can push the reset button. This is a precious human baby we are talking about.

So you are saying that this man should enslave himself to this situation for life, just so Jr. has the added benefit of a two parent household? Yea, that makes sense. Let him see mommy and daddy fight every day for the next 20 years. That will make him a better human being.

You are correct, but alas you are ONLY looking at it from a financial point of view.

Money is secondary. How much is your soul worth?

Must suck to be that baby who gets aborted, or grows up without his real father in his home.

Or in a home where mommy is depressed and daddy is a broken half-man.

 

[Colossus]

He refers to her as a "plate", says that he believes that he won't be happy if he marries this woman, and you refer to her as an "ideal girl"???

I do not disagree with a person marrying for practical reasons...."love" is bullsh!t anyways.....but to suggest that he marry a "plate" that he knocked up?

Wow, just....wow...

Hey d0uchebag, if you read the rest of my post I DID NOT suggest that he marry her. I also encouraged to him to drop the soulmate idea.

What I meant was that there are certainly worse women this could have happened with. Perhaps "ideal" wasnt the best word.

 

[Mr. Me]

I don't see where he said he'd *marry* the girl. He said he saw his choices as either live with her or get an abortion. Marriage is certainly NOT the answer to "she's pregnant! What should I do?" simply because marriage has much more to do with the health of the primary relationship and entering a lousy civil contract then legitimizing a child or being noble.

Lookyoung, this was a mistake, fooling around without a condom, but it's spilled milk now, and there isn't any wonderful way out. But that doesn't mean you dig a deeper hole. No pun intended.

So if you are thinking of marrying, don't get married. You barely know her. She may be the mother of your child, but she doesn't have to become your legally binding wife.

And keep in mind that you're MUCH better off when they adore you way more then you do them anyhow.

There's always trying the Tom Leykis Hail Mary Play. Google it.

 

[Oxide]

my gut says that I probably wouldnt be happy if I married this girl.

All I need to know.

You are actually in a better spot than most guys - if she cant get a guy if she has a kid, she actually has more incentive to get an abortion.


Listen, millions of people have abortions each year. It is as common and normal as it can get. Dont buy into the propaganda and then **** up your life, and possibly hers AND the kids.


But I would love to see your wedding picture, reading "Me, and my plate"

Oh, and use rubbers

 

[lookyoung]

Yo my man,

First off, congratulations!

I have always said the girl you choose must be leagues ahead of the harem. You have seen how most women in this country have corrupted traditional thinking. Now you have a traditional girl from your country who is also attractive. She is young but more importantly understands her position in a relationship.

You don't "love" her as much as you would like simply because she had probably shown unmanaged high IL in you. You might be chasing medium interest which your ego has mistaken for "love". The old cliche "What runs from you, you chase". This girl has run after you, so you mistake that for lower IL in her.

At the end of the day, here is what is important,



If there is a YES with each answer above, she is a prime candidate.

Anything you need, let me know. Give me a buzz if you want to talk.

Yes she shares most of my values and thinking. If I were to be with her it appears that she would know her role. her relationship with her father appears to be good. Her sister is married with 2 kids, brother engaged, other brother is single. She is attractive but she isn't a knockout or anything. she is a brunette and I am more into blondes. I don't know what to do bro. I just wanted to date her a while longer and see were it goes. Thanks for the support.

 

[MatureDJ]

This is the reason that, aside from professionals, I never have sex with women that I would not want to marry. This means that she must be good enough (attractive wise, intelligence wise) for me to want to be with. (I'll leave behind the personality angle as many women will be as sweet as possible until they have trapped you, at which time they show their true colors.)

It sounds from the way you have derisively called her your "plate" that you think that you somehow deserve better, and she is just a temporary receptacle for your semên - IOW, you treated her as a free prostitute. Once you're banging a woman, she is your woman, not a "plate".

And how stupid were you to not use a condom? She told you that she didn't use protection. (Many women will say they are using protection, but instead want to trap their man.)

You should tell her that after a paternity test, you will agree to support her, and be a proper father to the child. You can always say that you want to have the ability to go after other women, but she would probably shut down access to you if you did.

 

[lookyoung]

I talked to her on the phone today and we are going to meet up tonight to talk about the situation. I think that she is leaning on the abortion. She told me on the phone that she would never do the surgical one but she would do the pill one. I just want to make the right decision. To be honest I would like to talk over this situation with my mom but I just can't. I am going to leave the decision up to her. I am going to say if you want to have the kid have it. Hit me up for the 20 percent child support and I will see the kid on the weekends if thats what you want, but I don't think I am ready for marriage or anything like that.

We will see what happens.

 

[lookyoung]

All I need to know.

You are actually in a better spot than most guys - if she cant get a guy if she has a kid, she actually has more incentive to get an abortion.


Listen, millions of people have abortions each year. It is as common and normal as it can get. Dont buy into the propaganda and then **** up your life, and possibly hers AND the kids.


But I would love to see your wedding picture, reading "Me, and my plate"

Oh, and use rubbers

I know that is the thing. She has a huge incentive to get an abortion being that if I dont' marry her no Albanian guy will ever marry her if she has the kid. That is why I think she is going to have an abortion if i push her to it.

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

She told me on the phone that she would never do the surgical one but she would do the pill one.

The morning after pill is only good for 72 hours after you bust in her. How long has it been?

Is there another abortion pill I don't know about?

 

[Jeffst1980]

You should tell her that after a paternity test, you will agree to support her, and be a proper father to the child. You can always say that you want to have the ability to go after other women, but she would probably shut down access to you if you did.

This is all that needs to be done if she decides to have the child. You can decide to continue the relationship with her or not, but you do owe this to your child.

The abortion thing is a personal issue--there is no consensus on whether it is morally right or wrong, because the boundaries of biological life are in shades of grey.