My Date With A Gold Digger

[mrgoodstuff]

You should stop acting like the world should behave the way you think it should behave.

She disqualified YOU, stop trying to reframe this as a global evil that must be corrected.

Humans have SUBJECTIVE values through which they qualify/disqualify other humans.

There is no "right" way to "behave."

She disqualified herself from his frame. She is a entitled gold digger type and our guy didn't try to impress or be nice to her. Pat him on the back.

 

[bigneil]

The important thing is that OP held true to his principles. We all need to do more of that.

I've been doing this and to be honest, it's cost me a few dates, but in a way I feel as though it's simply culling out the women who aren't up to par.

 

[The Duke]

Look at it this way, if you don't set the tone of how you operate from the start then you end up with more grief and b.s. down the road. Might as well filter out what you want right out of the gate. Its much easier with women to set the expectations from the start of what is and isn't acceptable than to put the cat back in the bag.

 

[Fruitbat]

I just take girls to the same places I would have gone by myself. And I pay because I enjoy their company. However, for every 5 dates that I pay for I make them pay for 1 (which amounts to her covering the 20% tip on all dates).

I wish I could do this, but the places I go on my own are Subway and pool halls. I do like good restaurants but I wouldn't go there alone!

 

[ubercat]

I don't mind paying for drinks on a first date. If you choose your bars wisely shouldn't cost much. I think introducing money into it on a first date just kills the mood no matter how much you laugh it off you're going to seem cheap. Later on I would expect her to offer something even if it's only nominal. I think some of you guys are trying to treat dates like their girlfriends. Early dating is primal and it's about settng attraction. Then you screen to see if they are ltr worthy which is more about give and take

 

[marmel75]

No response is the right one. But of course it's fun to imagine the look on her face if you sent back something like "I only reserve that kind of treatment for higher quality women. No hard feelings".

LMAO!!!!

 

[Fruitbat]

Some men want that. Not all though.
I'm not implying that men are impressed by her income. But again, there are men out there who don't want to foot the bill for a woman on a long term basis and want something where they aren't expected to be the sole financial provider.
This isn't the 1950s where women can stay at home and the men pay for the house, car, food etc etc. At least not in Canada, the US, and several other countries across the world.

Not every guy wants that stress.

Also, that concept feeds into the hypergamy theory of women's dating/ mate finding behaviour, so you have a situation where there's an expectation on your part to provide for the woman in need, and in return she provides xyz. Well in an economy where the cost of living keeps going up, people get laid off, lose money on investment stock, get sick and can't work etc etc, how comforting is it to have what could essentially be just a conditional arrangement with a woman who will dump you asap the moment something happens in your life and you can no longer provide for her needs?

I think when a guy sells himself as the 'provider', he's likely to attract the kind of women who will use him as long as he is providing and will ditch him when he can no longer do that and/ or a better provider comes along. Hypergamy.

There needs to be more than that, for something long term anyway.

I am not siding here but I definately relate to what the Big guy is saying.

I have one chick who is constantly telling me how much she earns (turns out not as much as me LOOOL) She has massive boobs and is super, super keen. I feel jack **** for her.

I do seem to like women who I am the "star" with. It means I am valuable to her. Plus, sad to say, I'ce never pulled tons through looks so I see being somewhat of a provider as a legitimate route to being valuable to a woman. Few women date men lower in the league of money and success, and I feel great being able to give her things (not presents -never, but trips and meals etc) that she usually wouldn't get. It's not ALWAYS about gold digging, some women are sat there thinking -this guy has his shyt together and is HIGH value.

I agree, start buying her gold and gifts, absolutely dumb move and setting yourself up to be a john for a legit hooker. However. if it was a binary provider/alpha choice, I would never, ever get action because it would be one of the 5% top athletes who would be the only viable partner. If you're succesfull (and wealth is a key indicator) then she will want to ride shotgun in your life.....the wealth is just cool to her,she can brag a little about her catch....not neccesarilly sat there thinking "payday".

A bit like having a GF who is a brilliant cook, a dancer, a yoga instructer, a painter, a singer......it's a cool thing which makes her different and valuable.

I personally have to watch ovcerdoing the paying thing,one plate started getting very "funny" about it and insisting she pay half as I think she felt it meant I owned her- fine with me, I'd rather keen my cash. I explained I didn't want to come off as a cheapskate. I am an exceptionally generous man, beyond where I should be, because that's what I work for, not to hoard cash in a cold mansion.

 

[Dr. Reed]

That text would immediately get her number deleted. However, if you ask a gal out, you should pay. DON"T do dinner. Do move around a bit. Back when I drank I always had liquor with me. I would take me, her, and a 6 pack and go sit in a cemetery and drink with her. That keeps costs down and NO ONE has taken her to a cemetery before.

 

[bigneil]

That text would immediately get her number deleted. However, if you ask a gal out, you should pay. DON"T do dinner. Do move around a bit. Back when I drank I always had liquor with me. I would take me, her, and a 6 pack and go sit in a cemetery and drink with her. That keeps costs down and NO ONE has taken her to a cemetery before.

Ah, the days when women would do you in the cemetery as long as you brought 1/5th of Soco. Note the girls I date now were not born yet as of then (circa 1990).

 

[soulforge]

That text would immediately get her number deleted. However, if you ask a gal out, you should pay. DON"T do dinner. Do move around a bit. Back when I drank I always had liquor with me. I would take me, her, and a 6 pack and go sit in a cemetery and drink with her. That keeps costs down and NO ONE has taken her to a cemetery before.

Yeh that text said it all... that chick would have been expecting me to pay for her fuking tampons too!

 

[sazc]

I do agree that if the guy sells himself as a provider he will find a female that be attracted to that. My opinion is that any female that is going to overtly look for a man to take care of her is not a quality female. She lacks fundamental morals that would make her a good partner.

This guy messaged me on POF
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=154379871

His profile turned me off. I dont need someone to take care of me financially, im dong that well, for myself, but I am looking for someone whom takes care of themselves well financially. He is taking care of himself financially but he pretty much states that he will take are of the female as well, if she needs it. He's literally white knighting perfect strangers in an effort to draw them to him. Turn off (for me) He lacks fundamental insight as to what makes a good partner (from my perspective)

 

[bigneil]

Any female that is going to overtly look for a man to take care of her is not a quality female. She lacks fundamental morals that would make her a good partner.

And you can get away with this attitude thanks to the welfare state. However, women in the 9,999 generations before you would tend to worship a man who kept her alive.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Girls who would like to be kept but don't understand the concept of bringing value besides a pretty face will get blindsided when they get traded in for a younger, prettier version. To agree with their value system is actually not in their best interest sometimes.

I once had a discussion like this with a plate in the middle of dinner out. It wasn't as confrontational as it's about to sound, but when I asked her what she brings to this, and she answered "I'm pretty", I came back with "that girl over there is prettier, and the one over there is prettier than both of you, so what else do you have?". It got her thinking and she has been a bit more useful since then haha.

 

[Masculinity]

A lot of you guys need to get out of the "she should pay something" mindset. I've been saying this for years. The way it works is this:

The man invites the girl out. The man pays. They dynamics of this have been amply detailed by darksprezzaruta and bigneil above. Asking her to pay is a huge turnoff to women, and rightly so. Your end of the deal is paying for drinks/dinner/whatever. This is the beginning of her deciding to SUBMIT to you. The one who is being paid for is the submissive one. This is just the beginning. Her end of the deal (as time moves forward) is to submit to you and to take care of you in feminine ways (usually having to do with domestic practicalities and sex).

When it comes to relationships, there is no such thing as "50/50". The process involves the male establishing provision and protection, and the female, submitting and offering her body sexually and providing domestic and personal care. That dynamic is rooted deep within the core of every human.

If both make the same amount of money, future financial compromises can be made, but in the opening volley, get the idea of her paying out of your head completely. Get the idea of "fairness" out of your head. Instead, work with the machine (system) as it is. If you don't, you come off as a complete jerk, or at least VERY questionable in her mind. There is no other way.

Wise is the man who does not resent the machine, but instead becomes a part of the machine and thereby becomes able to manipulate the machine and leverage its force to his advantage.

It's very unlikely that you'll get a millennial girl to do domestic chores and taking care of you. I think there's a generational gap in opinions here. These millennial women are mostly equality-oriented with an "I'm a woman and I don't need men" mentality.

OP's point is that women who expect preferential treatment and don't give anything in return are gold diggers. If you're dating a cool girl who is submitting to your leadership and banging your brains out, I have no problem paying. But she has to contribute. We're looking for additions to our lives that are assetts, not liabilities with attitudes who don't put out. I've successfully used this approached for years with success.

Doesn't it work with all women? No. You've to select your demographic and routine, values, beliefs, etc. you're looking for in a woman.

 

[sazc]

And you can get away with this attitude thanks to the welfare state. However, women in the 9,999 generations before you would tend to worship a man who kept her alive.

I can get away with this attitude because I can now get an education and earn my own income to keep myself alive. WTF good is wefare?

 

[bigneil]

I can get away with this attitude because I can now get an education and earn my own income to keep myself alive. WTF good is wefare?

Welfare is there to underwrite women who make bad decisions.

 

[sazc]

Welfare is there to underwrite women who make bad decisions.

Why would you choose to date a woman who you know/you find out makes bad decisions? Shouldn't standards kick in at some point?

 

[bigneil]

Why would you choose to date a woman who you know/you find out makes bad decisions? Shouldn't standards kick in at some point?

I'm sorry, are you confusing bigneil with the welfare state?

I'm referring to a system that supports 100 Million women who make bad decisions.

Is there some ID that shows proof of good decision making?

 

[sazc]

I'm sorry, are you confusing bigneil with the welfare state?

I'm referring to a system that supports 100 Million women who make bad decisions.

Is there some ID that shows proof of good decision making?

What happened? Did you confuse yourself with your own words?

I said any man who looks for a partner based on her financial neediness isn't someone who had good standards when it comes to partner choosing skills.

You decided to mention welfare. Welfare is irrelevant People not on welfare make poor financial decisions too.

Yes, there IS an ID you can check that shows good decision making - it's called conversation and getting to know someone. Through conversation you absolutely can come to understand if the person you are dating makes poor decisions, about many topics.

I've left many a male behind when I realize thru conversation that our core values dont align. It makes no sense to partner with someone you realize is incompatible. That's drama waiting to happen.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Ok so been on a date tonight with a hb8

Damn this girl was HOT crazy sexy body

Anyhow I bought her the first drink.. we then went to the bar for a second drink and she refused to pay..

She was expecting me to pay for the drinks all night... which I refused to do..

The date went well.. lots of laughs, touching and some kissing!


After the date she messages me this..

HER - I like you, but I am not an equal opportunities kind of girl.. i want to be looked after, all the best..


So to me this translates as, she is looking for a simp who will pay for chit for her..

She did not like the fact, that i expected her to pay for one drink...


Anyhow I kept my frame, and did not even bother to reply her back..


Fuking pof chicks! How did I handle this?

Girl was hot..but I aint a fool either!

You handled this exactly as you should have. Good job. What a f*cking b*tch.