Moved in with girlfriend and no sex

[DJinTraining06]

This had=s nothing to do with what so wants or does not want... she does not even like you at all any more.. you need to move on or you may fall into a deep depression..

She is Fing another guy or guys.. its a fact... she is using you for other conveniences.

Ok so I said somethin to her tonite. I was tryin to make a move and she said she was goin to bed. I said "can i ask u a question, why do we hardly ever have sex?" And shes immediately started getting defensive and mad. She said umm we do it like twice a week what r u talkin about. I said no i cant even remmeber the last time we did it more than once a week and sometimes we even do it less. So then she goes "well fine we def do it at least once a week, trust me i keep track" So i'm like fine if u say so but still once a week is fine sometimes, but wat r we sticking to a schedule, can it ever be 2 or 3 times a week once in a while???? And she's like getting all pissed and saying what r u talkn about? tell me when r we supposed to do it? We do it once every weekend thats how often weve always done it. So i say yea when we bvoth lived at our parents house and hardly had a chance too.

Ok so at this point im kinda just speechless i really couldnt think of how to respond to that, so before i said soemthin i regretted i just said watever and left the room to watch tv. She comes in a few mins later all upset and says "sorry u feel we dont have enough sex" Then she goes on her laptop sulking and eventually snaps back "u know what i take back my apology, i shouldnt have to feel bad about anything, thanks for making me feel like sh*t and startign a fight about this. So i said to her how is this starting a fight i thought we could have a conversation as adults. Then she has the nerve to say i never even try to have sex with her and when do i expect us to do it. I'm like gee i dunno maybe a random night here or there not asking for 4-5 times a week, id be happy with 2 sometimes, just sometimes. I said i dunno r u not atteracted to me, am i not good in bed, i dunno wat it is. So then she says this:

"What r u like some battered housewife who doesn't get enough love and affection. I didn't know i had to give u reassurance"

Then i got furious at her. I told her no i dont need reassurance im taklkin about sex not my emoptions! im talkin boiut the fact that we dont have sex and u can try and turn it on me all u want but u know its true. Then she got quiet and went to bed.

She knows she's full of it i can tell by how defenbsive she was and how she kepot making up excuses one after the other. Curious to see if shes mad tom.

 

[The Logical Player]

did you read and take my advice or no?

i bet NO

take my advice, stop being a *****, stop being unhappy, and do whats best for YOU, and ONLY YOU

 

[K.Pez]

if you want to give the discussion one more try and she goes 3rd grade arguing on your as$ again, with insulting you and whatnot, tell her

"this is important to me, so i am willing to wait a few minutes until you can talk about this maturely. i'll be in the livingroom/bedroom/whatever room you aren't in until you are ready to discuss this, adult-to-adult."

if she keeps acting defensive and the discussion gets nowhere, or she never goes to continue talking with you, then you should break it off. it seems she doesn't give a crap about what you are saying and can't compromise.

 

[ZhaoYun]

Ok so I said somethin to her tonite. I was tryin to make a move and she said she was goin to bed. I said "can i ask u a question, why do we hardly ever have sex?" And shes immediately started getting defensive and mad. She said umm we do it like twice a week what r u talkin about. I said no i cant even remmeber the last time we did it more than once a week and sometimes we even do it less. So then she goes "well fine we def do it at least once a week, trust me i keep track" So i'm like fine if u say so but still once a week is fine sometimes, but wat r we sticking to a schedule, can it ever be 2 or 3 times a week once in a while???? And she's like getting all pissed and saying what r u talkn about? tell me when r we supposed to do it? We do it once every weekend thats how often weve always done it. So i say yea when we bvoth lived at our parents house and hardly had a chance too.

Ok so at this point im kinda just speechless i really couldnt think of how to respond to that, so before i said soemthin i regretted i just said watever and left the room to watch tv. She comes in a few mins later all upset and says "sorry u feel we dont have enough sex" Then she goes on her laptop sulking and eventually snaps back "u know what i take back my apology, i shouldnt have to feel bad about anything, thanks for making me feel like sh*t and startign a fight about this. So i said to her how is this starting a fight i thought we could have a conversation as adults. Then she has the nerve to say i never even try to have sex with her and when do i expect us to do it. I'm like gee i dunno maybe a random night here or there not asking for 4-5 times a week, id be happy with 2 sometimes, just sometimes. I said i dunno r u not atteracted to me, am i not good in bed, i dunno wat it is. So then she says this:

"What r u like some battered housewife who doesn't get enough love and affection. I didn't know i had to give u reassurance"

Then i got furious at her. I told her no i dont need reassurance im taklkin about sex not my emoptions! im talkin boiut the fact that we dont have sex and u can try and turn it on me all u want but u know its true. Then she got quiet and went to bed.

She knows she's full of it i can tell by how defenbsive she was and how she kepot making up excuses one after the other. Curious to see if shes mad tom.

I know a lot of people are telling you to get out of this and you should. However, it's easier said then done considering you two depend on each other to pay the bills.

So I'd suggest maybe you start getting out more? Like if she's just chilling in the apartment go out to the bar, mall something without her for a bit. See how she reacts.

You definitely shouldn't have brought up the sex thing.

If you start to act aloof and she responds accordingly then she's probably concerned with your whereabouts and what you're doing. If she doesn't seem to give a damn at all even after this little argument then you've got problems and she's probably getting sausage from the deli across town. Feel me?

 

[TizZle]

I'm pretty sure this b1tch ur with is hooking up with other guy(s). I agree with Z, you shouldn't have brought up the sex thing. Also, take his advice and start acting aloof. But, I don't know if that is going to help. It sounds like the relationship is about to end. Don't give her the pleasure of ending it either. Beat her to the punch.

 

[usscrum]

"What r u like some battered housewife who doesn't get enough love and affection. I didn't know i had to give u reassurance"

that is a really disrespectful thing to say. f*** that man. dont let a girl talk to you like that. leave her ass.

 

[Mr CIDH]

Another approach

Don't dump her yet. Living together or not, she needs to have her drama once in a while and feel like you are the best guy she can have. (EG be a challenge).

Since she has lost interest in sex go back to flirting stage 1 with her.. give her some attention.. tease her.. do the whole "****y + funny" stuff, kino, the whole DJ package, but don't let it get it into sex for quite some while. Make her feel you are the PRIZE again. Tease her. Make her smile. But don't give in too easy. She needs to work for you. When you try to have sex with her every night (while she rejects you) you seem needy. Needy = AFC. Make her feel you are not to be taken for granted. Only when she starts giving signals of wanting love/sex again, go a little further but let her work for it. Living together doesn't means you don't let her need to work for you. Never let her take you for granted.

DJ Flirting turns women on. It makes her feel 'woman' again. Feeling 'woman' = feeling sexy.

Try and avoid arguments as most as possible. Get that happy feeling back. Chances are she doens't even understand herself why she feels "like you don't find her attractive anymore". (women lack logic) so endless arguments lead nowhere.

Keep in mind: Some women have "issues" with their looks. Even hot ones sometimes have issues if they lack self esteem. Unless the issue is HUGE (like rape victims) a lot of issue women will still try and flirt if they are played enough.

 

[Jitterbug]

Man, I told you don't bring that **** up unless you're ready (mentally and logistically) to kick her out of the apartment. You're now just digging a hole for yourself and give her ammos to destroy your reputation afterwards as a sex starved little boy, as well as making your life hell from now on (until you kick her out).

 

[magickarl]

I don't know. Maybe I'm kind of immature, but...

If I were you I'd be having all kinds of childish "revenge" sex. Go out and slay some sluts dude. In fact, get all of your tang from other places -- whether she will admit it to you or not, SHE IS. Hell after that conversation you had with her, the relationship is definitely running on fumes.


Pretty much re-stating what has already been said, but kick her out. If that isn't an option then move out. Without a word to her, while she is at work, grab all of your stuff and leave. Never contact her again.

If neither is an option, invite all kinds of sluts over all the time. ESPECIALLY when she is home. Have them sleep in ****ing bed with you. Betcha she will move out.

 

[Mr CIDH]

Man.. what a lot of aggresion on this chick. Yeah shes a b*tch now, but dang thats women...

Apparently there is some initial issue which made the chick stops having sex (for example: because now living together theres less of a challenge).

Asking for sex and her thinking your "emotional" shows she now sees you as AFC.
"What r u like some battered housewife who doesn't get enough love and affection, I didn't know i had to give u reassurance"
shows she now sees you as very very AFC in this situation. That ain't cool.

Its womans nature to not be attracted to AFCs and it makes them b*tchy when guys that go AFC try to get sex with them. It sucks that she b*tches you off, but you are the one who can change it and put a stop to it. Take control.

Quit the AFC act towards her...quit asking for sex or asking her why (that looks needy). Spend more time on hobbies or other sh*t that make you happy and interesting and stop begging for answers or attention.

When shes a b*tch tell her she has a bad attitue you dont want to talk with her when shes a b*tch like that and go do something else, then don't give her any attention anymore (women hate that). Or pretent you don't take her seriously and make a joke of her action (very hard when your pissed but it shows you aint impressed)
Give her less attention till she acts nicer again. When she says sorry, be nice again, and tell her shes a 'good girl' for saying sorry. Say you dont put up with like beeing b*tched up or drama and act like it every time she does this. Repeat this till she quits b*tching and DJ her when you can.

You take back control over your reaction at her actions. If she doesn't change you can always kick her for beeing a b*tch.

Don't do 'desperate' things like bringing sluts in your house or revenge f*cks it makes you look stupid.

 

[DonGorgon]

This had=s nothing to do with what so wants or does not want... she does not even like you at all any more.. you need to move on or you may fall into a deep depression..

She is Fing another guy or guys.. its a fact... she is using you for other conveniences.

I agree with me..LOL

 

[Captain]

She is in complete control of your relationship. Please, end it.

Posting on here with no more action will do you no more good, we've all said what you need to do, it's up to you to act now.

 

[DJinTraining06]

She is in complete control of your relationship. Please, end it.

Posting on here with no more action will do you no more good, we've all said what you need to do, it's up to you to act now.

I'm not gonna end it, we do love each other. But im gonna take the advice of the guy who said to be aloof, thats what i shoulda done instead of bringing it up. Now it's just gonna be weird and i wont know if shes just having sex with me out of pity or obligation. Hoepfully it wont be weird. She called me during her lunch break as if nothin had happened, so i think she knows im right and i wasnt wrong to bring it up cuz i know her and when she thinks shes right she wont cave in first.

 

[The Logical Player]

why didnt you listen to my advice?? you just want to continue being a p$ssy and a chump

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Once again, from the top,...

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

You are utterly powerless in this situation.

I should also emphasize the point that when you commit to cohabiting with a GF you will notice a marked decrease in her sexual availability and desire, trust me on this. All of that competitive anxiety and it's resulting sexual tension that made your single sex life so great is removed from her shoulders and she can comfortably relax in the knowledge that she is your ONLY source of sexual intimacy. Putting your name on that lease with her (even if it's just your name) is akin to signing an insurance policy for her - "I the undersigned herby promise not to ƒuck any woman but this girl for a one year term." She thinks, "if he wasn't serious about me, he wouldn't have signed the lease." Now all of that impetus and energy that made having marathon sex with you an outright necessity is relaxed. She controls the frame and she's got it in writing that it is for at least a year.

The brutally honest truth is she has no DESIRE to ƒuck you now. She's comfortable, she's relaxed, there is no competition anxiety, so she can set the frame of the relationship as best suits her security needs comfortable in knowing that she is your only source of sexuality, and she'll ration it out as the mood suits her.

What you've done by confronting her about it is attempt to negotiate her desire. Print this in big red letters and tape it to your refrigerator:

GENUINE DESIRE CANNOT BE NEGOTIATED

It's either there or it isn't. Her motivation to have sex with you before you started living together was a means to an end - her security and provisioning. Now that this end has been met there's no impetus to ƒuck you any more than would be necessary to keep you emotionally attached and/or hopeful that she'll eventually "come around".

By negotiating for her desire you've now made sex an obligation for her, not a spontaneous, lust-fueled chemical reaction. It's now a chore, like folding laundry. Every time you have sex now it will be associated with that obligation. So even if she complied with your terms of negotiation, and started ƒucking you 4-5 times a week, her sincerity and her genuine desire to do so will always be suspect now. Is she ƒucking you because she wants to, or because she feels she has to?

This is why you should start making plans to exit this LTR and your living arrangement. You could attempt to be aloof, but in negotiating you've just tipped your hand, and any lame attempt at "aloofness" will only be interpreted as you sulking for sex, which is only more repulsive to her at this point.

 

[Tazman]

Please take this advice, you will highly regret it if you don't act now.

 

[SamMalone]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158539

I was in kind of the same situation man. We split and I feel great, like a load is off my shoulders. Get rid of this girl and get a girl that will satisfy your needs in ALL areas, or don't get on at all and be happy on your own.

 

[Mr CIDH]

I'm not gonna end it, we do love each other. But im gonna take the advice of the guy who said to be aloof, thats what i shoulda done instead of bringing it up. Now it's just gonna be weird and i wont know if shes just having sex with me out of pity or obligation. Hopefully it wont be weird. She called me during her lunch break as if nothin had happened, so i think she knows im right and i wasnt wrong to bring it up cuz i know her and when she thinks shes right she wont cave in first.

Don't do pity f*cks man. You shouldn't bang her anymore till she starts SHOWING genuine interest in it. (won't happen this way ever) You give in on all with her even considering doing the pity f*cks.

You love her, but is that enough? What she shows now she doesnt likes sex with you. No woman loves a man she gives f*cks out of pity. Don't be so easily satisfied come on man, pityf*cks?. This is going way wrong.

 

[Nutz]

Thats why you never move in with a chick.

They've got what they want ie a steady guy to call boyfriend and then their minds think well I've got him so I can ration sex or get rid of it entirely he's so pathetic he'll never leave me and our good thing!

Also moving in with a chick does away with competition anxiety and she no longer has to fear other women being hotter than her getting your attention over her so she stops being the best she can be in all ways for you and things then turn rapidly to sh!t.

Yes indeed when you live with a chick you are in her world unless of course you establish ground rules first and stick to your guns on them and kick her ass out once the sex stops or whatever terms you set are not complied with.

Still though even with that kind of arrangement you get used to eachother very quickly and relationship killing boredom can set in much quicker and then you've lost your girl and need to go find another one.

I love this guy. :high five!: I can't agree more with everything he said.

For guys in similar situations like the OP, start listening to Tom Leykis please. Almost all of this crap can be prevented if you took his finer points seriously.

 

[Nutz]

I just realized something. This is why prostitution will never be legal in the US (for the most part). Women would lose their ability to use sex as a weapon.

Imagine the status quo we have today:

A man tries to initiate sex with his wife/gf, the women brushes his hand away and says, "Not now I'm tired". The end result is the man gets frustrated and starts doing stuff he thinks will get him laid again.

Now contrast that with how that could go down if brothels were common:

A man tries to initiate sex with his wife/gf, the women brushes his hand away and says, "Not now I'm tired". The man gets out of bed, gets dressed, and says "That's fine. I'll be back in a few hours."
A few hours later the man comes walking back in smelling of sex and mumbles "Wow, that's the best sex I've had in ages."


Yeah, for some reason I doubt that's gonna be happening anytime soon. The good news is that if you don't live together, that underlying mental and emotional effect is still in play. This is why I'll probably never spin less than 3 or 4 plates at any given time if I have any say in the matter.