Most chaotic, confusing, intense and "hot and cold" dating relationship I've ever had

[Johnnyventana]

I'm not exactly sure what this means! ‎"I should tell you that I filled our bags with orphan meat."

But like I said, she does not (with a passion) want to "talk" about things. She simply can not. Period. Do not tell her your feelings. badidea.com. She is trying to change the subject. I have seen it, and been floored by it as well. NEVER EVER tell her how you feel.

Oh, and there is the RUN part too.

 

[Korrupt]

I'm not exactly sure what this means! ‎"I should tell you that I filled our bags with orphan meat."

But like I said, she does not (with a passion) want to "talk" about things. She simply can not. Period. Do not tell her your feelings. badidea.com. She is trying to change the subject. I have seen it, and been floored by it as well. NEVER EVER tell her how you feel.

Oh, and there is the RUN part too.

So, I'm curious.. What is it that a girl like this (a BPD or sociopath) feeds off of? A guys emotions (like when he tells her how much he likes her/how much he wants to see her), going out with him and teasing him/playing hot/cold/push/pull, when HE chases HER (continuously texting her and asking her out), or does she get off on simply texting him and getting a response?

 

[loveshogun]

So, I'm curious.. What is it that a girl like this (a BPD or sociopath) feeds off of? A guys emotions (like when he tells her how much he likes her/how much he wants to see her), going out with him and teasing him/playing hot/cold/push/pull, when HE chases HER (continuously texting her and asking her out), or does she get off on simply texting him and getting a response?

What is it about guys like you that feels the need to understand the inner workings of a woman who is no good for him?

See, the reason you're so preoccupied with this woman is because you're actively obsessing over her. You're putting concentrated, conscious effort into thinking about her, and trying to understand her. We're at page 4 of this topic and you're still hung up - sure, you might have said "I'm moving on," but you're still talking about it a whole lot. You're holding yourself back.

Even if you DID understand this woman and her motivations, it wouldn't change a thing about your situation. Stop worrying so much about this chick and move on.

 

[Die Hard]

I agree, shogun. But this is just the way it works... Guys who have little experience/insight regarding these women, will mostly not be able to let go of them. Other, more experienced memebers telling them they should run and break contact, isn't enough to actually make them do it. Realizing that the woman is causing him great distress, isn't enough either. Basically, they first have to fully realize just how sick these women are and how totally futile and destructive it will be to stay emotionally connected to these women. Each and every doubt in their mind must be gotten rid of, coz only then will they be able to fully focus on the tough task to resist the desire for her.


Korrupt, it's difficult understanding how these women's minds and behavior work. There are little straight answers when it comes to questions like yours. So instead of asking those questions here, I suggest you read up on other threads that deal with this topic.

Just do a search for ''bpd'' in topic titles, you'll find all the answers you need. The following thread won't show up (coz there's no BPD in it's title) but it contains some great insights as well:

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=183173

 

[disgustipated]

I´ve been in a similar situation. Use the mirror effect and don´t show any emotion (once she senses you like her, her angry persona will push you away).

She will try to elicit emotions from you, that´s the game she wants you to play, don´t fall for that. If you don´t want to play simply go NC. Don´t try to understand why she does theses things, otherwise you´ll absorb her craziness.

This. With these emotional types you gotta be a blank slate...not too happy or sad...even. Everything she says and does around you must solicit no emotional response, don't let her get a rise out of ya. If you have to do anything, chuckle at her every now and then and say somethign like, "you're silly"...but don't respond/change subject if she calls you out on that.

Over time you will mellow her ass out and find out if she's really into you....most normal/sane/rational women love a man who's calm and in control of his actions/emotions at all times. If she can't appreciate that you will find out, just ride the storm out (if you want/can). This is you screening her. In the process you will most likely hit that a good amount of times because her not getting a rise out of you will be a challenge and they love to **** challenges.

I'm just now learning this **** and I"m an old man. And I expect there to be many more levels and layers to come to learn.

 

[disgustipated]

Oh and she lied about an ex dying?

HUGE flaw in character there. This girl is not fit to be a friend, much less a girlfriend.

The "run" advice is the best option but at your age I know it might be hard to do. If you're the type, like I was, that had to learn the hard way by actually experiencing things firsthand then I actually recommend getting involved with as many emotional types as possible. Through repetition and frustration you will have in ingrained in you how to deal with these types, they almost have a rhythm in their dealings with you.

By the time you're 30 you will know how to deal with these types, which is mostly just being a rock...****ing them...chucking them, because none of them are good relationship material, NONE! So throw yourself into the fire with the purpose of learning...get your heart broken kid because it will happen with these types if you let it. Become forged by the fires that is emotional lunacy and come out a MAN that is not effected by a hysterical woman's emotional games and watch the panties drop because of it...and hopefully land a QUALITY women because of it too.

 

[vatoloco]

What is it about guys like you that feels the need to understand the inner workings of a woman who is no good for him?

With time and experience, they will learn.

"Let go, Luke..."

 

[49au]

So, I'm curious.. What is it that a girl like this (a BPD or sociopath) feeds off of? A guys emotions (like when he tells her how much he likes her/how much he wants to see her), going out with him and teasing him/playing hot/cold/push/pull, when HE chases HER (continuously texting her and asking her out), or does she get off on simply texting him and getting a response?

If she truly is borderline, she is addicted to the feeling of longing for love, and she will recreate childhood abandonment scenarios throughout her entire life. That is what she ultimately gets off on, because that is her "normal." The hot/cold/push/pull is the manifestation of their alternating fear of abandonment and engulfment. They want someone close, but when they feel that, they become terrified.

Honestly though, you are 21 and I have no idea why you are even attracted to a 40yo on this level. I'm 28 and the thought of hooking up with a 40yo disgusts me. There is plenty of nice young trim your age dude...

 

[Korrupt]

No contact from her to me or from me to her in about a week now. Feeling a lot less f*cked up than I was. The last time I heard from her was last Tuesday night..

Her: I'm not leaving this weekend.

Waited two hours, then responded..

Me: I am. I've been invited to Israel to train the commandos.
Her: Again?! You must not be a good trainer..
Me: Learning proper silverware etiquette is no easy feat.

 

[joverby]

Weird she would randomly send you that, hopefully you didn't send something to provoke her message first.(For your own recoverys sake)

I just got out of a very similar relationship (I think about 2 weeks ago now). I'm finally starting to feel a lot better about it.

Had to force myself not to contact her multiple times, I was very close a couple times to try to "get her back." But I didn't break, luckily.

Just keep at it man.

 

[Die Hard]

Good for you, keep it going! Naturally, the need to get in contact with her hasn't faded away yet. Form time to time, this need will rise up and try to gain foothold in your head. I suspect it is doing that at this moment, right? Don't give into it, stay resolved :box: It's the same as kicking off a drug addiction or quitting smoking. You'll be tempted to "use" again from time to time, but you just have to stay resolved and not give in to the temptation.

You can do it!