Most chaotic, confusing, intense and "hot and cold" dating relationship I've ever had

[vatoloco]

Got a question: would [an]other plate be this stressful?

The moment a plate stops being fun, it's the moment that I drop that plate.

 

[Korrupt]

Got a question: would [an]other plate be this stressful?

The moment a plate stops being fun, it's the moment that I drop that plate.

She's fun as anything be with, but when I'm not with her I find myself over-analyzing and thinking about what the f*ck is going on, which is driving me nuts. Plus, it's hard to just cut all contact when feelings are involved..

She texted me today..

HER: *girl I met last Friday night/one of her friends* just texted that she likes you

ME: Uh oh.. We might have to play match-makers one night and find her the man of her dreams.

HER: Why aren't you the man of her dreams?

ME: Because someone else has my attention

HER: Last night was great Thank you again.

ME: Yeah, last night was great. I'm glad you came down, *name*. But I'm kinda itchin' to get a taste of those sticky balls you were talking about.. So I'm thinking you and me, *area*, and some odd sexual innuendos pertaining to our sushi - this Friday.

HER: You're a sick, sick man. Truly ..I may have a friend coming into town this weekend, don't know yet ..But Monday night maybe? And sticky rice is in *area*

ME: What can I say? It comes naturally. You're just gonna have to get down with the sickness ..And Monday would be perfect.

HER: *irrelevant text pertaining to the song "Down With The Sickness"*

ME: * irrelevant text pertaining to the song "Down With The Sickness"*

Italicized parts.. Possibly insecure and needing re-assurance that I like her? She's shallowly tried to pawn me off to her friends or random girls more than once.. And now all these f*cking MAYBE'S! Christ!

 

[loveshogun]

She's fun as anything be with, but when I'm not with her I find myself over-analyzing and thinking about what the f*ck is going on, which is driving me nuts. Plus, it's hard to just cut all contact when feelings are involved..

She texted me today..

HER: *girl I met last Friday night/one of her friends* just texted that she likes you

ME: Uh oh.. We might have to play match-makers one night and find her the man of her dreams.

HER: Why aren't you the man of her dreams?

ME: Because someone else has my attention

HER: Last night was great Thank you again.

ME: Yeah, last night was great. I'm glad you came down, *name*. But I'm kinda itchin' to get a taste of those sticky balls you were talking about.. So I'm thinking you and me, *area*, and some odd sexual innuendos pertaining to our sushi - this Friday.

HER: You're a sick, sick man. Truly ..I may have a friend coming into town this weekend, don't know yet ..But Monday night maybe? And sticky rice is in *area*

ME: What can I say? It comes naturally. You're just gonna have to get down with the sickness ..And Monday would be perfect.

HER: *irrelevant text pertaining to the song "Down With The Sickness"*

ME: * irrelevant text pertaining to the song "Down With The Sickness"*

Italicized parts.. Possibly insecure and needing re-assurance that I like her? She's shallowly tried to pawn me off to her friends or random girls more than once.. And now all these f*cking MAYBE'S! Christ!

So, I know you know this, but you've yet to do anything about it. You should really stop over-analyzing. It leads to text conversations, like this one, that lead nowhere.

Out of all that finger-fu, you got a "maybe." When you could have just asked her out, and gotten a yes, or no, and made other plans. Now you get to play the waiting game, and over-analyze some more.

Stop putting out feelers. Just commit to asking her out, or don't. It's like you've been dipping your toes in the water for the last week. The water's not gonna change. Jump in or stay out.

 

[loveshogun]

She's fun as anything be with, but when I'm not with her I find myself over-analyzing and thinking about what the f*ck is going on, which is driving me nuts. Plus, it's hard to just cut all contact when feelings are involved..

Another thing: look at the big picture. Imagine this girl is the most delicious meal you've ever seen, smelled, tasted. Let's say a rare filet mignon with a truffle/garlic/red wine reduction or something ridiculous like that.

Now imagine that the stead itself is served on a big old plate, with a side of bullsh*t. I'm talking actual cow manure.

The bull**** isn't -touching- the steak. But, you have to pay attention to it and be super careful about it while you eat. And, there's no way to remove the bullsh*t from your plate without getting your hands all brown and sh*tty.

That's the situation you're in right now. Sure, it's nice on the inside. But it's surrounded by bullsh*t.

There are girls that are just as nice, without all the hangups. You should work on attracting those kinds of women.

 

[Johnnyventana]

She keeps kind of putting you off. She might have this going on or might have that going on. Cluster B's put you on a shelf when they feel they have 'hooked' you. This kind of gave you away, "Because someone else has my attention ."

Do not contact her again about Monday. Even let the day pass if you have to. Else it will only go no where faster.

 

[The_411]

This will not end well...but the allure of a cluster B can be so overwhelming.

They are sirens luring sailors in to crash into the rocks.

They are heroin leading you to chase the dragon.

They are emotional vampires who suck your energy, spirit, drive, and sanity but they won't kill you quickly ... oh no they will drain you for as a long as they can before they find a new target who can give them more to drain.


Korrupt,

This girl is doing the BPD dance with you and you're being an all too willing partner.

Stage one - massive idolization and mirroring

Stage two - hot/cold for intermittent reinforcement "Trauma bonding"

Stage three - Partner devaluation, self devaluation more trauma bonding

Stage four - Gaslighting to confuse partner

Stage five - annilation of prey

Stage six - leave find new target

Repeat, profit.

 

[Johnnyventana]

"Trauma bonding" is such an accurate description. As is the rest of what The 411 said.

To the OP, you are getting a mess of shyte from her early on, before any sort of intimacy. She's either not all about you, or is a severe case of BPD. Neither of which are good. I mean, you're not even getting the "good" beginning stage of a BPD relationship. Just the blow off.

Also, when she told you her friend liked you, you should have replied, "Cool. She seemed nice." Instead you let her know that her hooks are in you and deep. Thus she is "shelving" you for later attention wh0re needs.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I gotta say people throw out the BPD assumption on this board like they're candy on Halloween night.

First off most know I've been through a BPD ringer years back and I've met and messed around with several crazy women since then (never got emotionally attached).

While this chick is obviously saying some weird things, this really goes back to the basics.

Korrupt keeps over-analyzing and placing to much emphasis on her words, instead of simply watching and judging her on her actions.

She says she doesn't need him or any man, then she's on top of him in the car getting hot and heavy.

She says she doesn't want to want him because of sex, then is giving him head.

Why place so much emphasis on her words?

And for the love of God why have you not closed the deal on her? She wants to get boned in the worst way, but you continue to buy into her words and then have these emotional (women) talks with her.

You say you have all this experience and have dated all different types of women, but your failing at the basics here.

Again too much emphasis is being placed on putting a label on her, BPD, psycho etc etc.

Instead you should be analyzing how to game her properly.

Easier said than done since your already emotionally attached.

Be the man, stop having these emotional talks and stop the lovey dovey type of stuff over text.

She does ultimately sound like a head-ache, no denying that, but I'm simply saying go hit that, that should be your goal; ESPECIALLY with a girl like this...






PIMP

 

[Korrupt]

I gotta say people throw out the BPD assumption on this board like they're candy on Halloween night.

First off most know I've been through a BPD ringer years back and I've met and messed around with several crazy women since then (never got emotionally attached).

While this chick is obviously saying some weird things, this really goes back to the basics.

Korrupt keeps over-analyzing and placing to much emphasis on her words, instead of simply watching and judging her on her actions.

She says she doesn't need him or any man, then she's on top of him in the car getting hot and heavy.

She says she doesn't want to want him because of sex, then is giving him head.

Why place so much emphasis on her words?

And for the love of God why have you not closed the deal on her? She wants to get boned in the worst way, but you continue to buy into her words and then have these emotional (women) talks with her.

You say you have all this experience and have dated all different types of women, but your failing at the basics here.

Again too much emphasis is being placed on putting a label on her, BPD, psycho etc etc.

Instead you should be analyzing how to game her properly.

Easier said than done since your already emotionally attached.

Be the man, stop having these emotional talks and stop the lovey dovey type of stuff over text.

She does ultimately sound like a head-ache, no denying that, but I'm simply saying go hit that, that should be your goal; ESPECIALLY with a girl like this...






PIMP

Thanks for a different opinion.. Other than thinking "anything's possible," I really don't believe that she's BPD (and I've now read a ridiculous amount into the disorder). What I DO think, though, is that I'm being prioritized. That she's seeing other guys and placing them higher on the totem pole than me, thus leading to all these "maybe's." I think she wants to see me, but wants to see someone else more. Whether it's a guy she's dating or actually just a friend. It's like exactly what I was doing when I was dating multiple girls. I liked and wanted to see each girl I was dating, but whoever ranked higher to me came first. Even this Tuesday, the other girl I'm seeing wanted to hang out, but I told her I was going out with a "friend" (the girl that the topic is about) because she isn't as important to me as the girl in the OP. Wow, that sounded f*cked up, but it's the truth. All I can say is at least she is *kind of* reciprocating another time.

About closing.. On the night she gave me a bl0wjob, I tried for hours (literally) to get her to take me back to her place. Before AND after she sucked my d!ck. She wouldn't budge. She was just totally against taking me home. Sh!t, I tried on the first date to get her to take me to her place, then the second time we hung out I almost f*cked her and her girlfriend in a threesome, but the whole being drunk and sick got in the way.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Thanks for a different opinion.. Other than thinking "anything's possible," I really don't believe that she's BPD (and I've now read a ridiculous amount into the disorder).

Whether she is or isn't is irrelevant IF and ONLY IF your only goal is to smash. Otherwise if she truly is, (which usually never rears its ugly head til much later) I would drop her stat.


What I DO think, though, is that I'm being prioritized. That she's seeing other guys and placing them higher on the totem pole than me, thus leading to all these "maybes'."

See this is where you will lose. Over-analyzing is your worst enemy portraying himself as your best friend. This starts the vicious cycle, where every time she can't make it or doesn't answer you will be assuming she's getting raw dogged in the back of a pick up truck.


I think she wants to see me, but wants to see someone else more. Whether it's a guy she's dating or actually just a friend. It's like exactly what I was doing when I was dating multiple girls. I liked and wanted to see each girl I was dating, but whoever ranked higher to me came first.

True, who ever you enjoy the most always gets priority, which is why I ultimately don't completely believe in the plate theory. While it def works to keep you level headed and not put the new girl in your life on a pedestal, it all comes down to how much you know how to control your emotions. Because whether your dating 1 girl or 5, usually, one stands above the rest. Which just makes you feel like your wasting your time with the others.


Even this Tuesday, the other girl I'm seeing wanted to hang out, but I told her I was going out with a "friend" (the girl that the topic is about) because she isn't as important to me as the girl in the OP. Wow, that sounded f*cked up, but it's the truth. All I can say is at least she is *kind of* reciprocating another time.

This is a perfect example; why even have that other chick, when you obviously could care less if she moved to China tmmrw?


About closing.. On the night she gave me a bl0wjob, I tried for hours (literally) to get her to take me back to her place. Before AND after she sucked my d!ck. She wouldn't budge. She was just totally against taking me home. Sh!t, I tried on the first date to get her to take me to her place, then the second time we hung out I almost f*cked her and her girlfriend in a threesome, but the whole being drunk and sick got in the way.

Personally, I think all that hussy, emotional talk is more of road-block to you closing the deal, then her actually not being willing to f you. She wants to f you, 100%. She just wants you to be a man about it and if you are trying to close the deal 10 minutes after having that chest pumping conversation you guys have about not needing each other or whatever the topic is, its not going to help. My advice....when she goes off on those tangents, just don't pay any attention to it. Or give her a short, brief reply. "I don't need a man, you know." I'd be like "that's nice." Or even go d-hick-mode and be respond with something completely off topic. "I don't need to have sex with you." I'd say, "what do you think about Mcnabb going to the Vikes? Will that open up the running game for AP?"

Point I'm making is, whether she's playing a little game or not, it only works if you buy into her bullshyt. Currently you are, and when you stop buying her product, she's out of business and will surrender to you.

PIMP

 

[Ease]

To be honest id have to say she probably isnt 'bpd'. Although I have seen seriously crazy girls and i dont doubt that crazy-female-disorder exists, her problem sounds like it lies elsewhere.

Girls like this are sluts. After years of getting plowed by every big man that shows interest in her and does a hit and run, these girls start to realize what they have become. Then they look for more stable guys like you that will chase her. But she will never be happy with you, because she has experienced those bad boys and tough guys. Its turmoil for her because even though you are ideal for her interests, you are not rough and tough like she has had before and in comparison not as attractive. I'm not putting you down because we have all been there.

This is why we dont like sluts. She will unfortunately never be happy because she will get pump and dumped by every guy she craves and will cheat on every guy that chases her. The only thing you can do is be the guy she craves and be an a-hole. **** her, dont talk to her until you want to **** her again. If she doesnt **** you, get rough and aggressive and if she is still making a point throw her ass out and watch her cry and see if she tries it again. This is definitely not the thing to do a nice girl, but girls like these dont want to be treated nicely.

Although this is all speculation, and she could be neither a slut nor a bpd, its not really for us to judge without seeing.

 

[Korrupt]

See this is where you will lose. Over-analyzing is your worst enemy portraying himself as your best friend. This starts the vicious cycle, where every time she can't make it or doesn't answer you will be assuming she's getting raw dogged in the back of a pick up truck.

I agree.. But attraction + emotionally attached = over-analyzation and jealousy. I don't WANT to feel like this, but I do and don't know how to make it stop.

This is a perfect example; why even have that other chick, when you obviously could care less if she moved to China tmmrw?

She's cool, sexy, and good in bed. Other than that, you're right.

Point I'm making is, whether she's playing a little game or not, it only works if you buy into her bullshyt. Currently you are, and when you stop buying her product, she's out of business and will surrender to you.

Good point. Now I just need some Xanax so I can stop caring so much about her and her sh!t.

To be honest id have to say she probably isnt 'bpd'. Although I have seen seriously crazy girls and i dont doubt that crazy-female-disorder exists, her problem sounds like it lies elsewhere.

Girls like this are sluts. After years of getting plowed by every big man that shows interest in her and does a hit and run, these girls start to realize what they have become. Then they look for more stable guys like you that will chase her. But she will never be happy with you, because she has experienced those bad boys and tough guys. Its turmoil for her because even though you are ideal for her interests, you are not rough and tough like she has had before and in comparison not as attractive. I'm not putting you down because we have all been there.

This is why we dont like sluts. She will unfortunately never be happy because she will get pump and dumped by every guy she craves and will cheat on every guy that chases her. The only thing you can do is be the guy she craves and be an a-hole. **** her, dont talk to her until you want to **** her again. If she doesnt **** you, get rough and aggressive and if she is still making a point throw her ass out and watch her cry and see if she tries it again. This is definitely not the thing to do a nice girl, but girls like these dont want to be treated nicely.

Although this is all speculation, and she could be neither a slut nor a bpd, its not really for us to judge without seeing.

I admit, I'm not an a$$hole. It's just not my shtick. I'm jokingly an a$$hole, very sexual and consider myself witty and confident, but I'm not that "if you don't f*ck me right now I'm leaving your worthless ass, kunt" kinda guy. I also don't write about the sh!t like pulling her into an alley, pushing her up against the wall, putting her hand on my d!ck and kissing her. It's irrelevant to the topic.

You might be totally right or totally wrong. She could be completely lying about "having always been safe with her body," or she could be telling the complete and whole truth. I have no idea.

Buuut I have to say, this is probably the worst I've ever felt *emotionally* in my entire life. I truly don't think I've ever been THIS f*cked up in the head. When the first girl I ever went on a date with ended up rejecting me, I was crushed for a while, and when the first girl I ever kissed rejected me, it hurt, but this is like a whole new level of obsession, infatuation, and emotional trauma. I literally can't go two minutes without this chick popping into my head in some way. I'm having trouble falling to sleep at night, staying asleep, and when I wake up in the morning I feel horrible. Christ.. I've even popped Hydrocodone the last two nights to relax my mind some. I want to go out with friends, go out on dates, be around people and just stay busy, but at the same time I don't feel like doing anything. Plus, I feel like if I went on a date with a new girl that it would be a terrible time because of where my head's at. I also feel like the days don't matter. Like I'm living just to contact and see her again, and the thought of her going away for two weeks next week scares me. Yes, you read it correctly, it SCARES me. THAT'S how f*cked up I am. Sh!t, I could probably cry on cue at this point, all I have to do is think hard about this situation.

I went out with the other girl who I was talking about in an earlier post. We met up with a couple of her friends and I wasn't myself at all. Instead of cracking jokes/making witty comments, being engaging and being into the conversation, I just felt detached, spaced-out, and found myself looking away into nothingness and thinking about the chick in the OP most of the time. I mean, I didn't act like a weirdo, and usually I'm all for meeting new people, but I wasn't interested in being there whatsoever. We went back to her place and f*cked. Surprisingly, I still get horny as hell even with my mind all screwed up. It was good, but right after I finished back came those horrible feelings of being unsure, powerless, and confused.

 

[Johnnyventana]

The intenseness of how you are feeling does sound the bpd alarm bells. I suggest you re-read your entire thread. Count up the red flags. In either case, she is very bad for you and is destroying your happiness.

 

[bukowski_merit]

the problem is not her at all...

It's you and how you're: #1 paying too much attention to what she says and trying to make logic (and logical conversation) out of the chick nonsense that she's speaking. #2 falling very hard for her.

Familiar with the term "1-0-1" or "Push-Pull"? Pretty basic pickup terms. Compliment-insult-compliment... Or act loving-act bored with her-act loving again... Or wanting to hang out-being too busy to hang out-wanting to hang out...

your goal is: Interested-Not interested-Interested... It's a very alluring cycle for whoever is having it applied to them... And it can go on forever!

If anyone is going to be applying the 1-0-1 or the push-pull - it should be you!

She's doing what we advise men to do to women, and she's doing it to you on a very PRO level here. You're not in her weight class man. If you continue to be involved with her - you're going to be broken by her. That's not a guess.... That's a promise!


Now, you'll probably still continue to see her. Continue to fall deeper for her. Probably have sex with her (which will make you more attached) and end up her little toy.... That's your decision. Just realize at some point she's going to blow you out, destroy your peace, and damage your personal well-being. It can be tomorrow or in a few months. And it's sole reason for happening is that you're getting EMOTIONALLY involved. If you could just fvck this woman and see her as a piece of meat to have some fun with - you'd be fine. But you can't! So you'll bleed....

Best bet is to continue to pursue other women... And have them on deck for when this woman blows up.

 

[The_411]

I throw BPD out there in the hope to scare the living **** of guys to realize that you can't just make it work with BPD women and even attempting to do so is perilous to your mental, physical, spiritual health.

I'm not a professional and even if I was you can't diagnose someone over the internet.

Regardless with women, BPD or not, the issue simply comes down to their behavior.

Her behavior sucks ... and isn't indicative of healthy behavior or behavior denoting a strong interest in you.

 

[Korrupt]

the problem is not her at all...

It's you and how you're: #1 paying too much attention to what she says and trying to make logic (and logical conversation) out of the chick nonsense that she's speaking. #2 falling very hard for her.

True.

Familiar with the term "1-0-1" or "Push-Pull"? Pretty basic pickup terms. Compliment-insult-compliment... Or act loving-act bored with her-act loving again... Or wanting to hang out-being too busy to hang out-wanting to hang out...

your goal is: Interested-Not interested-Interested... It's a very alluring cycle for whoever is having it applied to them... And it can go on forever!

If anyone is going to be applying the 1-0-1 or the push-pull - it should be you!

She's doing what we advise men to do to women, and she's doing it to you on a very PRO level here. You're not in her weight class man. If you continue to be involved with her - you're going to be broken by her. That's not a guess.... That's a promise!

Ha. So this is what it feels like to be gamed by an experienced "player?"

The push & pull has been pretty ridiculous in this "relationship." It's primarily her doing it, but I can't say I haven't shown any of that behavior. Re-read the third date. I acted bored, hostile, and (to put it simply) like a **** at first (sarcastically saying "are you having as much fun as I am?" and telling her I didn't feel the same connection that I did the first two times we hung out), then completely the opposite as the night progressed. "You know, you're hard to read," she's told me several times (miss f*cking lobbyist on Capitol Hill, constantly trying to read my body language, behavior and mind). But my push & pull behavior and bull**** STILL doesn't hold a candle to hers.

Only time will tell..

Now, you'll probably still continue to see her. Continue to fall deeper for her. Probably have sex with her (which will make you more attached) and end up her little toy.... That's your decision. Just realize at some point she's going to blow you out, destroy your peace, and damage your personal well-being. It can be tomorrow or in a few months. And it's sole reason for happening is that you're getting EMOTIONALLY involved. If you could just fvck this woman and see her as a piece of meat to have some fun with - you'd be fine. But you can't! So you'll bleed....

Best bet is to continue to pursue other women... And have them on deck for when this woman blows up.

I really don't want to contact her at all. Especially before she contacts me, but come Sunday or Monday, I'm not sure if I'll be able to stop myself..

She's kinda like a drug you're addicted to.. You know it's bad for you, you know it's killing you inside and out, but you just can't tear yourself away from it because when you have it, it feels amazing. You want it. You NEED it. You need your "fix" and if you don't get it you go nuts. Then when you try to stay away from it, you feel even worse, and it pulls you right back in. Pulls you in even deeper and harder than before. So deep that you're completely engulfed. You aren't even "you" anymore. "You" have been taken over by "it".. By "her"... I can hardly believe that it was a mere two years ago that I was a happy virgin; just playing World of Warcraft with friends and going to the gym. I'd feel lonely every once in a while but I was happy most of the time. Now I've dated a lot, f*cked 12 girls, have a f*ck buddy plus am dating a girl I really like, and I'm a f*cking wreck.

 

[loveshogun]

Whoops, posted to the wrong thread... haha.

 

[Die Hard]

Check your inbox, Korrupt.

 

[movistar]

Dude, do yourself a favor and hit the eject button. UNLESS, you can leave your feeling out of it, which so far seems like you can't. It's tough to do, I just had a chick that had similar red flags, which many of which were age related but they can make you overlook a lot of flaws if they are sexy and give you that rush...
long story short, I'm getting over her now... you will be in the same place soon if you don't take your feelings out of it.

 

[Jhcl4000]

I don't agree with anything posted in this topic..

She's testing you. Trying to see how into her you are, how many hoops you will jump through to get to her. She suspects she is far more into you than you are with her. She understands your interest in her is simply motivated by challenge and sexual tension. Sleeping with you (in her mind) would merely lessen or evaporate your interest. She just does not want to give up the attention.

She's not genuinely trying to set you up with a friend, she just wants your reassurance that you are interested in HER. If you actually took her up on the set up or showed interest in another woman in her presence, she would go NUTS.