Might have hit rock bottom due to alcoholism, but don't get that click

[Trez]

I've been there, pulled myself out of it thank God.

If you really did good on you. That means your aren't drinking at all, smoking weed, using cocaine in any form, and not using opioids or opiates. Keep it that way. I can't seem to hardly seem sober, but I wish I could one day and the sooner the better. I'm so tired of living this way but it seems to be me difficult for me than many people. I can get ***** but drugs are better. Being on the streets is a horrible life and you must resort to a form of super game. It's like being numb at all times. Can't trust anyone. Feels hopeless. The best way is to be completely clean all the time.

 

[Trez]

OP try kratom. Its a very mild opiate that you can order online in powderd form and make into a tea. It has helped me reduce drinking greatly and is very chill just makes you feel content.

I don't know how bad your drinking, or possible drug use has been, but mine is extreme. If this man has as bad aa a drinking problem I've had in the last, or even some hard drugs, another substance is not the advice he needs. Because my substance abuse problems, turn groom from 5- 10 grams of kratom a day, to 20,to 28, to 4 ozs, to smoking crack. You might be able to handle kratom for even a long time. But people like me chase that euphoria hard, and get reckless.

I understand you have good intentions, but you have to be understanding who you're talking to. Any man that's struggling emotionally, especially because of a woman, needs to not use anything.

Kratom is an opioid. It's absolutely psychologically addictive. People like me will just start taking more and more and more, until if we try to stop, even after the initial acute withdrawals, we're exhausted for a month.

Its one thing to use a little kratom here and there, but it shouldn't be more that a few days a month. Now if a man is in pain, struggling, especially because of a woman, he needs to stop all mind altering substances.

Maybe in projecting, but op sounds like me. I used to be like him, and not as bad as I am now.

If you knew all the men I've met and I told you all I'd stories they told me. A lot of these men are on the streets after divorces, or their babies mamas betraying them. It's absolutely a tragedy. One man that looked out for me, he told me he used to own a business and two homes. After his very last divorce, he started drinking to much because he was in pain. He got his third dui here in south Florida. He told the cop "you know if you charge me with this I'm absolutely fvcked and my life is over" the cop said "I don't give a ****" this man ended up on the street, lost everything. Was roaming around for awhile, until he got in good with this man who owns a laundromat. He sleeps in the office and over watches everything, repairs everything, maintenains a presence there. This man was a marine like me. Most homeless people hate him, he kinda of is an a$$hole, his foot is fvcked from diabetes, he drinks beer from the moment he Wales up till he goes to sleep. N but he looked out for me. I helped him mop and empty the garbages, he let me sleep there at night, gave me cigs and beers all the time, and this man is kind of an a$$hole to everyone.

He has diabetes and he confides me a lot. He straight up told me that he already has a noose prepared for when they amputate his foot or feet, that he already decided that if that happens it's over with.

Yet this man has fed me, listened to my emotional rants, given me wisdom. Tolerated me doing drugs in the bathroom and behind the building. But he was a marine in the 60s. He doesn't judge me. He even got me in good with the owner of the place.

Look man, when men are down and really suffering do not encourage them to do any kind of mind altering substance.

Kratom is legal and very available, and the acutes are less intense, but they linger a long time and what really makes it hard to stop is that, at least where I live, it's legal and available at many stores and cheap. I was addicted to that sh1t for like 3 years till I was taking 4ozs a day and it fvcked me up. If this guy starts chasing the euphoria it's gonna be harder to stop that alcohol or cocaine.

I guarantee you he's not addicted to alcohol enough to have seizures from withdrawal or deleruim tremens.

 

[Trez]

I relapsed hard this evening. Smoked a bunch of hard. Been drinking. I went into the store to buy a 4loko seltzer, the Hispanic guy behind me saw me pulling out change, said "I got it, you want three or four more!" i said no because I haven't had a drink in a month and a half, then i come outside and I'm chilling outside the store, I didn't even ask for money, and this 60 year old woman came out with a 24 pack of beer, walked to me, put a dollars in my hand. I'm not even back on tune street, i haven't even solicited anyone, and people already are trying to pay for me or put money in my hand. I mean how do they know? Do I look that rough? I live in a republican county." I have a red make (local township) great again" hat on.

Do I really look that hard? There's been times where I was panhandling and I've made $50 in an hour, or 10 in 4. Today i had about $200, my rents paid. Got good. And here I am drinking and smoking hard, minding my own business, people are offering to buy me alcohol or putting money in my hand. Wtf.

I know I have a thousand yard stare, but it's completely unintentional and I just want to be normal. I'm so sorry to tired of this. I fear im going to have to make a move again. I might go to ft laurderdale I know two places to go to. I might go okeechobee, I know a place there. I know a place in boyton too.

Stop drinking op. Don't do drugs. You can make it work for a long time but it's like a vampire.

I might just go home late tonight and no one's around, even if they aren't around they likely won't snitch. Then I just have to make it three days with out getting dropped, and as long as it works out that way, and I stay clean in good. Now i have something to worry about. Now I'm ducking and diving and having to run game on men who used to do the same things im doing now. Do you know how hard it is to run game on an ex drug addict relative to a fvcking woman?

If this man asks me to pee in a cup in the next three to four days, my time has run out and I'm going to have to figure out another plan.

What the fvck am I going to do?

However i have one girl i met at AA that i know wants my c0ck, and another from meet me that also wants my c0ck, from Port st lucy. Maybe I can figure something out with them. Not sure.

I have a few men who my life who will give me rides to ft Lauderdale, okeechobee, even Miami if I wanted. It's all a bunch of moving parts and i just gamed myself Into drinking and then smoking crack, and although I'm not out of where I'm at now, if i get through this it'll be by the skin of my teeth.

Op. Just stop drinking. Look at the mental gymnastics and fvck sh1t i have to consider and then manipulate just to get by.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I just wrote a long a$$reply about how fvcked up my life is, how i can't stop smoking crack, I'm drunk, I live in a 3/4 house, if i get breathalyzed or pee tested tonight is over with into i van figure out something else.

OP don't do kratom or any drugs and stop fvcking drinking you bastard. This is not the way. Your should strive to be as pure and clean as you can at all times. Me however, I'm smoking crack tonight. It gets worse if you don't stop now.

To make it on streets you must have super game. To the point where it's about even getting laid. It's about survival.

I'm living in a place where I could get drug tested today, and I'm waiting on the dope boy right now. Stop drinking your bastard.

Define a lifestyle where you get high as fvck without drugs.

 

[Trez]

This fvcking Mexican that does some maintenance threw out my drink. I'm sitting next to the garbage can, I keep my drinks in a paper bag and out of sight. As I was writing to you fvck faces, he took out the garbage and threw it out. I just saw him, and told him, he immediately offered to buy me another and did it np.

Now all these mother fvckers pulling up to the store, who has some hard? My life is insane. I'm insane. I sometimes work, and always try to hustle, and always want to stay fvcked up. I could go to overtown in Miami and still be ok.

Op just stop drinking. I've been drinking since I was like 16. At some point i turned bad. I was getting dope sick off of Norcos at the age of 19. I went cold turkey off of Xanax and opioites at the age of 20 before I joined the marine corps infantry. I'm 32 and the longest I've had sober in that ten years was in recruit training and the infantry training battalion.

I'm impulsive. I can be to aggressive at times, the guy who i just fired as my boss just told me "you need to slow down and relax" the guy before him, he still owes me money, he will pay, I've been patient, but I know where he lives, let him buy pay me, I'll fvcking cost him significantly more money than he owed me and just go south and it'll be no problem, i just don't fvcking care sometimes.

You don't understand. Don't do drugs, don't drink. If it gets bad enough you turn into an animal. You'll survive, you'll ALWAYS go to sleep with a full stomach.

 

[Trez]

Define a lifestyle where you get high as fvck without drugs.

I don't know man. For me after the infantry training battalion, I still started smoking cigarettes again, and getting drunk every night, but I ran a few miles every morning no matter what. I started using substances early. Started off by drinking my parents wine and watering it down. Then whe and I was like 14 my brother smoked weed with me for the first time, and I always pinched his weed, stole his ciggerattes. My dad used to have nitrous oxide for a whipped cream thing and I'd do all of those. I used to just go from gas station to gas station all over Wisconsin until some one sold me alcohol, which is easy in Wisconsin. My neighbor who built a house on our street, he was a carpenter named Walt. I always was on his property building bike jumps and sh1t, his family had a lot of money on the area they built everything, i was like 6 years old and this man was my boy. Building bike ramps on his property. He eventually built a house there with his wife at time, I had free reign, eating his food, swimming in his pool, he always said, in front of his wife "why buy the cow when you can Milk it for free?" I've been hearing this from a young age. I used to sit in trees, watching deer run past me with arrows sticking out their side, and hunters running 15 mins later, who I told "you're in private property" which way they went. My mom had to go tell some men to stop setting traps near our home. Outlaw biker games used to run the bars here, and I Know quite a few.

Is Europe really that soft? I think was homeschooled and was mentored by hard a$$ bastards. But my father majored in theology and philosophy and still me made good money.

 

[Trez]

Even as I got older. Walt told me about all the land him and his brothers owned. And I used to just bring girls with cars and say "we can stay here for the night". The girls would be apprehensive. But I mean I know Walt, where he's at, he didn't know we were there a and i wasn't stealing or vandalizing anything, and his brother lived next to his land, even if the kenosha county Sherrif department came, they'd wait to hear from everyone and it would be fine. A risk I'm willing to take.

Or even the kenosha county fair. My mom got a job there. I convinced my boss allow the non carnival workers to park in the high school parking lot for a price. He agreed. He said just make sure the fair workers have priority and it's all good. He gave me change, and i pocketed half the money at all times. You see i could charge people whatever I wanted to Park there after that? Id keep over half the money, and everyone is paying cash anyways. I was like 16.

 

[Trez]

Even with the cops in Wisconsin. I once gotten out of. Few duis

One time i was on opiates, drunk, Xanax, and weed and my friends sneaked and grabbed my car keys from me. I played it cool. Pretend to agree. When they weren't paying attention i grabbed my keys and left. No cellphone. I made it 9 miles and had miles to go. I kept one eye closed the whole time so I didn't see double. It was December and I'm walking down the middle of the road, trying to hitch hike. Walked about 2 miles, some guy stopped and said "what" basically after i said my piece he said "fvck you". Then the kenosha county sheriffs picked me up. I told them my story, i made it this far, was drunk, they just laughed and took me to jail overnight. No charges. Not her time i pulled over drunk with open intoxicants, and they didn't charge me because I told them who my father had was a and that I'm fvcked now. They just called my dad, my dad looked out but was mad another time i I was caught by the silver lake police with my weed dealer who had a few ounces under MY seat and a 7 inch sherlock pipe too. The cop got us out of the car. Told my weed dealer "were good" once that cop saw my last night, this dude went to high school with my older brother. He looked under my a seat. Saw the weed and pipe. Let us go. Couldn't believe it.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Just came from an aa meeting, we sat outside, deep thoughtprovoking sharings, laughter and now a few of us will go to a restaurant for soup and salad and joking around.
Life is so good.

 

[Trez]

Look my older brother was worse than me in many ways and he taught me a lot of ways to get away with sh1t. How to act. Even in high school this kid wanted to fight me, but a group of them got off the bus. I had my older brother and his literal hippie republican friend waiting in the woods. We weren't there to jump them, just to make sure I wasn't jumped. The kid that wanted to fight me, I hit him twice and he backed off. He had an eye brow ring, I've never had a tattoo or piercing in my life, easy peasy.

First person to ever fvck me up was my best friend. Not enemies.his name was lane. He beat the fvck out of me, then cried like a b1tch and apogized, then died about 13 years ago. I've never had my a$$beat so hard than my best friend in high school. I've lost some fights. But my best friend in highschool beat the shvit out of me. In the rain and mud where we used destroy stuff like tv's and computer moneters. I had two black eyes. My lips were fvcked. He beat the sh1t out of me. I went limp. When I went limp, he stopped, this fvcking weirdo hugged me and was apologizing for a few weeks

 

[Trez]

Just came from an aa meeting, we sat outside, deep thoughtprovoking sharings, laughter and now a few of us will go to a restaurant for soup and salad and joking around.
Life is so good.

Huh. Because I got this girl who will do anything I ask, I told her tonight I'm fvcking up. I've been drinking and smoking crack, and she is still blowing my phone up. She's still hitting me up a and i haven't responded because I don't know what to say. But I know she wants my d1ck and I've smoked half a gram of hard. She's still blowing up my phone. She smokes cigs and I don't like that, but damn I knew you knew what time it is. The coolest hoes go for....... What the fvck.

 

[Trez]

Just came from an aa meeting, we sat outside, deep thoughtprovoking sharings, laughter and now a few of us will go to a restaurant for soup and salad and joking around.
Life is so good.

Where

 

[Trez]

I just find it funny. I have to conceal my insanity here. You retards are making good money and can't figure out why you get played so hard. I'm literally trying my best not to play them.

 

[Trez]

This is insane. What is wrong with you all? My father maybe majored in theology and philosophy but at least Walt told me how to Milk the cow for free. His wife at the time, heard Walt tell me "why buy the cow when you can milk it for free" she said "don't tell him that" Hahaha and just before that my older brother said " if a woman ever tells you she's been touched run"

 

[Trez]

And Walts wife did tow things. She fed me, and smoked ciggerattes. And I always swam in her pool.

Walt was a hard working, alcoholic, who used cocaine, and owned property and let the 4 year old me, do dominate his land. I was over there running my mouth when I was 2. Imagine what this man was thinking, everytime he came on his street i was over there running my mouth because I was a baby and didn't care. Everytime I saw Walt on his land, i was over there. He was just a drinking, cocaine user like i am now. Bro I had the sickest jumps on his property. I used to take a shovel and do major earth moving. I was totally truslassing. Walt didn't care. He waa my dude. I think he's been dead about 20 years, but one is his sons is Alive, has been for a while, has a big mouth, but i left it alone, his father has been showing me kindness since i was 4. What can I do to this smart a$$ kid. Not my problem someone will beat his a$$.actually, that kid went to prison. Not my problem.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Where

on your phone go to aa.org

then scroll down past the picture of the car until the second search line and then type in your area to find meetings where you are

I'm in central Canada up north of you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I hope things work our OP.

This year is brutal. I actually stopped drinking during lockdown cause I was afraid it would amplify the solitude and become addictive. These are stressful times

 

[zinc4]

I don't know how bad your drinking, or possible drug use has been, but mine is extreme. If this man has as bad aa a drinking problem I've had in the last, or even some hard drugs, another substance is not the advice he needs. Because my substance abuse problems, turn groom from 5- 10 grams of kratom a day, to 20,to 28, to 4 ozs, to smoking crack. You might be able to handle kratom for even a long time. But people like me chase that euphoria hard, and get reckless.

I understand you have good intentions, but you have to be understanding who you're talking to. Any man that's struggling emotionally, especially because of a woman, needs to not use anything.

Kratom is an opioid. It's absolutely psychologically addictive. People like me will just start taking more and more and more, until if we try to stop, even after the initial acute withdrawals, we're exhausted for a month.

Its one thing to use a little kratom here and there, but it shouldn't be more that a few days a month. Now if a man is in pain, struggling, especially because of a woman, he needs to stop all mind altering substances.

Maybe in projecting, but op sounds like me. I used to be like him, and not as bad as I am now.

If you knew all the men I've met and I told you all I'd stories they told me. A lot of these men are on the streets after divorces, or their babies mamas betraying them. It's absolutely a tragedy. One man that looked out for me, he told me he used to own a business and two homes. After his very last divorce, he started drinking to much because he was in pain. He got his third dui here in south Florida. He told the cop "you know if you charge me with this I'm absolutely fvcked and my life is over" the cop said "I don't give a ****" this man ended up on the street, lost everything. Was roaming around for awhile, until he got in good with this man who owns a laundromat. He sleeps in the office and over watches everything, repairs everything, maintenains a presence there. This man was a marine like me. Most homeless people hate him, he kinda of is an a$$hole, his foot is fvcked from diabetes, he drinks beer from the moment he Wales up till he goes to sleep. N but he looked out for me. I helped him mop and empty the garbages, he let me sleep there at night, gave me cigs and beers all the time, and this man is kind of an a$$hole to everyone.

He has diabetes and he confides me a lot. He straight up told me that he already has a noose prepared for when they amputate his foot or feet, that he already decided that if that happens it's over with.

Yet this man has fed me, listened to my emotional rants, given me wisdom. Tolerated me doing drugs in the bathroom and behind the building. But he was a marine in the 60s. He doesn't judge me. He even got me in good with the owner of the place.

Look man, when men are down and really suffering do not encourage them to do any kind of mind altering substance.

Kratom is legal and very available, and the acutes are less intense, but they linger a long time and what really makes it hard to stop is that, at least where I live, it's legal and available at many stores and cheap. I was addicted to that sh1t for like 3 years till I was taking 4ozs a day and it fvcked me up. If this guy starts chasing the euphoria it's gonna be harder to stop that alcohol or cocaine.

I guarantee you he's not addicted to alcohol enough to have seizures from withdrawal or deleruim tremens.

Kratom addiction is way better than alcohol addiction man. Acohol nearly killed me a few times when i was younger. Host situation sounds pretty dire.

Going straight off alcohol like that can really **** u up for a longggg time. Once you experience your first panic attack from a withdrawal your brain is ****ed with anxiety and terror for a long time. I just drink kratom and smoke weed on alternating days now. Weed one day kratom tge next to prevent any withdrawals. **** alcohol.
Ideally he should probably use valium as sparingly as possible for a few weeks to reduce withdrawals go AA and never do any substance again. GBut tapering off tghen going down kratom seems more doable.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I don't know man. For me after the infantry training battalion, I still started smoking cigarettes again, and getting drunk every night, but I ran a few miles every morning no matter what. I started using substances early. Started off by drinking my parents wine and watering it down. Then whe and I was like 14 my brother smoked weed with me for the first time, and I always pinched his weed, stole his ciggerattes. My dad used to have nitrous oxide for a whipped cream thing and I'd do all of those. I used to just go from gas station to gas station all over Wisconsin until some one sold me alcohol, which is easy in Wisconsin. My neighbor who built a house on our street, he was a carpenter named Walt. I always was on his property building bike jumps and sh1t, his family had a lot of money on the area they built everything, i was like 6 years old and this man was my boy. Building bike ramps on his property. He eventually built a house there with his wife at time, I had free reign, eating his food, swimming in his pool, he always said, in front of his wife "why buy the cow when you can Milk it for free?" I've been hearing this from a young age. I used to sit in trees, watching deer run past me with arrows sticking out their side, and hunters running 15 mins later, who I told "you're in private property" which way they went. My mom had to go tell some men to stop setting traps near our home. Outlaw biker games used to run the bars here, and I Know quite a few.

Is Europe really that soft? I think was homeschooled and was mentored by hard a$$ bastards. But my father majored in theology and philosophy and still me made good money.

Ill define it. Big boy salesman all over the country. You have girls everywhere. You still drink a little and smoke a little weed but all the rest of it your done with. You know how to show folks a good time.

 

[HiTtc]

Question

I’ve been sober since I posted this thread, I feel good, these days I feel better overall. Huge ups and downs though.

But I haven’t heard from her since last Tuesday. I’m sure we’re just ‘ignoring’ each other on purpose, but it’s killing me.

Like I said, she did try to reconnect, but I just can’t. We have a group chat with other colleagues, there she acts normal. And I hate it.

Should I text her something or just leave it?