men buying your girl gifts like this

[the_absolute]

^ She's not necessarily "all but waiting to end the relationship because she accepted the gift" at all. It totally depends on how she views the situation.

If he's trying to "buy" her - it means he can't get her attention and is now even less likely to ever get it. If they are already getting it on and you're a cuckold, time to have already bailed. If she is acting dumb and saying things like "he's a really nice guy" etc, time to bail as well. See my last post.

But there's nothing wrong with her pulling in financial submissions from AFCs out there. You should suggest she sell the watch though, and use the money for you guys to spend a night at the four seasons or something like that.

 

[Nighthawk]

I don't think anyone is suggesting you go caveman and throw him against the wall. You could have said to him, 'listen, it's a nice gesture but kind of inappropriate so we'll be returning the watch to you later.'

Your inaction could send the wrong message to both him and your girlfriend. Equally, both of you laughing at the sad guy trying to buy your girl while you sold the watch and spent it on something for you both could have been the best approach.

But your way might be okay too, I'm not 100% sure on this one to be fair.

 

[the_absolute]

^ "Doing" something would only staple this guy's claim to higher value. You'd come off as a weak defender. The best way to respond to that would be with a joke of sorts, a psychological snipe. You would want to know at least something about his personal life to achieve maximum punch.
For example: " That's a good one bro, haha, you should probably spend the cash on yourself though. You know all the girls refer to you as "death breath", right? Hahahah I think you might need those crowns replaced with implants or something...Did you buy fake tits for your sister before she met that rapper who beat her up?"... Then lean in and give him a real friendly smile and say, "it's all good bro, I understand"...
Then maybe you can give him some advice on how to pick up hot chicks like the one you have.
He has the money, you have the animal charisma, maybe you guys can go out and wing for each other. maybe he'll use the titjob and watch money to pay you to school him in the art.

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

Was this gift a Christmas bonus? Did he get expensive watches for other people at work too? Or was it a specific watch that she LIKES? I didn't get that impression if she doesn't wear the thing.

this brings up a good point and i just remembered something as im typing this. he mentioned to me the day he gave her the gift that he was going to buy her new tits for her bday ..."for me".

now lets discuss this....is THAT acceptable??

No, although he might've been trying to be flippant. All the same, I would've come back with, "well, if I wanted her to take trips to the hospital for a costly procedure with a few months of pain and healing, I'd knock her up."

 

[iqqi]

She should not have accepted the watch. As the female responding to this thread, I am telling you I have been in her shoes. I didn't even have a boyfriend at the time, but guys like the boss, are slimy and only get WORSE. By her not establishing boundaries, she has opened the door a little further for more inappropiate actions. She should have quit by now. What is she waiting for?! She already has a good job. Shall we all start a poll and try to guess what action he will take next?

My guess is that it will be something wildly inappropiate, not even a little inappropiate, but WILDLY. Plus, she "owes" him now, in his mind, so if she refuses his advance it could get ugly. Why is she sticking around? Is she delusional, as well?

 

[Interceptor]

La Iqqi is RIGHT.
I've seen similar things like this in my workplaces. They usually BLOW UP.


The woman didn't assert her boundaries.

Like a lot of women, rather than simply assert herself in a Lady like fashion, she simply accepted it in order to avoid conflict.

Now, it looks like Boss man thinks he's got the 'green light".
This is only going to go from bad to worse, IMO.

As a side note, I wish more women would find their inner Femeninity ,as something to aspire to and embrace as their true source of POWER, not the silly ''release your inner b*tch" propaganda. It's so misguided, so unfair to men and women.
Ach..

I hope things work out Win/Win.

 

[droogie]

i think a few of you are taking this thread and running with it with disregard to what i am saying here....

ON MY PREVIOUS POST:

My last post was simply to explain why i thought he would give such a gift in front of everyone. i was only explaining why i thought IMO why it may be acceptable for him to do this. i am not CONDONING this at all. but someone said what if it was reversed IMO it would look WORSE coming from a female boss than a MALE. only because when women wants a man they dont normally BUY their way in. again IMO

THE BOTTOM LINE:

i know his intentions are bad. i know the watch and boob things were also bad. but rather than beat my chest, beat the crap out of this jerk, id rather let my gf handle it. If i didnt think she could handle it i wouldnt be with her.

Davenjuan, dude, ok so you were getting some pretty generic responses. Was this just a rant or were you looking for opinions on what people thought about inappropriating gifting?

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

You never know, Iqqi. Is the guy dumb enough to risk her filing a sexual harassment suit?
He IS a lawyer...

 

[mrRuckus]

Plus, she "owes" him now, in his mind, so if she refuses his advance it could get ugly. Why is she sticking around? Is she delusional, as well?

She does kind of owe him. Everyone likes to play dumb but they know what these types of gifts mean.

It's like a girl coming to your place and lying in bed with you after 11pm and you start to make out but then won't put out. What is she doing in a grown man's bed at that hour getting him excited for and then acting shocked when he wants sex? Fvck that, that's just playing stupid. "i didn't know." Yeah and everyone doesn't know what "want to come over and watch a movie" means. Wildly expensive gift for about no reason = i want something so if you accept the gift you are accepting responsibility for owing something.

and i know a number of women will play the stupid card and be like he's just being nice DERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

[Apollo]

By the sounds of it I bet something has already happened (maybe not sex but he has probably tried kissing her already). Here are two options you should think about:

a) Try and fu(k his wife. Example, set up a double date, maybe go dinner/dancing. Hit up the dancefloor and do a little switch, neg hit him, tell him "your wife looks bored, time for some fun (give her the fu(k eyes)...grab her hand and lead her to the dancefloor". Your gf and boss will probably start dancing too, watch how they dance together and try to hit on his wife...get something going. If he gets pissed just tell him you wanted to see how fake tits feel (not when your gf is around though!).

b) Take him out drinking, pretend you're his best friend. Get him really drunk, and help him pick up another girl. Take pictures of him making out/screwing her and send them to the wife.

The above is horrible advice (it would provide some entertainment though) but I think your pulling everyone's leg...if not, get back to basics. Re-read some of the good stuff on here and do what you did to get her...it sounds as if your falling back on your game. If I were you I would start lining up other girls. A good piece of advice is to drive to another town, hit up a bar by yourself and get as many #'s as you can, you need to get the edge back. Also, if you find out your gf cheated on you, play it cool and go with option a.

One more thing, if she gets another gift I would say "aawwww, I think he has a crush on you, isn't that cute" or something like that...she how she reacts. You have to say it right with a ****y grin or it'll backfire.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You never know, Iqqi. Is the guy dumb enough to risk her filing a sexual harassment suit?
He IS a lawyer...

Guys do all kinds of stupid $hit for the puzz. All logic goes out the window. I heard a certain world leader who risked all because he was messing around with an intern at the White House. That guy, just another horny lawyer who think he can buy his way to her pants. He might be right.

 

[the_absolute]

^ LOL.

- Now mix the puzz with booze and see what happens LOL.

 

[joekerr31]

Guys do all kinds of stupid $hit for the puzz. All logic goes out the window. I heard a certain world leader who risked all because he was messing around with an intern at the White House. That guy, just another horny lawyer who think he can buy his way to her pants. He might be right.

heck, lawyers are the worst. they figure they know the law and can get out of any jam they get in to.

suing a lawyer is hard. because you rack up a ton of legal bills while they have lots of money and don't have to pay anything to defend themselves.

plus, this guy probably already has enough evidence of ambigous reactions to argue that 'asking her out' was not out of line.

i really doubt he's worried in the least about getting sued.

btw, i work in the corporate world and still see executives doing the dumbest sh*t that could get the company sued. but they still do it. because its REALLY hard to prove things to the extent that a judge will find in your favor.

 

[logic1]

Update?

Lots of relationships end at Christmas. Or just after the girls birthday. Or in this case both?

I have noticed this also. I find it interesting.

Would anyone care to elaborate on the reasoning.

Could it be because of the self induced stress?? The drummed up drama??

 

[squirrels]

First of all, why did you choose to get her a watch?

If she wanted it to tell time (i.e. at work, when out casually, etc), then it wasn't a bad gift idea at all.

If you were buying it as JEWELRY...well, at age 26, if you can't afford NICE jewelry, don't buy jewelry. She can't flash a Guess watch to her friends.

How did she react when she got it? Was she excited? Nervous? If I'm placing myself in a girl's frame of mind, if I already have a boyfriend who I'm tight with, I'm going to react with some discomfort at another man giving me that kind of gift. As in an, "Oh my god, this is kinda too much" kind of reaction. If she jumped around squealing like a little princess over the shiny thing, then I'd mark down a little red flag in my book.

I'll say this much...if her "boss" was there, you should've stared him the f**k down. Not because you feel threatened, but just to show him that you're watching him. Know what I mean?

As for with her, you basically had two choices. You could've waited until Christmas, given her the watch with a, "It's no Movado, but I saw it before your birthday and thought you'd like it".

Or you could do what you did...take it back and pursue another avenue. I'd even consider cracking a joke about it, let her know you bought her a watch but NOW you have to take it BACK and come up with ANOTHER idea...give her a little sh!t for it.



I will say this much:

If a $400 watch is the price of her affection, you can do better anyway. There are a LOT of men who can afford $400. Unless she mysteriously starts "working late", I wouldn't sweat it.

 

[DavenJuan]

So did he or did he not mention the boobs to her?

I'm lost.

he did not mention the boob thing to her. i told her he was thinking about buying her boobs for her bday instead of the watch.

i wasnt sure if he mentioned it to her so i wanted to ask her to see if he did or not.

i think the biggest problem is this new "boss" is a regular at one of the bars she works at. i think he may feel MORE comfortable with her than just a normal boss since he does have this "outside work" relationship with her.

obviously all types of conversations can take place at a bar that isnt appropriate in the work environment.

the more and more i think about it, the whole boob thing was completely out of line regardless if he was drunk or not.

i cannot see her quitting the job. come to find out he got his former secretary a movado watch for her bday last year. of course she happens to be a hott 23 year old girl. does that change anything?

if it were a guy working for him, would he still be as generous?

 

[iqqi]

It's mostly about your girl accepting the watch, DJ.

I agree with Interceptor, more women need to learn how to be ladylike in their assertiveness. She should have told him she couldn't accept the gift, and seemed slightly upset. All the flirting/joking/lightheartened bar banter bartenders such as her are good at, should have ceased at that moment, until she was sure he understood that she has boundaries. And a boyfriend. And that she can't be bought.

 

[DavenJuan]

So now she knows he commented on it to you.....and what was her reaction to this news?


Also, I've thought about this a bit, and you need to frame this in a specific way with her. Make a joke with her about married creepy old men buying her gifts and such.

This does two things, it puts the seed in her head about him being desperate, but also to guage her reaction to such a joke so you can better read her emotional position on it.

her emotional position on this? well this is what i THINK. and i could be wrong, however she either KNOWS his intentions and thinks that it doesnt matter because she knows her postion. I think she may simply ACCEPT this behavior because she already knew he is a creep anyway

the problem with this is she is really putting herself into a messy postion.

the other option is she REALLy thinks he his being sincere and have no clue of his advances.

IMO, i dont think this is true, shes a bartender but not blind and stupid.

her being a bartender she is use to this type of male afc behavor not to be able to notice it a mile away.

guys always trying to take her out buy her things, but more than anything they tell her "who cares you have a bf".

she handles herself pretty well in situations like this. she basically tells these guys to go f*ck off.

I had an issue with her working as a bartender at first just because i was never in a relationship like this . i mean my ex's were good looking and got attention too, but not on a everyday basis multiple times considering her work environment. (even the ugliest bartender will get some drunk guy asking her out). i just wasnt sure how to handle it

i have come to realize that it doesnt matter. i took it as a WIN/WIN situation a few months into the LTR.

1. if she fed off of the attention that she recieved from these guys at the bar and enjoyed it, then i knew she was an AW early on and would have moved on

2. if she found it grotesque and mildy amusing how some guys put themselves out there, then i knew it didnt matter as long as she wasnt stepping over OUR boundaries.

she passed and we continued.

the reason for this thread was not to question her sincerity in our relationship, but more for questioning this particular situation.

this was new to me.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

So "Any attention is better than no attention" is her philosophy.

Also, you already know she's a user. She's a taker, not a giver, and you're ok with it. As long as it works for you.

 

[DavenJuan]

So "Any attention is better than no attention" is her philosophy.

Also, you already know she's a user. She's a taker, not a giver, and you're ok with it. As long as it works for you.

no im not saying that.

she doesnt work at a bar for the attention, she works there because she makes sick money. i cant tell you 100 percent what she thinks and how she feels, other than the impression that i get from not what she says, but WHAT she DOES.

also, if she was simply a taker and user and not a giver i wouldnt be in this LTR.

but IMO dating a bartender is a bit different from dating a girl who inputs numbers in a computer from 9-5.

now im not saying that i HAVE to put up with something if i dont want to. I wont put up with any BS. what i am saying is if i decided that we will be in a LTR. i have to respect what she does. (unless her profession was degrading in itself like a stripper or prostitute...but thats a whole different scenerio)