man without car...8th wonder of the world

[The_last_Gunslinger]

Sup men,

Please permit me to share my background quickly then ask a question that has plagued me for some time now.

I am a 34 year old professional. I am lean, fit muscular and attractive. I have no shortage of women giving me the big eye on a daily basis. I thought I was a pure AFC at one point because even with all the female attention, I have had few LTRs in my life, mostly seasonal flings. After I came here about 5 months ago I lurked and learned, I read all the source material provided and discovered that I was part DJ and part AFC. Some things that I was successful with women I was doing naturally (like Kino) and the AFC traits I had are all but gone now. I do feel confident (to some degree, this pertains to my question momentarily). I am content with my life personally and truly understand what it means to be happy with yourself first. I workout on a regular schedule and have plenty of hobbies and interests to fill my time.

The one thing I don’t not have…and now my question…..is a car. I do not own a car or have a license. This stems from my childhood as my family and I could not afford one. Shortly after high school I left for a big city to go to school. Once again I did not have a car because of my financial situation and it was impractical to own a vehicle in a city with limited parking and ample public transportation. Shortly after college I stayed in that city and dated and had a great time with a variety of girls. But alas, the black hole which is my hometown finally caught up with me and I moved home.

I have an excellent apartment, fantastic job, and savings for some world travel in a few years. But in my home town women won’t date me because of my lack of a vehicle. Even though I am completely independent without one. I have the best grocery store in the county 2 blocks from me, all the nightlife the city offers is directly outside my door in a 4 block radius. The public transportation is close by and cheap for getting to and from work. What plagues me is after talking with women for some time after I approach them or they approach me, they find out I don’t drive and the conversation essentially ends there. It can be frustrating as I see some great potential in these women. Yet they turn me off promptly once they display their materialistic nature with the question: “so what do you drive”? Once I tell them I don’t they look at me as some kind of leper.

I do not want to own a car, they are money sinks and stress makers.

I will not own a car simply to please a woman, as I will find little use for a vehicle in my life.

I no longer approach women, not that I’m scared or intimidated, just because I know how the situation ends up once they find out I don’t drive.

I don’t want to be approached now as I see it wastes both the girl’s time and mine. Since the majority of them are shallow and vapid (at least in my area).


So men, what’s a guy to do here? I feel like I’m stuck in a nasty catch 22. I will not waste time and energy and my future plans by owning a car simply to get a woman. Yet I would like the company of a woman.

From the reading of the DJ bible I take with me the understanding that compromising yourself to simply get a woman is a DJ sin. So what kind of a DJ do I need to be?
What angles can I use here? Anyone else in this situation around my age?

I understand if a lot of you can’t understand this, American culture places social status and personal worth on the type of car you drive….so those of you still plugged into the matrix may not get me.

Any insight would be appreciated….good day men!

 

[Drum&Bass]

dood i think you rock !!
I love how you stand strong to your principles.

Not having a car will make your life a bit difficult in society. There are lots of reasons to own one besides women. However if you don't have a need for one, you will just have to continue doing everything your doing now and just forget about chicks that care about whether or not you own a car.

don't be intimidated because your not following the societal norms, i think you just need to talk to chicks like the rest of us and NOT worry about a ride. You'll be fine dude, trust !

 

[iqqi]

I agree with the above posters. The fact that the rest of your life is in order, and you just CHOOSE to not have a car, means you aren't a loser. And any chick that doesn't respect your choices made out of intelligence, is a grade A b!tch.

Also, there ARE chicks out there who won't NOT talk to you because of the car situation. I have a friend who is a straight 9/10, and the guy she chose out of all her potentials does not have a car.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I don't know. I think you raise a very good question. You're just a little different in your thinking about car ownership. I think it would be weird not having a car; I have three vehicles and a motorcycle. That's not a value judgment against you; it's just that public transportation outside major cities in the US is practically non-existent. When there are buses, it is usually the very poorest people riding them. There is an undeniable social stigma and stereotype. Small town women really do tend to think like what you are encountering, that no car equals loser. Don't let it get you down; they are just ignorant.

But that does not answer the question of what to do about it. I think the fact pattern you raise strikes at the heart of the principle to not change your life for the sake of women. Overall, that principal is a good idea, but no rule is absolute. Obviously, any guy who puts effort into taking care of himself is caring what other people think to some extent. I don't always feel like bathing or wearing cologne, but I will admit to doing that for the sake of a girl quite a bit. Every rule of living has limitations and scenarios where it is going to fail you. I think that unless you move back to the city, this problem is not going to go away.

If you are against cars, would you consider a motorcycle? There are a lot of very inexpensive motorcycles that get amazing mileage and are a lot of fun. If you don't need a car to get to work, bad weather is not going to be much of a problem. The girl not wanting to ride on your bike for whatever reason is a good excuse for her to drive on dates, but that's on her, not you. And I can tell you that when women ask what you drive, and you simply state "I ride a motorcycle," you will see the exact opposite reaction in them compared to when you tell them you have no car. Motorcycles are not for everyone, but they do tend to bring out the 'h0rny for the risk-taking rock star type of guy' behavior in women. I could look down on them for being shallow, but I learned at a young age to just enjoy the pvssy and not complain

 

[ketostix]

I totally agree with B_B. I know people have different interests and goals, but it just sounds strnge to me for a guy who could afford one to not only not have a car but to not have an interest in cars. To me a car is beautiful piece of engineering and human adchievement. It just seems kind of, let me put it this way, unmasculine and unmanly to be disinterested in cars and powerful machines.

Cars are a big expense. but they're way more useful than your make them out to be. A car gives you a lot of things that maybe you just don't appreciate. It gives you total freedom of transportation. For instance, even with gas at $4 dollars a gallon I could just as affordably jump in my car anytime I wanted and be anywhere in America within two daysI might happen to want to go. It's about being free and independent to me. If I could afford it, I would even have my own plane or chopper.

 

[The_last_Gunslinger]

Thanks for the replys. So far I feel validaed for my choices. I also wanted to clarify my last remark about those "still plugged into the matrix" and not understanding me.

I am not against cars or those that drive them. I understand the practical need for them in peoples lives. Rather I feel priviledged in not having to own a car. I see it as a burden I don't have to shoulder. In this I gain extra funds to spend as I see fit. The idea of world travel impresses me more than owning a vehicle. I can take those memeries of my travels to my grave. My car will be sold once I'm buried.

As for the motorcycle Bible Belt yes I have considered those to some great extent. I love the idea of them, however..... I trust myself on the bike, I would excerices great care in riding one, Its other drivers I distrust. Soccor moms on thier cell phones in control of a semi rig makes me reconsider. I also happen to live in the North East, so I would use it seasonally at best. If it becomes nothing more than the answer to "so what do you drive"? Then I'm paying parking, insurance, gas, and upkeep for an answer =)

 

[The_last_Gunslinger]

I totally agree with B_B. I know people have different interests and goals, but it just sounds strnge to me for a guy who could afford one to not only not have a car but to not have an interest in cars. To me a car is beautiful piece of engineering and human adchievement. It just seems kind of, let me put it this way, unmasculine and unmanly to be disinterested in cars and powerful machines.

Cars are a big expense. but they're way more useful than your make them out to be. A car gives you a lot of things that maybe you just don't appreciate. It gives you total freedom of transportation. For instance, even with gas at $4 dollars a gallon I could just as affordably jump in my car anytime I wanted and be anywhere in America within two daysI might happen to want to go. It's about being free and independent to me. If I could afford it, I would even have my own plane or chopper.

Ketostix,

I very much enjoy powerful equipment, but the equipment I run is different. I am an illustrator / artist with a complete studio I built from the ground up... cameras, 3 rendering PCs, a production MAC. several airbrushes. complete studio lighting, sculpture, digital design suits and light materials fabrication including tig weilders.

I would be inclined to have purchased a car in the old days, where a man could pull it into the garage and do ALL the work required to maintain his "horse". These days you pop the hood and your looking at cuircut boards and micro-processors. If I can't maintain my own possesions and I am at the mercy of others to do so I see it as a money sink and bad / depreciating investment. Money better spent on travel and more gear.

 

[iqqi]

I feel you all the way, gunslinger. Cars are EXPENSIVE, and if you don't need one, don't get one.

 

[STR8UP]

Unfortunately this is just another example of how ass-backwards America is compared to the rest of the world on a lot of things.

I currently live in a high rise in a fairly large city, yet I still have to own a car and it's a PAIN IN THE ASS. I have to drive up NINE levels through two security gates to park, dodging Hummers and other vehicles that try to park in spots designed for Mini Coopers.

Cars are so deeply ingrained in American society it makes it that much harder for people here to accept the need for mass transit. How much does gas have to cost before Americans wake up? People are starting to see the light, but I don't know when they will truly wake up and realize how behind we are, unfortunately.

And it's sad that women would look down upon a guy who chooses not to own a car, but as much as cars are a part of our culture, I believe you 100%.

Edit- And unfortunately I don't want to increase my chances of dying dramatically by riding a motorcycle on a daily basis. Sorry bike guys, but it's true. One of my friends broke his neck in a car accident last year, and another guy I know just fractured two vertebrae in a rollover. Both would be dead right now through no fault of their own if they were on bikes.

I'm just sayin.....

 

[guru1000]

The CAR is not the reason why you are unsuccessful with women. You are creating a problem by THINKING the car is a reason.

If you meet a girl, have her pick you up or take a cab to a mutual place.

How is this a problem? I live in the big city. Most successful men do not drive cars either; they take cabs. They also date models.

Think of another reason why you are unsuccessful

 

[Dilberto]

Like yourself, gunslinger- I too no longer have a license, or own a car. However, my circumstances are very different than yours. I lost my priveliges to drive, due to driving under the influence, and totaling my brand-new Porsche. I have been sober two years now- but a judge still thinks I am unfit to drive. I am seeing him again next week, to review my eligibility.

I have also been unsuccessful in getting dates, due to the car issue. Women don't give a flying flock, what you previously owned. Where I live now- public transportation is not the best......and a set of wheels would certainly help. So, in the meantime- I bike everywhere(I'm much fitter now), and
have put off dating, since past drug/alcohol addiction has stripped me of literally EVERYTHING. I really don't have much to offer in a dating relationship at the moment.....so for now- I am working on myself, physically(lost 50lbs already), mentally improving my inner game, etc.

I also agree if women judge you by what you drive- they are materialistic, grade-A biatches, and do not deserve you!!!

 

[MatureDJ]

This is an interesting thread. I know a guy that lives in the city center that has decided to not own a car anymore. He is a musician who pretty much only works downtown (or out of town), and if he ever needed to do a gig outside downtown, he would just hitch a ride with the equipment. Interestingly, he has only dated women he has met on the road (and who live out of town.)

Now, for a regular guy however, I can agree with women not being so interested in a man who doesn't drive. A maiden should always think of her man as a resource - both financial, and in practical matters, of which driving is an almost absolute necessity in American society (outside of a few places like New York City, San Francisco, or downtown Chicago.) Even if you don't need to drive most of the time, you pretty much need a car - or be at the mercy of the very inconvenient taxi business.

Of course, if you are wealthy enough to have your car and driver, then you would be absolved of not being a driver. I think that women would find that situation very attractive.

 

[jonnnb]

Next time some chick asks you some stupid question like that look her right in the eye and say...

"..why does that matter...?" do NOT smile when you say that. The point is to reverse-qualify her bit** ass for not thinking while watching her squirm as she tries to save face and come up with an answer. Consider yourself lucky on how much money you save on gas, insurance, maintaining etc etc. I highly suggest you NOT get a car and enjoy the perks that you have because you shouldn't feel the NEED to compromise anything you have doubts for. (Which you seem to be having indicated by this topic).

Interesting that a 22yo has given the only concrete suggestion for regaining the conversation initiative

While posts of support for the The_last_Gunslinger's (OP) position are reassuring to the OP. I sensed that the OP was asking more, for examples of wit, humour or dominance which with, to regain the higher ground in conversation

---​

My social skills arent great. I learn through example, through observation. Thats why I need to see FR's or concrete examples of conservational art from fellow mature men. So I can divine the underlying patterns in their interaction.

eg. Guru once posted an exert of a convo with a date where she mentioned that prospective bf's had to prove themselves by 3 dates. Clearly this statement was a dominance play. Now we all know, that we have to regain the higher ground with our next sentence.
However how to?

Guru showed how he did, he oneupped her. He replied that he had a four date rule. If he's unsure about the woman after 3 dates, he gives her another chance to prove her worth with another date. He neutered her attack. Dumbfounded by that... as no doubt her well practised dominance play had silenced other men into an inferior position in the conversation, she fell afawning into Guru's arms.

---​

If I was in the OP's shoes, I would try either make a joke out of the noncar ownership, or make the women appear silly, shortsighted and materialistic.



My effort for the OP:

Woman: what car do you drive?
OP: I have no need for a car. (Note the use of language, your reply has to make it seem that it is no big deal not to have a car. There should be no hint of apology in your voice, your choice of words or body language when you reply. You must bat with a confident demeanour. If you become uncomfortable answering the question, the women will sense blood and will lead you around the houses by the nose)

Woman: Why not?
OP smiling with a laugh in your voice: When I want to go somewhere. I just close my eyes, click my shoes together ... and I magically appear whereever I wanna be

or you could say:

Woman: what car do you drive?
OP smiling: It will be worth my while to buy a car, when petrol(gas) gets to $10USD a gallon. As then the roads will be totally clear and empty, like the early days of driving, when most couldnt afford to drive

Admittedly not truely compelling comebacks, however the more socially skilled here will give the OP better comebacks

 

[BLebowski]

Having or not having a car is again influenced a lot by culture and society. It's understandable to have a license and/or car in areas where the distances are large (US, Australia etc), there's no real well developed public transportation (US again) or it's simply cheap to own and drive a car. When I watch an American highschool movie featuring kids going for their license, it seems like it's the biggest deal on the planet. :crackup:

As for myself, I don't have a car either but I do have a license. I did get it relatively late in life at 28 or 29 due to the fact I had driver's phobia for years (having a hyperventilation attack at 120km/h on the highway isn't that ... fun). In Europe (at least in Holland), we have a well developed public transportation system (commuter costs are paid back by my employer) and I would have to pay through the nose for parking fees, not to mention maintenance of the car. Gas isn't exactly cheap either and it's only getting more expensive in the future. I also got rid of my bike for the same reason...it just costs too much. When I told my current GF, she didn't flinch at all. In fact, she thought it was a pretty wise decision due to the cost. I also don't understand the need for a car when going out...but again, everything here is easily reachable by tram or taxi (we're talking about 10 minutes to get downtown...it would take me much longer looking for a parking spot when going by car). It's unwise to drive a car anyway after having a few drinks.

It *is* convenient to have at least a license though. Need to move or pick up something? Just rent a car for a day. Or I take the GF's car and pay for gas when I can use hers.

All that matters is how you feel about it. If you consciously choose to not own a car because of your principles...go with it.

 

[jophil28]

If I was in the OP's shoes, I would try either make a joke out of the noncar ownership, or make the women appear silly, shortsighted and materialistic.

She (pretentious HB), " Hey. what do you drive?"

You, " Hmm. how much do you weigh ?"

She," Whaaat? "

You. " I like getting these personal details out on the table..well I am guessing about 145...and I will need some ID - you have any references on you ?"

By this time she is confused and tossed on her a$$..

She, " You are a strange guy ..weird "

You, " Yeah I agree - now how about that ID. "

By now she either "gets " your S O H, and she digs you, OR she acts like most women with NO sense of humor and walks away to tell her G/fs about that weird guy "over there " . BYe bye to another goldigger, or hello to a fun chick with a sharp SOH.

Either way you win.

 

[insidious]

Here in L.A. the car culture is more pronounced than most other places. The true measure of a man in many circles here is the glitter of his 1-ton penis. I bought into that matrix for about 14 years of my driving life and then I ran into Dilberto's fate (minus the Porsche )

I took public trans here for about a year and half solid...during that time, I grew mentally/emotionally/spiritually...grew enormously! Let me tell you, I love the automobile. Always have...I've seen a couple of Shelby Cobra's recently and lusted after the 500 horsies lurking under that hood. But whatever, I am over it. When I got my license back last year, I bought a 10 year old car...pretty non descript, hardly a head turner. But it gets me around when I need to get around...I still prefer public transportation. But it's good to know I have my car and driver's license to fall back on when I need to run to the store at 10pm. During my public trans period I felt more connected and stripped of pretense than any other time of my life and it definitely strengthened my perspective.

The way you live your life is admirable and I think you should be straight up and honest about it and the truly worthwhile women will appreciate and desire you for that. The sad thing is that in today's society, these kind of women are rare and hard to find...but they are out there and the ones you do find will be jewels. Never give up your principles Gun nor try to gloss over them. Wear them proudly.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I don't have a car either. I hate them. I live in an area that, like yours, has a lot of public transportation.

Whenever I'm asked about what I drive, I just tell them the truth, that I hate cars, and I'm glad I sold mine. Never have had a negative reaction from that.

 

[Latinoman]

I did not own a car for many years. The reason was very similar to yours. I had ample access to public transportation as I grew up in a main metropolitan area.

But still, I eventually moved out and realized that I needed a driver license and at least I got that. Then with time, I bought a car (when it was a necessity to have one).

Here is my advice:

Get a driver license because it is practical to have one. But other than that, don't worry about the vehicle if you don't need one.

Now, do I think not having a car is the real issue you are missing on those women? Nope. I mean, how the car topic come into the conversation? There is not reason for that topic to become part of a conversation.

I think you probably have other issues. And if the issue is getting stuck into the car topic with them...then you need to find a way to humor them or something.

 

[thedeparted]

I haven't had a car in years. Women are happy to give me a ride. I've asked women for rides home after first dates and sometimes they say, "Oops, I almost forgot and drove you back to my place." Where there were probably hoping I'd accidentally screw their brains out all night long.

Anyway, some chicks do say something like, "But can you drive?" And I'll toss back something like, "If there are no more women with cars left in the world, maybe I'll learn."

In truth, I've had a license since I'm fifteen and I've owned some great cars. But I'm not letting any woman qualify me on something that stupid. For the longest time my ex thought I *couldn't* drive, and she started to get just a little ****y about having uncovered this secret deficiency. Until one day, about nine months into the relationship, I rented us a car and we road-tripped for a couple days. And then she was like, "Oh."

But also note, that same woman had a "Taxi service." This was a guy who was available 110% of the time to give her a ride anyplace, at any time. While he drove her around he would discuss "their future." This despite the fact that he knew she lived with me.

Moral of the story: Let another guy be the taxi driver. You be the man and ride shotgun.

 

[thedeparted]

This shltty forum just ate my comment. But the point was: I haven't had a car in years, and women are happy to give me a ride. My last gf didn't even know I could drive until we went for a roadtrip one weekend. However, when she really needed a ride, she'd call "the taxi man," a pathetic dude who would do anything for her even though she lived with me. Moral: Don't be the taxi man. Just be a man, and ride shotgun.