Looking/Oogling Approach laws.

[Luke Skywalker]

Tips that I have read from http://www.approachanxiety.com that I also intend to apply on my daily approaches are as follows:

1) Breathing exercises - be concious of breathing, make sure you are breathing deeply and slowly, especially prior to approaching a girl, and during intereaction.

2) Walk slowly - keep a slow speed where you cna.

3) Write down excuses. If you fail to approach, write down the excuse on a journal/log of why you didn't approach, and deal with the excuse later.

4) Warm-up sets. Ask a few people every day for time and direction to get yourself outside the mind. It gets you used to having your mouth open and doing something.

5) Get moving - go somewhere every day, dont stay at home/office , etc.. goes without saying. Choose a setting and go there or somewhere for at least 30 minutes every day.

6) Walk towards 'hot girls' - even if you do not open them, gets you used to walking towards a hot girl, and trains body to move in the right direction.

7) Stop reading - or going on sosuave, or the internet about this stuff - counter-productive. Real-world experience has no substitute.

8) 3 second rule - approach within 3 seconds unless there is some eye-contact rapport, in which case, you can just approach anyway when comfortable to do so.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Updating approach journal between May 15th to May 22nd, 2007.

APPROACH LOG:

May 15th - 2 Black girls crossing a street, one of them looked my way.
I was also crossing the street the other way. I was looking out for cars, and seeing an impending thunder storm in which I had no coat or umbrella, decided to get home before the rain came down. I looked away from them, bolted across the street and walked home.

This was an excuses. It would have taken no effort to maintain eye contact and wave or say 'hi' outloud to classify for an approach then continue crossing the street. IN fact, the rain came about fifteen minutes after I arrived home. All excuses cleaverly thought up in a state of anxiety.

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May 16/07. - At the mall, saw an attractive Black girl, and stalked her around. Found out she went in a shoe store. Afraid of going into shoe store. Worried shoe store attendant would confront me and ask me why I'm in the store and embarass me and I'd be forced to explain myself and lie about my true intentions of being in that store. Worried that the girl may notice me that I was stalking her before. Walked around the mall a few times and would cross that store to give a glance to see if she's out. Last seen going up an escalator while I was going down, very brief eye contact made.

Some breaks occurred - I saw on a chair in the mall by myself, some older women sat down next to me, had some very brief convo with them and gave them my business card. Looking at people passing by and chilling.

Sitting on a chair in a crowded mall may be helpful as people may sit next to you and that's an obvious IOI when that happens, especially if you made eye contact and smile at them or wave before they sat next to you (which did not specifically happen here) - but if someone sits next to you, then obviously it's easy to start a convo with them. The HTSWW book recommends props such as sitting beside a stuffed animal or something - may help with that type of game.

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May 17/07 - Was with my gf - an 'approach break' on that day. Can read about the account on the other thread called 'Quest: Find a gf, etc..by Feb 8th'.

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May 18/07

First street approach from my car. Basically pulled up to a moving target hb and pulled down the window and asked for directions to a particular street. It took me two attempts to get her attention. The first attempt I felt she thought I was hitting on her and ignoring me. When I stated a whole sentence concerning the direction outloud through the window then I think I got her attention and she responded by giving the direction.

This is again part of the strategy of warm-up approaches, to ask for time/directions or something obvious to sort of get myself out of my mind-box and into saying something to someone even though it's nonsence in my end.

Felt pleased with that accomplishment and called it a day. In the future, I set goals to approach at least six women a day asking for time/directions as a warm-up and/or just approach at least one of them. Warm-ups should be no-brainers, but even those make me feel a bit anxious.

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May 19/07

As I recall, I think I stayed at home for the whole day and didn't attempt to make any approaches and ditto for Sunday, May 20th.

Went to Quebec City on May 20th with folks.

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May 21st/07

In Montreal with folks. Generally, when I'm on vacation with my folks I usually just shut-off with women and approaches. I believe that being around my parents put me in a frame of mind that's not conducive of approaching or meeting women. After all, I'm usually 'under my mom' and when she's there in an approach situation, that can spell disaster - so that's my general excuse. Since I was travelling or in a state of travelling from May 19th to May 22nd, no approaches with any girls is made due to my parents.

However, there is this one girl that stood out in the trip. IN my mind, she's a pretty girl (hb 9 pretty - not necessarily sexy), and she was sitting opposite another girl on a table. I wanted to approach her and say something, but didn't know what to do.

Had a depression afterwards so strong that I wanted to leave the city in frustration and as my parents were ready to leave anyway, I just went along, and we just left.

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Part of the reason of this approach journal or dealing with approach anxiety is to fix situations like the one above. It can ruin a good vacation or wreck a good-time. You see this 'must-approach' girl that you cant approach and something inside just gets frustrated.

As people have said, it's better to get rejected, laughed at, or whatever response in a worst case scenerio you can get from a girl you REALLY want to approach, then failing to approach - as it just stings.

I went to Italy last year, and I remembered the same thing happened to me in Venice. There was a hb9 behind me in a line, and I couldn't even say 'hi' to her, I couldn't approach her - and the rest of the trip I was under a depression on it which just wrecked the morale of a good trip.

It is for reasons like this - having a fun vacation that's not spoiled by hb9's or hb10's that you just forfeit approaching for excuses that mean nothing - and causing depression afterwards, that approaches should really be mastered. These are hb's I'd probably never see again, so there is no real loss if the approach went bad. It's not all about getting laid - but it's about even having a normal fun time and being happy without getting depressed because 'I cant approach someone I want to approach'.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Weekly update....lack of motivation.

I'm trying to set a goal to approach at least on NEW girl in public every day - despite the fact I have already have a gf and another friend at the office.

Obviously, the excuse of not approaching as of last week, is I believe that what I really want is some sort of 'minimum stimulation' every day - and approaches really compensate for a lack of stimulation.

Look at it this way, if I'm able to connect with someone (assuming I dont jerk-off and defeat the need to connect), then somehow someone will connect with me and provide that needed stimulation, and once I'm 'fed', then I dont feel motivated to go out and make any more approaches.

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Dealing with this excuse - so, unless I'm absolutely starving for some female attention, I'm not going to make any approaches or efforts to meet any new women or interact with a hot sexy babe, or if I get hit or depressed, then I'm not going to do it either - I simply need to be hungry enough to be motivated to go on with this.

It's just me. I'm sort of pushed by negative motivation, if I dont see a perceived need, then why bother doing it? Why bother risking my emotions, embarassing myself, if I REALLY do not have to?

It's an excuse that's really quite powerful and I honestly do not know how to deal with it - because I mean - you are either motivated or you are not motivated - I cant convince myself that this is something that is necessary to do, or something that I have to do - you only feel it if you see someone you want to approach but cant because you failed to practise.

Those moments really sting bad, and perhaps, to deal with this excuse, I should remember how I reacted, or how it wrecked my day, each time I saw someone I wanted to approach somewhere, but failed to do so, only then perhaps will I see the need to make a daily effort to nibble away at my approach anxiety issues by doing at least one approach a day, or devoting 30 minutes with an attempt to approach.

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So, for starters, I intend to deal with what I see as a lack of motivation, and intend to make a goal as stated before, again, for a week, and report back here to see that these goals are maintained. The ONLY acceptable excuse is if I actually WENT OUT WITH SOMEONE - as in a date - AND engaged in some serious kino or intimate interaction within that date - otherwise, I do not see any other excuse as valid.

Motivation comes further when you start doing approaches and feel confident about them, and sometimes you have to put an effort in, and then you encourage yourself. I believe approaches are theraputic, invegorating, and something that should be done just for the fun of it - and a SERIOUS excuse, such as SEEING A GIRL that same day, should be the only excuse not to do that - not phone play.

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On a side-note: I also think my 'energy-levels' are rather low and that I radiate tension - and my tone is also a bit weak. This adversely effects my 'approach confidence'. I think any action that addresses these things requires an investment of time.

Things needed for a good approach portfolio: <approach wardrobe>

1) Dress sharply or at least dress neatly.
2) Good posture and body which does not radiate tension but can put people at ease.
3) A good smile. Radiate warmth, friendliness, and someone that's cool to be around.
4) Energy levels should be high (helpful to walk for about 30 minutes a day to relieve stress and excercise the mind)
5) Tone should convey enthusiasm (but not overdone as to appear unnatural - just to be a bit upbeat rather than half-asleep).

On top of making a 30 minute daily commitment - these other commitments should be followed in some way shape or form - but not as an excuse to procrastinate actual approaches - as it was so in the past. I'd view it like I'm travelling on a tank that's almost empty - when these other type of skills are there (i.e. knowing you can put someone at ease, and sort of relax them in your presence when you try an approach) then it fills up the tank a bit more.

Last year, for example, I would make up an excuse and say 'until my posture is improved I wont approach' - and proscrastinated indefinately - but these just function as tips to enhance success on approaches. I mean, really, you cant do approaches if you are half-asleep or tired.

Intend to strive to follow at least some of these improvements - perhaps drink a large cup of coffee before starting any dedicated approach time and see how that will effect it, etc.....

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An approach excercise could be to look for someone who needs a smile from someone - and try to connect with them with a good smile - then once there is a good connection, then approach her to talk. That would help put people at ease - is simply smiling prior to approaching.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

David DeAngelo has given me an approach assignment...

...(well not personally), but I found it on one of his news letters.

Basically, he says to approach 50 'beautiful' women on average, and in particular 5 'beautiful' women per day for the next 10 days with this line:

"Excuse me, can I ask you a question? I'm trying to overcome my shyness, and it's my goal to ask five women today what it takes for them to be attracted to a man. Do you prefer it when guys try to BUY your attention with gifts and food, or do you prefer it when a guy teases you, makes fun, makes you laugh, and keeps you guessing what's going to come next?
"

Goal to see how hb's react to this question - and overcome my own shyness in the process of seeing how they will react. I'm giving myself one day to memorise this until I'm comfortable, then I'm going to approach women in public, or even in my car, and ask them this question. Ok.

Once I reach 50 approaches within the next 10 days (if successful, it will help me with the competition) - then this assignment will be upgraded for the next 50 approaches (my goal is 100 approaches in 20 days - which is rather ambitious.....I'll allow slack for up to 40 days).

 

[Luke Skywalker]

did you get laid yet?

That's not the purpose of this thread - it's getting over shyness and approaching girls. Pick on another approach journal.