Looking/Oogling Approach laws.

[tmpgstx]

Wow, you should be like a wherewolf by now then. I went five days once and felt like there was rust in my veins.

It should also be noted that girls are 300X less aggressive than guys according to a study comparing estrogen to testosterone.

It is in our nature to 'take' her. It is in her nature to be 'taken'. I read on one site one time where a girl was describing a guy at work. She says "I know he likes me and wants to take me in the back room and have his way with me. I want him too and wish he would .."

Believe it or not, many girls picture themselves getting dominated by giving a guy they a like a BJ. It's in their nature to be submissive. It's in our nature to be dominate.

 

[mikeyb]

I already have some female friends/gf in my life. It may make me less hungrier, but it doesn't dramatically boost confidence in approaching a total stranger. The issues, as I've stated, seem to lie in the fact that I have issues expressing the natural sexual side - or the side that just wants to connect with someone.

So practice flirting on your female friends. You'll be less nervous about it, you'll learn a bit about what works and what doesn't, your friends might enjoy it, they might even become attracted to you, but even if the don't, in the end you'll find flirting with strangers easier because you'll have a better idea of what works and what doesn't. I won't claim I'm a DJ yet, but trying things out on my friends definitely boosted my approach skills.

I dont know. Following natural instincts sounds like risking legal problems. For example, groping strangers in public for example could be construed as following natural instincts - where do you draw the line?

I never said you should follow your natural instincts, I said you should stop focusing so much on blocking them out. Some natural instincts aren't going to help, especially if you have thoughts of walking up to strangers and groping them in public. But this idea of timing the amount you stare at a girl, for example, or the idea of not thinking of women lustfully at all to the point of fast-forwarding sex scenes in movies, these ideas make you tense in the end because they're unnatural. And women can easily sense nervousness and tension.

I don't want this to sound like I'm promoting Joseph Matthews, but have you tried reading his ebook 'The art of Approaching'? If you have a couple dozen bucks to spare, it would really help you out.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Inventory of approach-environments.

Approach sectors are as follows:

1) Girls walking on the street, either on the same side of the road on which I am driving or on the opposite side of road. Current strategy is to honk and wave. Contemplated strategy is to stop them and ask for directions to x,y or z. This board says that street approaches, particularly with a car is very risky and unlikey to work, so I dont think there are field reports here on the subject - although I dont see how I can progress from asking a girl for directions to starting up a convo with her, or asking her into my car, etc...

2) Stores, shopping, malls, buying stuff. Targets may be cashiers, hired guns, or customers waiting in line. Often times a customer may be in line and look at a magazine - where you can make a comment on the magazine she's glancing at for conversation - (i.e. read the cover out loud and make a comment, etc...) Looking for field reports along those lines.

3) Gym - believe there are already a stock of field reports on here concerning the gym.

4) Moving targets - someone who is walking opposite direction or parallel to you. Viewing field reports on that.

5) Approaching groups of people.

***********

Been to library, stores, office, gym, - but cold approaching strangers intend to look at field reports.

Based on what I have observed so far, cold approaching random strangers appears to be the coldest form of approaching that there is, and also the riskiest for all parties involved of course.

*************

I'm looking for people to contribute openers for the above scenerios for this thread if they want, otherwise, I'm going to review what openers are available for most of the scenerios outlined above.

I'm not serious about this to the point of paying money on e-books about approaching or the art of approaching - since I'm pursuing this more from a theraputic angle rather than a game or technique, or get adjusted or comfortable with approaching in general and seeing things in perspective.

If successful with this program, I should be able to approach women without worrying about how she will react or think about me, or worry about ackward silences, pauses, or feelings of rejection or taking the response too personal.

*****************

 

[Solarium]

I like your persistence. However, I think you need you strenghten yourself first before getting girls to go out with you. Start working out, get a better job, move out of house. If you start to accumulate all these success, relative to what you had before, you will automatically gain confidence in yourself. That confidence will extrude out of you and people will know. You will also think less and analyze less once you reach that new stage. Afterall, the key to getting people to love you is to love yourself first.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Solarium,

Thanks for your advice. However, I may point out a few things, since a well thought out post deserves a well thought out reply.

First of all, this is an approach journal. Which means the focus of this threads is developing good openers with cold approaches and later moving for improvisation so that I'm more comfortable. The point is to not to feel naked when I'm approaching women where I have to worry about what they think.

I do get a positive 'high' or get off on doing approaches with sexy girls, so I'm quite content with that as being a final end in itself, it makes my day feel happier and I really get a buzz. So, at this juncture, I'm quite content with just doing approaches without any closes - that's where I maintained it's a thereputic element. It makes me feel good, relaxed, and more comfortable and happy in general when I do approaches.

Even when I get rejected I get a buzz. I can tell you, I went up to this Black girl with a sexy a$$, said hi and she ignored me. I sat down, and I saw her making some moves with her a$$ while talking to her friends. Subconciously she wanted to please me, whatever, I enjoyed the whole thing. I'm excited about doing approaches, if I get a 'hi' back, get nothing, or see somebody's a$$ wiggle infront of me afterwards.

Second of all, I can show you threads on here of people who have a difficult time with girls who have good jobs, or who live on their own and are struggling. I know it may help, but it's not a guarantee. After all, you know, you are not using any game at all if you can just attract girls by what you have - you are just setting yourself up to be used anyway.

Thirdly, being a good player is about perception, and playing with girl's minds because they are already fvcked up to begin with (so in a sence you aren't really playing with them by lying or manipulating since they are already messed up especially and more so if they are attractive). It is not about living a lifestyle that's geared to pleasing women. If I'm successful want want a particular lifestyle that's fine - but I'm not going to do that to please women because there is no game in that - that's low game.

If I want to change or improve anything - then it is because I want to, not because of any girl.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

It looks like I'm meant to purchase something.

David Deangelo has a new product out, called tackling "Inner Game" issues. It focus on deal with aspects that reflect my fears, anxieties and insecurities with women, which is probably blatant in this thread.

He's offering this program free for 30 days, and if I think it's BS, I can return it and I wont be charged, so it's nothing to lose.

He maintains, that if you are having 'inner game issues' that no amount of techniques, or anything I can do is going to fix it - and I gave his long ad-stuff a good read and think that it's worth a shot to some degree. I would still like my current relationship to crash and burn/fade first due to my own issues before I try it out though and will wait to a later time.

I'm still may just look at some field reports here and focus on just some light comfortable approaches.

I believe I"m a suitable candidate to try this stuff if I'm really serious about approaching sexy women to talk with them or dealing with some of the personal 'issues' that may be impeding my success.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

The girl I'm currently seeing seems to be making some sort of complaits or statements that could reflect these 'inner game issues'. She told me that I should look at romantic movies - but I think that such wouldn't be very helpful. But it's a red-flag to me that something is amiss. She's tagged it down that I live with my parents - but I'm wondering if this ''Inner Game" thing can 'override' all of this and really work.

But, I dont think this will be very useful. I do have some very obvious obsticles, and it seems to reflect being accountable to my mom in here and the relative lack of freedom and privacy of my arrangement. In any normal 'living with parent's' arrangement, the parents would usually be detached from their children's lives after a certain age - but not here, I'm accountable to where I"m going, who I'm seeing and what I'm doing, and I dont think it's possible to deal with any inner game issues if I'm still a child in this type of context. My mom doesn't seem to care that I'm a 31 y/o child in here, she obviously treats me like one.

After all, my mom would find out if I buy these DVD's, after all it's being shipped to her house, and all hell would break lose in here, again, there is no privacy in here to do that.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

After reading GamePlan and BlueChill's approach journals, I'm coming to realise that the real enemy of attack is our own fears and anxieties, not even the hot babe or girls. That's who we are fighting and what we are dealing with. So it doesn't matter what the opener is, or even if it's lame. The conflict, the rejection, the challenge is actually internal or in our minds - what we believe about youselves - more than the actual interaction. I mean, even if the approach is rusty, there is always going to be some rational thing to say on the approach, even if it's an off comment about the weather.

This comes in a few phases:
1) Do approaches to get a perspective that women are generally nice, and wont bite you, and continue doing approaches.
2) Build from any rusty or inept opener, rather than memorize dozens of openers to just get lost. So, at this point, I'm deciding the content of the opener, unless it's too lewd or sexually suggestive, shouldn't matter.
3) Also, building a bit of a humour, where a smile or laugh is followed is something on GamePlan's style but I'll have to investigate that further.

Right now, I'm just going to deal with my anxieties and fears head on, and jump into the deep water.

For the next two weeks, I'm going to deal with my fears head-on and start getting comfortable approaching, and get the mindset that women are civil to approach, they are not going to bite me, and a worst reaction is that they are going to ignore me since they may not be used to a stranger approaching them in public. This is something that can built inner strength and resolve to go somewhere and I am inspired by the approach journals on this board.

I'm in again on this for two weeks. I'll only be posting field reports as I feel more confident that I will be doing some solid approaches.

 

[mikeyb]

First, congrats on the new approach. You'll see much better results.

The girl I'm currently seeing seems to be making some sort of complaits or statements that could reflect these 'inner game issues'. She told me that I should look at romantic movies - but I think that such wouldn't be very helpful. But it's a red-flag to me that something is amiss.

Wow, I don't know whether you should laugh it off or be very alarmed that a girl suggested you watch chick flicks for inspiration. Due to no choice of my own, I've watched my share of them, and I think what she's getting at is the confidence and sense of humor that all the protagonists in those movies have. Either that or she expects you to treat her like a queen and fall for her after the second date, in which case you should take it for what it's worth and laugh it off.

She's tagged it down that I live with my parents - but I'm wondering if this ''Inner Game" thing can 'override' all of this and really work.

Now that I think about it, I had no confidence talking to girls until I moved out of my parents' house. Of course, I was 17 back then, and you're 31, so we're not really on the same page, but it's true that being around your parents all the time would affect your ability to change, personality-wise.

My mom doesn't seem to care that I'm a 31 y/o child in here, she obviously treats me like one.

After all, my mom would find out if I buy these DVD's, after all it's being shipped to her house, and all hell would break lose in here, again, there is no privacy in here to do that.

Unless I've missed something all these years, there's nothing wrong with trying to improve one's "inner game" with DVDs. It's not like it's porn. Just tell her what it is and why you need it.

I don't mean to seem Freudian here, but I can refer you to two case studies where the patient had problems accepting his masculinity because his mother wouldn't treat him like a man. Take it for what it's worth (shrink-crap), but think about the following question: If you lived on your own, far away from your mother, what, if anything, would you do differently?

 

[Solarium]

Having your mom under the roof is basically having a women bossing you around all the time, which in turn conditions you to be bossed around girls. I don't know how your mom is... but I remember my mom used to b1tch to me all the time about the tiniest sh1t. Even mothers are women, they try to bring down men to their control constantly. She always tells me that I'm no good and sh1t, until one day I slapped her in her face. Now I love my mom, and she knows that I wouldn't in the right mind hurt her in any way unless it's something extreme. She complained that to my dad, and I actually saw my dad having this proud-of-his-son smirk on his face, which shows his passive approval. You gotta stand up for yourself one day, and that day won't start until you become the man of the house, or move away to become your own man.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Unless I've missed something all these years, there's nothing wrong with trying to improve one's "inner game" with DVDs. It's not like it's porn. Just tell her what it is and why you need it.

It's not just that. It costs $ 250.00. If my mom finds out I'm potentially paying and risking my credit information to get those type of DVD's , they are going start asking me for money like crazy if they perceive I'm spending money like a drunken sailor. It's not like it's a free e-book, or a cheap e-book that may cost $ 20.00. It's $ 250.00 - 5 payments monthly of $ 50.00 each???

They'll think my mind is sucked into something and I'm not myself if I get to the point they find out I'm buying books from secular sources (which by the way usually have influences with Eastern religious mysticism - another reason for me to be skeptical - other than the 30 day free no-obligation trial).

I mean, you have to have low self-confidence issues of an ungodly nature to be buying these. We tend to believe in here in providence, and that to some degree or another God helps put things together - if there is really a right person somewhere, then it would work naturally and in a nice way - and you wouldn't need all these artificial gimmicks or whatnot to facilitate that.

My mom is already down on me because she doesnt' see me spend enough time reading the bible or spiritual things - and if she sees me into this, she'll really think I'm out of it (which she probably does already). My interest on it is purely out of curiosity - I may really return it within the 30 day period - but it sounds interesting enough.

But then again, there is no better teacher than experience. There is a quote that says you get experience by making bad judgements, and that same experience makes you make good judgements later on. Same thing here, no amount of e-book or reading is a substitute for experience and persistence which is why I'm always a bit skeptical, and my parents would feel I'm wasting money by going into that type of stuff.

I don't mean to seem Freudian here, but I can refer you to two case studies where the patient had problems accepting his masculinity because his mother wouldn't treat him like a man. Take it for what it's worth (shrink-crap), but think about the following question: If you lived on your own, far away from your mother, what, if anything, would you do differently?

If I lived on my own and far away, assuming I was financially independent, at the very least, I can watch youtube programs on the internet without my mother breathing down my neck and telling me to go to bed. I can decide when to go to bed. I'd wont be under cerfew and can return home at any time and can bring anyone inside the home. So, yeah, in terms of basic privacy and accountability I think there would be a change there.

The price tag for that, is unless I'm well-off enough to hire a maid to look after the house and wash the dishes, the home would likely be in a big mess.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Having your mom under the roof is basically having a women bossing you around all the time, which in turn conditions you to be bossed around girls. I don't know how your mom is... but I remember my mom used to b1tch to me all the time about the tiniest sh1t. Even mothers are women, they try to bring down men to their control constantly. She always tells me that I'm no good and sh1t, until one day I slapped her in her face. Now I love my mom, and she knows that I wouldn't in the right mind hurt her in any way unless it's something extreme. She complained that to my dad, and I actually saw my dad having this proud-of-his-son smirk on his face, which shows his passive approval. You gotta stand up for yourself one day, and that day won't start until you become the man of the house, or move away to become your own man.

Well, I find it hard or impossible to become a man of this home, if my mom is pampering, supporting me while I"m struggling to get anywhere in the real world. My father is also 100% supported by my mom as he also has no luck. My mom wears the pants of this homes, feeds us, supports us and basically does everything. If I'm conditioned by this environment, then it would be that the woman is in charge and you have to leech over her and I'd be looking for a sugar mom (where I can at least have sex).

But, that's an interesting theory, I'm not a man in this environment, I'm a boy that's accountable to my mom, who cant even trust me to do my work in my office as she's worried if I come home too late and calls me to see where I am, etc... - or is worried if I watch Doctor Who programs on you-tube.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Today was a holy day in my faith, but I couldn't stop staring at Black bubble butt girls with tight jeans on. My obvious weakness. Went shopping, and I there was these two Black girls working at the store putting boxes into the shelves. One was bent over, and I just stared at her a$$ as I was just behind her and I wanted to grope her (never did it before). However, I just walked on. Later, her friend bent over, and I saw her panties and half her a$$ exposed as I walked out.

I looked at them for over 3 second, and made no effort to approach, other than eye contact (did not get any IOI's from them or eye contact from them) - however, this time, I just couldn't get an approach out of me. It's like I felt any attempt to say hi or do something would come out weak, and I would be coughing up a weak 'hi' or something really basic to say, like the only best way to get their attention was to actually bump into them.

A strategy which would not have been groping is if I backed into one of the girls that was bending over and turned around and said sorry as in a surprize, then commented on something they were doing with the boxes (esp, if I held my hands behind my back in an innnoscent way).

Anyway - just my thoughts, going easy on myself today because it's Sunday so I'm waiving any penalties for failing to approach. It's like I just didn't have any juice in me to approach and other than that semi-grope stunt, I wouldn't know how to approach in this case properly.

It's like, unless I have a solid innoscious type of opener (i.e. asking for time, or wear a product on an aisle is located and if they can sort of guide me towards it as an exercise), it seems that there is some times I feel it just wont come out of me properly and I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Left the home today and waved opposite to the neighbour girl, and she didn't wave back at me. Felt a bit bad. Then I looked at them later and it appeared she was underage anyway so no big deal.

Went out with my parents for mother's day again. Practised making comments with some girls. Bought ice-cream for example, and was a penny short on my change. So the girl asks me for another penny. So I go "a penny for your thoughts" while handing her a penny. She commented that they need every change accounted for there.

Went to a check-out line, and saw this Indian girl with huge breasts as a cashier. I told my mom to go on this line. It appeared that she looked at me a few times. I had it in my mind to comment on her name and tell her it's a nice name and to stick to that method.

As it came my turn, I shied out of it, and just went to the side while my mom was there. I was afraid to say anything to the girl since mom was there. But at the last minute before going, I finally pronounced her wierd name, and then told her that I thought it was a nice name (although I didn't sincerely meant it, I just wanted to say some sort of compliment).

She didn't respond either way, probably taken a back by the statement, moved on and went. Think that I have a choice on how to interpret reactions with the ladies, and a choice not to take it personal or feel something is wrong with me if I dont get the response that I'm looking for. I'm trying to make a positive interpretation to maintain the world view that most girls that you approach aren't going to bite or make you feel bad for trying - which by practising here I'd believe is true.

These approaches are voluntary and not under the rules.

 

[Mintyfresh]

No offense luke, but you're obviously here to change your ways and live a happier life. Yet you're so damn stubborn in your own ways that you're unwilling to take advice that others give you.

You're afraid of your own sexuality.
You take religion and faith entirely too literal.
You think 5 second interactions with female cashiers as accomplishments.

I could go on... bottom line, wake the f.uck up and stop being the scared child of a man you've probably been your entire life. Most of us that come to this website are scared shltless of approaching women... but we find the courage and overcome our fears.

Life is all about overcoming your fears. The only way to fail is to let the fear win.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

No offense luke, but you're obviously here to change your ways and live a happier life. Yet you're so damn stubborn in your own ways that you're unwilling to take advice that others give you.

I'm always open to listening to helpful advice that can be applied. When people make advice like 'moving out', or 'get a high-paying job', etc... because it's too much of a quantum leap to be useful. Other useful advice on here has been methodologically applied.

For the record, I have applied the advice given on this thread and looked and studied other approach journals on this board, I'm also be looking at field reports later. If you want to talk about any specific advice here, that is practical and I can apply tommorow, that you feel I'm ignoring, by all means bring it up here.

You're afraid of your own sexuality.
You take religion and faith entirely too literal.
You think 5 second interactions with female cashiers as accomplishments.

I could go on... bottom line, wake the f.uck up and stop being the scared child of a man you've probably been your entire life. Most of us that come to this website are scared shltless of approaching women... but we find the courage and overcome our fears.

I dont see it that way. The 5 second interaction with the cashier is an accomplishment because I did it infront of my mother. Religion and faith are important values, and since you are not of the same faith/religion, you wouldn't be able to appreciate these values so it's not fair for you to comment with that. I'm afraid of my own sexuality? Well, I want to get married one day and start a family, and the Bible encourages that, so to say there is an absolute averision towards this in my faith/religion is not true at all.

For the record, I am afraid of a woman freaking out if I make a bad move, or wrong move, and opening a pandora's box of complaining on me. Have you groped a girl in public? I mean, there are some fears you are best not dealing with since it's on the border of the unacceptable and could be crossing a line. I have something to lose if I cross a line and I dont want to risk that.

 

[Nighthawk]

You are a 31 year old man and your mom tells you when to go to bed?

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I've reviewed a thread from another section and found a helpful post to be credited to "Edger". The following tips have been stated on his post.

Stationary target is assumed:

- Check to see what 'vibes', 'cues', 'signals' you are getting from a girl before approaching.
- If you are not getting a good 'vibe' - then place yourself around her for about 1-2 minutes and chill.
- Do not look at her directly, look from her from the 'corner of the eye'.
- Start a convo based on something around after a a minute or two has passed - or just say 'what's up?' etc...

Exercises/Application next week:

On all high-risk approaches involving groups or single targets which are stationary, but which seem too complex for a simple approach, I'm just going to place myself around the girls and see if I can stand for about 1-2 minutes before starting a convo or walking away.

************

Other thoughts: Most people have difficulty getting number closes after cold approaches and get lots of flakes, meaning, it's probable that the biggest challenge is just approaching in and of itself. That means, there should be no 'fear of losing something you dont have' by bungling up or being ackward in these approaches.

I'm contiuing to read other threads on here concerning this subject and will post my thoughts on here, or just apply them.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

You are a 31 year old man and your mom tells you when to go to bed?

Yup. But she pays for everything in here anyway while I can save money or spend it on myself as is necessary.

Anyway, I'm not with my mom all the time, and not in particular when I go to work, when I go to the gym, when I'm travelling on business or during work hours - it's those times that I may look at approaching.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Approach Insurance policy:

I'm implementing a basic goal of approaching JUST one attractive women a day with a 30 minute investement as an insurance policy against any penalty if I break my own looking/googling laws of approach. This concept is based on approachanxiety.com and recommends making at least one approach per day.

They recommend saying, "Hi, my name is Luke Skywalker, I'm just (fill in the blanks yourself), what's your name? Hold out hand.

Another strategy is to say 'You look really cute (or some other compliment) and I wanted to say 'hi' to you.'

I'm not putting a yolk on me to do this - but if I miss an approach, rather than doing 10 approaches or something, just 30 minutes and do one approach - because we all have other lives rather than worrying about this and if you just do one a day they add up anyway. Otherwise we risk becoming pick-up machines, robots, without any lives apart from picking up girls....so, I'm going to build my life, but put this on a box of one approach per day with a 30 minute investment as a minimalist strategy and report back this 'evolving' journal on a weekly basis.