Looking down her phone

[Murk]

For sure. But my take is that OP messed up the vetting, now time has passed since the honeymoon phase, things have gone downhill, and he's had to resort to unsavory methods to confirm his questions about his partner's history and relationship value.

You can still look for flaws critically and take time and effort to pick the 'least flawed' option. OP likely messed up by not doing more of this at the onset of the relationship. But that's a common mistake a ton of guys, my younger self included make: you get so enamored with the new puss that you overlook a bunch of things; next thing you know you're one year into a relationship with the wrong person.

The thing is she has no red flags like you mentioned previously. Good family (both parents), minimal partying, dislikes drugs, minimal travel, no piercings, feminine and submissive etc

I look in her phone because I had a gut feeling she was lying about something, that I didn’t totally know her. She had said I was the only person she slept with since we initially met in feb 2018 - that’s an outright lie and I told her to stop capping but she insisted. Then I wondered what else has she been lying about, I saw some of the names on her bang list in WhatsApp and Instagram msgs from 2018 and 2019 - yeah your boy went full detective mode, none of the names are her friends on any socials.

The whole thing made me feel like a *****, there’s a reason I’ve never gone through a girls phone in 33 years. I can’t stop thinking about the 2x mmf threesomes that’s garbage behaviour lol.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

LOL WHY, WHY DID I DO IT?

I've never looked at this girls phone in the years I've known her, I didn't know the password and never cared for it, today I saw her put it in. Waited for her to sleep, like the distgusting female I am, then I started digging.

There's not much, text and whatapp are deleted likely, no men, except an ex with chit chat every few months.

Then I go to the notes, there's a "cons" list as long as my ****ing arm literally 20+ things including the fact I see a therapist! "A peter pan" dear lord. Smelly feet. Then the 3 pros: "tall, handsome, has potential"

I dunno how to feel, it was last edited 9 months ago but damn. It's never really good to see things like this is it? I'm a massive note writer myself and would hate anyone to see the sh!t I spew on there sometimes. To be fair I'm actively resolving the issues on the cons list without even seeing it.

Count the number of things in your phone you wouldn’t want other people to see before judging her. You definitely have stuff in there that make you look like a weirdo.
It is my strong belief that if a woman seems perfect, she’s either hiding a huge character flaw or she’s got a pen!s under there.

 

[Murk]

Curious why you include minimal travel in your list of "no red flags"?

So a woman who has traveled (as a kid with family and as an adult) is a red flag now? Lol

That's a new one.

I mean party holidays Ibiza, aiya napa, Miami, cancun, magaluf, malia, Dubai (to get sh!t on for 10 racks) etc

girls are getting smashed on these holidays for fun that’s why they go

 

[Bokanovsky]

The elephant in the room is the fact that she has a list like that on her phone in the first place. Why do people keep lists? To remind themselves of things they may otherwise forget. And to comparison shop...

 

[s74rk]

The thing is she has no red flags like you mentioned previously. Good family (both parents), minimal partying, dislikes drugs, minimal travel, no piercings, feminine and submissive etc

I look in her phone because I had a gut feeling she was lying about something, that I didn’t totally know her. She had said I was the only person she slept with since we initially met in feb 2018 - that’s an outright lie and I told her to stop capping but she insisted. Then I wondered what else has she been lying about, I saw some of the names on her bang list in WhatsApp and Instagram msgs from 2018 and 2019 - yeah your boy went full detective mode, none of the names are her friends on any socials.

The whole thing made me feel like a *****, there’s a reason I’ve never gone through a girls phone in 33 years. I can’t stop thinking about the 2x mmf threesomes that’s garbage behaviour lol.

At the end of the day it's up to you what you'll accept and commit towards. Threesomes and a partner count above a certain number are no-go's for me. There's good reason for this statistically at least in terms of marriage.

I'd definitely dip if I were you though lol.

 

[bat soup]

The elephant in the room is the fact that she has a list like that on her phone in the first place. Why do people keep lists? To remind themselves of things they may otherwise forget. And to comparison shop...

You'd have to have really bad memory to forget that your bf has smelly feet.

 

[bat soup]

At the end of the day it's up to you what you'll accept and commit towards. Threesomes and a partner count above a certain number are no-go's for me. There's good reason for this statistically at least in terms of marriage.

I'd definitely dip if I were you though lol.

How would you know a person's partner count? Women lie about it precisely for this reason.

 

[Murk]

Update:

We had it out last night, both got drunk and I told her I went my down her phone and know everything. She already knew! She wrote a note two days ago this at she showed me “Murk I know you’ve gone down my phone, I have nothing to hide”

I questioned her on the threesomes, she said she wasn’t too happy about it but after coming out of a 7 year relationship only knowing 1 man she had a hoe phase. Ah the dreaded Hoe phase. 10 year relationship with her ex, 4 with me she claims she didn’t fvck anyone, then 30 names squeezed into 5 years, it’s trashy. I wanted to know her psyche, why she did it, how it made her feel, does she have desires for that stuff now. I felt she told me what I wanted to hear.

I told her straight up I dunno if I can handle this, it’s kind of a deal breaker.

I recorded the 25 minute convo on my phone last night so I can listen back sober, digest and plan my next move. She wasn’t even that bothered I went through the phone, and it was pretty empty.

I also questioned her on her ex who I believe alpha widowed her, she denied having feelings for him but the guy wasted her best years and she still calls him “a good guy”

I really think I’m done here but at least I’ve been honest and had the difficult convos I would have run from years ago, I feel a bit better but would rather a new young girl without all this fvcking **** I have to mentally navigate.

Edit: I asked her why she’s made the sex list, she said her and her friends all wrote it down to figure out how many men they had slept with (ugh), the cons list was written when she was angry and wanted to move on from me.

 

[Baibars]

I think the main problem many men have is that we take women to serious.
We should just enjoy the time with them. She has a list on her phone, she does this and that… even a girl that seems to be a good girl could’ve been another man’s ***** before. Most times we don’t know these things and by spending time analyzing that girl and finding reasons to push her out of our life, we should just utilize all women that come into our life how it benefits us. That’s what women do too.

Im guilty of the same thing. I had an argument with a girl I’m seeing right now because she has some red flags. But she’s submissive and gives me sex whenever I want plus she’s fun to be with.
I should just enjoy my time with her and don’t take her that serious that’s the solution imo.

 

[SoSuave666]

Pining after some 7 who has been double teamed into oblivion. We should be better than this.

 

[Fruitbat]

We have access to each other’s phones.
i look at hers every now and then. It’s not that I don’t trust her, I’m more checking my acquaintances haven’t tried hit on her (one in particular who has a thing about other mens women)

I see orbiters there. She has brief chats with them but they are very much “girlfriend” chats so no worries there.

The only times she freaked out when I grabbed her phone is when she had been Googling things like plastic surgery.

however, I freak out more when she grabs mine as I follow some hot chicks on IG or whatever and when they don’t look exactly like her she says “so you like girls like this?” And I’m like “err….lots of women can be attractive”

thankfukly she is mature enough not to freak and understand men like to look.

so many women out there totally lose their shyt when men look at chicks or porn. I really don’t get that.

she watches these romantic TV shows which always have some rich attractive dude and she even tells me who she likes. I don’t GAF, I understand we all like a little fantasy.

 

[Murk]

Pining after some 7 who has been double teamed into oblivion. We should be better than this.

I know man, but she ticks every other box, she just came on her period so I am safe for another month, I should bounce.

 

[RBK]

Man this is stuff you just don't want to know. The stories I've heard from women friends are brutal. Most have cheated on vacations, had threesomes with two dudes, ****ed raw in clubs you name it.

If that's ALL you found I don't think its that bad. Who knows what the whatsapp text were though..

 

[RBK]

Update:

We had it out last night, both got drunk and I told her I went my down her phone and know everything. She already knew! She wrote a note two days ago this at she showed me “Murk I know you’ve gone down my phone, I have nothing to hide”

I questioned her on the threesomes, she said she wasn’t too happy about it but after coming out of a 7 year relationship only knowing 1 man she had a hoe phase. Ah the dreaded Hoe phase. 10 year relationship with her ex, 4 with me she claims she didn’t fvck anyone, then 30 names squeezed into 5 years, it’s trashy. I wanted to know her psyche, why she did it, how it made her feel, does she have desires for that stuff now. I felt she told me what I wanted to hear.

I told her straight up I dunno if I can handle this, it’s kind of a deal breaker.

I recorded the 25 minute convo on my phone last night so I can listen back sober, digest and plan my next move. She wasn’t even that bothered I went through the phone, and it was pretty empty.

I also questioned her on her ex who I believe alpha widowed her, she denied having feelings for him but the guy wasted her best years and she still calls him “a good guy”

I really think I’m done here but at least I’ve been honest and had the difficult convos I would have run from years ago, I feel a bit better but would rather a new young girl without all this fvcking **** I have to mentally navigate.

Edit: I asked her why she’s made the sex list, she said her and her friends all wrote it down to figure out how many men they had slept with (ugh), the cons list was written when she was angry and wanted to move on from me.

More **** has happened bro I'm telling you. Any girl engaging in MMF threesomes is doing more ****. (I've had over 30 threesomes, MFF),

Hilarious girls actually have to make lists to remember who they have slept with.

Sounds like you got what you needed out of the convo, digest it and go from there. I'd probably take a break for a month or two at minimum you're not in the right headspace with this one to continue healthy right now.

 

[Murk]

More **** has happened bro I'm telling you. Any girl engaging in MMF threesomes is doing more ****. (I've had over 30 threesomes, MFF),

Hilarious girls actually have to make lists to remember who they have slept with.

Sounds like you got what you needed out of the convo, digest it and go from there. I'd probably take a break for a month or two at minimum you're not in the right headspace with this one to continue healthy right now.

Agreed, she's still here at my place we have talked about it all sober this morning.

I actually think I can get over her past because she's been a saint these past 4 years and she explained coming out of a 8 year relationship with a doctor she thought she would marry, she hoe'd it up a little. I've been there. How can I judge her 30 body count when I smashed 26 in 1 year alone? I do have love for this woman.

 

[RBK]

Agreed, she's still here at my place we have talked about it all sober this morning.

I actually think I can get over her past because she's been a saint these past 4 years and she explained coming out of a 8 year relationship with a doctor she thought she would marry, she hoe'd it up a little. I've been there. How can I judge her 30 body count when I smashed 26 in 1 year alone? I do have love for this woman.

Not saying judge here, I personally don't care if a girl has ****ed a lot. I'd rather a girl know what she's doing.

Just don't over talk this, it looks weak. Hold your ground. Get her out of your damn place so you have some reset time.

 

[Murk]

If that's ALL you found I don't think its that bad. Who knows what the whatsapp text were though..

WhatsApp, Insta, Facebook chat - all boring/betas getting no airtime going back 4 years, I did a deep dive on the phone.

 

[s74rk]

Yo Murk, if I were you buddy I would bounce. You're rationalizing things at best due to emotions sunk into it. I know it's tough. But better the pain now than settling for this. You are probably not her top choice, and even if you are, it's at a time when it's past her peak. She's done tons of degenerate stuff, and has a partner count that implies you'll almost certainly get divorced if you ever marry.

You can try and treat her like a plate, but really can you? You're too invested emotionally, and probably provide other stuff, and she won't let you walk it back while you continue to get easy sex.

"How can I judge her 30 body count when I smashed 26 in 1 year alone? I do have love for this woman. "

Because *men and women aren't the same*. Men need to understand this. There's a reason why this makes you a stud, but her a 5lut. And you will likely wreck your life longer term if you stay connected to a 5lut. Yes, that is the term she deserves for having that high of a body count and engaging in multiple 3somes.

You're emotionally invested, I know it's tough, but ask yourself now with everything you know, if you want to commit to a 5lut.

Best of luck bro.

 

[Murk]

Yo Murk, if I were you buddy I would bounce. You're rationalizing things at best due to emotions sunk into it. I know it's tough. But better the pain now than settling for this. You are probably not her top choice, and even if you are, it's at a time when it's past her peak. She's done tons of degenerate stuff, and has a partner count that implies you'll almost certainly get divorced if you ever marry.

You can try and treat her like a plate, but really can you? You're too invested emotionally, and probably provide other stuff, and she won't let you walk it back while you continue to get easy sex.

"How can I judge her 30 body count when I smashed 26 in 1 year alone? I do have love for this woman. "

Because *men and women aren't the same*. Men need to understand this. There's a reason why this makes you a stud, but her a 5lut. And you will likely wreck your life longer term if you stay connected to a 5lut. Yes, that is the term she deserves for having that high of a body count and engaging in multiple 3somes.

You're emotionally invested, I know it's tough, but ask yourself now with everything you know, if you want to commit to a 5lut.

Best of luck bro.

I'm with her now, she's cleaning and cooking while I relax. You are right, but I'm looking and judging on the woman she is now the past 4 years I've known her. I looked through her pictures, videos, contacts list - she's clean. How rare is that? I'm still conflicted, I haven't pulled the trigger either way. She's on the pill so nothing I can't back out of.

I want to give it a few months, she's helping redecorate my house, I genuinely have no desire for other women, I tried, it's not there.

I'm not making any hasty decisions - hence shes back on the pill and I'm watching her take it.

Some days I'm disgusted by her past, like last night, today I love her. I do think I'm bi-oplar - like my mother was. so all I can do is not have kids or marry her, and see how I feel in a month or so.

What do you think about that? Yes I know everyone will say to bounce but it's really difficult. This women pretty much propped me up while I built my business and asked nothing in return. She's sexy, good body, pretty, but yes she is 33 years old and a ticking time bomb that is my biggest hang up on her.

 

[Murk]

UPDATE

We both had some wine, I told her how disgusted I am with this all. How even if she had broken up with her first boyfriend of 8 years she lost her virginity to, then had a hoe phase, how this is still disgusting. I told her I'm not sure if I can get over this. She hasn't been raped or abused, no trauma, just only slept with one person and wanted to be free.

I'm fvcking disgusted. 30 is too many. She's saying I'm being rude about her past. She doesn't think it's disgusting. She's now pleading it doesn't mean she a hoe, she was finding her own way and didn't have guidance.

"You're the lucky man that knows my whole sexual past. I'm not a hoe, I've been nothing but loyal to you"

I told her I can get a way better girl, probably shouldn't have said it, "one that will use to, if she only slept with 1 or 2 people you wouldn't mind her using you for your money then"

I'm disgusted.