Logged in to facebook to download all my data -- to see THIS ??!!

[5string]

Boilermaker....the other guys have said it all above.

I would like to add a bit more though.

Suggest you leave Facebook alone. Don't even go there.
Get rid of anything that reminds you of her. Pictures, items, letters, all of it.
Delete her #'s, email address.

The other thing that she is likely to contact you again at some point. Don't fall for it when she swings back from the temporary branch upon which she is perched.

Luck brother. You'll be fine.

 

[The Duke]

I have seen many exwives & exgirlfriends regret walking away from what they once had. It usually takes a few years before they realize it. It happens when they are unable to find a guy that can offer what they used to have, it happens when their kids grow older, it happens when their looks begin to fade, it happens when they can't have the lifestyle they used to have.

All of their bull$hit games, attention whoring, lack of honor, lack of respect, lack of loyalty, lack of appreciation comes back to bite them in the a$$ eventually.

This short-sighted behavior gets you no where in life. The successful people in this world are the ones who think before they speak, look down the road a ways, reason with logic instead of emotion, aren't all about themselves.

Look that woman up on fakebook in a few more years and let us know how she's doing! ;-)

 

[cordoncordon]

I don't know. You two broke up, mutually it sounds like....though it seemed as if she was very willing to marry you, but that is something you didn't want. It's not like she wanted to leave because she had found someone else. She left because she felt as if you two were wasting your time. Can't blame her for that.

As for her posting "in a relationship" on FB, while I can certainly understand the hurt and ego blow to know she moved on after two months, you really shouldn't be looking at her page to even see what is going on with her. And you can't blame her for posting her updated info. If she's in a relationship, she's in a relationship. You would have found out from one of your mutual friends eventually anyway.

I, like you, was with someone for almost 6 years. Lived together for 5 of them. We were as much husband and wife as could be. Did all family functions together, had the same friends, hell she still rents a house to my bro and his wife. We broke up last year. First thing I did was remove her from my FB page. I didn't want to know what she was doing or saying, and didn't want her to know what I was doing. Being together that long can take quite a bit of time and patience to get over once a break occurs. Continually seeing what she is doing or saying, who she is dating, etc, will not help the process. We now talk now and then and everything is ok. But trust me, those first 6 months or so were hard.

What you are going through right now is perfectly normal, the wild range of emotions you feel. It's like someone died, especially after spending the amount of time you two did and the things you did for each other. Could she have not posted anything? I suppose. But I'm sure from her pov she feels as though you wasted 6 years of her life, 6 years when she could have gotten married, kids, etc. So this is just you both acting out with emotion.

When time goes by, you'll both realize this was for the best (the breakup) and you'll look back at this and wonder what it was exactly you got so upset about.

Good luck.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There's a lot of good advice here. One thing I would add is to not take anything you see on facebook very seriously, good or bad. I have known couples who gushed about each other constantly on their pages, lovey-dovey stuff that makes you want to puke, only to later break up or divorce. It seems that when a woman is trying so hard to convince everyone that her man is so great, the person she is really trying to persuade is herself.

 

[cordoncordon]

There's a lot of good advice here. One thing I would add is to not take anything you see on facebook very seriously, good or bad. I have known couples who gushed about each other constantly on their pages, lovey-dovey stuff that makes you want to puke, only to later break up or divorce. It seems that when a woman is trying so hard to convince everyone that her man is so great, the person she is really trying to persuade is herself.

Very true. My current gf and I have been together about two years. Love her to death. Things couldn't be better. And yes it does say "in a relationship" on my status. But you know how many times she has posted or commented on my wall and me on hers? ZERO. Not even a comment on a pic. Nor is there a pic of us together. People know we are together. Know we are happy. There is no need to newsflash it to the world how great we are. I see this one married couple who are married, younger like in their mid 20's, and every pic just has to be of them together in some cutsie pose. We get it, you love each other. Or at least they are trying to convince people they do.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

All of their bull$hit games, attention whoring, lack of honor, lack of respect, lack of loyalty, lack of appreciation comes back to bite them in the a$$ eventually.

This short-sighted behavior gets you no where in life. The successful people in this world are the ones who think before they speak, look down the road a ways, reason with logic instead of emotion, aren't all about themselves.

Perfect. I had a "reunion" with my old mates, including one big AW I had known. What I knew from her is that she had got only one job and it didn´t last a year, besides that, she had been dumped by her BF. The icing on the cake is that she´s not as attractive as she used to be, at least to me. Aging is a killer to women, while we men kinda get away with it. During all this time I´ve gotten to my 3rd job, each one better than the other, gottten in shape, still single though. Think about the long term...

I remembered that quote about some women (and men too):

"Every sin brings its punishment with it"

 

[Jeffst1980]

Here's my take, having been in a similar situation before:

This sounds like a girl that you weren't entirely sold on--sure, you enjoyed her company, but you felt deep down that you could do better. So, you went along with things, but maintained a bit of aloofness.

That's where the problems started-- you can't just "go along" with an exclusive relationship--you need to either be "in" or "out." If you don't feel like you could drop everything and marry your girlfriend, then she shouldn't be your girlfriend. Get out while it's easy.

Now, when she announced that she wanted to break up, you were all for it OUTWARDLY- because you weren't all that into her. BUT- it's still a blow to the ego. There is NO WAY a rejection after 6 years CAN NOT be taken personally. In fact, we hear stories of otherwise successful men DEVASTATED by getting dumped by a girl, despite the fact that she put on weight, doesn't put out, etc. In fact, it's even harder to accept a breakup when it comes from someone that we think is below our standards.

So, yes, all this facebook stuff is embarrassing to you and not really appropriate, but from her point of view, you don't care. This is the danger with acting aloof. If you suggest that you're cool with her moving on, you had better be, because she will pull out all the stops--that's what women do when they get out of a relationship.

Again, I've been there before and came to the conclusion that, while I didn't want to marry the girl, I didn't want her to move on, either, and this isn't a fair nor productive way to approach a breakup. Of course, your mutual friends will keep you two in unfortunate contact with one another---you will see her at every wedding, party, etc. But, lucky for you, as soon as you find a new girl that is WORTHY of an LTR, you won't even care what she's doing or who she's with. This is your new objective- go find this girl!

 

[mrRuckus]

you will see her at every wedding, party, etc.

With a younger and younger girl on your arm each time as she ages ungracefully.

You win!

 

[grayclif]

She posted that that for one of two reasons:

1) To piss you off cause she knew you would check
2) She wasn't thinking about you at all

both good reasons to block her facebook account. In the future never add a girl you're interested in to facebook. If you happen to fock someone thats already on there - block em - it'll just make things more interesting.

In fact to hell with facebook.

 

[jophil28]

BM's history with that woman raises this question -
What is the difference, and how do we make the distinction between "White Knighting", and genuinely assisting an LTR girlfriend by offering some of our time, energy and resources.
Often times the two processes look the same, on the surface at least.

 

[Don Israel]

"I couldn't be strong and I preferred to hand her over to others!"

then she said there's nothing to talk about, and she added that I could donate her stuff to GoodWill and she hung up.

Wow, what a performance. acting 101...class adjourned.




.

 

[zekko]

What is the difference, and how do we make the distinction between "White Knighting", and genuinely assisting an LTR girlfriend by offering some of our time, energy and resources.

Good question. Normally when I think about "White Knighting" I think about girls you don't know very well, or are not very invested in.

With an LTR, obviously you have to give of yourself and be helpful from time to time. You can't just stand to the side making C&F remarks all day.
I'd say the difference is if you start putting her interests ahead of yours, if you start sublimating your interests for hers. That would be bad.

 

[Die Hard]

BM's history with that woman raises this question -
What is the difference, and how do we make the distinction between "White Knighting", and genuinely assisting an LTR girlfriend by offering some of our time, energy and resources.
Often times the two processes look the same, on the surface at least.

If you're "offering some of your time, energy and resources" occasionally, you're not 'White Knighting'. If you do it all the time, however...

But it can't be seen seperate from all the other interactions between you and her. If you always control the frame and she's always needing you more than you need her, this stuff would be "genuinely assisting her". But if you're always supplicating to her in other interactions as well, this stuff would be 'White Knighting'.

And to be honest, I suspect that BM was supplicating to this girl too much, in general. He named a few examples but I get the idea he was "doing everything for her", in general! I think that was his general attitude with this girl: "I would do anything for you." I get the feeling her comment "You couldn't be strong and you preferred to hand me over to others!" is exactly about his supplicating attitude, in general.

He supplicated way too much, he treated her too well. That made her lose interest in him and made her swing to another branch. I think that's what she's saying with that comment... "You made me do this! I can't help myself, I just followed my instinct, which tells me to lose interest in "weak" men who supplicate too much and go look for someone else, who CAN give me the chemical rush I need. My conscience and my rational mind tell me I should've sticked with you, but I can't escape my nature (just like the scorpion tells the frog in that tale). So it's not really my fault, you did this to yourself! You couldn't be strong enough and allowed my instinct to lead me away from you!"

That's the way it is, I think. You can't expect anything from a woman besides acting like a woman, as someone's signature tells us . We don't deal with HER, we don't deal with her rational mind, we deal with her instinct.

She doesn't want a jerk, but her instinct does.
She doesn't want to act like a slut, but her instinct does.
She doesn't want to cheat on you, but her instinct does.
etc.
etc.
etc.

In all cases, it is up us men, to interact with her instinct, in order to make her do what we want. To think that we have to interact with HER, with her rational mind, in order to make her do what we want, is a delusion.

If you want her to stay with you, you need to convince her instinct that that is the right thing to do. But if you supplicate too much, her instinct will regard you as weak and force her away from you, even if her rational mind or conscience thinks otherwise. And I suspect that's exactly why she started crying and kinda blamed you for everything, Boilermaker. She didn't want things to be like this, but her instinct did, and you failed to prevent her instinct from forcing her away from you.

Women need to be lead, they can't lead themselves. She expects you to lead her, but you failed at doing so and then her instinct had it's way with her.

 

[Boilermaker]

I think you are reading it wrong.

Why would she (if she genuinely lost her interest) start crying a minute into the phone conversation?... The Facebook status was a booby trap. She set it and waited for it to blow up. When I called her and brought up the new boyfriend, she was totally EXPECTING it. She wasn't surprised at all. Her response was READY: "You couldn't be strong and you preferred to hand me over to others!".

Her emails, her past behavior, her attention seeking tendencies all support this conclusion. That "relationship" is probably bogus. It's NOT the real one yet. It COULD have been real, I would WANT it to be real, but I am just stating a fact here, not expressing hope. It still hurts of course. Some schmuck is with my ex-girlfriend who I truly loved and cared. She was like my kid. I don't know, it's hard to describe... But one thing is clear, I was really happy with her. Most of the time. I think I owe her this much... It still makes me angry, somewhat. I know she wants the relationship back, I could go back if I wanted to. But I don't want it anymore. It's not that I know I could do better. I wouldn't marry Megan Fox right now, believe it or not. My parents are divorced, my brother is married, I know how much it can stink. I am just not ready, and I don't want kids, not right now.

ALSO: During these 6 years, we had a lapse of 6 months -- I wanted to break up for similar reasons, she was bluffing similarly back then .. She threatened to leave and I took it. It was a sh!t test, too! Later, she was very regretful, tried to convince me back but again we were in different places and I thought I managed to move on.

But afterwards she managed to move to the city I had been living and we started again. After 6 fvcking months...! Starting again was A BIG mistake, I admit it. But I was an optionless, confused AFC -- and I just couldn't resist it. Then we continued for another 2 years and here we are.

Now I have no intentions of going back. I think it is ME who is calling the shots here, and I KNOW that she'd accept to continue in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I don't even want to think about it. This time, there's no going back.

 

[Paintballguy]

I think you are reading it wrong.

Why would she (if she genuinely lost her interest) start crying a minute into the phone conversation?... The Facebook status was a booby trap. She set it and waited for it to blow up. When I called her and brought up the new boyfriend, she was totally EXPECTING it. She wasn't surprised at all. Her response was READY: "You couldn't be strong and you preferred to hand me over to others!".

Her emails, her past behavior, her attention seeking tendencies all support this conclusion. That "relationship" is probably bogus. It's NOT the real one yet. It COULD have been real, I would WANT it to be real, but I am just stating a fact here, not expressing hope. It still hurts of course. Some schmuck is with my ex-girlfriend who I truly loved and cared. She was like my kid. I don't know, it's hard to describe... But one thing is clear, I was really happy with her. Most of the time. I think I owe her this much... It still makes me angry, somewhat. I know she wants the relationship back, I could go back if I wanted to. But I don't want it anymore. It's not that I know I could do better. I wouldn't marry Megan Fox right now, believe it or not. My parents are divorced, my brother is married, I know how much it can stink. I am just not ready, and I don't want kids, not right now.

ALSO: During these 6 years, we had a lapse of 6 months -- I wanted to break up for similar reasons, she was bluffing similarly back then .. She threatened to leave and I took it. It was a sh!t test, too! Later, she was very regretful, tried to convince me back but again we were in different places and I thought I managed to move on.

But afterwards she managed to move to the city I had been living and we started again. After 6 fvcking months...! Starting again was A BIG mistake, I admit it. But I was an optionless, confused AFC -- and I just couldn't resist it. Then we continued for another 2 years and here we are.

Now I have no intentions of going back. I think it is ME who is calling the shots here, and I KNOW that she'd accept to continue in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I don't even want to think about it. This time, there's no going back.

Stop worrying about her life and start worrying about your own. No contact that b*tch and move on. Your only going to make yourself feel like **** thinking about her.

 

[zekko]

Why would she (if she genuinely lost her interest) start crying a minute into the phone conversation?...

I don't find this surprising. Women are very emotional. They will end a relationship and then cry about it. It's what they do.

I know she wants the relationship back

You broke up with her. Personally, I would never go back with someone who broke up with me. I think that would be a mistake on her part. When it gets to this point it's best to just move on. But YMMV.

This is the difference of age talking by the way, but six years goes by in a flash.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Don't go back into this one. I had a girl breakup with me after 2 years, 1 of which living together, via phone, and the next time I saw her she was "reeling" another guy in to dance at a local concert, making out and grabbing him in front of me, walking hand in hand with the dude [and this dude was seriously a c0ck]. Women will do things to hurt you sometimes when they break up and they act and look "happy" as they are moving on, but a lot of this is just defense mechanisms and her own confused state.

My ex ended up latching onto some other guy immediately afterward.

Personally I think if someone invested 6 years into something, it ended, and they can't take some time to reflect or learn, than there is something wrong. Jumping right into another successive relationship, to me, seems like an emotional cop out, assuming that "he just wasn't right", but this next guy might be better.

It's just her weakness man. She's not as strong as you.

Take this time for yourself. Put her life out of your mind. She has made the decisions she has. You cannot control them. The only thing you can control right now is yourself.

"You weren't strong enough for me", is a lie and a sad remark, considering you assisted her as an emotional foundation for her career success.

Some women just expect everything. Your vessel will recover from these waves. Ride the storm as best you can, steer wisely, don't let her flashing and thunder distract you from reaching safe shores for yourself.

And on the bright side -- you don't have any children with her, you never got married, there is no divorce paperwork, court proceedings, man in many ways you are *very lucky* and consider your future much more bright than it would have been with this girl. It's not all you bro.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

You know, God bless Face Book; there is no better tool of karmic justice ever invented. Let me explain why to you BOILER. You see, all the women I banged or wanted to bang, all the girls I had LJBF me, all the women I had royal screw over the best of my past AFC intentions, all of them were during a time well before the rise of the internet, to say nothing of social media.

I had to content myself in the notion that I'd never see them again and I moved on with my life learning from bad mistakes and really just doing what I loved and did well. Oh, a few I ran into randomly and took a certain smug pleasure in seeing that they were no better, and in some cases far worse off, but all that changed with Facebook. I don't even go on all that much, but damned if it isn't the great equalizer of our time. It has never failed to disappoint - every time I see a past lover, or the b!tches who burned me at 25 now at age 40+ and the utter wreckage that their lives became I get the biggest smile on my face. I know I've done well, and all I did was what I loved doing. Not one of them would I consider ƒucking were I single (though I might make an exception for a few of their daughters). Not one of them looks better than Mrs. Tomassi. Not one of them is living even an equal standard of living that I enjoy.

I won, and you will too, just give it time and concentrate on you. Self-love is not so great a sin as self-neglect; and that's what you've been doing for the past 6 years, neglecting yourself in the lame hope that it will ever be appreciated by a woman.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.

 

[5string]

You know, God bless Face Book; there is no better tool of karmic justice ever invented. Let me explain why to you BOILER. You see, all the women I banged or wanted to bang, all the girls I had LJBF me, all the women I had royal screw over the best of my past AFC intentions, all of them were during a time well before the rise of the internet, to say nothing of social media.

I had to content myself in the notion that I'd never see them again and I moved on with my life learning from bad mistakes and really just doing what I loved and did well. Oh, a few I ran into randomly and took a certain smug pleasure in seeing that they were no better, and in some cases far worse off, but all that changed with Facebook. I don't even go on all that much, but damned if it isn't the great equalizer of our time. It has never failed to disappoint - every time I see a past lover, or the b!tches who burned me at 25 now at age 40+ and the utter wreckage that their lives became I get the biggest smile on my face. I know I've done well, and all I did was what I loved doing. Not one of them would I consider ƒucking were I single (though I might make an exception for a few of their daughters). Not one of them looks better than Mrs. Tomassi. Not one of them is living even an equal standard of living that I enjoy.

I won, and you will too, just give it time and concentrate on you. Self-love is not so great a sin as self-neglect; and that's what you've been doing for the past 6 years, neglecting yourself in the lame hope that it will ever be appreciated by a woman.

You did win Rollo. I enjoyed that. Nice read/story. Not many guys can say they are so happy in life.