GQ_Confidence_1
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2005
- Messages
- 161
- Reaction score
- 7
I'm worried about some of you guys that are 18, 19, 20, 21 years old or older and you've never gone out, dated, kissed a girl, or have done anything social in a long time. I don't think you realize just how isolated you are, and the toll that it takes on socializing and meeting new people.
If you’re in a real serious hole (and I’d consider past 20-21 and not going out a hole), you’ve got some work to do if you want to get better.
-You’ve got to genuinely care about yourself and your well being. I’ve seen posts on here about ..”well, I can’t do that. I can’t talk to her, it’s just not that easy. I’m this, I’m ___, I’m a fat computer nerd,…. in 8th grade, I had this happen to me…you just don’t understand.”
No one is holding you down. No one is keeping you where you are. No one is restricting where you go or who you meet in life. You are your own worst enemy.
If you’re the prototypical “computer nerd that can’t get girls”, change it! Your #1 priority shouldn’t be memorizing a bunch of lines, and then running back home to the computer if you get rejected.
Your priority should be, get out of the house. Go on a walk, do something everyday. I think a lot of depression and social anxiety comes from inactivity. No one is going to tell you that you don’t have enough to do everyday. You’ve got to pick yourself up, realize it, and change it.
I think what hurts a lot of guys on this site (and guys on other sites dealing with shyness and social anxiety) is that you’re just not comfortable with your life.
In going from non social to social, my big epiphany has been..."there's nothing wrong." There's nothing wrong. There's nothing out of place if I talk to someone. Your interactions with people should be automatic, you shouldn't even have to think about it. Inviting someone to the movies should be as automatic as opening your front door.
Watch old tv shows or movies. Watch I Love Lucy re-runs. When Fred and Ethel come over to Lucys to visit, there's nothing wrong. I see this all the time with people I know, when they invite someone over for dinner or to go out to a movie. Nothing is the matter, nothing is out of place. It's just the most natural thing in the world.
Every guy on this site could be going out constantly, talking to women everyday, with a minimum of a half dozen girls to choose from to $%&*. If you applied 10% of the DJ Bible, you’d be light years ahead of everyone else.
You don’t have to go out and pump yourself up with *confidence*, the way you’d stick a needle in your arm and pump yourself up with steroids. “There’s nothing wrong” is all the confidence you need.
I was in the supermarket last week and I looked through People Magazine as I waited in line. In it, was a photo of Shaun White (the snowboarder) having lunch with Heidi Klum. He’s no Brad Pitt, he’s kind of a weird looking guy. But there he was, having lunch with this knockout in a fancy Beverly Hills restaurant. She looked like she was having fun. What a cool moment that would be! Lunch with a super model on a great looking day in Southern California.
Can you imagine what that would turn into on here?!? Can you imagine the nightmare?!?
OMG, OMG, what do I say to her?? When do I call?? How do I act?? OMG, this HB 9 needs EC for 5 seconds, then transition to EV, then C&F. OMG, what if Seal comes over? How should I act?
I don’t want to make fun, because I’ve been on the other side of this advice, but my god, people make it in life. You shouldn’t be going through life like a robot, analyzing every 3rd thing you do and adjusting it like some kind of machine.
See the sunrise. See blue skys and the birds going overhead. In Southern California having lunch with Heidi Klum, it doesn’t get much better than that.
-Socialzing and meeting others shouldn’t be an experiment to you. It shouldn’t be a highschool chemistry class, where you pour a little of this and a little of that into a glass jar to get a result. If you want to feel “normal” in social situations, you’ve got to see it as completely normal.
Yesterday, I was in this girls bedroom, she had just gotten a new cat that she wanted to show me. It was just the most natural thing in the world. Natural, effortless kino. Naturally sitting on the bed together, legs right against each other. VERY comfortable with each other. We goofed around, I played around with a cap on her head. She’s just a friend, but it was still a fun afternoon.
You’ve got a chance to be in someones life. You can have an impact on their life and change it for the better. That’s a hell of a lot more rewarding than running around memorizing a bunch of acroynms and lines and turning life into a blur of techniques.
These are real people that you’re with. You’ve got to see them as such if you want to feel a connection with them. Support them. Pick them up when they’re down. You can do all the kino you want when you put your hand on your friends back, and just be there as a friend.
-People follow your lead in life. They mirror whatever you give them. If you give them, shy, reclusive, there’s something wrong with me, I don’t fit in, I’m weird, then that’s exactly what you’ll get back. And not an ounce more.
At age 28, I’ve realized that life is just a mirror reflection, you can’t escape it. It follows you wherever you go; it never lets up. Whatever you put out, you get back.
If you care about others, others will care about you back. If you tell someone that you love them, they’ll say the same to you. It’s real easy to feel good in life with that kind of equation.
It goes back to feeling comfortable with your life, and there’s nothing “wrong”. You can become very, VERY comfortable around women when you go through life like this. You can get into some outrageous situations, flirting with more women than you know what to do with.
Asking a woman out doesn’t have to be this trumped up production. You don’t need a marching band playing with fireworks in the background to get a girls number. It should be automatic. It should be effortless. People do it all the time.
I hope you guys just take a deep breath and open your eyes up socially and see more possibilities out there. Much success guys.
If you’re in a real serious hole (and I’d consider past 20-21 and not going out a hole), you’ve got some work to do if you want to get better.
-You’ve got to genuinely care about yourself and your well being. I’ve seen posts on here about ..”well, I can’t do that. I can’t talk to her, it’s just not that easy. I’m this, I’m ___, I’m a fat computer nerd,…. in 8th grade, I had this happen to me…you just don’t understand.”
No one is holding you down. No one is keeping you where you are. No one is restricting where you go or who you meet in life. You are your own worst enemy.
If you’re the prototypical “computer nerd that can’t get girls”, change it! Your #1 priority shouldn’t be memorizing a bunch of lines, and then running back home to the computer if you get rejected.
Your priority should be, get out of the house. Go on a walk, do something everyday. I think a lot of depression and social anxiety comes from inactivity. No one is going to tell you that you don’t have enough to do everyday. You’ve got to pick yourself up, realize it, and change it.
I think what hurts a lot of guys on this site (and guys on other sites dealing with shyness and social anxiety) is that you’re just not comfortable with your life.
In going from non social to social, my big epiphany has been..."there's nothing wrong." There's nothing wrong. There's nothing out of place if I talk to someone. Your interactions with people should be automatic, you shouldn't even have to think about it. Inviting someone to the movies should be as automatic as opening your front door.
Watch old tv shows or movies. Watch I Love Lucy re-runs. When Fred and Ethel come over to Lucys to visit, there's nothing wrong. I see this all the time with people I know, when they invite someone over for dinner or to go out to a movie. Nothing is the matter, nothing is out of place. It's just the most natural thing in the world.
Every guy on this site could be going out constantly, talking to women everyday, with a minimum of a half dozen girls to choose from to $%&*. If you applied 10% of the DJ Bible, you’d be light years ahead of everyone else.
You don’t have to go out and pump yourself up with *confidence*, the way you’d stick a needle in your arm and pump yourself up with steroids. “There’s nothing wrong” is all the confidence you need.
I was in the supermarket last week and I looked through People Magazine as I waited in line. In it, was a photo of Shaun White (the snowboarder) having lunch with Heidi Klum. He’s no Brad Pitt, he’s kind of a weird looking guy. But there he was, having lunch with this knockout in a fancy Beverly Hills restaurant. She looked like she was having fun. What a cool moment that would be! Lunch with a super model on a great looking day in Southern California.
Can you imagine what that would turn into on here?!? Can you imagine the nightmare?!?
OMG, OMG, what do I say to her?? When do I call?? How do I act?? OMG, this HB 9 needs EC for 5 seconds, then transition to EV, then C&F. OMG, what if Seal comes over? How should I act?
I don’t want to make fun, because I’ve been on the other side of this advice, but my god, people make it in life. You shouldn’t be going through life like a robot, analyzing every 3rd thing you do and adjusting it like some kind of machine.
See the sunrise. See blue skys and the birds going overhead. In Southern California having lunch with Heidi Klum, it doesn’t get much better than that.
-Socialzing and meeting others shouldn’t be an experiment to you. It shouldn’t be a highschool chemistry class, where you pour a little of this and a little of that into a glass jar to get a result. If you want to feel “normal” in social situations, you’ve got to see it as completely normal.
Yesterday, I was in this girls bedroom, she had just gotten a new cat that she wanted to show me. It was just the most natural thing in the world. Natural, effortless kino. Naturally sitting on the bed together, legs right against each other. VERY comfortable with each other. We goofed around, I played around with a cap on her head. She’s just a friend, but it was still a fun afternoon.
You’ve got a chance to be in someones life. You can have an impact on their life and change it for the better. That’s a hell of a lot more rewarding than running around memorizing a bunch of acroynms and lines and turning life into a blur of techniques.
These are real people that you’re with. You’ve got to see them as such if you want to feel a connection with them. Support them. Pick them up when they’re down. You can do all the kino you want when you put your hand on your friends back, and just be there as a friend.
-People follow your lead in life. They mirror whatever you give them. If you give them, shy, reclusive, there’s something wrong with me, I don’t fit in, I’m weird, then that’s exactly what you’ll get back. And not an ounce more.
At age 28, I’ve realized that life is just a mirror reflection, you can’t escape it. It follows you wherever you go; it never lets up. Whatever you put out, you get back.
If you care about others, others will care about you back. If you tell someone that you love them, they’ll say the same to you. It’s real easy to feel good in life with that kind of equation.
It goes back to feeling comfortable with your life, and there’s nothing “wrong”. You can become very, VERY comfortable around women when you go through life like this. You can get into some outrageous situations, flirting with more women than you know what to do with.
Asking a woman out doesn’t have to be this trumped up production. You don’t need a marching band playing with fireworks in the background to get a girls number. It should be automatic. It should be effortless. People do it all the time.
I hope you guys just take a deep breath and open your eyes up socially and see more possibilities out there. Much success guys.
