Knowing too much about Gf's past

[joekerr31]

Yeah it all went wrong when I started comparing myself to her previous lovers.

Was he bigger?

Did he give you better head?

Did he make you scream in bed?

Bla bla bla bla. THAT is immature. I gnash my teeth at the thought of being so stupid. It's rare to be the best at anything. Just be the best YOU can be. Stop comparing yourself. She's with you hopefully for good reasons and not feeling like she's settling.

almost every guy has done that. 'so, was i teh best you ever had?'

when you think about it, its a really unfair thing to ask a woman. what is she suppose to say 'no you aren't'

guys TOTALLY lose their sh*t over that stuff (and women know it).

i gotta admit, i would like to know if a chic had done things like gang bangs or 3 somes - because for me im just not interested in that kind of chic (nothing wrong with it, but just not the type of woman im looking for - not for a relationship anyway ).

but even wanting to know that kind of info for screening purposes, im still aware enough not to ask. because the basic reality is the moment you have that conversation theres a good chance the whole relationship is going to end up in the toilet not to soon after.

instead I feel confident that if she did engage in things like gang bangs etc, that she will also exhibit behaviors that will provide me with the insight to next her. you can't hide your true personality forever and a woman that is ok with doing a gang bang is probably going to exhibit personality traits that im not looking for as well.

but honestly guys, aside from the women str8up meets every day, how many 'normal' chics out there have actually done stuff like gang bangs? i haven't met one of them yet (mind you, i don't do the bar scene, where i think a lot of the more 'wilder' people congregate).

 

[Last Man Standing]

You're just the next pimp in line kid, why are you getting emotional over a hor?

 

[jophil28]

how many 'normal' chics out there have actually done stuff like gang bangs? i haven't met one of them yet (mind you, i don't do the bar scene, where i think a lot of the more 'wilder' people congregate).

I never met (or dated) a woman either who did 'multiples" or group sex or even 3 way gropes.(except one drunken 3way back in the early 80's )
These behaviors are out at the extreme edges of sexual behavior for most women,and I really believ that most women NEVER even come close to participating in these situations.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Good post Joe.

I like to enjoy my pixie dust and love muffins by remaining blissfully ignorant, thank you.

Yeah, I like pixie dust and love muffins too.

You know, this is just another perfect example of how little women know about relationships and do something stupid to f*ck up a good thing.

Like the final test, can he handle my past? My guess everything was going great up until this point.

Seeing past the inevitable ego blow, really, is it THAT big of a deal? It really isn't, in the light of things. The important thing is how she treats you now. Are you happy with her? Is her IL very high?

I'd try and forget everything personally, not make an issue out of it, if you are happy with her and how she treats you.

It's important to remember that women aren't perfect, just like us. We have to accept their faults for them to accept ours.

 

[joekerr31]

It's important to remember that women aren't perfect, just like us. We have to accept their faults for them to accept ours.

i gotta be honest, if you took my sexual past and had some woman tell me that shed done all the things i'd done, i doubt id want to keep seeing her.

there is a double standard and its not fair.

which is why i NEVER ask. i don't want to know.

its also why i NEVER tell as well.

the past is over. its dead. im not who i was then. and id give a woman the same benefit. people do change, they do rearrange their priorities, what floats their boat doesn't stay the same over the years.

so really, the only thing i care about is that im looking for qualities x,y and z in a woman. if she has them, fantastic. if she doesn't, next.

if shes a low quality woman i'll weed her out based on a slew of other stuff, i dont really need to know her past info to qualify her.

so i have no desire to know her past sexual escapades. I'd rather go on believing that I was the first guy to f*ck her in *ss

 

[Mr.Positive]

i gotta be honest, if you took my sexual past and had some woman tell me that shed done all the things i'd done, i doubt id want to keep seeing her.

there is a double standard and its not fair.

which is why i NEVER ask. i don't want to know.

its also why i NEVER tell as well.

the past is over. its dead. im not who i was then. and id give a woman the same benefit. people do change, they do rearrange their priorities, what floats their boat doesn't stay the same over the years.

so really, the only thing i care about is that im looking for qualities x,y and z in a woman. if she has them, fantastic. if she doesn't, next.

if shes a low quality woman i'll weed her out based on a slew of other stuff, i dont really need to know her past info to qualify her.

so i have no desire to know her past sexual escapades. I'd rather go on believing that I was the first guy to f*ck her in *ss

Exactly, this is just what I was thinking..

 

[Bible_Belt]

but honestly guys, aside from the women str8up meets every day, how many 'normal' chics out there have actually done stuff like gang bangs? i haven't met one of them yet (mind you, i don't do the bar scene, where i think a lot of the more 'wilder' people congregate).

i gotta be honest, if you took my sexual past and had some woman tell me that shed done all the things i'd done, i doubt id want to keep seeing her.

You've been to gang bangs, haven't you!!! Man-wh0re!!!

 

[jonwon]

That's because 90% of guys are AFCs (and that's a conservative estimate). Actually he's feeling that way because he's an AFC. This guy is a chump, for exactly the same reason anyone else here is thinking that women ought to have some mythical, virginic code to live up to in order to make her guy feel special. Guys, women ƒuck other guys than you, get over it. It's not a "mistake" she made in some fit of youthful indescretion, she met a guy who got her blood flowing and they ƒucked because she WANTED to. That doesn't make her a slut or a tramp, it just means she was hot for another guy she happened to meet before you entered the picture. Just like you (should've) banged plenty of women before her.

Now if she's constently harping on how great her previous lover's were, or even if she brings it up in casual conversation then you need to see this for what it is - a sh!t test. The well conditioned AFC will have the reaction most of this thread has already exhibited; nervous discontent that's eliciting an emotional response. Of course you don't want to hear about how the guy before you had a 10" c0ck. You don't think she knows this? This is a sh!t test meant to gauge your reaction and/or a covert message of her dissatisfaction with you. The issue isn't whether or not she's had previous lovers, it's her communicating the details to you - THAT is the message. The best (and really the most rational) reaction is simply to not allow it to phase you. Easier said than done you'll say, but not if you're spinning plates as you should.

As ruthless as you think she's being with you by brining up past sexual experiences, understand that what she's looking for is a sense of your self-confidence. If you turn it into a pissing contest, you failed the test - "I had a 3-way with my last BF", "Oh yeah? I had a 4-way with my last GF." Oneupmanship will only make you look as if you're qualifying yourself to her, she sees you as lacking confidence (or worse still, making it all up) and she controls the frame.

If you allow her sexual past to "get to you" and you become possessive, or you turn into a mewling emotional symp about it, you fail as well. Why? Because you confirm for her that you are, and most likely have been, optionless with other women. If you're going to cry about her ƒucking her last few BFs, how insecure are you really? What does that say about your attitude and confidence in yourself about how many women have wanted you as a sexual partner in your own past? A woman wants to know, and be kept in the anxiety that, she's with a guy that could be with other women if he chose to be so. This is the essence of Plate Theory - the feminine competitive dynamic. Pook said it best, women would rather share a successful Man than be saddled to a faithful loser. When you kvetch on and on about your GFs sexual exploits (whether she offered them up or not) you OVERTLY tell here I am a faithful loser.

The way to pass the test is of course by displaying confidence in what would rattle most AFCs, but doing so COVERTLY. The miniute you acknowledge it's a sh!t test, the minute you acknowledge that it bothers you, your communicating in the OVERT, and not only do you fail the test, but you lose the frame. The best way to react to this test is to be more mature about it than she is. Keep her guessing by being ambiguous and nebulous about your own sexual past. As I've always advised in every other situation, the most powerful tool a DJ has is to let a woman's imagination work for you. Far too many chumps think that an issue will be resolved with complete and full disclosure; nothing could be worse. If you adopt the attitude that you're unphased by her confessions it plants that seed of doubt that she really looking for, in that you may or may not take what she's saying at face value. Regardless, always do so with a been-there done-that attitude. Nothing shakes a woman's sh!t test and turns it around on them better than an attitude that says "I'm older and more mature than you" and conveys it to them in a covert manner. Sort of a "why are you telling me this?" presence.

Great post, the OP if he decides to stick with her, should read this and prick those ears up.

If he dumps her, he best read this and start to get his whinny as* **** together!

Thas all i am saying on this matter.

 

[STR8UP]

almost every guy has done that. 'so, was i teh best you ever had?'

when you think about it, its a really unfair thing to ask a woman. what is she suppose to say 'no you aren't'

I had a chick ask me recently if she was better than another girl I had sex with. In all honesty they were both pretty much ok, but me dancing around the question she took it as the other girl "must be willing to do things I won't". I left it at that. Let her think whatever she wants if she's gonna ask a ridiculous question.

The last couple of girls I slept with....one is recently married and the other is engaged.

I feel bad for their husbands if they ever bring that sh!t up cause the married one ALL she can talk about to this day is the dozen different ways I made her hit the ceiling. She does this in front of our entire group of friends, almost to the point of embarrassing me. Ah, who am I kidding, it's quite the ego boost

But anyway the other one has made numerous comments after the fact about the good sex we had too.

I just hope they don't bring it up to their SO.

but honestly guys, aside from the women str8up meets every day, how many 'normal' chics out there have actually done stuff like gang bangs? i haven't met one of them yet (mind you, i don't do the bar scene, where i think a lot of the more 'wilder' people congregate).

I know that's not a jab, but it almost sounded like one

I'm still of the opinion that most guys still CHOOSE to keep the wool pulled over their eyes when it comes to stuff like this.

I would be willing to bet that even the "innocent" girls you guys know aren't quite the angels you think they are.

It goes right back to the fact that women have a lot to lose by divulging that type of info. You even said it yourself.

 

[STR8UP]

I never met (or dated) a woman either who did 'multiples" or group sex or even 3 way gropes.(except one drunken 3way back in the early 80's )
These behaviors are out at the extreme edges of sexual behavior for most women,and I really believ that most women NEVER even come close to participating in these situations.

Everyone seems to agree that woman have a lot to lose by being truthful about their sexual past.

So just what is it that makes you think you KNOW the sexual behavior of any given woman? The only ones who know are usually the participants.

And I strongly disagree that these types of behaviors are very uncommon (as in very few women have participated at least once in their lives).

Watch the movie Kinsey. It might chance the way you think about human sexual behavior. And that took place in what, the 50's?????

 

[joekerr31]

I know that's not a jab, but it almost sounded like one

I would be willing to bet that even the "innocent" girls you guys know aren't quite the angels you think they are.

not a jab at all. but you have to admit, you meet a lot of women that 95% of the guys out there never really come across.

and i fully agree with regards to innocent girls.

your best bet if you want an innocent girl is to find a shy girl. even if shes done some kinky stuff its probably been very limited.

i dont know, perhaps im delusional, but i've gotten pretty good at being able to tell which chics have done a lot and which haven't.

on the surface they may not look any different, but when you get to talking to them, there are certain signs that i've come to learn are indicative of a chic who is open sexually and has likely done a lot of stuff.

 

[jophil28]

So just what is it that makes you think you KNOW the sexual behavior of any given woman? The only ones who know are usually the participants.

And I strongly disagree that these types of behaviors are very uncommon (as in very few women have participated at least once in their lives).

I KNOW what I know from listening, observing, dating and having a lot of LTRs with many women (and two marriages) over the past 30 some odd years. I have never heard even a HINT from any of them that they were involved in gang bangs, groups, etc. I am not a fool and I am not deaf dumb and blind either.
I have heard a couple of them disclose that they had an affair with a married men or that they cheated in some way.
I accept that women have a lot to lose by open disclosure of their sexual past, but I also know that most women cannot keep their mouth shut over the life of an LTR. They all spill sooner or later.
I do not understabd why you think that it is common for women to do group sex and gang bangs and so on.
Perhaps you fish in muddier water that I do ?

 

[drmeathead]

i agree with Rollo...DONT ASK DONT TELL about your sexual past. It does no good. I just nexted a girl I was talking to as she tried to really pin me down on the number of girls I slept with. I told her "enough" when she asked. She told me it must be alot. I told it was "enough." She then said I was getting defensive and the number must be really high enough that I am embarassed of it. I decided that I rather not deal with her bull**** and told her just shouldnt talk anymore. I dont have time for insecurity like that. I am not interested in working through issues like that especially at the beginning when it should be fun and easy.

 

[STR8UP]

I KNOW what I know from listening, observing, dating and having a lot of LTRs with many women (and two marriages) over the past 30 some odd years.

You're a smart guy, so I'm surprised you would make such a claim. Ever heard of "skeletons in the closet"? Well that's exactly where stuff like that stays....in the closet.

I accept that women have a lot to lose by open disclosure of their sexual past, but I also know that most women cannot keep their mouth shut over the life of an LTR. They all spill sooner or later.

I very much disagree.

I would be wiling to bet that many of the women you have been with have done things you would consider deviant.

I do not understand why you think that it is common for women to do group sex and gang bangs and so on.

I never said it was common. I said they "are not very uncommon" or at least not to the extent you believe.

Perhaps you fish in muddier water that I do ?

I have never had a woman admit to me that she has even been involved in a threesome. But I know that SOME chicks are doing it, cause it happens. It's not uncommon for a chick to tell me about a LESBIAN experience, but they tend to draw the line there, and I'm sure it has a lot to do with fear of being judged.

 

[MacAvoy]

If you are worried that she will cheat, in the end she probably will.

My theory on this is "WHO CARES?" if she cheats, what you don't know, don't hurt you, same holds true of the other way.

Now if she gets busted, then its a whole different ball of wax, time to bail.

 

[Metro3pilot]

If you're afraid of the answer ...maybe you should cease to ask the question ......

:rockon:

 

[drmeathead]

a girlfriends past is like a public toliet seat. you know you arent the first to **** on it that day. as long there isnt any lingering evidence making it too gross to do your business you do it. you dont ask around around about who else used it or what they did with it. you are better off this way with ur girl too. DONT ASK DONT TELL...unless you got kids or diseases...everything else doesnt matter

 

[KarmaSutra]

a girlfriends past is like a public toliet seat. you know you arent the first to **** on it that day. as long there isnt any lingering evidence making it too gross to do your business you do it. you dont ask around around about who else used it or what they did with it. you are better off this way with ur girl too. DONT ASK DONT TELL...unless you got kids or diseases...everything else doesnt matter

:rockon:

 

[itishe]

A bit of a mega bump but I was curious about the topic of "estranged fathers".

Would a girl who's parents are seperated but remains very close to her father qualify as estranged??

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

You have to couple past evidence with other red flags before you jump to any conclusions. Also you don't have to escalate a relationship. You and her can just enjoy each other without emotional investment. If I thought things weren't good, I would keep my options open.