Kill that desperation!

[HB_Hunter]

So you're getting negative results and you're feeling down about it. Do this:

Take a break from women. For a month or so, just envelope yourself in your passion, your hobbies, your career, whatever. Why? Because the FOCUS is YOUR happiness.

thanx first for ur reply Master Pook

i know that quite well , i know that i should go for ma passions n dreams n let her compete with them !! but what if ur bored or sincerely lack the motivation to do that passion or hobby??? u tell me plz about ur passions n hobbies that always make u feel alive ! for me it's goin to be watchinn playinsoccer,music,meditation,walkin,reading psychology , writin (but now im kind of bored of it) ,divin, u can say that most of them r indoors so this sometimes make me feel totally bored especially when all ur friends r gettin hooked up n ur the still the lone one though ur the best lookin , u have the mind,charisma n all that!

i hate to say that but these days i've reached ****ty n filthy state of minds like there's no light at the end of the tunnel n that the problem i am in is a never endin issue . i maybe could be analyzin things so often but this disease called worry r huntin me everytime i talk with anyone either gal or guys !!
I've asked older women (who knew me before) what they thought of my change from Nice Guy to Don Juan, from Shy Guy to Cool Guy.

Their response: "You've grown up."

it really hurts when u 've changed after creatin great traits in u then u feel that ur returin back to the old days when u were shy,quiet,nervous n all that!!
this always force me to prove to myself that i've changed which create worry n worry while im talkin cz i wanna get to know the person better n prove that my conversation skills r fine-tuned n still workin . so i say inside myseif that i should practice,practice n practice by talkin to strangers anytime n tryin to let them talk about themselves (ConVers. For Max.Attraction) what i recieve is always a negative outcome (failed in the test) so how can i talk with gals ? when i try to say inside myself that our worries n fears r half baseless n the other half discreditable
then i go n talk with gals woooow . i fail again why?? cz while im talkin with her , im not concentratin "im thinkin ooooh, where is the real me?? is that the way that i used to play?? " that's cz i used to let gals talk about themselves, thier ex-bfs , some uniqueness that they've got not like the other guys who just talk about the usual stuff (movies,stars,etc..) so i come to the conclusion that i can't listen to them n let them talk about what they r passionate about! i stay quiet so when i get an opportunity deep in myself i think n belief that there'll be a part missin in the realtionship not like before , when i try cz im neva a looser who give up . i get what i expect some small talk , how u doin etc.. then offf i stay quiet!! a self-fulfillin prophecy isn't it???

so the problem that i feel that im facin right now is that i m not havin fun like before while dealin with gals n doin my homework . this stressed-up attitude is killin me!! when u add this to situations like ur sittin alone while everybody else is kissin,makin out n havin the love that he always dreamt of! , i've come to stages like i see couples walkin n sittin alone enjoyin life picturin inside myself that i stand out n that it really now became an issue after readin all the posts, lay guide , advices, art of conversations , etc...

 

[Pook]

so the problem that i feel that im facin right now is that i m not havin fun like before while dealin with gals n doin my homework . this stressed-up attitude is killin me!! when u add this to situations like ur sittin alone while everybody else is kissin,makin out n havin the love that he always dreamt of! , i've come to stages like i see couples walkin n sittin alone enjoyin life picturin inside myself that i stand out n that it really now became an issue after readin all the posts, lay guide , advices, art of conversations , etc...

You think that everyone is having glorious relationships. There is no such thing. Everything and everyone has warts.

You are not missing out if you are single!

I'm single. By choice. I go out in public and a chick will get someone to ask me if I have a girlfriend. In my early days, I used to do stuff like Kino, make sure I 'conversed' well, etcetera. For me NOW, it just gets easier and easier.

But it didn't used to be so easy. One of the issues I had to get over was seeing singleness as a disease, a malfunction, something that needed immediate correction. "Time for a girlfriend," I would say to myself. Almost got together with this one girl when I realized I didn't really want it, I was becoming unhappier with her.

Being single allows you to focus fully on improving yourself. Though, in a relationship you can improve, just not fully. Losing my Nice Guyness, I realized that you have to keep yourself out of the comfort zone. In the romantic realm, of course I improved. Amazingly, you can use that same technique to improve every aspect of your life.

"I'm comfortable at this job." Time to get a better one!

"I'm used to these clothes. Not comfortable about dressing better." Wrong answer!

"I'm not uncomfortable about being scrawny. I'm skinny and certainly not like a stupid jock." Time to improve!

When does the improvement end? It never does. That is the curse of life. Though, the rewards are far greater then any obtained through 'settling'.

I've met millionaires, scientists, astronauts, etc. You do not see in them that urge to just settle like a wilting plant. No, they keep pushing especially after success. Take any greatly successful person in any industry and I will assure you that their mindset is the same: "I'm going to be the best I can."

What is their biggest fear? It is their children growing up with luxuries and not realizing that a certain mindset that is responsible for success.

When you reach this point, you can't return to shy and quiet because those become childhood days. You'll find yourself taking on new challenges and learning new things you thought were impossible for you before.

One of the best things I did for my Don Juanism is to say, "Hell with signs!"

To hell what size her pupils are! To hell how she strokes her hair! To hell with her posture! To hell with her hinted conversations! To hell with her could-be/not-be flirtations! To hell with analyzing in every way!

I treated every woman the same.

I treated the hot chick the same as the ugly chick. Since I wasn't looking for a girlfriend, there were no potentials or targets. By treating them all the same I kept my sanity. I talk to them. I have fun with them.

My gut said, "Pook, they are flirting with you." To hell with that gut! I stayed the course.

"Pook," my mind said, "they are in lustful thoughts about you; you can see it in their eyes." To HELL what their lustful thoughts!

My nerves then said, "Pook, they are touching you, initiating kino with you. They are making excuses to touch you, to feel you..." TO HELL WHAT THEY DO!

I had plans. I was unfolding my own destiny. I intended to do this, this, and that and improve myself in these several areas right now. To hell what they did!

And you know what happened when I did this? I overheard...

"Oh, that Pook! He is so confident!"

"He looks you straight in the eyes. He knows where he is going in life."

"Man, I wish I was single so I could go for him!"

Lo and behold! What a change this was! But to hell with their interest and their dreams of marriage, I had plans. And as I steadily improve, the faster and more consistant the interest is becoming.

This is why its important to take a break from girl hunting not in physical form (as removing yourself from the vicinity of girls)but in the mental form (as in wanting gf or wondering what is going on in their heads). Stay the course. Keep your compass set to YOU.

A Nice Guy reacts, a Don Juan acts. A psuedo Nice Guy, one with a Lay Guide or something else, starts wondering what the girls are doing and starts REACTING to it. But a Don Juan could care less how a woman thinks and does what he does. A Don Juan focuses on how a Man thinks rather than how a Woman thinks.

Stop reacting to what women are doing. They will think what they think and do what they do. To help you out, don't immediately desire a girlfriend. Treat them all the same and keep your life's focus on YOU. You think you do that now, but you aren't.

Where do YOU want to be five years from now? Time is our non-renewable resource. As you get older, the more and more time flows faster. Life is but a flash but the flash is all.

------------------
Pook
"As you think, you shall become."
"The biggest risk you can take is not to risk at all."

 

[HB_Hunter]

Wooooow , woooooow
thank u so much pook for ur undivided attention to my posts

i am now a different person , i've just returned back from a one week vacation in a great place .

it was one of the best vacations that i've had in all my entire life!

to keep a long story short , all my problem was psychological n i did know how to get over it . i found out that by self-improvment or by improvin in oneself (the regions n points that u wanna improve in urself) and u and ONLY U who can JUdge n see this!!

first of all , you have to feel good about urself , so i started like that by creatin this program called Continous Self-Improvin Program Or C.S.I

i found out that when i study hard n do my assigsments ----- feel great

that when i am focusin on my hobbies and doin them ----- feeel great

i've made a schedule a busy one with to follow in my life filled with all my my work,hobbies, studies, meditation etc..

i found out that i can live withuot gals

n lead a happy life and i believe that this is the key towards being a dj to stop needin them thanx Mr.Pook

after doin this , i've received immediate results

i've known like 5 gals in one day n i got their numbers so easily , found that i can talk pretty easily like before , that im not a shy person at all but a charmin guy just like richard gere or brad pitt or alpacino .

i now believe in myself ,
i am confident n i know that i can do anythin in the world that i wanna do

i can hear some ppl here syain that i misunderstood n that this is fake success because since i found myself good at conversin,kino etc..

no it isn 't the case , cz i'll continue improvin myself with or without gals . i don't give a **** , im cute , smart , ambitious , confident , charmin , got a great smile , know where im goin in life !

after knowin these 5 gals . i got rejected as well 2 times but i didn't give up or got upset cz i know that i'll succeed in life cz i think that i am that succesfull person !

im just thinkin of quittin the site like i did from 6 months since the dj plane now is on auto-pilot mood . i'll surely think about that

many thanks to this site , to pook , red, neo all i am now the man n i can do what i wanna do , i 'll follow all my passions n dreams n be a great psychiatrist .

gals 'll come after that or even after being a great soccer player like M.Owen

 

[Mark]

You know what Pook, I think you lived in every century and studied women in all those, because this post is gold.

Keep em comin man. I read it and it was like my life story with women.

------------------
Once...Twice...Three times I laid it.

 

[Neophyte]

-bump-


------------------
Don't let the Matrix control reality, take control of your own life starting now!
Go Confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined!

THE DJ BIBLE
THE DJ Multi-Poll Center

 

[CaptainSlinky]

Buuump.

God i love this thread.

 

[the graphics guy]

OK, so where is Intermediate DJ with the Wayne Ross posts?

------------------
Bro's rule, grrrls drool!

 

[metty]

hey pook it's me metty i have a friend that wants to talk to u so yeah here

Zak: yo pook you talk about being urself and be confient and stuff like that but what if u be urself and it turns out that the real u is a jerk. just like me. i mean think about it. think that ur some kind of a prince and if someone is flirting w/ u the hell w/ them. and i see that ur talking about how can shy guys become what u call "DJ's" but how does jerks become "DJ's" well pook i'm a jerk and ur sayin be urself well here i am. so what i got the girls and why r u putting me down. halla back if u want.

------------------
live and learn and have fun while u still can

 

[Pook]

Girls will reflect towards your confidence, even in a jerk-like form.

Tarzan was confidant and girls loved him.

Yet, he was a barbarian.

Thus, the focus cannot be women; it must be life.

------------------
Pook
As you think, you shall become!

Oh masculinity! We have seen you persecuted by laws, mocked at the courts, shunned by the university, nagged into servitude, chased from education, jeered at by the powers that be, insulted by intelligentsia, laughed at by women, and betrayed by your most trusted guardians, males. For if you are forgotten now in this last era, what hope is there for the dignity of man and the youth that follows?

 

[sinit]

How about if she knows that i am desperate for her, and i want to change that,does i still have a chance with her, once she has saw the desperation?


[This message has been edited by sosuave.com (edited 04-18-2002).]

 

[izm]

Great post I mean I've had a few women go crazy over me (I dont know why?) But they would just be every where and call, you know the desprate bit. And some of these girl were hot... but after that they seemed unattractive too me. (But I still hit the skins..... just playing!)

 

[Eros]

Hey Pook, your ideas have freed the desperate and needing person in us. Instead of focusing on the pursuit you brilliantly suggested that we inverse the direction of our efforts to become happy. Women will come along. It's very refreshing and can liberate men from their self-enslavement regarding women. But I have to press one issue. At one time or another you're going to have to let the girl know you like her. I mean you can be playful, interesting, and charming but that romantic connection must be laid down. If it isn't, your energy is wasted. Flirting is defintitely a good way to test her possible romantic inclinations toward you. Keeping this in mind, you don't just want to have great conversations with her too long. If this happens, she'll become comfortable with your status as a "friend". Instead you should establish a repoire with her but move in before it gets too late. You can even try to kiss her on a date. It's a matter of feeling her out. Flirting is the key so you can be able to read her. IF you can attract her with your personality and keep the romance light (and that is also important) you may slowly win your way with her. It takes experience and practice to become efficient at this. Pook, it's reassuring to see someone with such a positive attitude. Keep writing so we can all exchange ideas so we can be the ones who lead the direction with women.

 

[StuartScott]

GREATEST THREAD IN SOSUAVE.COM HISTORY.

 

[CaliMike]

Again, sorry for bringing up an ancient post... but I had to.

I have to give my thanks to Pook (and the others who contributed) for writing this. Very very good writing.

I've made a lot of realizations by reading this post. I am a nice guy. Time to change that...

 

[De La Soul]

Congratulations, Pook. Excellent thread.

Summarise your philosophy.


[This message has been edited by De La Soul (edited 11-14-2002).]

 

[Pook]

Originally posted by De La Soul:
What are your thoughts?

My thoughts are that I am going to sleep. Look at the time! I need Pook-sleep!

One thing I wondered when I first got onto this forum was, "Why don't the Don Juans, the ones who seem to know stuff, stay and post? Why do they post LESS and LESS until they outright disapear altogether? Why don't they stay and post MORE and MORE?"

It seems to me that I've become just that. I don't post hardly anymore because I can't possibly understand the Nice-Guy mindset. When you are transferring from Nice Guy to Don Juan, there is a time when you get to see both at once, to see both mindsets, both visions, and is quite easy to illustrate with posts. But when you go off into the Land of Don Juan, that Promised Land of ever-flowing honeys, it becomes harder and harder to see the Nice Guy mindset. I look at this thread and I say, "How could anyone have missed this obviousness!? OF COURSE you have to see yourself as a prize." Yet, I was a Nice Guy who didn't. Even now I can't understand how possibly a Nice Guy can think what he does. (I remember Anti-Dump saying something similiar as to he could no longer understand the Nice Guy concept so he left.)

I've now been curious as to the WHYs of women. But that stuff is more risque and this site is focused more on the HOWs of women. After all, knowing the WHY of women will not get you more chicks. All it could do is give you peace of mind of your DJing practice (or hellish torture depending if you believe in love). I write it but delete it. It defies a point. The only point would be to make Wyldfire go nuclear (Sosuave.com: That would be worth it).

I'll post more when I get done with a current project. What I see now is that the biggest risk for failure is not in their Nice Guy Stage but when they finally reach their long awaited victory.

Or as Napoleon would say, "The most dangerous moment comes with victory.

 

[De La Soul]

Hey Pook, all interesting thoughts. I think that I'm currently 75% of the way from Nice Guy to Good Guy.

But my actual question wasn't about the Nice Guy transition, maybe you just took my "What are your thoughts?" comment too literally and actually just posted... your thoughts, instead of actually answering the question!

The essence of my question was: what is your basic philosophy? Out of the things I listed, which would you emphasize? Which would you devalue, and what would you add to the list?

I look forward to your response...

De La Soul

 

[Pook]

The philosophy is that there is no philosophy.

Look! A sphinx threatens the city! It threatens civilization itself! Yet, to the side, a man in a cape dares to stand up to the sphinx.

Listen! The sphinx speaks:

"Answer my riddle or be consumed."

Countless men get consumed by this Sphinx. Except, you guessed it, the caped man who answered the riddle correctly.

"But Pook! What is the sphinx?"

Why, it is All Women, Mother Nature herself!

"And the caped man?"

He answered the riddle thus he became known as Don Juan.

Woman is the riddle. Men have been trying to figure her out for ages. We can't. We all fall to her spell.

Women are sphinxes without secrets. The answer to the riddle is that there is no riddle in the first place. Our MINDS put the riddle there. Thus, the more we try to solve it, the bigger and more enigmatical it becomes!

Everyone thought the mind would solve the riddle of Woman. To the contrary, the mind put the riddle there in the first place. There is no riddle, thus, no philosophy.

Women are emissaries of nature. We know that they are entirely sexual. Women are not good or evil, moral or immoral, they simply are.

Pook interrupts his post to include a disclaimer:

DISCLAIMER Ladies, when I say 'women' I mean femininity. Women, to be women, illustrate their sexuality. When they are in the business realm, the civilizational realm, they cloak it with the suit, by dressing like a Man, etc. Femininity is at fullest expression of nature while masculinity drives against it. It is MEN that build skyscrapers, fight the elements, compose the finest verses, etc.

Men create the sphinx. Woman, by herself, is not beautiful. A woman's body is designed to make babies. There are milk sacs and fat deposits. Is this the beauty? Or is it in the mind that we assign it to her? Shaw's A Don Juan in Hell says that we do not fall in love with the flesh and blood woman but the imaginative quality we assign her with. I think this is true. How many of us have fallen for actresses? For musicians? For artists? For singers?

"I fall for a woman if she is hot." True. But physicality yields to the imagination. A barstool babe is probably not 'hot' to you even if she has all the proportions correct. Much of the time, we assign elements to her. Or as Wyldfire has said, we have an idealized concept and fit the women to fit it. "Oh, she isn't a biotch. She is nice and wonderful" says the Nice Guy.

If women walked through the world naked, the world would be extroadinarily boring. There would be nothing to excite imagination. Women know this. They know what they wear will get men to look at them and wonder. They are counting on it. (Women love it how men look at them. They do not feel 'sexy' by wearing what they wear but by the attention they get. It makes them feel like a woman.)

Dante's love for Beatrice met the extreme. His Divine Comedy turned Beatrice into a Heaven! Man's imagination and love are but one of the same.

Prepare the stage, Sosauve.com!

Pook throws a Nice Guy onto the stage.
A BEAUTIFUL woman enters.

"Oh... my... God... Help me... Help me... I should ask her out! Wait! No, she would TURN ME DOWN most humiliatingly while everyone else laughs! Oh I've got to get out of here!"

The Nice Guy exits the stage.

Now, what is wrong here? The Nice Guy's imagination is not working properly. Whether or not he crashes and burns in real life is not the matter; he is imagining his crash and burn!

The world is a harsh stage with acts so fatal since there is no rehearsal. Only in your Mind's Eye can you 'truly rehearse'. Imagining failure never leads to success. It leads to... failure.

Pook throws a Don Juan onto the stage. Again, the beautiful lady enters.

"SHEET! WHOA! Let's have fun tonight!"

The Don Juan and the beautiful lady exit from the stage.

The Don Juan's imagination LEADS to success. It does NOT lead to the wasteland. In a letter to Lincoln, a young man said he swore that he was going to become a lawyer and be great at it. Lincoln replied, "Sir, you are already half there. Imagination is the first half of success."

You are the Prize!- WE are the ones that place women on the pedestals. It is not woman's fault; it is ours! How often is it that the Nice Guy's untrained use of imagination converts all her flaws into gold and turns a normal flesh and blood girl into some goddess? When you focus on yourself, your imagination turns toward yourself. Since this is the Fourth, I'll use Washington as an example. He imagined a character, stuffed with all honorable virtues and manners, and grew into it. He watched Joseph Addison's play Cato countless times. In fact, that play brought out the phrases, "I regret that I only have but one life to give to my country" and "Give me liberty or give me death!" to others. Washington was Washington not because he 'focused on the country' or to be like the golden casket in the Merchant of Venice that represents admiration from all people but, when opened, shows only death, but by FOCUSING on HIMSELF. Character is destiny. He imagined a character and, thus, became it.

Treating the Hot Chick like a Guy- You stutter and get shy because you are assigning elements to the chick because she is a chick. There is nothing magical about a girl except in your mind.

Having fun, being humerous, etc. These are all imaginative qualities. A comedian's prerequisite is vast imagination. What is humor and wit but excercises of the imagination?

It is a FACT that women truly despise one thing: BOREDOM. Imagination, in any form, disrupts this. This is why even the motorcycle thug-like jerk who acts like a Don Quixote in chasing windmills gets chicks. This is why musicians and artists get chicks. It is not that women love a powerful mind, they love the imagination that fountains from it. They love the man who has the imagination to landscape and does it himself. They love the actor who spins out stories that dazzles them. Civilization, at its essence, is imagination materialized.

Men, it seems, falls for a women when she personifies something of our imagination. Women, however, fall for a man when she has sex with him in her imagination.

A hot guy gets women not because he is hot but because of women's imagination. There is nothing useful in this day in age of large biceps or abs. But women will see it and IMAGINE.

Speed Seduction is NOTHING MORE than tapping woman's imagination. They are mentally masturbating her.

Men's imagination creates skyscrapers and space stations. Women's imagination leads to sex and drama. Men love science fiction and heroic tales of the human spirit. Women love romance novels and are in joy at seeing union occur (and frustrated by seeing it delayed with obstacles. If the union does not happen at all, women will hate the story. Women demand union to take place and enjoy seeing it take place in others).

A philosophy!? Good heavens no! A philosophy is like connecting dots or guideposts. A year ago I would see guideposts but now I don't see any. Women are natural in mission. If there is any philosophy, it is to remove your philosophy.

Mating has been around forever. It did not take the discovery of philosophy that mating could occur. Rather, it is the embrace of the natural. Of the child-like fun. Of her sexuality and your own.

Killing that desperation means getting a handle on your imagination. For he that masters his imagination masters the world.

------------------
Pook
Never fear success.

 

[bartender]

Originally posted by Pook:
all the things Pook wrote in the previous reply

Indifference is a killer... and not just for women. People hate it.


[This message has been edited by bartender (edited 07-05-2002).]

 

[De La Soul]

So, your philosophy is to have no philosophy?

I disagree. I believe your philosophy is to make yourself the PRIZE (in your mind), be sexual, and make fun the focus.

My aim (with women) is to have fun and experiment.
My philosophy is to make myself the prize.