Hi IQ!
Like you said, you talk to a girl about yourself, but if you take quite long to ask her out she might think you are not interested in her romantically. So, should you show sexual interest, teasing etc. during your convo with her.
This thread is old and some of my ideas have been ironed out.
What keeps a women (for the first few months)? As Anti-Dump would say,
it is strength.
Desire is a form of weakness.
Desire! It is the ultimate obstacle on the path to Don Juanville.
I've been on this forum, and others like you (as you probably have) have seen the following constantly:
"I told her I LOVED her. Why is she so suddenly distant?"
"It was our first date. I showed up with flowers and she seemed annoyed. Why?"
"I treat her like a GODDESS! Why did she dump me?"
"I got her number, and I called her up and talked to her for over an hour! Then she said no to my date. Why!?"
"I told her life story. I thought that would bring us closer. Why is it repelling her!?"
"She rarely has sex with me. What is wrong?"
"She said, 'Let's Just Be Friends'. What does THAT mean?"
Like an endless cycle, we see the same problems over and over just in different forms.
"I called her ten times this week and she said no to my date idea!"
"I bought her gifts but she then rejected me!"
"She keeps canceling dates!"
Indeed, such problems are endless. So many of us end up making sure we 'call 5 days or more once we have the number' or 'make sure the phone call is 5 minutes or less' or 'never GIVE information out yourself'. This isn't confidence. It is calculation.
Unfortunately, we can obtain every trick and tactic, from the lay guides to the articles on this site. It is a
script and might add to your confidence. But as soon as something occurs that goes off script,
you're screwed.
Then we hear:
"She is flirting with her EX. What do I do!?"
"How do I approach when she has friends around her?"
"Help! She says she's moving. What should I say to her?"
Now, if you are in the right mindset all of this vanishes. From beginning to end, you'll have basically no typical problems with women.
Behold:
Nice Guy approaches a girl and goes,
"How are you today! Will you go out with me?"
Pook then approaches the girl,
"Fahita-chingy-changa!"
Naturally, Pook gets the girl (and because its my post
) The point is that you can do it WRONG, totally unscripted, and pull it off if you have that confidence thing down, if you have the mindset that YOU are the goods, the prize, the trophy and she is a potential winner IF she plays her cards right.
A perfectly executed approach with no confidence is WORSE then a screwed up spontaneous approach bubbling with confidence. Why? Because you're in the right mindset.
Desperation comes at anytime, especially at the beginning of relationships. I know you're thinking I'm off on a rant again, so I'll be brief.
Whenever you're with her, kill your desire. You may think you've found THE ONE but within the first month you blurt out to her, "I LOVE YOU" she will freeze and things will become shaky. You have that urge but it must be silenced. It turns girls off.
Show your playful fun side. This will attract and keep them.
So teasing is good, as with any playful behavior. I'd hold off anything that alludes to sex early on since women can sniff out the agenda.
You show you WANT her but don't NEED her.
How do you show your want? By asking her out. By showing interest in HER (not her body, that would be blatant desire).
There is a difference between flirting and 'hitting'. 'Hitting' is when you go:
"My, what lovely hair you have."
"You're so smart."
"You are so cute."
*You stare at anything but her eyes and face*
Women can smell the agenda and they don't like it.
It turns them off.
I've found when I was most attractive, when girls would approach ME, was when I was apathetic. Now I'm not saying to wait for women to approach you, its just showing that you are most attractive when you aren't desiring.
Because confident guys don't desire!
Think about it. All the mistakes we make are basically due to desire. We say before her, "I love you." Desire. We call her 10 times every day. Desire. We talk about how fast our cars go and how great we are to prove ourselves. Desire. We get insecure around her. Desire. We get tongue tied around beautiful women. Desire.
The way how I killed my nice guyness and desperation was to stop NEEDING them, to stop DESIRING them.*Poof* All of a sudden I could flirt and talk up ANY girl and keep a strong relationship.
Show that you WANT her but not that you NEED her. You WANT her because you are asking her out. You WANT her because you are being super-friendly to her. You NEED her when you follow her around like a puppy dog. You NEED her when you start shoveling your emotions at her (why would someone try to force intimacy? Because of neediness).
This is why persistance works with women. It shows you want her. But if you show you NEED her, then its just desperation. The only way I've found to stop it (you can momentarily turn it off, but it keeps on coming back again and again unless you change your mindset) is to think that you are Prince Charming, that you are the Great Catch. That she must CATCH YOU and she must play HER cards right. Thus, you start to act like it and become it. You have a passion for something that goes BEYOND women.
This attitude isn't just for asking out a girl, its all throughout. It'll keep you from becoming needy and fouling up.
Also, by seeing you everyday, she will gradually know about you, even you dont tell her anything, she can ask your friends, or she can find out your tastes, like how you dress or what you like, so where is the mystery or suspense which keeps them interested like who is this person, or whether or not she is gonna see you again or not.
Obviously, you're not going to keep the mystery for long. If you like her, ask her out. Don't wait.
How do you keep them romantically interested in you without asking them out soon such as in work place or school. You said you should hint on excellence but would that make them interested in you romantically, I mean wouldn't you just become their friends.
When that happens, I remember to myself that whenever I am at work,
I am on stage. In other words, don't go around blurting everything about your day, your life, etc. to her. Just as on a date, you'd be aware about what you say about yourself. I've always found talking about her and what she's doing to be the most effective (with adding in a little bit about yourself, Conversing for Maximum Attraction is the best article IMO at sosuave.com. Most guys won't talk like this. And you know what, most never will!).
I read AD's post in which he wrote that you should ask the number in first one or two meeting, otherwise by seeing you every day she might decide that she doesnt like you. She might give you the number as a friend if you ask later on but not as a romantic interest.
Maybe. But once you've gotten to know her, you can see if she's the type YOU want to go out with or not. Don't look at work as a problem, see it as an opportunity to get to know her (if you don't go for her soon). Quit thinking about what SHE thinks.
WHO CARES WHAT SHE THINKS!? Do you want her? Do you think she is good for you? Do you want to spend your time and money on her? You said you're worried that she might get to know you and not like you. But at the same time, you get to know her and see if you want to go out with her! It works both ways.
I used to be a nice shy guy who flowered the walls and only looked about with envirous eyes. I found this site and other sites and tried different things. ("OK, Pook. Rememeber to be a challenge. The article on Sosuave.com said so!" "Now, now Pook, Anti-Dump said to wait 5 days before calling." "Look Pook! She is eating a banana. Engage blow-job pattern!") This was leading me in circles. I got further then before but something still seemed very wrong. So I said
to hell with it and operated on my gut. I call anywhere from 1 day to over a week. I base it totally on how
I feel and I'm successful anyway. (Why? Because I'm not walking on eggshells of calculations.)
People who have known me have seen the massive change that took place within 6-9 months. I went from a shy nice kid who never said anything to a mack attack, from pessimistic to neutral to overflowing enthusiasm, from insecurity to brimming confidence.
I was chatting with these girls I just met with a friend (he has known these girls). When I was leaving and walking away, I heard one of the girls squeal, "Yes! FINALLY! A guy that gives EYE CONTACT!" The friend, being a Nice Guy, is puzzled and says, "Eye contact? Is that good?" which he got the resounding answer: "YES!"
The point is that if I went in there and said in my mind, "Pook, look at their eyes. Pook, look at their eyes. Pook, look at their eyes. The Don Juan Tip of the Day said so!" I look at their eyes but it would not remain constant. My script would break. (and before it always did) But now that I don't have a twinge of DESIRE within me, that I don't rely on calculation anymore but natural joy, I do things like eye contact
naturally (and yes, I found out later, two of them are crushing on me already). This is because a Don Juan is not a sum of tricks and tactics, a Don Juan is a way of thought. Women can sniff out the former but with the latter they will be clawing their way for you! Your tortured past is now but a dream, the future your vision, and as you envision you shall become. The enemy is not your competition. The enemy is not women. The enemy is YOURSELF!
Your mindset is the enemy. Kill it. Change the way you think. And you'll never think of the word 'confidence' again.
------------------
Pook
"As you think, you shall become."
"Men will be nice when nice guys get laid."
