I met this pretty cute girl today(HB 7) and we were casually talking. all of a sudden she randomly brings up into the conversation how she's just looking for friends. nothing romantic, no friends with benefits, just hangout. as a matter of fact, these were her exact words, "I am only looking for friends, so if you're expecting this to lead to a friends with benefits situation or something more, move on. I am single, but I'm not even open to the possibility of anything romantic at this point. Ok, now that we have that out of the way..." i could tell i had this shocked look on my face and all i could think of was to say "um ok?" she caught me off guard. anyways, this girl was like "i would like to get to know you better blah blah blah". i know you experts on here could tell me if i should even pursue this girl or is it a big fat waste of time? maybe i failed her test when she said what she said, i dunno. i did play it off though cause i honestly didnt care when she told me that. it's too soon to know if i would want to date her but i mean how do i play this to get to makeout with her eventually or is there no way in hell? maybe it was just a bunch of b.s. she was spewing? any thoughts on when a chick randomly tells you that shes just looking for friends? what does it REALLY mean?
just looking for friends
- Thread starter Robert28
- Start date
Mangina
Banned
It means she is not attracted to you. Move on. I would have said be really nice to her but it doesn't work. I learned that.Go find another girl before you get oneitis. Trust me, i have heard " im just looking for friends" alot in my life.
i'm not an expert but take it for what it's worth, i think it can go both ways. when she said she wasnt looking for fwb she could've very well been stating her intention....she just wanted to see how you'd take it. i say this becuase i've heard women say this kind of stuff to guys before and the guys played it smoothly and then ended up getting with the said girl.
Mangina said:
youd think that except for the fact that she initiated the conversation between us. i was thinking i should hangout with this girl, she could be good social status material and call her bluff. what i mean is when we went out to a bar or something, go talk to other chicks in the place, see if she gets jealous. might work, might not, but at least i show up with a pretty girl that i can tell other girls "oh shes just a friend" and acctually mean it. another good thing if we do hangout is i dont have to pay for her since we'd just be friends
Mangina
Banned
Robert28 said:youd think that except for the fact that she initiated the conversation between us. i was thinking i should hangout with this girl, she could be good social status material and call her bluff. what i mean is when we went out to a bar or something, go talk to other chicks in the place, see if she gets jealous. might work, might not, but at least i show up with a pretty girl that i can tell other girls "oh shes just a friend" and acctually mean it. another good thing if we do hangout is i dont have to pay for her since we'd just be friends
Keep her a friend.... but don't pay attention to her sexually.
byers90 said:
well here's what i think. i think she has alot of these goofy guy friends that fall all over her and drool at the mouth in the hopes of "being with her". when they hangout with her they focus only on her. i'm going to do the opposite i think. if/when we go out sometime i'll be nice to her and everything but i won't stand by her side every second and act like shes the only girl in the room. like Billy Bob on Varisty Blues said "i'm here to work!".haha she's a nice girl and all, really cute, but i'm going to test this whole "i'm just looking for friends" thing. if she has a problem with me talking to other girls and flirting with them in front of her then you know it was just a test. but if she doesnt get jealous then that's good for me too since i'm not going into this thing expecting anything but a new friend that will give me good social status. i'll let her other guy friends foam at the mouth over her all night.
Igetit!
Moderator
I'd be curious to know what this "casually talking" consisted of. Like what was the topic of conversation. Because if this "casual talking" had been going on for a while,then maybe it was while all this talking was going on that she realized that she wasn't attracted to you,so she gave the "just looking for friends" speech so you wouldn't bother trying to ask her out so she wouldn't have to turn you down.Robert28 said:
Like Captain said,"Attraction isn't a choice".
Wow. I don't think I've ever heard a woman speak so bluntly before. To me,this sounds like she's been hurt before,so just to keep you at bay,she threw this out there to you.Robert28 said:
If she had said that to me,I would have been like,"Ok,let me get this straight:You're only looking for friends,you are single,but at this point,you're not even almost open to the possibility of anything romantic. You want friends,and only friends,nothing more. Did I get all that right?
Her:Yes.
Me:Alright,that's cool. No problem,I understand that. You mind if I ask you a question though?
her:Sure,go ahead.
Me:So like,when are we goin' out? I want to see you.
Guarantee you she would have burst out laughing,and at the same time felt some chemistry/attraction towards you. Just because she "claims" to want to shut off her sexuality doesn't mean it should make you asexual around her.
If you go along with what she said,you're a guaranteed lock for the friendzone.
So she said she'd like to get to know you better,but on her terms. DON'T DO IT. If she leads,and you follow,she'll lead you right into the ditch. Not intentionally,but the ditch is the ditch reguardless of how you get there. Also,if she sees she can control you,then ALL attraction for you will go out the window because she won't feel safe with you. If she,being a women,can push you around,then what'll happen if the two of you are out somewhere and some guy approaches her threatening her? If you can't even stand up to her,then how can you stand up for her?Robert28 said:
She may mean this,but if a guy comes along who really excites her,who really turns her on,especially if she's single,you think she's going to stick by her rule? Especially knowing how much women complain about there not being any good men out there,and not being able to find chemistry with a guy? Please.Robert28 said:
I don't know how long you've been hanging around this woman following her "just looking for friends" rule,but if it's been a while,you may already be the latest victim of the friendzone.
So whatever you decide to do with this,good luck.
Well that's a clear cut case of LJBF. She stole the frame and led the interaction HER way. You've already lost, my friend.
Feel free to try things out, but this kind of girl (seeing that she has a stable of orbitors) isn't gonna provide the social proof you want. She's likely an attention wh0re that is only into herself. Having an attractive woman as social proof only works when she actually cares for you or is into you, not when you're nothing more than an orbitor for her (in which case YOU are a part of her social proof to other women).
After hearing that, if I were you, I'd just get up, tip my hat and say good luck, I'm outta here. Cut your loss and save your time. Might as well walk away with dignity intact.
Robert, stop complicating yourself! listen to what girls say but ignore most of what they tell you cause its bs. When she talked about dating before you even asking her out means she was already thinking of the possibility of that happening. She gave you a test to see how you would react. You definitely need to ask her out although I suspect you are going to have to use some persistence as she might act hard to get on purpose because you are a freaking nice guy. You are a nice guy which is guy she told you that because she saw that in you. She was testing to see if you would be manly enough in the future to escalate your relations with her based on your reaction.
I had a similar situation. Girl giving me mixed signals, we talked everyday, always playing with her hair when around me, staring at me, she invited me to her place for video games in our first talk. The talk of relationships obviously came up and she said she did not want a boyfriend and was not looking for one, never even had a boyfriend. She was a geek, more of a reader than a dater. At the time i wasn't as experienced with girls and used to complicate myself like you. What she told me puzzled me. Girls are not as difficult as people think. If a girl is giving you the time of day just that fact means you can win her over.
I could be wrong however I have asked out so many girls in my life another 1 doesn't matter much to me and neither should for you. You only live once so just ask this girl out and see what happens. Any man can bed any woman as long as he has decent game and escalates the situation. If a girl is giving you IOI you need to escalate, they want you to. I did not escalate the situation, i failed with her.
Instead of thinking of your situation as an engineering problem just think of 2 things
1) is she showing some interest
2) if 1 = yes, then escalate to asking for digits, asking out etc etc. You don't find out if a girl wants you by posting on sosuave, you find out by asking them out.
I had a similar situation. Girl giving me mixed signals, we talked everyday, always playing with her hair when around me, staring at me, she invited me to her place for video games in our first talk. The talk of relationships obviously came up and she said she did not want a boyfriend and was not looking for one, never even had a boyfriend. She was a geek, more of a reader than a dater. At the time i wasn't as experienced with girls and used to complicate myself like you. What she told me puzzled me. Girls are not as difficult as people think. If a girl is giving you the time of day just that fact means you can win her over.
I could be wrong however I have asked out so many girls in my life another 1 doesn't matter much to me and neither should for you. You only live once so just ask this girl out and see what happens. Any man can bed any woman as long as he has decent game and escalates the situation. If a girl is giving you IOI you need to escalate, they want you to. I did not escalate the situation, i failed with her.
Instead of thinking of your situation as an engineering problem just think of 2 things
1) is she showing some interest
2) if 1 = yes, then escalate to asking for digits, asking out etc etc. You don't find out if a girl wants you by posting on sosuave, you find out by asking them out.
Prodigy746
Master Don Juan
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- Aug 18, 2007
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The best way to go her is to accept her friendship and attempt to get her by getting her jelous. Go out with her coupla times and have fun with her. After 4-5 times of going out , the next time she calls you and wants to hangout say "you cant because you already made plans with this other girl Ashly" . Reschedule with her and see how it goes. Chances are that she will get jelous and start getting closer to you. If she doesnt start wanting more after next 3-4 times meeting her and talking about Ashly than you have no chance getting romantically involved with this girl. If she does happen to get jealous and starts saying is Ashly more important than me just say that Ashly actually likes me and wants to go out with etc etc. IF she has any feeling for you she will feel that she is losing you to another girl and will make a move on you.
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
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"i know you experts on here could tell me if i should even pursue this girl or is it a big fat waste of time?"
There's a few ways you can react to a chick who drops a bombshell on you like this.
As a tactic...
Take her at face value, thank her for her time and walk away.
She'll probably then think to herself "Men...oh how could that b@stard just up and walk away from me, is sex all that men want etc" and then of course she'll move on to finding someone that wants to be her emotional tamp0n male shoulder to cry on if she genuinely was seeking a friendship with a guy or she'll be so turned on by your blatant jerk/assh0lish rejection of her false friendship she'll call you up all cute like asking if you want to hang out.
At that point you don't act like a retarded AFC and say "Ok but only if you're going to be my girlfriend now" or some such lame reply.
Instead you meet up with the b!tch, act like you are interested in her, do some kino as the day or night progresses and if she responds make your move by trying to kiss her or something.
She freezes you out or makes some excuse walk away right then and there with no explanation and delete her number.
Right around this section in the advice this AFC question tends to pop up so I'll pose it myself just to get it out of the way...
"Uh derr *sputter* er ummmm kontroller but if I do that won't I come off as insecure? uh thats no good is it?"
To which I'd answer: Why do you give a sh!t how you come off to a girl that you are now nexting who has just verifiably proven to you her utter lack of interest in you?
The focus isn't supposed to be how the girl immediately thinks of you after you walk away, the focus is always supposed to be on what you think of a girl and whether she's worthy for you or not.
Besides the less you say when ejecting the better as sure women might think oh he's insecure blah blah blah but as long as you don't contact her, as long as you remain silent you've got the best weapon in the world on your side.
What is it you might ask?
Why the female mind of course.
She'll think you're insecure at first quite possibly but as the days pass without you calling or texting her and hanging up the phone on her should she call the b!tch will begin to have wild thoughts about maybe she wasn't attractive enough for you to put up with her mindgames or maybe she was entirely to blame and insulted you in some way etc and it goes on and on these wild thoughts as this is how women's minds operate when left to their own devices.
If she genuinely wasn't into you she'll think you're insecure for walking away and she'll move on.
If she really was into you and wanting you to pass some bullsh!t test you pass it immediately when you walk away when she attempts to freeze you out from kissing her as you show that b!tch you are not going to put up with the disrespect of being blue balled when she'd be riding the c0ck of someother guy on the first date out with him because he performed some arbitrary social magic trick she was hoping to see that you didn't.
So yeah fvck all that this is your world and you lead in it and she follows and if she doesn't you walk and its this walking away at times that can reveal to you the truly interested women from those that are just genuinely wasting your time as they are looking for a tamp0n and not a man.
In anycase though the other way to handle this kind of situation is to just ignore what the girl said and treat her as you would any girl you are trying to fvck with the kino and all of that good stuff.
She rejects your advances firmly delete her number and go game other chicks.
If she wants you, she'll be back without the hard to get game this time.
There's a few ways you can react to a chick who drops a bombshell on you like this.
As a tactic...
Take her at face value, thank her for her time and walk away.
She'll probably then think to herself "Men...oh how could that b@stard just up and walk away from me, is sex all that men want etc" and then of course she'll move on to finding someone that wants to be her emotional tamp0n male shoulder to cry on if she genuinely was seeking a friendship with a guy or she'll be so turned on by your blatant jerk/assh0lish rejection of her false friendship she'll call you up all cute like asking if you want to hang out.
At that point you don't act like a retarded AFC and say "Ok but only if you're going to be my girlfriend now" or some such lame reply.
Instead you meet up with the b!tch, act like you are interested in her, do some kino as the day or night progresses and if she responds make your move by trying to kiss her or something.
She freezes you out or makes some excuse walk away right then and there with no explanation and delete her number.
Right around this section in the advice this AFC question tends to pop up so I'll pose it myself just to get it out of the way...
"Uh derr *sputter* er ummmm kontroller but if I do that won't I come off as insecure? uh thats no good is it?"
To which I'd answer: Why do you give a sh!t how you come off to a girl that you are now nexting who has just verifiably proven to you her utter lack of interest in you?
The focus isn't supposed to be how the girl immediately thinks of you after you walk away, the focus is always supposed to be on what you think of a girl and whether she's worthy for you or not.
Besides the less you say when ejecting the better as sure women might think oh he's insecure blah blah blah but as long as you don't contact her, as long as you remain silent you've got the best weapon in the world on your side.
What is it you might ask?
Why the female mind of course.
She'll think you're insecure at first quite possibly but as the days pass without you calling or texting her and hanging up the phone on her should she call the b!tch will begin to have wild thoughts about maybe she wasn't attractive enough for you to put up with her mindgames or maybe she was entirely to blame and insulted you in some way etc and it goes on and on these wild thoughts as this is how women's minds operate when left to their own devices.
If she genuinely wasn't into you she'll think you're insecure for walking away and she'll move on.
If she really was into you and wanting you to pass some bullsh!t test you pass it immediately when you walk away when she attempts to freeze you out from kissing her as you show that b!tch you are not going to put up with the disrespect of being blue balled when she'd be riding the c0ck of someother guy on the first date out with him because he performed some arbitrary social magic trick she was hoping to see that you didn't.
So yeah fvck all that this is your world and you lead in it and she follows and if she doesn't you walk and its this walking away at times that can reveal to you the truly interested women from those that are just genuinely wasting your time as they are looking for a tamp0n and not a man.
In anycase though the other way to handle this kind of situation is to just ignore what the girl said and treat her as you would any girl you are trying to fvck with the kino and all of that good stuff.
She rejects your advances firmly delete her number and go game other chicks.
If she wants you, she'll be back without the hard to get game this time.
That's some role model type **** right there. There really shouldn't be any further questions. The one bad thing about this forum is there are so many opinions on a situation and females are usually only looking for one particular answer. Gotta watch who you believe here. If your not down with changing your views of women or should I say yourself than there really is no point in being here. Like he said, make the girl feel immature, "next" her when she says/does something that YOU(go deeper) don't like. Say out loud " next ", walk away with that girl you just seen 5 minutes ago on your mind.KontrollerX said:
You even admit to recognizing her testing you... Is that how you get down? You gotta take control, she wouldn't be testing you if she hadn't thought you might fail.
Craig Reeves
Master Don Juan
Go ahead and continue in getting to know her. If you start to like her as something other than a friend, ask her out. If she resists, politetly let her know that unfortunately you will be unable to accept just being friends with her and that you'd like for her to at least consider giving it a shot. If she still resists, move on.Robert28 said:
thanks for the replies so far. i have an update with some more info she told me tonight. this is in an email she sent me on facebook btw. i havent replied to her yet so any suggestions as to what i should say are welcomed.
"most guys want to date me because they like the challenge of trying to change my mind, but it won't happen. first of all, i'm moving in a year for school. second, i already have a manboy. not a boyfriend, but a guy that does boyfriend stuff if i need it done. he's like my best friend and totally awesome, but i like to do my own thing with my own people and i can't stand seeing the same people all the time, haha. no, he's not jealous and not breaking anyone's legs- before you ask. i am single and do what i want. i am just choosing not to replace my #1 manboy at this time."
my questions to you are wtf is a "manboy"? is that a new word for f**k buddy?haha i love how she gave me a list talking about "first of all, second of all" and all i said was "so what's your reasoning for just looking for friends? don't you have any?haha" so yeah, help me have fun with this. i love how she thinks i was going to ask "oh dear God will your manboy break my legs for being your friend?!"haha:crackup: classic sh*t right there.
"most guys want to date me because they like the challenge of trying to change my mind, but it won't happen. first of all, i'm moving in a year for school. second, i already have a manboy. not a boyfriend, but a guy that does boyfriend stuff if i need it done. he's like my best friend and totally awesome, but i like to do my own thing with my own people and i can't stand seeing the same people all the time, haha. no, he's not jealous and not breaking anyone's legs- before you ask. i am single and do what i want. i am just choosing not to replace my #1 manboy at this time."
my questions to you are wtf is a "manboy"? is that a new word for f**k buddy?haha i love how she gave me a list talking about "first of all, second of all" and all i said was "so what's your reasoning for just looking for friends? don't you have any?haha" so yeah, help me have fun with this. i love how she thinks i was going to ask "oh dear God will your manboy break my legs for being your friend?!"haha:crackup: classic sh*t right there.
i couldn't deal with a ***** like that, shes very immature, even for 18. You asked her the point of more friends? Thats her response? You can either say "Gotcha" or say nothing at all. Call her in a month and ask her about her manboy.
lghost said:
haha shes not 18, shes 25 thats the funny thing. from looking at her male friend on facebook it looks like she hangs out with some REAL geeks. don't worry, i'm not going to get wrapped up at all in this chick, i already see too many signs that shes not worth it. i just would like to keep her for social status when going out or whatever because she is cute, really cute. let her have her manboy, if he's cool with living by her every command then more power to him. if we go out she's going to buy her drinks and i'm going to by my own. at least i hope thats how shes going to see it because thats how its going to be.haha if she has any objection to this then she better come off some @$$.haha