Jayer's 100 Approach Journal (Will Finish 100 approaches no matter what)

[izza]

Izza you have also been a very ardent supporter of mine so I don't mind addressing your questions either.

As I am leaving this forum to truly focus on becoming the person I want to be I will not be checking in as much. I hope I can address your questions and points though Izza, its the least I can do for all your encouragement and support.

Thanks. Just to add - I still am an ardent supporter of yours. Always will be.

So your first question was; How does building rapport aka investment vibe with blitzkrieg number closing?

You probably thought this was oxymoronic but I meant them more are individual steps that are incrementally sequential. I'm saying that getting a phone is a "foot in the door" so to speak and that by having solid phone game you can build a girl's IL to meet you in person later. This is just 1 example of how you can game a girl. Obviously you can build rapport when you meet her by spending time talking to her, kino etc... I've done this also and its probably the more traditional approach. There's a lot of ways that work

Ahhh, I get it. Thanks. It's helpful for me to know exactly what you believe about things. I am, if nothing else, a belief collector. So thanks.

You next ask that I provide an example of how not letting a girl see my lose my cool has helped. I can provide an example of how keeping my cool has helped and how losing my cool has been disasterous.

First the latter.... I was messing with this hot brazilian girl who was very "friendly" and talked to a lot of people when she went out. Now obviously this girl didn't have qualities I'd want in someone for an LTR but she was down right hot and fun to hook up with. So one time I saw her messaging a guy she met at a club whom she was just "friends" with... she did this in front of me and he asked her something about if she was going to go out somewhere the following night. Well I immediately jumped to conclusions and lost my cool. The next night when she didn't contact me I immediately thought she was lying to me and out with this other guy. I started texting her and I ended up somewhat telling her off... it turned out she was at home the whole night. Either way it shouldn't have mattered. As I knew she wasn't LTR material I shouldn't have made a big deal over it but this ended up with her not liking me anymore and getting scared off.

Ah. I see. Not unrecoverable - but not constructive. Oops. PS One thing I like about you is how open you are about what you do well and poorly. I really try to emulate that about you.

Now a recent example of how I kept my cool was with the last girl I got out from my approach journal. She had basically told me she was seeing someone and was very shady with her phone calling/texting.... I played it cool, didn't care... continued the on/off texting and one day I ended up getting her out... I ended up seeing her a few more times... she denied the kiss close at my first attempt... I kept cool about it.. acted like I wasn't phased... saw her again and finally broke it down... The old me would have over reacted and told this girl off but by being aloof and carefree I now have another plate I'm spinning

Hmm. That makes sense. Seems like you handled that pretty well. I was asking about this because my attitude on emotions is kind of a balance between the two, so I wanted to know what you meant. My thing is, I try to express every single emotion I have, but I put it through the maturity filter first. Like if I'm feeling impatient that a girl is ignoring me, I write and ask them what the best way to get in touch with them is - or the best time to call, or whatever. When I feel impatient or angry, I usually put it through the maturity filter and do something constructive with it. I ask her to stop texting, or whatever. Both sides win: I rarely lose my cool - I rarely hide an emotion.

Maturity filters are great

You said you want an example of indirect vs direct method...

Indirect Method is basically opening a girl about something not directed at hooking up. i.g. Do you know the score of the game, I can't see the tv

Direct Method is making your intentions known from the get go. i.g. I noticed you from across the room, I just had to talk to you....

Ironically a girl I am currently spending a lot of time with was acquired from direct method. Both can work

Ohhhh! Thanks, I get it.

I guess I don't approach with "direct method," as I often have no idea if I'm attracted to a girl until after I talk to her. But I'll think about this - I'm working on ramping up how often I approach women. I haven't been doing much at all as I build my friend base - and focus on the fine ladies already in my life. But yeah - thanks for the thought food.

You next asked about my comment "even girls that are HB 5 have a stable of AFCs"

Now I have a feeling you may disagree with me on this...

Oh Jayer, rabidly so. But please continue, I fear I'm becoming too predictable

but what I've honestly found out in the field is that the majority of women are very stuck up... and basically expect a guy to do all the work in courting them... I see so many beautiful looking women with guys who are below average. I've gotten attitude from just as many below average looking girls as I've gotten from hot hot girls... Ive seen and know many guys hit on girls that are below average on the HB scale (i.g obeis girls) I know girls who always talk about guys hitting on them..

So my theory with this is that a lot girls are stuck up and expect guys to do all the work in courting them because they are so used to attention that it just inflates their ego.... This is why its so easy for girls to next and move on... They know that they will get hit on as surely as it will rain in a month.

I agree - many women get hit on a lot. I meet VERY few women, however, who feel powerful in the dating arena. Big difference. I know many who get hit on a lot (ah the francophone world) - but seldom by men they want to pursue. In my experience, this doesn't make them feel powerful - but harassed and powerless to stop it - or to find guys they like - or to tell when a guy they might like is hitting on them.

I don't want to disagree too much during our last little discussion for a little while. You might be right after all.

Also, I usually break the usual heterosexual dating expectations within the first five minutes - so most women aren't expecting the ritual from me. That helps them be themselves, rather than a role-player. The role-player really creeps me out, FYI, so that helps me a lot.

I just post this as an alternative:

For women here are some conditions that might help with cooperation.
1.) Many women hesitate to facilitate sex because they believe most guys want to chase, but do not want to be chased. Some guys are turned off by a girl who comes on too hard. Some guys don't feel comfortable unless they're "dominating". Besides, it is always safer and more empowering in some sense to be chased than to chase. So the girl doesn't want to turn off the guy and it's safer and rewarding to be chased anyway. Make it clear you expect the girl to make effort and this is much reduced.
2.) Sexual violence still pervades our society. Women are afraid of being raped for giving "the wrong signs" to guys they barely know. Fear does not motivate women to be too helpful. Show emotional maturity, respect, and consideration - with a lot of sexual directness - and women figure out that you're sexual without being a predator.
3.) Clingy guys take cooperation the wrong way. Some women (not necessarily all women and not necessarily all conventionally beautiful women) have had a bad experience with clingy guys who took some facilitation from girl as an invitation to, say, propose marriage. So women hesitate to cooperate for fear of clinginess. Demonstrate emotional maturity and openness and women will know you're not that guy.
4.) Paramount reason: there is a stigma against women who like sex and work to facilitate sex. Many in society degrade them as sluts. Women want to be desireable to men, and can't find respect as a "slut." So many women are cautious about cooperating to have sex. COMPLIMENT WOMEN WHO LIKE SEX. IT'S AN ACT OF COURAGE.

Finally, as other humans are innate vibe readers and innate vibe matchers, the vibe we give influences the vibe we receive. Example: if you put out a vibe of playing games, covering stuff up, pretending you're always happy, being judgmental, hesitant, dishonest, hiding your sexuality, trying to gratify your ego through another's need for you, many women will treat you the same way. They will pull back.

For contrast, if you are straight-forward, direct, honest, accepting, patient, non-judgmental, attentive, humble, mature, complimentary toward behavior you like, and openly sexual, women will reciprocate MUCH more often.

If you don't find that useful - no need to discuss, I just post that in case you'd like to collect my beliefs on the matter.

If you like, we can discuss more when/if you get back from your break. If I'm still around. I have so many pieces in place - and I'm very much enjoying my love life these days, so I'm finding I get less and less out of this site.

So Izza I hope this helped answer your questions. Thanks again 4 all the support and encouragment.

Thanks for your help. You're very welcome Jayer. I have learned a lot from you. It's amazing to me how far you've come. I know you will keep your open mind, patience, your thoughtfulness - and most importantly your good heart - and these will take you everywhere you want to go.

Happy and very safe, condom studded travels! See you next time,
Izza

 

[Solomon]

so much value in this thread

this needs to be archived!!

 

[Reyaj]

Even though I have left the forum I couldn't help but check in today. I thought I'd share a few updates. I have approached more women since my journal ended and have actually established a nice relationship. But of course there have been more flakes, along with a girl who lied about being busy only to let me know later she was on a date that sucked and asked me to rescue her. I know better of course and got her out on my own terms and ended up hooking up with her. I then ended up standing her up to go out with the last girl I picked up from this approach journal... the one who initially gave me a boyfriend line lol! Me and her have been hooking up nicely though she will be nexted because as I said I'm in a relationship I want.

Its a numbers game when it comes down to it.

It feels good knowing the truth about women and this game which I only could have learned through trial and error.

Sarge on fellow DJs!

 

[steviecruiser]

Do not ever forget what you learned here. Your thread is 1 of 10 I find useful on this board because it is real as only another who has been in the field could tell you.

 

[Sandow]

Wow great thread, 4 years of field reports! You can really see the progress you made from day 1 up till today. This is one of the best threads on here. Everyone can learn something from this one, especially the newbies. Nothing groundbreaking but great REAL LIFE examples (instead of all that theory b.s.). Anyways, there was a great point listed here about atraction gets you to the door but comfort gets you in. And thats all it really is, being good w/ girls can be summed up in one very simple formula: Attraction + Comfort = Success.

 

[Reyaj]

Thank you again. I now find myself at another crossroads

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=165262&highlight=jayer

 

[Igetit!]

Thank you again. I now find myself at another crossroads

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=165262&highlight=jayer

What's up Jayer,

Man,haven't seen this thread in a while. Been almost 6 months since I last posted in here.



I read your other thread about the delema your facing now,and I think a LOT of guys face this or will be facing it at one point in their lives,ESPECIALLY if they have a background of having trouble dating women.



I think the thing is,is that before your started your journal,whenever you got involved with a woman,it was kind of a "got lucky" kind of thing,and when you did get involved with a girl,you tried to make it last as long as you could even if the relationship was bad because at least you were having sex,and you didn't want to lose that.




However after approaching 100 women,learning,and getting a better understanding of how to attract them,now you feel freer.
It's like you don't have to hold on to this woman with a deathgrip because if things don't work out,you already know what to do to get another.



You have what's known as "the grass is greener" situation going on.


It's ALWAYS going to be like that.


There will ALWAYS BE a girl who's hotter,a girl who's smarter,a girl who cooks better,a girl who's better in bed,a girl who's nicer,a girl who's thinner,a girl who's this and a girl who's that.



You know why? Because we're aging dude. All of us.


The only thing that time can't touch is character.


If she's truely a good person now,then 10 years from now,she'll still be a good person. She won't be as "hot" as she once was,but her character will still be intact.



And judging by this statement of your from your other thread...

I'd rather have a cute girl who loves me to no end,than a super hot girl that is selfish and that I constantly have to play games with to keep the IL high.

A good person is what you want.


This other statement of yours...

One of my goals in life is to get married and have a family,another goal is to live a player lifestyle and have beautiful women copiously.

You can do both other these things...but NOT AT THE SAME TIME.
(Well,you can do both at the same time,but you know what I mean.)




This is where being a mature adult comes into play. If you want to be a player,that's fine,but more than likely you'll lose your LTR,or the relationship will be a source of pain for your girlfriend AND FOR YOU.



You'll have to lie,cheat,sneak around,hide things,etc. To me,it's just not worth all that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to keep secret something from another person. It's hard enough trying to maintain a relationship when BOTH PEOPLE are faithful. Imagine how it'll be trying to hide and sneek around behind not only your girl's back,but if you two have children,then you'll have to keep it from them too.




I'm not telling you not to do it,to each his own. I'm just saying that isn't for me.




You said something about how you may just want to screw around just for sexual gratification,but when you sleep with your girl,that urge leaves.



Well why not just sleep with her everytime this urge comes up? Seems simple to me.




Like I said,I think this situation you're in happens to mainly guys who had woman problems early on in life,found the "community",then once they learned how to get women,they want to make up for all the missed time and opportunities they had while being the "nice guy" and getting rejected when they were younger.





It's like if you settle with the girl you have,you'll think you missed out on even hotter girls,but if you let her go,you may sleep with other attractive women,but they may not be as good of a person as the one you have right now.



You'll either have to realize that the part of your youth when you were constantly rejected by girls is done and over with and accept it,or let your LTR go,then run out and sleep with as many girls as you can to try to make up for lost time.


The only bad thing about the second option is you'll waste even more time,but instead of it being wasted on constant rejection by women,you'll have girls to sleep with,but you'll have to sift through them to try to find another girl like that one you ALREADY HAVE.



Well whatever you decide,we got your back here on the forum man.




Peace.

 

[Reyaj]

What's up Jayer,

Man,haven't seen this thread in a while. Been almost 6 months since I last posted in here.



I read your other thread about the delema your facing now,and I think a LOT of guys face this or will be facing it at one point in their lives,ESPECIALLY if they have a background of having trouble dating women.



I think the thing is,is that before your started your journal,whenever you got involved with a woman,it was kind of a "got lucky" kind of thing,and when you did get involved with a girl,you tried to make it last as long as you could even if the relationship was bad because at least you were having sex,and you didn't want to lose that.




However after approaching 100 women,learning,and getting a better understanding of how to attract them,now you feel freer.
It's like you don't have to hold on to this woman with a deathgrip because if things don't work out,you already know what to do to get another.



You have what's known as "the grass is greener" situation going on.


It's ALWAYS going to be like that.


There will ALWAYS BE a girl who's hotter,a girl who's smarter,a girl who cooks better,a girl who's better in bed,a girl who's nicer,a girl who's thinner,a girl who's this and a girl who's that.



You know why? Because we're aging dude. All of us.


The only thing that time can't touch is character.


If she's truely a good person now,then 10 years from now,she'll still be a good person. She won't be as "hot" as she once was,but her character will still be intact.



And judging by this statement of your from your other thread...A good person is what you want.


This other statement of yours...


You can do both other these things...but NOT AT THE SAME TIME.
(Well,you can do both at the same time,but you know what I mean.)




This is where being a mature adult comes into play. If you want to be a player,that's fine,but more than likely you'll lose your LTR,or the relationship will be a source of pain for your girlfriend AND FOR YOU.



You'll have to lie,cheat,sneak around,hide things,etc. To me,it's just not worth all that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to keep secret something from another person. It's hard enough trying to maintain a relationship when BOTH PEOPLE are faithful. Imagine how it'll be trying to hide and sneek around behind not only your girl's back,but if you two have children,then you'll have to keep it from them too.




I'm not telling you not to do it,to each his own. I'm just saying that isn't for me.




You said something about how you may just want to screw around just for sexual gratification,but when you sleep with your girl,that urge leaves.



Well why not just sleep with her everytime this urge comes up? Seems simple to me.




Like I said,I think this situation you're in happens to mainly guys who had woman problems early on in life,found the "community",then once they learned how to get women,they want to make up for all the missed time and opportunities they had while being the "nice guy" and getting rejected when they were younger.





It's like if you settle with the girl you have,you'll think you missed out on even hotter girls,but if you let her go,you may sleep with other attractive women,but they may not be as good of a person as the one you have right now.



You'll either have to realize that the part of your youth when you were constantly rejected by girls is done and over with and accept it,or let your LTR go,then run out and sleep with as many girls as you can to try to make up for lost time.


The only bad thing about the second option is you'll waste even more time,but instead of it being wasted on constant rejection by women,you'll have girls to sleep with,but you'll have to sift through them to try to find another girl like that one you ALREADY HAVE.



Well whatever you decide,we got your back here on the forum man.




Peace.

Igetit your response has been the best I've received. Thank you for taking the time out to respond to me. I've actually been on my other thread but its good you posted on my approach thread as well... kind of fitting

So I can't really argue with anything you said.... I mean you are dead on with everything. I am trying to make up for my youth.... but I may have found a girl that is marriage material also.... so I'm in a catch-22.... that's why I see cheating as the only option. Yes it sucks to have to lie and sneak around etc.... and actually because I spend so much time with my current girl cheating itself is very hard in general..... See 1 thing is that I've been in relationships before and the sex part of it also became mundane so I just accept this as part of life. I mean my girl still wants it and we have a great sex life but.... I just feel I need to sample some other tail too before I decide to ride off into that sunset known as marriage.... Is it fair to her? Absolutely not..... but if I don't do this it won't be fair to me down the road if I have regrets...

It might sound oxymoronic but I really would like to cheat ethically... at least until I make an engagement commitment. I just don't want anyone to get hurt which is why I already passed up on some easy tail because they had feelings for me and I knew I didn't want them long term.

I am just rambling at this point... Thanks to you and everyone for being supportful on the forum.

 

[Reyaj]

I have found myself nexting a lot of girls too.. Knowing that its a numbers game makes me less inclined to stick in a situation I'm not happy with

 

[Reyaj]

I'll continue to post my thoughts and philsophies on this thread in the mature man forum

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=165262&page=2&highlight=jayer

I'll come back to this thread with bits of insight randomly.


I'm still pretty darn good at number closing... but what I'd like to look into now is hooking up where possible... Still getting the number provides the opportunity of slow play seduction. Especially useful on women who are not into same night hook-ups but want to feel a sense of courtship.

 

[Blank]

It is absolute insanity that you've been into this stuff for so long and you have made so little progress. You made this thread in 2005. I would expect someone to be same day f closing four years after they start approaching. Absolute insanity.

And you cheated on your girlfriend? Wow...not much of a pua OR a man.

 

[Reyaj]

It is absolute insanity that you've been into this stuff for so long and you have made so little progress. You made this thread in 2005. I would expect someone to be same day f closing four years after they start approaching. Absolute insanity.

And you cheated on your girlfriend? Wow...not much of a pua OR a man.

I've made more progress that you can imagine. So much so that I realize "same day F closing" isn't probable on a regular basis for anyone short of being in the mainstream spotlight. The girls that would do it aren't the ones I'd chase anyway. You're only 22, you have a lot to learn about life

 

[Reyaj]

My latest dilemma. Its in the Mature Man's forum as I feel its deeper than usual pick up...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170509

 

[Pugsley_f5]

Good job man keep things rolling!

 

[Reyaj]

Just because I'm so proud of what I have learned, I'm bumping this bad boy up!

 

[Reyaj]

Realize that a girl with a boyfriend is not a rejection for you

Out of a group of 100 girls of dating age, I don't know the actual statistics, but lets say that half of them are married

Out of 100 girls
50 married (many unhappily so, but I don't do married girls so it doesn't matter)
35 have serious boyfriend or are dating and not looking for a new guy
15 claim to be single (of these 5 of them actually have boyfriends but are getting ready to dump them and are open for a new guy), and probably at least 3 or 4 are lesbians!

Guess what with my hypothetical statistics, this leaves not a ton of girls. Thats why you need to approach everyone and only consider a rejection as a single girl who you don't get. Did I mention that some of these girls are single because they have serious issues?

Hopefully the odds aren't this bad, but it isn't hard for me to believe that easily more than half of the attractive women you see aren't single.

So if they have a boyfriend is it really a rejection? I think not.

It is actually harder to get rejected than you think if you remove girls that already have boyfriends, are married or are lesbian from the equation.

Re-reading my thread and ^^^^^ is reality.