It's time to start playing the game like a woman

[KarmaSutra]

light side or dark side of the force. you can't spend the rest of your life in the middle constantly trying to figure out which side to take.

who are YOU?

I am unabashedly, unequivocably, abso-tively - DARK SIDE!

Along with the mytique which accompanies the DARK SIDE it's just plain more fvcking fun!

 

[Mr.Positive]

The way I see it, is as this...I'm an idealist. As an idealist, you take a lot of shots on the chin, so to speak, but you bounce back from it. You deflect. You know it's what you stand for, that matters...and that's what keeps the spring in your step.

Str8up, keep your ideals strong because they stand for something. Do not settle, not matter what you see around you, and keep a positive attitude. Do not stoop to the level of the masses.

 

[romangod]

I am unabashedly, unequivocably, abso-tively - DARK SIDE!

Along with the mytique which accompanies the DARK SIDE it's just plain more fvcking fun!

It may be more fun but it has the inherant ability to send you for a loop. There is a reason it is called the "Dark Side". When it gets too dark the struggle for light is painful.


.

 

[guru1000]

Actually, I know it's all "nature" playing itself out, it just sucks to have been brought up RIGHT just to realize one day that maybe you shouldn't have taken your parents so literally.

It seems that this "Do unto others" crap is a bit overrated.

And everyone will hear me say that and want to b!tch slap me, but it's kinda like porn. It's a huge HUGE industry, and SOMEONE is spending money on it, yet nobody seems to want to own up to it. Everyone is going around lying, cheating, and stealing, and somehow justifying it to the point where they don't even think they are doing anything wrong. Ok, fine, not EVERYONE is a dirty rotten scoundrel, but it happens more often than anyone would like.

I mean, how can you spend two great years with a girl, just to have her get pissed at something right before you go out of town, CHEAT on you while you are gone, then tell you, "Oh, I just ASSUMED it was over between us".

Funny, I didn't get that memo.

Or your best friend from high school that you played little league baseball with, who helped you get your first job, who you rode the bus home from school with because he lived right across the street from you, WHO TOLD YOU IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO HIM HE WANTED YOU TO MAKE SURE HIS KIDS WERE TAKEN CARE OF...... when a guy like THAT can somehow find a way to justify stealing $100k+ from you....well.....you get the picture.

I'm not saying I'm going to start robbing people or even cheating on girls i am exclusive with. All I'm saying is that if I want to stop feeling as if I give, give, give, and others take, take, take, I'm gonna have to relax my code a bit

Str8up, this sounds like the other thread you started.

Let's face one fact. If you are making money and getting laid , you WILL NOT GIVE A F*CK what is happening with the rest of the world.

What you are doing is DEFLECTION. You are taking your real problems and directing and manifesting it onto the WORLD. The fact remains , your ethics, moral, integrity, people and the world are not the problem.

This is UNIVERSAL. If a single man is making money and getting laid, in an LTR or with options, he will never complain. Bottomline.

Address your REAL obstacles.

 

[STR8UP]

1) doesn't sound to me like your parents raised you wrong, it sounds to me like you simply don't agree with how they raised you. big difference.

No, my parents rasied me to be POLITE, COURTEOUS, HONEST, and to FOLLOW THROUGH WITH WHAT I SAY. Most people are polite and courteous on the surface, but when it comes to honesty and integrity, i find the majority of them lacking.

2) you choose a career wherein you are surrounded by the materialism of our society and a lot of bimbos, did your parents make you do that also?

You people REALLY don't know me. I am in real estate and retail. I do some production and cross marketing with strip clubs, BUT I DO NOT HANG OUT WITH THESE PEOPLE on a regular basis! Don't know how many times I have to stress that.

3) not really sure why you are linking porn to something bad - as though people who watch porn are somehow doing something dirty. your analogy is like saying 'we all masturbate and yet no one really talks about it. why dont people own up to it.' ummmm.... because its private?

I wasn't linking it to something bad. Porn is great. But everyone likes it and a lot of people won't admit to it.

Same with being honest. If you asked 100 people " Are you an honest person?", how many are gonna say "No, I am NOT an honest person"? How many of them are lying right then and there?

"Excuse me sir, do you like porn?"

"No, I think it's vile and disgusting and should be BANNED".

Then later that night he's downloading fetish videos when his wife is asleep.

4) so 2 people have screwed you over and now the other 6 billion are tossed into the same pool.

Trust me, there are more.....

5) never give expecting something in return. you should give because you want to help someone out. if they turn around and screw you, then you should stop giving.

I'm not talking about "giving" in the physical sense. I'm talking about respect and honesty, and such.

6) stop blaming the external world for how you feel. we all live in the same world you do. you think you've been screwed over... well if i told you my stories from growing up i'm sure you'd look at your fate as not so bad. and even my past pales in comparison to the fate of many others. and yet, the rest of us are able to MOVE PAST IT and embrace a positive way of living. how come you can't? i'll tell you why, because you don't want to.

Everyone goes through their ups and downs. Just so happens that this is a low point for me. Am I not allowed to adopt a slightly different view from time to time? Is it not HEALTHY to go through this from time to time?

time to pick a side str8up. light side or dark side of the force. you can't spend the rest of your life in the middle constantly trying to figure out which side to take.

who are YOU?

I don't think it's about "picking a side".

Just as there are more shades of grey than there are "quality" and "low quality" women, I don't have to become that which I disdain in order to lead a more fulfilling life. It's more a matter of going with my natural tendencies than suppressing them. That doesn't mean I am compromising myself, it just means that I am taking new information into account when i make decisions.

 

[romangod]

"

Everyone goes through their ups and downs. Just so happens that this is a low point for me. Am I not allowed to adopt a slightly different view from time to time? Is it not HEALTHY to go through this from time to time?

Yes, it is healthy to go through this from time to time and change your views. That is part of growth and becoming a Mature Man. The unexamined life is not worth living.


.

 

[Interceptor]

This is ALL directly related to Personal Boundary issues.

It is important to learn from experiences and work on strenghtening our Personal Boundary.
We need to build Doors to let in what we need, and let out what we need to let out too.
But most people build impenetrable Walls, where nothing really comes in or out.
And when this action fails us, many people begin to blame the external environment for their problems.

When we don't know how to safeguard and protect our resources, we give them away unjudiciously, we also let other people and environments take them from us.

What happens then is we feel we are 'being taken advantage of", and are "gving away too much."
And then we begin to realize that when we don't respect ourselves and our resources, meaning, it can be perceived that they are not worth much to us anyway, people take them.

And because we lack enough respect and shrewdness to stop them and control the flow of resources, we feel like we are disrespected.
But deeply feeling disrespect and being easily offended is a sign of strong Ego and deep insecurity , not strong Self steem.


But we have to realize that if we don't respect ourselves, it is often too much to expect others will.



You cannot expect others to understand your personal criteria to how and when and to whom our personal resources are to be shared.


And then, because we lack a fundamental understanding of just HOW our Personal Boundary WORKS, we go back to BULDING a WALL around us.

So it becomes a vicous cycle.

Hurt causes damage.
The hurt then builds resentment and anger.
The anger and resentment build an emotional wall.
We go out into the world with an emotional wall that doesn't let out our resources, but doesnt let others' in as well.
We get lonely and confused about our lack of fulfilment and intimacy satisfaction.
We realize that we do not have a connection to anyone really.
We get angry and build even more walls, and begin to squander and covet our personal resources because now we feel the things like Love and affection and intimacy are SCARCE.

We begin to reinforce the Notion that these things are SCARCE inside of us, and OUTSIDE of us as well.

So now we add to the anger and bitterness and resentment towards people not loving us and showering us with affection, while all the time hoardng and greedily protecting our now SCARCE emotional resources....and we're in a 'Give me something for Nothing" mentality, and we wonder why no one gives us love and affection when all the time we were never giving any to begin with.....


We get scared , angry , and lonely and begin to lash out at the world in reaction.

And the fear makes us angry.

And anger turned in ward is Depression.

And we get lonely again and isolated again....


and the cycle continues.

 

[reset]

But we have to realize that if we don't respect ourselves, it is often too much to expect others will.

Wow that's exactly what I've been thinking about. At work for instance in my situation, I am learning to not take things personally, to not react to everything. I get better, but then I get mad again and isolate myself, build walls "screw all of you, I'm not talking to you." My challenge is breaking out of that and not getting affected in the first place. Why allow other people to affect MY STATE?? Who's got the power here?

If you don't respect yourself, other people will pick up on it and not respect you back. It's ridiculous to expect something from others that you refuse to give yourself.

I've been through this cycle MANY times, thanks for posting it Interceptor, I need to let it sink in.

 

[Interceptor]

Good insight, Reset.

Here's something else to consider...

Ever see people shun the guy who according to some, looks like he's always in a bad mood?
He keeps to himself a lot, ddoesn't talk to many people, isn't too approachable?

People like that have a hard time making friends.
They are usually shunned socially.

Why?
because they give the impression that they are LACKING in Personal Resources.

Unfortuantely, the guy (or woman) will usually get angry and depressed and not having friends and intimate connections.
So he will blame people and convince himself that people are just mean and cruel NATURALLY.

"I'm a good guy, but people are mean, they don't want to be my friend."

But he doesn't make any effort to make friends, so people decide "Fine, don't want to make an erffort? Neither will I."
They reason if he is in such dire need to protect hmself, then he must not have much to give anyway.
So why bother?


And he creates a self fulfilling prophecy, a vicous cycle that repeats.

 

[reset]

Yeah I'm going back and forth between both extremes right now. You're right the more you shy away and look wounded, people will avoid you more. Then you'll get mad that they are avoiding you which gives them more reason to avoid you.

At work I sit there and think "you know what? No one here is deliberately trying to screw me. And even if they were, it's not about "me", they're just looking out for their own interest. No one here hates me, or wants me to be in pain. They just don't have as much concern for me as I do, which is normal, just like I probably don't have the same concern for them as they do. This is just life and I'm learning that maybe I invested too much emotionally in them. None of these people are "bad". And absolutely none of these people thinks that their behavior is harmful towards me. So expecting them to be apologetic towards me is not going to happen, it will never happen. It's my ego here that is the problem. And if I had greater emotional strength/personal boundary I wouldn't have even BEEN IN THIS SITUATION!"

And when I think like that, I loosen up. And suddenly we're all laughing and kidding again and I feel like I've matured, and I know that I'm just "playing the game" but I can CHOOSE to do it without my ego and my stress goes down. Then a couple hours later I'll get pissed off and isolate myself again. At least I'm learning and can be aware of what's happening in me.

But I am not really like this in public, even though I was shy before it's much easier for me to be outgoing and warm, approachable. I'm sure I'll be making new friends soon. It's just a little harder with people I already know and have history with.

My own mind-dump. I love talking about things that have nothing to do with chicks in a thread about chicks. (but then again it's never really about chicks anyway, it's about us)

 

[MikeYikes122]

I think you need to have mikeyikes teach you the art of a good Target facial product aisle pick up.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

 

[Latinoman]

Please explain to me how this is "AFC"?

My definition of AFC has nothing to do with a moral dilemma.

An AFC is the opposite of a Real Man. Real men sometimes question their definition of morality.

I don't see the association.

True.

But...at 36...don't you think you should have an ANSWER by now? Or at worst, have those moral dilemas well defined?