Is this a rejection or what?

[Robert28]

When a girl says “honestly, I haven’t been in a relationship in 3 years, I don’t have time to be in one because I’ve been focusing on my career and I’ve needed time to work on myself because I’ve been battling depression and I just don’t have the time to put effort into a relationship right now”. That’s a rejection isn’t it?

 

[Zimbabwe]

From your posts you seem very experienced and knowledgeable so I'm a little surprised you're asking a beginner question here.

But to answer it, it's a soft rejection. She's not ready for guys she has low interest for but if her personal Chad comes along all that goes out the window. Always look at her actions not her words.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

What did you say before that?

 

[Robert28]

What did you say before that?

Well it’s a girl that I’ve known for a couple years, we are friends but not like close friends. We’ve gone out a few times and she and I were out the other night and she asked me what I thought about us. I told her I was interested in continuing seeing her and I was open to more in the future and that’s when she hit me with that.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

She wants to ****, if she is apart of your social circle be hesitant

 

[Robert28]

From your posts you seem very experienced and knowledgeable so I'm a little surprised you're asking a beginner question here.

But to answer it, it's a soft rejection. She's not ready for guys she has low interest for but if her personal Chad comes along all that goes out the window. Always look at her actions not her words.

Well I mean it felt like a rejection but I’d just never heard it put that way. Usually it’s “I’m not looking for a relationship” and that’s it. This one had way more detail and reasons why she wasn’t. Could she be lying about being single for 3 years? Yeah but who would lie about something like that. My gut told me to ghost her but the problem is we have friends in common so the backlash would be severe if I did that but I’m honestly not interested in continuing seeing her if nothing is going to come of it.

 

[Robert28]

She wants to ****, if she is apart of your social circle be hesitant

I kinda brought that up! She just kind of laughed when I suggested fwb but didn’t say anything else.

 

[corrector]

Well I mean it felt like a rejection but I’d just never heard it put that way. Usually it’s “I’m not looking for a relationship” and that’s it.

Its the same thing, but she put a bit more song and dance and lip service because you've known her for a couple of years and your mutual social connections.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

A woman you've been out with a few times asking what you "think of us" typically indicates she wants to be your girlfriend. So for her to respond the way she did is just odd. You never know what these women are thinking.

 

[Robert28]

Its the same thing, but she put a bit more song and dance and lip service because you've known her for a couple of years and your mutual social connections.

Agreed. I’m just trying to figure out how to bow out without rocking the boat in my friends circle. The guys will understand where I’m coming from but the girls won’t. When she told me this, I didn’t even hug or kiss her when I left later on. I didn’t storm off but I did leave rather fast once we got back to her place. Is it an attraction thing or what is the hang up? Why would she be going out with me if she wasn’t attracted to me, I mean she’s known me but not on a deeper level than our friends circle. Can someone still be hung up on an ex 3 years later?

 

[Robert28]

A woman you've been out with a few times asking what you "think of us" typically indicates she wants to be your girlfriend. So for her to respond the way she did is just odd. You never know what these women are thinking.

That’s what had me so confused which is why I started the thread. I’ve never encountered this. Her body language has been fine too, this came out of nowhere and she brought it up, I didn’t.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

Did you come off too strong?

 

[Lover_boy]

Have you hooked up with her ? If she’s in your circle of friends, use the old competition anxiety

 

[Robert28]

Did you come off too strong?

Not at all. I’ve never done that, if anything women tell me I’m hard to read. I was honest with her about where I saw it going though, I told her straight up I was thinking this was leading to a relationship down the line and she put the breaks on that I think.

 

[Robert28]

Have you hooked up with her ? If she’s in your circle of friends, use the old competition anxiety

I have but she doesn’t seem to want a fwb with me and doesn’t want a relationship either apparently. This came out of nowhere too because things were progressing fine to be honest.

 

[Lover_boy]

hmmm maybe shes scared of compromising herself with you so soon, if your response to her was a bit serious. I’d see keep going out and hook up, let her want to want YOU to lock her down if thats what you really want. Don’t get LJBF’d

 

[Lover_boy]

When she’s asked, “what do you think of us” you should’ve been like
“what do you mean“ lol play aloof

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

The woman should always be the one bringing up the "relationship" label. In this situation, I don't really see what did wrong, though. I do have my suspicions that you came off too strong, because that's what her response somewhat implies to me.

Regardless, she's explaining it too logically to you, which tells me her emotions are not invested. If you stop hanging out with her, that would make you look bitter. Put her in YOUR friendzone, and be a cool fun guy without any expectations. If she's interested, she'll let you know.

 

[Robert28]

The woman should always be the one bringing up the "relationship" label. In this situation, I don't really see what did wrong, though. I do have my suspicions that you came off too strong, because that's what her response somewhat implies to me.

Regardless, she's explaining it too logically to you, which tells me her emotions are not invested. If you stop hanging out with her, that would make you look bitter. Put her in YOUR friendzone, and be a cool fun guy without any expectations. If she's interested, she'll let you know.

I might have come across too strong but when I gave my answer I didn’t want her to be like “you weren’t clear, I didn’t know you meant that, etc”. You’re right though, I don’t think she’s invested emotionally and luckily I’m not either. I honestly don’t care if it makes me look bitter walking away cold turkey, to be that sends a stronger message than anything else. Even if she changed her mind after I’ve made up my mind that I’m done, it’s too late. Once I decide I’m done I’m done. I’ve always been that way. If there’s no future for me or the future seems to unclear, I’m gone. I’ve met too many high interest girls to ever waste time with women who aren’t and I guess that’s my problem.

 

[MatureDJ]

Well it’s a girl that I’ve known for a couple years, we are friends but not like close friends. We’ve gone out a few times and she and I were out the other night and she asked me what I thought about us. I told her I was interested in continuing seeing her and I was open to more in the future and that’s when she hit me with that.

It sounds like she is building up her retinue of Beta Orbitors. If she blows you off, expect to get a call from her a few years from now after she's gotten knocked up or become fat.