Is she cheating

[Buzzman]

If your marriage has a chance, YOU need to be her fantasy. Otherwise, the only thing holding you together is complacency, despair that neither of you can do any better, and the kids. It sounds like YOU don't think you can do better, but you think she can, and you're trying to keep her by letting her fuuck other guys? You've been role playing other guys, and now you're ready to let the fantasy become reality? You've gotta get the balance right.

Yeh. I see your point

 

[Billtx49]

I see. Hows that done

Women operate emotionally, add excitement and unpredictability like a surprise dinner out without kids. Tell her how you feel about her more than you currently are. Give her the needed emotional fluctuations she needs…
Research it

 

[Buzzman]

Well, it's kinda tricky for me to come up with advice that fits to your situation without being you. You can try googling how to get better at communication, read through the general advice and maybe you'll find something that feels right to your specific case.

Ok. Will do

Well, it's kinda tricky for me to come up with advice that fits to your situation without being you. You can try googling how to get better at communication, read through the general advice and maybe you'll find something that feels right to your specific case.

Ok. Gotcha

 

[Buzzman]

Women operate emotionally, add excitement and unpredictability like a surprise dinner out without kids. Tell her how you feel about her more than you currently are. Give her the needed emotional fluctuations she needs…
Research it

Ok. I will. Thx

 

[Buzzman]

How did you learn this?

She told me. After years of hounding her about that night

 

[HyenaPrince]

Years ago...b4 marriage.. dated 3 years..then we were on a break... she dated 2 frat guys from her college on the break. One asked the other if he could ask her out... about a month each..

but we went out on a saturday night. We were drinking at the bar ... her ex stops by...At 11pm.. we went to bathroom. When i got out ahe was gone.

Vanished. The next day she told me ahe went home with her gfs at the bar bc she was mad at me...

Then years later.. she admitted that she left with the frat guys and her gf...

Then. This march she admitted that she left with just the frat guys... but ahe contends she never slept with them. When they were dating. Or that saturday night when were on a break...

I don't know why no one here is addressing this. You guys were dating for 3 years and then she(?) decided to split up for a period of time to f*ck around and have fun?! She clearly needed some "space" and change. It may seem like a one time thing which made you guys probably "so strong" afterwards, but in reality it was something she has planned.

Do you think she has stopped there? If she wants to, she will go on a break again and enjoy the amusement park. Why even break up after three years and then marry eventually nonetheless?

 

[Serenity]

I don't know why no one here is addressing this. You guys were dating for 3 years and then she(?) decided to split up for a period of time to f*ck around and have fun?! She clearly needed some "space" and change. It may seem like a one time thing which made you guys probably "so strong" afterwards, but in reality it was something she has planned.

Do you think she has stopped there? If she wants to, she will go on a break again and enjoy the amusement park. Why even break up after three years and then marry eventually nonetheless?

Thread is too long to bother reading it all. This is really an important piece of information right there.

Having a "break" in a relationship is always bullsh!t, regardless of why. If a break is a serious option then it's a clear sign that the relationship is too weak to be sustainable. Better to just end it at that point. I would personally never accept a break, I'd break up if a woman wanted that. Even if she says she wants one and tries to backpedal when I say I will end it, I would still end it.

I'm usually fairly nuanced and well rounded, but this a hard boundary. There's no such thing as a break, there either is or isn't a relationship.

 

[Buzzman]

Thread is too long to bother reading it all. This is really an important piece of information right there.

Having a "break" in a relationship is always bullsh!t, regardless of why. If a break is a serious option then it's a clear sign that the relationship is too weak to be sustainable. Better to just end it at that point. I would personally never accept a break, I'd break up if a woman wanted that. Even if she says she wants one and tries to backpedal when I say I will end it, I would still end it.

I'm usually fairly nuanced and well rounded, but this a hard boundary. There's no such thing as a break, there either is or isn't a relationship.

Yeh. Thats true. It kind of happened slowly.. like...."we're fighting, we need to figure this out...she ends up going to a wedding and meeting with the frat guys from college"

 

[Buzzman]

I don't know why no one here is addressing this. You guys were dating for 3 years and then she(?) decided to split up for a period of time to f*ck around and have fun?! She clearly needed some "space" and change. It may seem like a one time thing which made you guys probably "so strong" afterwards, but in reality it was something she has planned.

Do you think she has stopped there? If she wants to, she will go on a break again and enjoy the amusement park. Why even break up after three years and then marry eventually nonetheless?

I really dont think she stopped. That saturday night. I think it continued for years...

 

[metalwater]

if she is cheating would you take any actions? you think she is cheating, and are telling good circumstantial evidence of the same. what if she cheated just once but not again. what if she cheats only once a month. you have to be clear with yourself on what you will accept or insist on. this is really hard to do if you have not been doing it. don't feel bad if that is the case because you have lots of company on that issue. your problem does not get better until you decide what is ok for you.

if she is not cheating AND does not want to cheat then you would feel it and have no concern.

what do you really want in this situation? do you want her and you to have a dedicated mutual relationship with mutual respect and so on and no cheating. or do you want something else? whatever you really want is what you have to insist on. if you let her do stuff that you do not like then you will always feel lousy about yourself. locking eyes over and over with another man in front of you is disrespectuf of you if you say it is. I think it is, but you have to decide for yourself, you decide that not her to decide for you.

 

[Buzzman]

if she is cheating would you take any actions? you think she is cheating, and are telling good circumstantial evidence of the same. what if she cheated just once but not again. what if she cheats only once a month. you have to be clear with yourself on what you will accept or insist on. this is really hard to do if you have not been doing it. don't feel bad if that is the case because you have lots of company on that issue. your problem does not get better until you decide what is ok for you.

if she is not cheating AND does not want to cheat then you would feel it and have no concern.

what do you really want in this situation? do you want her and you to have a dedicated mutual relationship with mutual respect and so on and no cheating. or do you want something else? whatever you really want is what you have to insist on. if you let her do stuff that you do not like then you will always feel lousy about yourself. locking eyes over and over with another man in front of you is disrespectuf of you if you say it is. I think it is, but you have to decide for yourself, you decide that not her to decide for you.

Yeh. The locking eyes part was pretty crazy.. and obviously she denied it...

 

[HyenaPrince]

Thread is too long to bother reading it all. This is really an important piece of information right there.

Having a "break" in a relationship is always bullsh!t, regardless of why. If a break is a serious option then it's a clear sign that the relationship is too weak to be sustainable. Better to just end it at that point. I would personally never accept a break, I'd break up if a woman wanted that. Even if she says she wants one and tries to backpedal when I say I will end it, I would still end it.

I'm usually fairly nuanced and well rounded, but this a hard boundary. There's no such thing as a break, there either is or isn't a relationship.

Yes. There can't be such a thing like nuances when it comes to relationships. You have to ask yourself: if you guys were teenagers, would she have enough interest in you to rebel against her parents and run away with you at night?

That type of behavior demands passion and that she ignores every rule outside of your relationship for your sake. If she even thinks of a break, you have to get out of there. You have no leverage anymore. Just think about it. How low must the pressure in the tire be if it's that lazy? No friction, no power. It won't move for you. How do you expect anything from it?

 

[Buzzman]

Yes. There can't be such a thing like nuances when it comes to relationships. You have to ask yourself: if you guys were teenagers, would she have enough interest in you to rebel against her parents and run away with you at night?

That type of behavior demands passion and that she ignores every rule outside of your relationship for your sake. If she even thinks of a break, you have to get out of there. You have no leverage anymore. Just think about it. How low must the pressure in the tire be if it's that lazy? No friction, no power. It won't move for you. How do you expect anything from it?

Thats very true. Its as if im paying for my decsions years ago... by staying...

 

[HyenaPrince]

Thats very true. Its as if im paying for my decsions years ago... by staying...

Why did you guys marry later on? Was it because of the kids?

 

[Buzzman]

Why did you guys marry later on? Was it because of the kids?

Yeh. So we dated 3 years. Broke up for 9 months or so. Then got back together and within 3 months we were engaged

 

[Serenity]

Yeh. Thats true. It kind of happened slowly.. like...."we're fighting, we need to figure this out...she ends up going to a wedding and meeting with the frat guys from college"

Piecing together what you've said in this thread it doesn't seem like this relationship/marriage ever really was all that satisfying? You probably need to reconsider this marriage, have a good long think about it all. Map out all the issues and decide whether it's even plausible or worth it to attempt saving the marriage.

It may very well be too late to do anything. Your wife is clearly holding back an unknown amount of information and regardless of whether she's cheating or not it may be too broken anyways.

 

[HyenaPrince]

Yeh. So we dated 3 years. Broke up for 9 months or so. Then got back together and within 3 months we were engaged

Not gonna lie man. Somehow your thread sounds like you want permission for giving her permission to cheat on you, to make it easier to live with it.

 

[Buzzman]

Piecing together what you've said in this thread it doesn't seem like this relationship/marriage ever really was all that satisfying? You probably need to reconsider this marriage, have a good long think about it all. Map out all the issues and decide whether it's even plausible or worth it to attempt saving the marriage.

It may very well be too late to do anything. Your wife is clearly holding back an unknown amount of information and regardless of whether she's cheating or not it may be too broken anyways.

Yeh. She isnt alwways honest... and it sux

 

[Serenity]

Yeh. She isnt alwways honest... and it sux

Smells like divorce to me, sounds more appealing than a lying wife IMHO.

 

[HyenaPrince]

Women don't seem to understand how many men will literally fuuck anything that will hold still, and that this is often completely unrelated to the man's own SMV. They think this just applies to the desperate, lonely guy, but often the incel is lonely precisely because he's pining for an unattainable ideal, and doesn't want what he could easily have. The truth is that some apparently apex dudes will cast their seed into almost anything. I've seen this, first hand, when a friend with a beautiful woman at home would disappear for 20 minutes with some hideous beast whose mere lusty glance would give me the instant need for a Silkwood Shower.

Unfortunately, such women often don't possess the self-awareness and self-respect to understand that they might as well be farm animals, as far as such men are concerned, because what was to her validational sex, to him was just an act of bestiality. She dreams of their wedding, and he prays no-one finds out he fuucked her.

If you're the man of such a woman, a woman pining away for men who would stoop to fuuck her, but wouldn't marry her on a bet, get out before it's too late.

This is why it really is important to know your worth, and to train your desire accordingly, because if your wife is just an effigy for unattainable women, to you, then you're in a similar situation.

A man's SMV is the average of the women who want to have his children. A woman's SMV is the average of the men who want to MARRY her, not just fuuck her. That's the only realistic way to calculate SMV.

It's funny that women don't realize how worthless they are to many men (those with options). They feel important as soon as they receive the artificial attention those men give them for a short period of time, to f*ck them. Obviously, the more attractive a woman is, the more artificial attention she gets. Hell, even ugly women get more attention than an average looking man.

Just pay attention to this cycle: nice guy gets a shot at hot woman. She seems to love him. They're happy, although she makes most of the decisions in the relationship. She tries to change her behavior (sleeping with a new man every other week). Soon she feels unsignificant and inhibited in this new relationship. She doesn't party. She doesn't need to. Men hit her up on social media all the time. And when her validation-attraction-barometer shows a low enough pressure, she'll take the bait and f*ck a novelty.

She had sex with him to feel good about herself and be validated, he had sex with her to shoot a load.