Is my girlfriend a low-life, lying, cheat?

[RogerMac]

Hey,

This is my first post.

I need some advice, some objective and decent advice. Any opinions are welcome. I have no one I can talk to about this, so am turning to random people on the web.

I'll state from the start that I do love this girl, and often I wonder if we'll stay together forever. We've got amazing chemistry, and I really enjoy her company. I've spent a decade trying to be Don Juan, now I want a more stable boring life. All my family and friends seem to be hoping we stay together, and she's workmates with my friends - that's how I met her - so I can't discuss this with anyone really.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 8 months now. She has just recently moved into my apartment. She regularly and openly talks about us getting married in the future, buying a place together and having kids.

Don't get me wrong: These are also my goals, as boring as they sound. I'm 31and she's 29. Life's swell.....or so I keep telling myself. It's just that I keep coming back to the feeling that she's a little bit devious - and she may be playing me.

Let me summarise quickly:
She's attractive- a cute little blonde with a tight body.

She shags like a pornstar.

She acts all blonde and girly girl, but she's a real guys girl- very down to earth, doesn't have many close girlfriends, but plenty of guy friends.

Every guy I know thinks she's a great chick, but my girlfriends don't seem to get on with her as well.

She has about 300 friends on facebook - but the truth is - she really doesn't have that many good friends at all - as evidenced by the dreadful turnout at her birthday drinks - it was almost all my friends.

What I mean is - my close friends are old school - people i've been kicking around with 10 years + .... hers are a random collection of ex-workmates.

Her best friend - who she's now at war with for moving out of their place and into mine - is truely a low-life *****. An ex-workmate she's known for 2 years - who is borderline alcoholic, single, 36, and picking up and shagging anyone and everyone. She has little moral fibre or self respect.

She doesn't have a great family life - it's really only ever been her and her Mom - and her Mom has been through several men - she had at least 3 father figures growing up - and now her Mom - her only family, is jaded, alone and depressed.

My girlfriend was with an ex boyfriend for 7 years and bought an apartment with him - from age 19 to 26. She dumped him, and has lived the single life for 3 years. They still own the apartment together and rent it out. They've been in the "process" of splitting the apartment ever since i've known her...but nothing has really happened.

She had one relationship in that time - but the guy "treated her like ****". Basically, they were workmates, he refused to tell anyone they were together because of his "career", and never said he loved her. So eventually, she cheated on him, and blames him for it. Turns out he was shagging some of her other workmates anyway.

She then proceeded to start shagging that guy's friend - his ex-flatmate - who lived with him while they were together. This came out and caused massive problems for her and all their friends. She lost some friends.

She has been very open with me about all of this, perhaps too open, sometimes I feel that I know too much.

Here's some major moments for us:

First 2 months were magic.

After 3 months she flipped out on me badly one day - tears, door slamming, crying she said "I don't even really want to be with you". I walked out of her place - we made up later that night. She said I needed to put more effort into our relationship.

After 4 months, she left me hanging at her place while she got ready to go for dinner, I was bored for about an hour. She was in the shower - I grabbed her iPhone to surf the web, which she'd let me do a few times before - but found myself scoping her text messages. No excuses - it was wrong on my part - but she dangled that carrot right in front of me. I found some loving romantic texts from some dude telling her how special she was, and how she deserved so much better. These were written the day we'd had that fight a month before. She'd deleted the whole conversation - but kept his loving texts. I dumped her. Didn't tell her what i'd seen. Just dumped her.

She talked me around and we got back together - we really do get on very well - she was telling me how good we are together. She explained that it was nothing - basically it didn't happen - lied about those texts which I had read. Said it was just a friend. We lasted a week and I dumped her a second time - for good this time! She had been arranging to meet this same guy for a coffee on a Saturday afternoon when she was due to meet up with me. How do I know? Went into her iPhone of course when she was in the toilet. He couldn't meet up with her that day.

She then has a mini breakdown begging for me to get back with her, saying it was nothing. Eventually I got her to admit that it was a guy from work - same company different office. A married dude with 2 kids. She said he asked her out on a date - they kissed - then he confessed he was married. That was it apparently. She says they strangely became good friends after that.....

I gave her a chance and we got back together....

Then, about a month ago, she somehow left her iPhone at my place after staying the night....took everything else but left that....oops! I was able to read all her texts, access her facebook and gmail. I read everything.

The guy she'd shagged after her ex, his old flatmate and friend, her old shag buddy, was writing to see how she was going with me....? And to see if she wanted to meet up for a drink? Her response was very keen to meet him, and quite flirty. Then he said he'd call her....I could read his mind - he was scoping her to see if she was "available" - she claims it wasn't like that at all - they're just good frinds.

I went crazy......she claimed innocence.....says he's just a friend - and i'm nuts going through her stuff! She says that if she does meet him - she'll bring me along.

Now I'm living with her! It is great.....but I just get these thoughts some time that i'm a *****, and she's doing me over, and i'm letting her. I'm going nuts here....

What do you think?

 

[chance]

what do i think? i think thats some fuked up sh1t! it's turning into a joke man. like a high school thing... reading her text msgs, facebook, dumping each other and getting back together several times. i knew someone who did this back in high school man. if that was me i wouldn't be able to trust her anymore. after the first time you dumped her she continued to have these flirty conversations, even about meeting another guy. i think shes havin fun with you and other guys man. pullin both your strings. especially the married guy, now that's golden... she doesnt sound like shes ready for long term relationship man!

put yourself in HER shoes.. imagine you doing all the things shes doing... would you be playin around with married women, kissing them, chatting to other women? if you loved your gf? nope.

to me, i think the games will keep playing over and over again until one of you leave for good. fuking dump the b!tch man! that's not on!

if you can't trust a girl, there's no point being with them. relationship is all about trust. you need to feel like you fully trust the person.. if you don't, somethings wrong.

 

[Joe Stud]

I hate to tell you this my friend, but you should start getting your house in order... to prepare to make an exit. Think with your head/brain, not your heart. Maybe start keeping your eye out for potential plates to spin, once you make your "escape". She's just not LTR material.
There are multiple reasons this wont work. Even if by a very long shot, she considers those guys as friends and she was just attention whor!ing... the trust is gone. You will have a life of mistrust and suspicion.
I'm sorry bro.

 

[jonwon]

Hey,

This is my first post.

I need some advice, some objective and decent advice. Any opinions are welcome. I have no one I can talk to about this, so am turning to random people on the web.

I'll state from the start that I do love this girl, and often I wonder if we'll stay together forever. We've got amazing chemistry, and I really enjoy her company. I've spent a decade trying to be Don Juan, now I want a more stable boring life. All my family and friends seem to be hoping we stay together, and she's workmates with my friends - that's how I met her - so I can't discuss this with anyone really.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 8 months now. She has just recently moved into my apartment. She regularly and openly talks about us getting married in the future, buying a place together and having kids.

Don't get me wrong: These are also my goals, as boring as they sound. I'm 31and she's 29. Life's swell.....or so I keep telling myself. It's just that I keep coming back to the feeling that she's a little bit devious - and she may be playing me.

Let me summarise quickly:
She's attractive- a cute little blonde with a tight body.

She shags like a pornstar.

She acts all blonde and girly girl, but she's a real guys girl- very down to earth, doesn't have many close girlfriends, but plenty of guy friends.

Every guy I know thinks she's a great chick, but my girlfriends don't seem to get on with her as well.

She has about 300 friends on facebook - but the truth is - she really doesn't have that many good friends at all - as evidenced by the dreadful turnout at her birthday drinks - it was almost all my friends.

What I mean is - my close friends are old school - people i've been kicking around with 10 years + .... hers are a random collection of ex-workmates.

Her best friend - who she's now at war with for moving out of their place and into mine - is truely a low-life *****. An ex-workmate she's known for 2 years - who is borderline alcoholic, single, 36, and picking up and shagging anyone and everyone. She has little moral fibre or self respect.

She doesn't have a great family life - it's really only ever been her and her Mom - and her Mom has been through several men - she had at least 3 father figures growing up - and now her Mom - her only family, is jaded, alone and depressed.

My girlfriend was with an ex boyfriend for 7 years and bought an apartment with him - from age 19 to 26. She dumped him, and has lived the single life for 3 years. They still own the apartment together and rent it out. They've been in the "process" of splitting the apartment ever since i've known her...but nothing has really happened.

She had one relationship in that time - but the guy "treated her like ****". Basically, they were workmates, he refused to tell anyone they were together because of his "career", and never said he loved her. So eventually, she cheated on him, and blames him for it. Turns out he was shagging some of her other workmates anyway.

She then proceeded to start shagging that guy's friend - his ex-flatmate - who lived with him while they were together. This came out and caused massive problems for her and all their friends. She lost some friends.

She has been very open with me about all of this, perhaps too open, sometimes I feel that I know too much.

Here's some major moments for us:

First 2 months were magic.

After 3 months she flipped out on me badly one day - tears, door slamming, crying she said "I don't even really want to be with you". I walked out of her place - we made up later that night. She said I needed to put more effort into our relationship.

After 4 months, she left me hanging at her place while she got ready to go for dinner, I was bored for about an hour. She was in the shower - I grabbed her iPhone to surf the web, which she'd let me do a few times before - but found myself scoping her text messages. No excuses - it was wrong on my part - but she dangled that carrot right in front of me. I found some loving romantic texts from some dude telling her how special she was, and how she deserved so much better. These were written the day we'd had that fight a month before. She'd deleted the whole conversation - but kept his loving texts. I dumped her. Didn't tell her what i'd seen. Just dumped her.

She talked me around and we got back together - we really do get on very well - she was telling me how good we are together. She explained that it was nothing - basically it didn't happen - lied about those texts which I had read. Said it was just a friend. We lasted a week and I dumped her a second time - for good this time! She had been arranging to meet this same guy for a coffee on a Saturday afternoon when she was due to meet up with me. How do I know? Went into her iPhone of course when she was in the toilet. He couldn't meet up with her that day.

She then has a mini breakdown begging for me to get back with her, saying it was nothing. Eventually I got her to admit that it was a guy from work - same company different office. A married dude with 2 kids. She said he asked her out on a date - they kissed - then he confessed he was married. That was it apparently. She says they strangely became good friends after that.....

I gave her a chance and we got back together....

Then, about a month ago, she somehow left her iPhone at my place after staying the night....took everything else but left that....oops! I was able to read all her texts, access her facebook and gmail. I read everything.

The guy she'd shagged after her ex, his old flatmate and friend, her old shag buddy, was writing to see how she was going with me....? And to see if she wanted to meet up for a drink? Her response was very keen to meet him, and quite flirty. Then he said he'd call her....I could read his mind - he was scoping her to see if she was "available" - she claims it wasn't like that at all - they're just good frinds.

I went crazy......she claimed innocence.....says he's just a friend - and i'm nuts going through her stuff! She says that if she does meet him - she'll bring me along.

Now I'm living with her! It is great.....but I just get these thoughts some time that i'm a *****, and she's doing me over, and i'm letting her. I'm going nuts here....

What do you think?

Your girl is bad new brother sorry.

I could elaborate but this chick isn't worth sticking with for the long haul.

Mistrust, lying, prossibly cheating, lack of respect - we have loads of red flags here, too many for a guy like me personnally, she would have been dust along time ago - sorry thats the way it is, this chick has danger written on her fore-head, you've just not seen it.

Just one edit, usually when a girl has a slu* BEST friend, you can bet your years wage the girl your with SLU*TED it up with the best friend for a good few years if not more - Like two peas in a pod, there is a reason why the SLU* of a friend is a BEST friend, its because the girl you think isn't like the 'friend' is infact like the friend and reason they have a connection is because they are partners in crime.

The reason the EX is trying to hit it again, is because he knows its an easy target, well -- she isn't exactly making it HARD is she, what with all the friend 'He is just a friend' Bull-SHI*, she is throwing your way.

Seriously dude, this has got a flashing danger sign all over it. I wouldn't be at all suprised if she hasn't already cheated on you.

 

[RogerMac]

Thanks for the opinions gentlemen.

I guess these are the same feelings I have had myself - this chick has to go - she's not a long-termer.

I guess I have described all of the bad stuff that has gone down. I haven't gone into detail about the good side. She has a lot of good qualities.

The thing is - yes the trust was shattered. But can't I work on this? She seems very committed to doing so....

Sure - I was being a little girl checking her stuff out - but once you've done it - it becomes hard not to do it again....

If this chick is really keen to make amends and get a good relationship going - is it worth fighting for?

I've walked from so many decent girls before! Maybe i'm just kidding myself

 

[jonwon]

Thanks for the opinions gentlemen.

I guess these are the same feelings I have had myself - this chick has to go - she's not a long-termer.

I guess I have described all of the bad stuff that has gone down. I haven't gone into detail about the good side. She has a lot of good qualities.

The thing is - yes the trust was shattered. But can't I work on this? She seems very committed to doing so....

Sure - I was being a little girl checking her stuff out - but once you've done it - it becomes hard not to do it again....

If this chick is really keen to make amends and get a good relationship going - is it worth fighting for?

I've walked from so many decent girls before! Maybe i'm just kidding myself

Take a step back a second, would you have checked this girls messages if you actually trusted her?

I've never checked my girls text messages and i've known her 3 years. Would I, you dam bet I would if she was like your girl.

You know yourself, you dont trust her, your gut is telling you something is wrong, something is coming, eventually something will whack you in the face, that you will probably be desensiticed to because you already know something isn't right.

As for the he is just a friend Bull*cra*, you should have told her to not insult your intelligence, that shi* right there is disrespectul even more so when she can blatently lie to your face. She knows what she is doing, she simply doesn't give that much of a shi* to stop herself from doing it, remember also, the bragging rights she will have with the BEST FRIEND, seriously look past the trees, her best friend is a loose women, she is contact with EX who want to 'meet up' - she has an history of cheating, even with the mates of EX BF - she is emotionally unstable .

This is a case of looking at a womans words and not her actions.

Sorry dude, but it's always shi* to leave a nice piece of as* you've invested into, but you asked for advice and that is simply whats been given.

 

[Ease]

Remember that when your in a situation like this, you are blinded by a veil. You can never truly think unbiasedly and make decisions without being affected by your emotions for her.

Reading this she sounds like a ****. I've had a girlfriend of the same type once, the thing that stood out for me was how she would lie constantly. Everything that comes out of her mouth is either a lie, exagerated or manipulated. All the stories of the past, all of the stores of what happened, dont let her fool you.

She really does sound like the type that would cheat on you and leave you broken the moment you show her too much affection. When she left her iphone the second time, i wouldnt be surprised if she did that on purpose. After what i saw from my ex, nothing would surprise me. Watch your back mate!

 

[chance]

Thanks for the opinions gentlemen.

I guess these are the same feelings I have had myself - this chick has to go - she's not a long-termer.

I guess I have described all of the bad stuff that has gone down. I haven't gone into detail about the good side. She has a lot of good qualities.

The thing is - yes the trust was shattered. But can't I work on this? She seems very committed to doing so....

Sure - I was being a little girl checking her stuff out - but once you've done it - it becomes hard not to do it again....

If this chick is really keen to make amends and get a good relationship going - is it worth fighting for?

I've walked from so many decent girls before! Maybe i'm just kidding myself

doesn't matter how many good qualities she has. the bottom line is you don't trust her and she's disrespected you a number of times. the damage has been done and you can't undo it. stop kidding yourself and hanging on to little bits of useless hope. if anything, just use her for sex and look for other women, then kick her out.. or move out. but honestly, i say get rid of her ASAP.

she will slowly kill your heart in the long run.

 

[RogerMac]

I see what you guys are saying and thanks for the honesty - my f*cking problem is this - i'm living with her now....

She's just moved in - i'm not asking for pity - I put myself in this position!

She's probably laughing her ass off at me - thinking she controls me or something.

The question is this: why the F*ck would she bother being with me, and moving in with me, and trying to plan out a life together if she's taking the piss out of me? I mean - that's a lot of effort for some dude you're walking over isn't it?

She's definitely sick of her w*ore best friend and doesn't like her lifestyle....

Seriously - this girl thinks i'm going to propse to her!

 

[jonwon]

I see what you guys are saying and thanks for the honesty - my f*cking problem is this - i'm living with her now....

She's just moved in - i'm not asking for pity - I put myself in this position!

She's probably laughing her ass off at me - thinking she controls me or something.

The question is this: why the F*ck would she bother being with me, and moving in with me, and trying to plan out a life together if she's taking the piss out of me? I mean - that's a lot of effort for some dude you're walking over isn't it?

She's definitely sick of her w*ore best friend and doesn't like her lifestyle....

Seriously - this girl thinks i'm going to propse to her!

Believe me the girl does like the w*ore best friends life style, she's just painting a picture.

Anyway, she isn't taking the pis* out of you, she is simply protecting her interest, think of it like a guy, sleeping around with other women, he isn't going to go back home to the GF and describe in detail the exploits he's been up-to, nope what he will do his worm is way out of it, make up things that is almost believable - The problem is when you look at a womans words and not her actions, you can believe all sorts of magical fairy tale Bull-cra* that isn't concurent with reality.

She isn't going to state openly she is putting it about, if anything she will deny it, and possibly the more you swollow, she will start accusing you of being jealous and controlling, i.e flip it around like your the one with the problem, not her. Why would she admit she is doing something 'wrong', this implies that she feels regret or guilt over something she is doing, she feels neither, just like a kid wont feel regret or guilt about raiding the cookie jar "It wasn't me", is what the kid will say.

She isn't taking the pis* at all, what she is doing is what she wants to do, your simply believing her BS -

She clearly doesn't want to loose you, but she doesn't think highly enough of you to stop what she is doing, or she simply doesn't want to stop - I mean what with a best freind who is a sl*t why would she want to (two peas in a pod remember, this is always always true, regardless of the fairy tale spun by 'your' girl).

Of course she is going to paint the best friend's lifestyle to be bad, but I can bet you right now, she has and is still active in the best friends so called w*hore lifestyle, its what women like this do - its text book shi* right here.

That is why you should NEVER EVER trust a womans WORDS and instead look at her ACTIONS.

She has already had a thing with a work guy, she has had dodgy texts from the EX BF - she has an history of cheating, she is emotionally unstable -

The reason you moved her in, is because you believe what she says - whilst trying to rationalize what she actually IS.

Think about it this way, is she at fault, can you blame her for your acceptance of the rampant BS she has spun to you over the course of your relationship, can you blame her because you settled for a girl with a character that is a little dodgy? Its not the girls fault at all, the problem is yours, you accepted this, you believed this, enough to move her in.

The problem is yours to deal with. Regardless of what you do, this relationship has a time delay clock on it, it's going to implode, it's just a matter of when, if you leave it and let it run its cause, there is a chance it could leave some residue on you, because rather frankly I belive fully this girl is bad news, she has communicated that to you from day one, you've simply choosen to ignore it.

Why wouldn't she think you'll propose to her, you've already forgiven past transgretions, you believe what she wants you to believe and you've already moved her in! Why wouldn't she want to marry you! It will be great, you at home looking after the kids whilst she is out with the EX BF or guys from work, but you know it's all OK! They are just friends after-all. Is this your future?

Also one last edit, I believe 95% chance she fuc*ed the work guy, sorry but there it is. She was emotionally invested, kissed the guy, went out with him, probably jumped in the sack with him (very high chance, her BEST FRIEND would have encouraged it also) - found out he was married, he probably pumped and dumped or she had a feeling of remourse or guilt and contacted you afterwards - Why would marriage stop her? Lets get real here, if marriage stopped her then it is pressumed she was looking for a relationship 'correct'? Hence why would something like marriage or a GF prevent her from going further? Especcially considering she wanted to get back with you? hence marriage didn't stop her, to imply it did, would presume she wanted a 'single' guy, if she wanted a single guy then she was branch swinging. Regardless of the angle you look at it from the girl should have been history right there.

One last edit - The reason she 'blew up at you', is because she knew exactly what she was doing and she was simply trying to rationalize it to herself, trying to give herself an 'excuse'. - She created the drama, because she knew what she was going to do, to try to eleviate guilt on her part.

 

[iliketennis]

if she says she kissed him she had sex with him. probably 10 times

 

[kyokon]

wow sounds exactly like my ex, except mine wasn't so absent-minded with her phone

While I don't doubt that she really does want to stay with you long term, it ain't gonna be any fun for you!!

as long as she is keeping you happy in bed i cant see any reason not to stay shacked up with her for the time being (she IS paying rent right????) but definitely cross her out as a LTR - what you have there is a LTFB, nothing more

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

This girl is 29 going on 17.

The worst danger of a bad investment is staying in after you know it's a bad investment. No good can come from "chasing" it.

The way I see it, you have two choices-follow your instinct and dump her immediately, or delay the pain and build an even bigger wall of rationale inside your mind.

I have learned that a simple, unalienable rule of life is that it is ALWAYS better to endure pain NOW, because if you put it off, it will be 10x worse in the end and you'll hate yourself for avoiding it like a coward.

 

[tsmith2334]

I don't like what I'm hearing. Sorry but that's the truth.

Your best bet is probably dumping her, this time for good.

It's a headache now or a bigger headache later. Your call.

 

[istanbul]

That's what i call relation$hit

She's definetly not LTR material. You must act now, not today, not tomorrow but now.

Here is what i would do.

Dump her now. Moving in with her is not a wise move on your part. She will try to make you feel guilty of it. Act sorry but don't be sorry.

Tell her, you can't do this anymore and recent events effected the faith you had in this relationship and need time to think bla bla. Tell her that you have history together and you respect this history and LJBF her.
Then convert her to Fbuddy. (Sex will be wildy amazing, because she will try to get back with you, you will have a concubine there.)
You are 31. Start looking for LTR material.

IF you find any potential candidate > You must be that mustang many tried to tame but none accomplished.If you plant this seed in to her mind this will create a challenge for her which will raise your value while you judge her if she really deserves you.

 

[vatoloco]

Holy sh!t!! If I were you, I'd RUN as fast and as far away as possible from this... err, lady. And you went into this willingly!? Sorry man but you may be even more fvcked up than she is.

The question is this: why the F*ck would she bother being with me, and moving in with me, and trying to plan out a life together if she's taking the piss out of me? I mean - that's a lot of effort for some dude you're walking over isn't it?

Why!? Because she knows you're the chump who will always take her back, regardless of how many guys she fvcks on the side. She just wants to use you and the sad part is that you're willing to be that idiot.

Walk away, man. Walk away now from a future life of suffering and pain. God forbid that there's an accident and you get her knocked up. Then you'd be really, REALLY fvcked!

 

[pipe007]

I went through the same situation....
dated this girl for 8 months,, knew she wasnt good news.

I grabbed my balls and dumped her... because I just knew she wasnt fit for a relatinoship.

A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do

you were warned.!!!

 

[Kailex]

The thread needs to be renamed to:

My girlfriend is a low-life, lying cheat. Should I pack her stuff in paper, boxes or plastic?

 

[terran2k]

damn dude, that's rough, she's lying to you. I can bet she did more than kiss that married dude, and if he wasn't married, what would happen? she'd leave you? man I feel for you, the last girl I was with was just as manipulative, I couldn't see straight, my view of reality was soo skewed. I hope it all goes well for you in the end.

 

[dj_china]

if she says she kissed him she had sex with him. probably 10 times

this ^^