Is my girlfriend a low-life, lying, cheat?

[jophil28]

I wonder whether the OP will process what has been told him here and act on it ?

I have a question for him - will her stuff fit on your front lawn ?

 

[Rescue Mission]

I wonder whether the OP will process what has been told him here and act on it ?

I have a question for him - will her stuff fit on your front lawn ?

When does ANY poster who makes a thread like this ever listen to the obvious truth?

They all prefer to learn the hard way, because they are all morons when it comes to dating until IT finally hits them!

 

[Uberguy]

I don't even need to read the original post; the title says it all. Any guy who posts something with that title shouldn't be in a relationship with that girl. The moment trust is gone is the moment the relationship cannot be salvaged.

 

[DonJuanna]

ok i saw this thread and had to say something... girl's perspective here... it sounds like she has real emotional issues and the two of you have relationship issues that you should of worked out before moving in together- but since it sounds like you both want to make it work, i think you guys should give it a try. the main thing i got from your post is that she's not communicating with you about what's going on in her head and what's going on in her life, so you guys should start talking about that stuff. tell her that you want to trust her, but how can you, when she went out on a date with a guy and kissed a guy? and then the thing with her ex- it's not appropriate for her to flirt with another guy like that when she's in a relationship with you. you should have a long talk with her about why she did the things she did- for example, what was she thinking when she went out on a date with another guy? if she really wants to make this work, she'll be willing to discuss it with you and open up. also you should tell her that she has to be absolutely honest about everything she's done while she's been going out with you- you have reason to be suspicious since the only indiscretions you know about are the ones you discovered by going through her phone. she hasn't owned up to anything spontaneously, it seems, so there might be more.

also, um, maybe couples therapy? everyone on this board probably thinks its retarded and sexist, but no therapist is gonna tell her that it's ok for her to make out with other guys while she's seeing you. this girl needs help, no doubt, but i don't think it's a totally hopeless situation.

i think the most important thing is for you to figure out whether she really wants to change her ways, or isn't really committed to changing. she has to be willing to explore why she acts this way and explain how she's going to avoid doing it in the future.

 

[pipe007]

disregard the above advice OP...


just RUN for your own life and future mental health!!..

and stay away from reading comments like the one Donjuanita posted

bottom line: your girl is a low life cheating Sl ut.......get rid of her, have pride man... be a ****ing man.. take the best in life....

get rid of trash like the one you have,, and get quality in life... yes am being judgmental here, but so freaking what....

we are men and we deserve a loving relationship with a quality woman... not trash like yours.. (sorry to offend) but is the truth..

follow the above advice and every single man with values in this forum will tell you that you were warned.

just be a man, grow up, grab your cojones and walk away without looking back, these type of women need to be treated like trash...

gosh am pissed..... mods please erase the above post

 

[jophil28]

... you should have a long talk with her about why she did the things she did- for example, what was she thinking when she went out on a date with another guy?

That is handwringing whishy washy feminine nonsense - You do not "discuss' why a woman acted like a slvt - you toss her stuff out on the lawn.

When men cheat on women they are condemned - when women cheat on men their 'sistas' preach "discussion and understanding".
More of their beloved double standards .

 

[Drum&Bass]

Actually DonJuanna makes some EXCELLENT points. To the impulsive foolish man, sure...it would be easy to leave and cut your losses, but the smarter advice would be to learn why she is doing doing what she is doing so you have a superior understanding of who you are dealing with and their rationale.

In all honesty none of us know what type of guy the OP is. He could be just as screwed up as she is but in different ways.

LEARN why women do what they do. The op should learn why his current girl is doing what she is doing to him. Maybe the OP has issues that he is not recognizing. Talking to her might make him realize that it might be something he is doing which is causing her to have low interest.

Im not saying she is justified in cheating and Im not telling the OP to try and work things out (although that is an option)..Im saying we don't know who he OP is and what type of person he may be. He should learn everything he can about the reasons behind the actions before burning any bridges.

Learning about why his girl is cheating on him might be one of the best things he can do for any future relationships he has with women. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

There's a real consensus going on here - no doubt about what I need to do!

Funny thing is - i've spent the last 13 years f*cking every chick that crossed my path - and i've done all this sh*t to many girls - lots of great girls - really good people.

But i'm too dumb or blind to see myself getting done - it's karma coming around to kick me in the teeth!

p.s. Didnt the OP say he did the same things with other girls in the past ?? all this rah rah crap about being a man and having self respect is hypocritical when he himself treated people the same way. Funny how everyone is so quick to negatively judge the girl and claim that she has all these issues and is so wrong.... but what about the OP !!!! He's been doing this same stuff to good people for years

 

[jophil28]

She doesn't have a great family life - it's really only ever been her and her Mom - and her Mom has been through several men - she had at least 3 father figures growing up - and now her Mom - her only family, is jaded, alone and depressed.

My girlfriend was with an ex boyfriend for 7 years and bought an apartment with him - from age 19 to 26. She dumped him, and has lived the single life for 3 years. They still own the apartment together and rent it out. They've been in the "process" of splitting the apartment ever since i've known her...but nothing has really happened.

There are enough red flags in there to decorate a military parade in Red Square.

 

[zekko]

That is handwringing whishy washy feminine nonsense - You do not "discuss' why a woman acted like a slvt - you toss her stuff out on the lawn.

Absolutely, 100% the truth. The girl has revelaed herself to be a low quality woman. There's nothing more to be said.
Couples therapy solves nothing. If a couple is so far gone that they need couples therapy they're not a good match to begin with.

 

[Scion]

I doubt the OP will do anything, because unfortunately he's this chick's b1tch. Most guys would rather put up with disrespect from women and get p*ssy than get no p*ssy at all. Women know this and they'll use to knowledge to f*ck around knowing there are no consequences. I say f*ck that, get some self-respect guys and let's put women in their place.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

I bet she has drop school early. Women who don´t have any kind of professional success, have as last resort to be professional *****s living for guys attention.

This applies to man also. Only people with very few things to do, job, hobbies etc. are obsessed with finding women. That´s why I´m changing many things in my life.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Actually DonJuanna makes some EXCELLENT points. To the impulsive foolish man, sure...it would be easy to leave and cut your losses, but the smarter advice would be to learn why she is doing doing what she is doing so you have a superior understanding of who you are dealing with and their rationale.

Except DonJuanna's point was to stay with her and try to stick it out. Not what you're suggesting (which is eliciting value for future relationships.)

BESIDES that, trying to get truth from a woman when she does such things is not needed (and considering she hasn't admitted to doing anything and WON'T unless caught red handed fvcking someone - asking her "why she cheats" is just going to elicit anger instead of value.) Here's how the discussion would go if instead he asked "why do you talk to other guys when we're in a relationship?"

Him: Why do you talk to other guys while when we are in a relationship?
Slvt: They're just friends. You need to stop being so insecure.
Him: Yeah, but i read when you said [insert one of the things he read] that sounded like more than friends!
Slvt: Well if you trusted me - you wouldn't be going through my phone. You have the problems.... not me... (by the end of the discussion - she'd have HIM apologizing for going through her phone)

This is the kind of manipulative chick logic you're going to run into trying to "discuss" things with a girl who's fvcked in the head (as 90% of them are).

At best, he could get a real answer a few years after.

The truth is she DOES DO this sh!t to some degree because of him.
- He obviously didn't set strong frame early in the relationship on what is acceptable to him.
- Even when he did do that later in the relationship - she just ignored them and showed no fear of loss for this guy.
- He shows jealousy in other guys (which makes her more likely to fvck those other guys).
- He chose a woman who has a history of cheating.
- Instead of throwing her out on the first red flag he chose to take your feminine approach and "talk" to her about things (which allowed her to manipulate him).
- He's allowing this woman to push/pull him without doing anything in return.

But she also does it because she's a freak and should have never been made into a LTR anyway.

Talking things out is the feminine Dr. Phil garbage. I understand in your case - you're not telling him to talk it out to fix things; but MOST women are not capable of explaining why they do things in a truthful manner.... MOST won't even know themselves why they do things. Which is going to get you whatever answer they could find that "sounds" like the truth. It's also going to give them a chance to do what they do best - - - manipulate. Or if they have really low self-esteem. They'll just sit there and listen to you and agree with everything you say so that they can hate themselves more.

p.s. Didnt the OP say he did the same things with other girls in the past ?? all this rah rah crap about being a man and having self respect is hypocritical when he himself treated people the same way. Funny how everyone is so quick to negatively judge the girl and claim that she has all these issues and is so wrong.... but what about the OP !!!! He's been doing this same stuff to good people for years

I don't know if he said that or not.... i know he said that she has a history of cheating...

But...

This is irrelevant to if he should stay with her or not! If HE was cheating on her or doing the things that she's doing to him - then yes, it would be a little more relevant. But he seems like he's doing the "nice" boyfriend role pretty well.... which is ultimately THE #1 problem.

Besides that - a lot of guys on here come and post stories like this with some background on what is taught here. So, a lot of guys like to say "i've been with this girl and feel like she's the one" and they know they're going to get hell for that so they'll throw in this backstory that makes it appear like they've been some kind of ultimate player. Like, "I've been with so many women and just hump and dump them; but i found THIS ONE that is soooooo different from the rest"..... Honestly, i ignore people's back stories when i look at their current situation.... Because most of them are just made up to appear more experienced.... I just deal with the current relationship and ignore all claims of being a former super stud.

 

[DonJuanna]

ok, had to respond to some points here-

jophil- i think you're too confident that i would "condemn" a guy for cheating. you really think that if a girl said "my boyfriend admitted he went on a date with and kissed another girl, and flirted with an ex", i would respond "oh jeezus! what a monster! cut off his balls!". a lot of you guys on this board seem to think that if a woman cheats its because she's either inherently flawed or the man's not "controlling" her properly, while if a man cheats it's because he's just responding to natural urges. that's all gibberish, people of both genders are moral creatures with the same amount of agency over their actions. there's plenty of relationships where one or the other person cheats and they work thru it. OP sounds like he wants to work through it, so i'm saying the first step would be to start communicating better so he can figure out why she does this stuff and work with her on how she can stop doing it.

bukowski- fine, if she responds to his questioning with wishy-washy nonsense, or refuses to admit that what she did was inappropriate, then yes he should break up with her, because that would show that she lacks insight and isn't willing to change. but if he asks her what happens and she gives a serious, self-critical answer like "well, i have this really strong need for attention, and even when i'm in a relationship i don't feel like i'm getting enough of it" or "when guys flirt with me i don't know how to say no, so i go along with it" then there's something there he can work with.

drum&bass- thank you

pipe007- haha, the mods never erase anything anymore.

 

[Kailex]

DonJuanna, GTFO here.

Are you kidding me?

Women are the first to remember that time that you were at the mall that you looked at some other girl that wasn't her. They'll remember what she was wearing, her shoes, how the boyfriend's eyebrows perked up, remember that it was 4:27 with 39 seconds and that on that day, she was feeling a little bloated because she had too much diet coke with her cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory.

Are you seriously saying that if a guy "cheated" on YOU by going out with another woman and admitted to kissing her (and god knows what else), that you would just "take it" and "forget it"?

Girlfriends are the FIRST in line to remind a man what he did and at exactly what point in their lives they did it.

Couples therapy???


I've yet to hear a single man suggest couples therapy that ISN'T an ultra-feminized beta.

What does HE need therapy for? All therapy is going to do is point the finger at HIM. Women only go to therapy when they want to fix the MAN, not the other way around. The last thing a woman wants is a professional pointing the finger at her.

I'm sorry, but if someone decided that they wanted to look elsewhere at ANY point in time... that's IT. Because after that, if I stay with her, I'll be seeing red flags where there might truly be none and I don't need that aggravation in my life. If she did it to me once, she'll do it again... or WORSE... I'll do it to her to call it even and justify MY actions.

there's plenty of relationships where one or the other person cheats and they work thru it.

And you are absolutely RIGHT. There ARE couples that work through it, but you can't tell me that one or the other won't have that constant voice in the back of their heads saying: Hey, she/he hasn't called in a few hours, she/he might be fvcking someone else.

In this... the golden age of divorces, it's really hard to find a relationship that went through that and then became a stronger relationship. If you know of any, then congrats to them, but more often than not, those relationships fall into the same trend and dissolve eventually.

If YOU could do it, then more power to you. But don't expect the majority of this board (MEN) to feel the same way you do and be even LESS surprised if they don't agree with your views.

 

[jonwon]

ok i saw this thread and had to say something... girl's perspective here... it sounds like she has real emotional issues and the two of you have relationship issues that you should of worked out before moving in together- but since it sounds like you both want to make it work, i think you guys should give it a try. the main thing i got from your post is that she's not communicating with you about what's going on in her head and what's going on in her life, so you guys should start talking about that stuff. tell her that you want to trust her, but how can you, when she went out on a date with a guy and kissed a guy? and then the thing with her ex- it's not appropriate for her to flirt with another guy like that when she's in a relationship with you. you should have a long talk with her about why she did the things she did- for example, what was she thinking when she went out on a date with another guy? if she really wants to make this work, she'll be willing to discuss it with you and open up. also you should tell her that she has to be absolutely honest about everything she's done while she's been going out with you- you have reason to be suspicious since the only indiscretions you know about are the ones you discovered by going through her phone. she hasn't owned up to anything spontaneously, it seems, so there might be more.

also, um, maybe couples therapy? everyone on this board probably thinks its retarded and sexist, but no therapist is gonna tell her that it's ok for her to make out with other guys while she's seeing you. this girl needs help, no doubt, but i don't think it's a totally hopeless situation.

i think the most important thing is for you to figure out whether she really wants to change her ways, or isn't really committed to changing. she has to be willing to explore why she acts this way and explain how she's going to avoid doing it in the future.

This is why you should never ask a woman for relationship advice.

Truly cringe worthy.

Drum&Bass your points are great, but for one glaring anomaly, the OP isn't you - he is a guy being strung along, with pure ignorance of the level of slu* he has in his wake. It's all well and good dating a freak and knowing what she is up-to and having knowledge of her exploits and not minding because you have a harem of other chicks on the go - It's another thing being a guy with romanticised notions of a girl, treating her like the 'one', whilst all the while she is hoping on the coc* carousel.

The latter could seriously fuc* a guys life up, not just from STD's, but the mental mind fuc* of trying to piece together her actions and playing detective over every slu* action. If you want to enter a relationship with a slu*, it's best to go in with your eyes open from the OFFSET, rather than go blind into it, and then realize your 'good GF' is actually coc* hopping ho!

Not to mention the knock on effects of getting serious with a HO!, I.e paternity fraud, potential for increased chance of an STD - the fact you could stick your dic( into some -other mans come juice - Not to mention when you kiss her on the lips you don't know if she had some other guys coc* in her mouth - Ho's are for Fuc(ing not marrying or living with, remember this guy moved her in and he didn't do it to wife-swap.

OP sorry something I missed, these things your GF is doing are the things you only know about - I can put money down right now there is far more under the surface you DONT know about.

 

[jophil28]

ok, had to respond to some points here-

jophil- i think you're too confident that i would "condemn" a guy for cheating.

How would you deal with YOUR b/f or husband cheating ?
Let's apply your own suggestions in your reply above.
So you would sit down with him and engage in "communication" which examined his feelings about cheating on you, and his motivation for doing so, in order that you might "understand" his internal process.

This all sounds like some lame psych undergrad delusion.

 

[eaglez1177]

ok, had to respond to some points here-

jophil- i think you're too confident that i would "condemn" a guy for cheating. you really think that if a girl said "my boyfriend admitted he went on a date with and kissed another girl, and flirted with an ex", i would respond "oh jeezus! what a monster! cut off his balls!". a lot of you guys on this board seem to think that if a woman cheats its because she's either inherently flawed or the man's not "controlling" her properly, while if a man cheats it's because he's just responding to natural urges. that's all gibberish, people of both genders are moral creatures with the same amount of agency over their actions. there's plenty of relationships where one or the other person cheats and they work thru it. OP sounds like he wants to work through it, so i'm saying the first step would be to start communicating better so he can figure out why she does this stuff and work with her on how she can stop doing it.

bukowski- fine, if she responds to his questioning with wishy-washy nonsense, or refuses to admit that what she did was inappropriate, then yes he should break up with her, because that would show that she lacks insight and isn't willing to change. but if he asks her what happens and she gives a serious, self-critical answer like "well, i have this really strong need for attention, and even when i'm in a relationship i don't feel like i'm getting enough of it" or "when guys flirt with me i don't know how to say no, so i go along with it" then there's something there he can work with.

drum&bass- thank you

pipe007- haha, the mods never erase anything anymore.

Wow man.

@ the OP: Please, do not listen to this guy

 

[Scion]

Wow man.

@ the OP: Please, do not listen to this guy

that poster is a girl. Which begs the question why a girl is posting on this site to begin with.

 

[jonwon]

DonJuanna

It's never a good idea to play shrink to anyone; men or women, don't be the fool who tries to fix people, what will happen is you'll find yourself just as dysfunctional as the person your trying to fix.

There are reasons why men and woman stay in shi&&y relationships and its because of the garbage like the suggestions you prepose, like the person who is the subject of the rampant disrespect is at fault in some way and they just need to buckle down and 'fix' the other person. This is claiming responsibility and adding another variable of failure into the mix, a damaging ****tail when the underlining truth of reality is people dont change (unless the really really want to and it's not because they have been 'caught out') and you don't enter a relationship to be someones shrink or saviour.

You definatly dont enter it in the hope she will change for you, this is the product of love-shack, the damaged goods, the scrap heap of failures where by emotional fuelled women who cant think with logic are left on the scrap heap of emotional fuc*ery because the abuser BF is just a little understood. That sort of advice may work in the womans circle, because it emotes feelings and all the other nonesense, but in a MANS world, its about ACTION. And action dictates to let some other looser try to fix the bitc*.

Even if, even if he fixed this girl, no doubt she will run off to a shiner object when it's all resolved, if it is resolved - This is always the case, Captain Save a Ho's are NEVER rewarded for sticking around like some Jesus Wannabe - Hence real men, move on, only AFC's with a messiah syndrom and a unhealthy dose of chick logic stay to be brutalised.

Dont listen to female advice, they never communicate reality, it's alot of smoke and mirrors an emotive out-pouring of the ideal world, a concept women simply do not live by in the real world. It's all well and good on a forum or on a page, but women simply do not slot into the advice women give - Women are a bag of confusion, they fail to grasp reality and mix in fantasy at every turn, painting women out to be some superior object of higher virtue, instead of calling it like it is, in it's black and white glory, what they will do is paint her to be a victim of something and be outside the sphere or responsibility, it's someone elses fault and your a jerk for not fixing her.

Fuc* female logic, seriously, every man should make it a goal to remove chick logic and relationship advice from women from his pool of resources.

 

[Kirro]

What's the point of talking if nobody ever learns?

ITT: We have yet another pvssified clown who will disappear & disregard all the great advice given & we have yet another woman on a forum by men & for men trying to play Dr. Phillis.