MatureDJ
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2006
- Messages
- 11,296
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- 4,663
It's OVER for PoetCels.So true. Poem is way too beta of a move. No more poems in the future.
It's OVER for PoetCels.So true. Poem is way too beta of a move. No more poems in the future.
I was doing everything great till post date 5. Just thought 2 months and sex was "long enough" to be more open about how I feel. Big mistake!OP, read the DJ Bible. No more dating. You need to memorize the fundamentals.
You don't. You have entirely the wrong mindset, which is what you should be working on correcting BEFORE you start dating anyone else.Well I need closure so I guess I have some feminine traits lol. It also would help me feel better about myself if I'm the one ending things totally moving forward and then I can throw out her stuff, gifts she gave me, pictures etc
so guys can't have any feminine traits? that's ridiculous.You don't. You have entirely the wrong mindset, which is what you should be working on correcting BEFORE you start dating anyone else.
Nothing else is going to help if you continue to have this type of mindset.
What's ridiculous is that you think you were doing great for 5 dates when you basically were just giving her more and more reasons to bail.so guys can't have any feminine traits? that's ridiculous.
like I said, I was doing everything great for 5 dates. The mistake was being too honest with her, when I should have just not let her know how much I REALLY liked her and played more games for another 2 months.
Nah, I was playing it cool and doing everything you said (being uncertain about how I thought of her, playing games, her liking me more than I like her, mysterious etc) for first 3 dates or so. The problem was when I started being too open about how much I liked her/geting too romantic lovey-dovey too soon.What's ridiculous is that you think you were doing great for 5 dates when you basically were just giving her more and more reasons to bail.
I've already admitted I made mistakes post date 5 (and most likely post date 4 too), but the only difference is not revealing how I feel too early. What are you talking about? Context is important and your black and white statements aren't accurate, I've said multiple times I messed up but it's nowhere near 100% my problem with how she was talking about me BEFORE date 5. It was a reasonable assumption to think her interest level was higher, but I made a mistake in that/not understanding woman's psychology in relationships.You can either choose to learn from this so you don't repeat the same mistakes again or you can continue thinking you did everything great and do the same thing again next time which I promise you will result in the same thing happening again.
The woman isn't the problem. Your behavior is the problem and until you accept that you won't be able to fix anything. You can try and spin it however you want to spin it. The sooner you accept the truth the faster you can evolve. Or don't and continue getting crushed in the dating world over and over again. Your choice, not my concern really. I can only lead a horse to water, I can't force it to drink.
If you say so. In my experience it's unlikely this was the case as much as you think it was.Nah, I was playing it cool and doing everything you said (being uncertain about how I thought of her, playing games, her liking me more than I like her, mysterious etc) for first 3 dates or so. The problem was when I started being too open about how much I liked her/geting too romantic lovey-dovey too soon.
Had I known to slow it down for 4 months (instead of 2) there wouldn't be issues. My time frame was just off AND yes got too needy after date 5.
Well after those dates she was one texting me constantly, and sending me videos, things about her day etc... which all stopped after date 5 which is why I made this thread. Like WTF happened? Lol.If you say so. In my experience it's unlikely this was the case as much as you think it was.
You don't seem to understand this isn't about playing games as much as it is about having a mindset that you are the prize to be won, not her. Until you actually believe it, not much will change.
It doesn't come across as needy. It IS needy AND desperate.Well after those dates she was one texting me constantly, and sending me videos, things about her day etc... which all stopped after date 5 which is why I made this thread. Like WTF happened? Lol.
And I do think I am super high value as a person, I just was being too nice and valued her as someone I liked too much.. too honest! Which can come across to the woman as needy when (as we said) I said how DEEPLY I liked her.
So yes, going forward I do see it all as playing games, since she already explicitly had told me she does that to guys a lot too.
yeah I thought it'd be romantic good to know for future that if I "feel something deeply" it is needy and desperate especially in first 4 months (or possibly for life?)It doesn't come across as needy. It IS needy AND desperate.
I can understand getting needy before having sex with a woman, but after? That doesnt make sense,anyway admittedly after hooking up I did get fairly needy... wrote her a poem thing that was probably too serious (which she hearted and said was so special... but in retrospect probably a mistake),
I could understand a girl ghosting before sex, but after having sex with a guy? Even if it’s non confrontational, it’s not a good look for her.and then tried to call her twice but she didn't pick up.. (when prior to that we had talked on phone like 3 times at like 30-50 minute each time). When I tried make plans twice, first time she said she couldn't but offered another day.. then agreed to it.. then cancelled day off. Then most recently invited hr out and she said she couldn't for work but then asked me a question and then that was it.
it could be that perhaps I wanted more connection and attachment with her post sex, especially trying to meet up.I can understand getting needy before having sex with a woman, but after? That doesnt make sense,
What do we want from women after having sex with them?
(1) a man wants more sex, just keep doing the same thing,
(2) If a man wants something else after having sex, what is it that he wants?
I could understand a girl ghosting before sex, but after having sex with a guy? Even if it’s non confrontational, it’s not a good look for her.
The poem would have made her ghost before having sex, not after.
So either:
(1) The sex so bad that she wanted nothing to do with him ever again (I doubt it)
(2) She sleeps around and is a slut.
Id go with number #2.
You barely know this woman. You are trying to do stuff that MIGHT be appropriate after 2 years of dating exclusively in under 2 months.yeah I thought it'd be romantic good to know for future that if I "feel something deeply" it is needy and desperate especially in first 4 months (or possibly for life?)
sucks how I have to hide my personality and who I am for months lol. this dating thing is so complex
Well yes, she has depression and was married for 5+ years before (still young though) but I don’t care !
Is it normal to know that information and be surprised that she ghosts after 5 dates? Is is normal that this thread was started in the first place?and yeah she had mentioned things hinting that she has sex a lot (in past) so its probably something to #2
I don't, because we were both very lovey dovey with each other on every date so far (constant make-outs, teasing, talking about our future that SHE brought up), she was also sending me very deep romantic songs.You barely know this woman. You are trying to do stuff that MIGHT be appropriate after 2 years of dating exclusively in under 2 months.
You don't need to hide your personality as much as not be a love starved puppy dog jumping all over her and wagging your tail to constantly be pet the second a woman shows any interest in you.
I don't think you really get how off putting that is nor understand the reason why.
based on how she talked about me and her together on text, and in person it was surprising to me lol. She got so disconnected REALLY abruptly that it was a shock.Is it normal to know that information and be surprised that she ghosts after 5 dates? Is is normal that this thread was started in the first place?
and to answer you, no I dont' think I fully understand why it is so off putting. the main thing seems to be it indicates other woman don't like me/social proof, because of how fast I would jump in, but from what I've read it seems to be a common "issue" with men about thinking about "marriage, kids, instantly in love with her" even in date 1 or 2, whereas with woman it's a lot slower process and they like the Chase and journey of it.You barely know this woman. You are trying to do stuff that MIGHT be appropriate after 2 years of dating exclusively in under 2 months.
You don't need to hide your personality as much as not be a love starved puppy dog jumping all over her and wagging your tail to constantly be pet the second a woman shows any interest in you.
I don't think you really get how off putting that is nor understand the reason why.
Yes clearly you do not.I don't, because we were both very lovey dovey with each other on every date so far (constant make-outs, teasing, talking about our future that SHE brought up), she was also sending me very deep romantic songs.
I get that it is the GIRL who needs to be doing that, and I just "go along with it" (even if I am into it), ..
My confusion is based on the fact that it appeared for first few dates that she enjoyed this romantic element specifically based on how I read her... but I took it a step too far (or as you might stay steps too far from beginning) on text.
This is a specific confusion about her specifically, I just misread her.
And the "Woman shows interest" thing I think only became an issue for me once we had sex and I got insecure about it. Was not an issue before honestly,
I see your point though that fundamentally these are not productive ideas and frames to be throwing out even when positives outweigh them