Is it Ever Right to Call a Woman a Second Time if She Doesn't Return Your Call?

[Mr. Me]

The text is more to-the-point, if she's not answering, it's a COMMAND for her to call you. If she doesn't, like I said, you'll run into her again and will have established EVEN HIGHER VALUE because she "messed up".

Probably an affirmative message would accomplish the same, but why is she going to take a "command" from someone she's not interested in?

Are you saying that she inwardly notes the inferred higher value, though it doesn't matter to her? That could be. But a text message (or phone message) serves as fodder for her and her girlfriends to laugh over. "Look at this guy! It's like, I gave him my number just to get rid of him, you know? And look, he's like, commanding me to call him! As if! Tee hee hee hee hee!" It's not like women who aren't interested really care that they "messed up".

All the same, what can you do? I'd agree that you do have to kind of command her to call back, I just think one does so by having that "assuming the sale" mentality/tone: "Give me a call back" instead of "Uhhhh, if you like to, uhhhh, that is, unless you have more pressing, dire things to do, which you probably do...." you know, like they teach little boys to do in Hugh Grant movies. Ha, ha.

I don't necessarily run into the same women again and again, but on those occasions I have, when they've not returned a call or blown me off, I just don't see any point in interacting further with them. I've seen them look out of the corner of their eye toward me, while they're chatting with a new ego stroker wannabe, and I just walk on by. Why waste any more time on her? Besides, I hate typing text messages.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

Mr. Me, I appreciate a lot of what you said and I share the same thoughts. Sorry for my late response-I haven't been able to get online now for a while. You summed up my main argument perfectly about why I never call a woman more than once no matter how "hot" she may think she is. Again, we've talked a lot on this site about judging these women on the basis of their actions, not by their words. If a woman isn't calling you back, that's definitely a clear signal. As a man, you should be able to get it. It's a clear message. Rather than waste my time, I would simply rather move on. Aside from never calling more than once, another thing I would never put up at this stage and at my age, is to be put in a platonic friend zone. That's never gonna happen. Once I get a hint that a woman's interest level isn't anywhere near close to mine, I simply move on. When I mentioned that I've followed up many times in the past with women who gave me their numbers without it leading to anything, I don't think this has to do with me doing anything wrong, but rather for the most part that there are just too many superficial and shallow women out there and I'm just quite tired of the games and insensitivity of many American women.


That's why I've started getting a lot more aggressive with the women at my gym recently, talking to as many as possible, especially now that there tend to be very many new members at this time of the year.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Giving it another kick in the can.

This is a difficult subject that I'm debating within myself. Sometimes you have to give things another kick in the can so to speak and you feel good that, hey you really gave it that extra kick there, it didn't work and now you can really move on, or if you dont that something still feels unresolved and you keep asking yourself "what if...etc...".

For the time being, I agree that if a girl doesn't call back with one call, it's considered a 'rejection' by her and I NEXT her, albiet a technical rejection. But, on the other hand, I'm also thinking, if I truly like a girl, then maybe I may just give it another kick in the can, put the ego aside and try again.

Ultimately, we are in pursuit of our own happiness, and if we are really into a particular girl, and you feel good about pursuing her and it feels right, and you are getting some reciprocation along the way (it goes without saying, any intelligent person would quit in the absence of reinforcement), then I don't see anything wrong with that.

I think ultimately that instinct and gut feeling is the best guide. If you call after one or two times and leave a message, and get nowhere, but feel in your gut you should call at a particular time, then would you ignore your gut feeling in favour of sticking with techincal rules, or would you follow your gut?

The problem with rules and stuff is if you ignore your gut instinct and use rules as a crutch, then you are numbing one of the most important things in the game that naturals probably use very well. So, my guess is there is no really black and white set rules in the pursuit of happiness.

***

Anyway, our own interest level determines our own motivation to go that extra mile to try and make it work.

So, to me it's just too technical, like you are looking for an out if you don't give it a second try by looking for some sort of very technical excuse to next her and close the chapter.

I feel, if I do not truely like a woman and sort of just want to 'process' her through the system and just get a brownie point rejection, then I'd do just that, call her once, hope she doesn't call me back, and enter that rejection for the books, so in a sence, I don't think I'm being very genuine by just calling once and closing the chapter as it's difficult to impossible to call a second time if I'm really interested.

 

[Interceptor]

I do believe that every man should live by the credo of : Rejection is better than Regret.

And I do feel that it is absolutely imperative that every 'move' in an interaction with a woman MUST be done from a strong, self respecting, EgoLess, full of Self Esteem, dignified manner.

That is, if you can come across as not needy or desperate, and truly are NOT needy or desperate, and you will NOT be basing your whole identity, self esteem and happiness on that one person, and wether or not the action will come out a success, then do what you feel.

If you are acting out of a scarcity mindset, and only trying to fill up your Ego in a desperate manner, don't do it.


You won't lose where there was nothing to lose.

If you have placed so much worth on this unknown, a stranger practically, then you have serious problems.


Watch where you make your Emotional Investments, gentlemen.



We cannot control people.
We cannot expect them to treat us with loyalty and deference, and consideration an thoughtfulness.
It is truly too much to expect from most people.
You cannot expect them to give you things from inside of their Personal Boundary.
What is in there is off limits to you, and you must realize that any loyalty,fidelity, compassion, or whatever is A GIFT to you.
Then you will appreciate people more, and understand with a better balanced perspective.
Hopefully, you will gain more mature independence, self sufficiency, and self assuredness.





People don't owe us anything.

 

[aliasguy]

I do believe that every man should live by the credo of : Rejection is better than Regret.

And I do feel that it is absolutely imperative that every 'move' in an interaction with a woman MUST be done from a strong, self respecting, EgoLess, full of Self Esteem, dignified manner.

That is, if you can come across as not needy or desperate, and truly are NOT needy or desperate, and you will NOT be basing your whole identity, self esteem and happiness on that one person, and wether or not the action will come out a success, then do what you feel.

If you are acting out of a scarcity mindset, and only trying to fill up your Ego in a desperate manner, don't do it.


You won't lose where there was nothing to lose.

If you have placed so much worth on this unknown, a stranger practically, then you have serious problems.


Watch where you make your Emotional Investments, gentlemen.



We cannot control people.
We cannot expect them to treat us with loyalty and deference, and consideration an thoughtfulness.
It is truly too much to expect from most people.
You cannot expect them to give you things from inside of their Personal Boundary.
What is in there is off limits to you, and you must realize that any loyalty,fidelity, compassion, or whatever is A GIFT to you.
Then you will appreciate people more, and understand with a better balanced perspective.
Hopefully, you will gain more mature independence, self sufficiency, and self assuredness.





People don't owe us anything.

YEAH!!!!!!!!

Extra points for the Interceptor!!!!!!!!!


THIS IS IT!!!

 

[Luke Skywalker]

And I do feel that it is absolutely imperative that every 'move' in an interaction with a woman MUST be done from a strong, self respecting, EgoLess, full of Self Esteem, dignified manner.

But where do you draw the line between egoless and self-respecting, isn't that both essentially contradictory?

You won't lose where there was nothing to lose.

Other than the bubble that just went pop.

If you have placed so much worth on this unknown, a stranger practically, then you have serious problems.

Oneitis?

Watch where you make your Emotional Investments, gentlemen.

That's right, you are really making that choice not the woman.

 

[Interceptor]

But where do you draw the line between egoless and self-respecting, isn't that both essentially contradictory?.

No, Luke.
An Ego is a self made, intellectual construct. It is there to help preserve a self image and keep us in a comfort zone. It is not helpful at all. Because often it is what we present to the outside world. It is easily damaged. And it is very manipulative.
It is not what gives you emotional strength.

Self Esteem is what we want, Luke. Not an over inflated Ego.
When we have natural WSelf Esteem, then our Self Respect INCREASES.

When we have a large over inflated Ego, our NEED to keep it inflated will over ride everything else in our lives. We will do desperate things to preseve our Ego,
When we don't have enough Self Esteem, we have to use our EGO.
Again, it is a man made construct, it is artificial.
Ego was created toi make up for a LACK of Self Esteem.
And Ego appears quickly in our childhood.
Although so DOES SELF ESTEEM.

But when we are injured, our Ego is the one that is created to take the brunt, and thus, 'take care' of us psychologically.

Ego is largely dependent on outside source.
Self Esteem is largely dependent on YOU, and what YOU BELIEVE and have EXPERIENCED.

The way to high self esteem is to achieve goals.

the way to denying your Ego control, is to act from a genuinel place of alignment to your true healthy desires, ideas, opinions, and preferences.

ie, are you 'sarging' some girl becasue you really liek her, or because your Ego makes you feel like you have to , in order to keep up your mental image of bad ass "I get chicks!" PUA??

Try to discern action that is designed to inflate your EGO, and action that builds authentic Self Esteem.



The stronger your self esteem, the stronger your Personal Boundary.

The stronger your EGO, the WEAKER your Personal Boundary.

 

[reset]

When we have a large over inflated Ego, our NEED to keep it inflated will over ride everything else in our lives. We will do desperate things to preseve our Ego.[/B]

Oh yeah. If you can be willing to confront that ego and not let it run your life reality changes completely. Good stuff.

 

[Mr. Me]

if I truly like a girl, then maybe I may just give it another kick in the can, put the ego aside and try again.

I may be wrong, but, it seems to me that a guy calls yet again because he hasn't put his ego aside (so as to take the rejection and preferring to believe that there's still a chance, that she didn't call back not out of lack of interest but that she actually has a compelling reason why she hasn't called).

then would you ignore your gut feeling in favour of sticking with techincal rules, or would you follow your gut?

I usually go with my intuition, but there is something to be said for when things are muddled, to go by rules, just like John Kennedy Jr. should've flown by the instrument panel rather than by his gut.

I was in a bookstore today meeting clients and decided to browse through the "relationship" section for a while, really just because I wanted to see if there would come any woman there that maybe I could try to pick up... but anyway, there was this one book I leafed through regarding making sense out of the dating scene, and the author noted, and I paraphrase here since I don't remember his actual words: "You can tell by the actions. If she doesn't call you back, then she's not interested. If she calls you back, then she's interested. It's as simple as that."

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I may be wrong, but, it seems to me that a guy calls yet again because he hasn't put his ego aside (so as to take the rejection and preferring to believe that there's still a chance, that she didn't call back not out of lack of interest but that she actually has a compelling reason why she hasn't called).

Ok, but is this interest thing really something that's defined black and white and cut into stone, is it like, well, she didn't return my first phone call, therefore she has rejected me whether now or in 1000 years from now same thing, or she is just playing games with me to see how often I will call, etc....?

If she doesnt' feel like returning the call or procrastinates to do so or for whatever reason she doesn't feel like calling back as there is too many things on her mind and didn't mean to reject someone and send a message so to speak, then isn't a bit hasty on making a harsh judgement if you want to pursue?

I agree about interest levels though - sure, if you just go after girls with high interest levels, then great, but if that was the case, then why is this board here - any idiot knows how to handle a high-interest chick unless he's gay.

 

[drmeathead]

american women seemingly have cell phones glued to their ear. if you call, she will at the very least see that you called unless she doesnt have your number. if she is interested to see if it was you she will check her voicemail. it is that simple.

all this **** about i didnt get your call or i didnt have my phone on or whatever is nonsense. it is like my dad you used to tell me as kid when i was feeding him bull**** "next time start your story out with dad i think you are stupid and..."

i think there is a certain percentage of women that will give you a number so you get your "goal" and leave her the **** alone. this will happen esp if you come across as needy, desperate, or on a pickup mission to get some play. how stupid do you think you look calling more than once to a number and the woman is sitting laughing her ass off about how socially retarded you are.

i am not saying not to ever call anyone because they might be giving you a blow off number. if you present covertly yourself as someone who doesnt tolerate that bull**** and is a competent they probably wont play their games. if they dont like you they will probably just be direct with you because they feel you can handle a rejection and not be the creepy ******* at the other end of the bar the whole night.


i also agree with the other guy saying that sometimes you have to follow your gut and make that 2nd call. hell you have nothing to lose. it doesnt hurt anything if you can handle the possible awkwardness seeing her later on. if you can and dont really give a **** what she thinks, call. if you are going to be all quiet and werid because you are embarassed or mad then dont call the 2nd time.

this being said, in another post i probably shouldnt have texted this girl after our 2nd date didnt go well in her mind. but i liked her and wanted to get the "what ifs" out of my system. i did. i see her almost daily at the gym. simple polite hellos are fine. i dont stop over to speak to her but i as friendly with her as anyone else in passing. it works sorta well. it isnt awkward. we wont be sleeping together anytime soon but there isnt any weridness.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

Drmeathead, I agree with you and with everyone else who like me believes that for the most part, it is best not to call women more than once. Actions speak louder than words. If someone isn't reciprocating the same interest level, I'm not going to waste my time. I've learned that lesson the hard way and in the process it's turned out to be very helpful and I have learned. In fact, I have experienced this behavior recently with three women. The first one, I had gone out with her briefly during the fall.


Then she was about to travel to Asia, and we both agreed based on our last communication that we would try to get together for a third date before she leaves. The woman goes quietly to Asia and I have absolutely no clue she had even left. I also noticed that it was often me who broke the silence via e-mail or phone, while all she would do would be to respond days later.



So finally, I sent her a text message several days later to say hi and in the process, in her response about three days later, she said that she was already in Asia, but that "we should talk when I return in October. Hope all is well." I chose not to respond to her text message and to just let it go. And since then, I haven't ever tried to contact her...neither has she. You move on.


The second one was a woman at my gym who gets a lot of attention because of how big her ass is and whose number I'd been trying to get for almost a year and a half, but she kept playing hard to get. When I finally got it last fall after not seeing her in a while, I called her once and she knew that I had planned to take her on a date that weekend. I left her a message and my call back number and she never called me back. Signal understood. I never called her again. She said "hi" to me once at the gym when I was working out-she came right up to my machine to make sure I noticed her. But I just gave her half a smile, nodded to acknowledge her presence, and she left.


The third one happened on New Year's Eve weekend. A woman I hadn't seen for a long time at my gym but who I had started talking to a little while ago gave me her work phone number instead of her cell phone number. When I first talked to her, she gave me the "I'll See You Around" line, and most of the time when they say that, you seldom ever do. But she had claimed that she wouldn't mind me asking for her number the next time we saw each other. I didn't see her again for about a year. When I ran into her again New Year's Eve weekend, she tells me how she's just been through a divorce but at the same time said she was dating someone else. Whether or not it was false, giving me her office phone number basically says a lot, and I understood. I moved on.


The only one who's been different from these three is the one I met two months ago and who just moved from California to Philadelphia. When I tried to set up a date, she was polite enough to call me on the same day to tell me why she couldn't make it and now we have a date set up for this weekend. I had text messaged her and she responded the same day.


So basically folks, this is what I'm talking about. I guess we're all looking for different things in a mate, but I really think I'm past that stage of wasting my time chasing women who don't have the same interest level just because they love the attention and want to keep inflating their egos. There is absolutely no reason, after what I've explained to you guys above, for me to keep on pursuing any of those three women I mentioned. None whatsoever. American women for the most part make dating and relationships way more complicated than it should be, and that's just stupid, in my opinion. One thing I of course would never put up with is a woman being verbally disrespectful toward me or attempting to see if she can humiliate me just because I was trying to talk to her. It ain't gonna happen.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I've read the "Bad boy" secrets book from Ron and Louis (a link is actually posted on this site above), as well as the How to Succeed with Women book.

The How to Succeed with Women book would always suggest to make up to two calls before giving up (leaving a voice-mail of an arranged date/meeting) both times before trying with a blocked number to get her (which is left to your own gut feeling, but here you can just next her). Obviously on the second message you would give a call back ultimatum, where if it's not followed, then it's made clear you wont be calling back again in a very long time.

The "Be the bad boy that women love" sequel would suggest to call a woman up on her bad behaviour by deliberately being a bit confrontational, so again, rather than moving on, you call her up on her behaviour in an assertive tone rather than just nexting her.

I suppose the point of these books is that if you pre-maturely next a girl that you could be missing out because this whole calling/dating/etc... is really a protracted negotiation process, and to negotiate you also have to lay down your terms and make it clear that there are certain boundaries, where if she crosses, then it's over, rather than just nexting right away, so you'd give a firm (not accusing or attacking) warning and a second chance before nexting.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

I certainly respect your point LukeSkyWalker, but I can assure you, if a woman truly wants to talk to you or to give you a chance, she won't make things that complicated. If you call one time and wait a few days, she has more than enough time to respond to your call/call you back if she wants to. If she doesn't, it's a clear signal...for example in the case of each of the three women I mentioned in my reply yesterday. I'm not going to be wasting my time sitting around.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I certainly respect your point LukeSkyWalker, but I can assure you, if a woman truly wants to talk to you or to give you a chance, she won't make things that complicated.

That's already understood, but then if you go by that, then you will only be settling with women who have a high initial interest level. I think it's unfortunately the case that women who get the most attention or who have the 'looks' that you would like are more likely to be difficult or have a lower interest levels.

On the converse, maybe we can change the strategy of setting up the first call. Take the gym example, suppose you didn't call her to set up the date thta you set earlier, but instead apologized to her for forgetting to set up the call and promising to do it again next week and claiming that something came up?

At the very least, if we put some unpredictable behaviour into the lot of that first call, perhaps we could also be playing some games there.

Let's make these following rules for the first call:

1) Don't make a first call unless you feel compelled to do so in your gut feeling, or are just in the mood to make the call, but don't do it out of a sence obligation.

2) Let it fall through the cracks at least once and make up an excuse that something came up so you couldn't make that call, and be vague about the excuse the next time you meet her. If she's really interested, you wouldn't lose anything, she would be relieved to hear her excuse. If her interest level is low, then you would have raised your value and frame with her that at least you are not placing that much importance on her.

If you call one time and wait a few days, she has more than enough time to respond to your call/call you back if she wants to. If she doesn't, it's a clear signal...for example in the case of each of the three women I mentioned in my reply yesterday. I'm not going to be wasting my time sitting around.

Well you shouldn't be just sitting around for them anyway. If they don't respond to the first call within 24 hours, then you are right, they should be put on a back-burner and you should pursue other prospects or approach fresh faces. I don't think the idea is to sit around and wait for someone.

The idea is that you are not losing anything by giving it another try with someone you put on the backburner and are just using as an experiment to see where it will go as opposed to someone you'll be taking seriously.

In your above examples, sure, the first example doesn't have much of an interest level to go to Asia without telling you she was leaving, and I cant crack that one. But then again, you knew her, and is not someone you just meet, these first/second calls are dealing with people you barely know or you just meet who are likely to be apprehensive a bit.

 

[Mr. Me]

Hey Frank,

My 2¢ is that you may have been able to cut out some of those women earlier on in the process, and not make the next call.

we both agreed based on our last communication that we would try to get together for a third date before she leaves.

There is no "try". You make a date on the call: a definite day and time. Then you wait for her answer. If it's anything other than yes or a counter-offer, you don't proceed.

Got a number from a gal at a party, when I asked for her number, she seemed surprised and scrambled for a piece of paper to give it to me. That seemed to me as if she was eager to give me her number. When I called her, I asked her out for a date a week and a half away. She tells me that it's a busy time of year at work, and that every day up until then is not available, but that the day I mentioned "has potential to work out". You have to understand what they're saying. She's saying that she already knows that every day for the next nine days are impossible to have any time for a cup of coffee, but that the very day I happen to have in mind, she knows ten days ahead of time, that it has the potential to have one hour to grab a cup of coffee sometime in the evening, yet she didn't agree to the date. Wow. You know what that means? That means that's is one amazing clairvoyant ability she has, and that she's not interested.

whose number I'd been trying to get for almost a year and a half, but she kept playing hard to get. ... I called her once and she knew that I had planned to take her on a date that weekend. I left her a message and my call back number and she never called me back.

Here I think the problem was you had been trying to get her number for a year and a half, but she was, in your opinion, "playing hard to get". My interpretation is that if you ask a woman for her number and she doesn't give it to you, she's "not interested". Especially after a year and a half of trying to obtain that number. She may have given you the number just to have you stop hitting on her.

I also wouldn't have left a message announcing my intentions to take her out that weekend. I think it says two things when you call up a woman during the week and ask her out for that weekend. 1. it says to her that you have no other options for that weekend Mr. Lonely Guy, and 2. It says that you don't think she has anything going on for herself either.

gave me her work phone number

And you seem to know what that means.

When I tried to set up a date, she was polite enough to call me on the same day to tell me why she couldn't make it and now we have a date set up for this weekend.

That doesn't bode well for this weekend.

The How to Succeed with Women book would always suggest to make up to two calls before giving up (leaving a voice-mail of an arranged date/meeting) both times before trying with a blocked number... Obviously on the second message you would give a call back ultimatum, where if it's not followed, then it's made clear you wont be calling back again in a very long time.

As if she cares. I don't know about you, but when I've received voice mail from gals delivering ultimatums, I laugh.

Also, ultimatums don't work on adults. Just in principle, an adult will not accept to be forced to do anything when an ultimatum is delivered. Especially someone who isn't interested in the first place. If anything, leaving a message saying anything like, "And if you don't call back, I will not be calling you again" would make you sound like an uptight control freak.

The "Be the bad boy that women love" sequel would suggest to call a woman up on her bad behaviour by deliberately being a bit confrontational, so again, rather than moving on, you call her up on her behaviour in an assertive tone rather than just nexting her.

Setting boundaries by *calmly* telling someone what you will not accept works in a relationship, but not being in a relationship, contacting someone who's probably not interested and getting "confrontational" with them yields this: she'll apologize, maybe you give you a plausible excuse why she hasn't called back, and that's so that you don't think ill of her, because women don't like to be thought of badly, even when they're guilty as sin, and to get you to back down, so that you don't become a nut case on her.

Then she'll go ahead and make the date but stand you up because she'll think "See? He has control and anger issues" and she'll be convinced she was right all along in not getting back to you.

The way to handle someone who doesn't return your phone calls, with whom you're not in a relationship with, is to not contact them. They've already decided not to contact you.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

Mr. Me, thanks for your feedback as well. What I try to do these days when I'm asking a woman out who I just met-for instance at my gym, is this: I make it known that I already had plans to go out that particular night and simply offer if she would be willing to join me.


As for the other woman at my gym who contacted me to say she wasn't able to make it when we were trying to schedule the first date, she did text message me back to say that this weekend sounds good and that she's up for drinks. I can assure you that I never sit around like a desperate man waiting for women to call me. Sorry if I gave that inaccurate impression through a wrong choice of words. During my AFC days, I used to do that. I don't do all that stuff anymore. I've grown a lot from my experiences. As unfortunate as most of them have been, they have made me a much more stronger person.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

As if she cares. I don't know about you, but when I've received voice mail from gals delivering ultimatums, I laugh.

I guess this first or second call back thing is only for a new number you got online or from someone you just meet.

Maybe it's a bad idea to leave a message on the first call since most people have call display anyway, because then you'll be leaving two messages if you try a second time and get the answering machine.

Like this, you call a first time, if you don't get the ring indictator before the answering machine, then you continue trying until you get a ring indictator and you know she can hear the phone ring - then she either picks up or you get the machine, at which point you wont leave a message, but will try again on a second call a few days later and leave a message if you get a ring indicator. If she doesn't return then, then NEXT her unless you want to try Bible_Belt's idea for fun (leave a wacky curiosity message about a month later).

Obviously, if she understood the call was a confirmation for some date and did not return the call, then that's disrespect, and you would NEXT her.

However, if you are just calling to touch base with no date in mind, then that gets a bit confusing again, because you are doing her a favour by calling her to touch base because you are concerned about her emotions and are basically being a 'nice guy' but get burned when she doesn't call back to acknowledge that call as that could be a 'rejection' - so maybe it's only a good idea to touch base if you have a solid plan for a date in mind?

If it's someone who has answered promptly before and suddenly is not returning the call, than that would just be a bad sign.

Also, ultimatums don't work on adults. Just in principle, an adult will not accept to be forced to do anything when an ultimatum is delivered. Especially someone who isn't interested in the first place. If anything, leaving a message saying anything like, "And if you don't call back, I will not be calling you again" would make you sound like an uptight control freak.

I agree, you are screwing your frame when you are doing that.

 

[Mr. Me]

if you are just calling to touch base with no date in mind, then that gets a bit confusing again, because you are doing her a favour by calling her to touch base because you are concerned about her emotions and are basically being a 'nice guy' but get burned when she doesn't call back to acknowledge that call as that could be a 'rejection' - so maybe it's only a good idea to touch base if you have a solid plan for a date in mind?

What's this about calling them is "doing them a favor" being "concerned about their emotions" nonsense? Get rid of that thinking. I only call women with a date in mind.

Calling them to chit chat goes against giving them mystery and challenge.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Watch where you make your Emotional Investments, gentlemen.

We cannot control people.
We cannot expect them to treat us with loyalty and deference, and consideration an thoughtfulness.
It is truly too much to expect from most people.
You cannot expect them to give you things from inside of their Personal Boundary.
What is in there is off limits to you, and you must realize that any loyalty,fidelity, compassion, or whatever is A GIFT to you.
Then you will appreciate people more, and understand with a better balanced perspective.
Hopefully, you will gain more mature independence, self sufficiency, and self assuredness.


People don't owe us anything.

That's why you need to have contingency plans.