Is it even worth it for a guy like me to try with making moves in-person?

[davidsonj73]

I've had 9 free sex partners. That being said, the "make a move on a woman in person; get laid" strategy has never gotten me laid.

Of my 9 free partners,

• 7 came from hookup websites.
• 2 just sort of happened (with neither of us making the move).

I've also been on dates with 8 different gals. There's very little overlap between my dates and my intercourse (7 of the 8 gals I've had dates with were sexless).

The "make a move in person; get a date" strategy has only worked on one girl (Back when I was in college. And she was extremely strange. I had to break it off shortly into our relationship. Also, it's worth mentioning: She's one of my many sexless dates).

The rest of my dates came from the following strategies:

• Dating/hookup websites.
• The woman making the move on me.
• The date sort of just happened (with neither of us making the move).

So here's my question: Since making a move in person has given me a 0% success rate at getting laid (and only a minimal success rate at getting a date, with a girl I ended up regretting anyway), is it even worth it for me to try with in-person approaches? Or should I stick with methods that have given me more success (Dating/hookup websites. Waiting for the woman to approach me. Allowing it to just sort of happen, with neither of us making the move)?

One more thing I should mention on my OP: I know many of you are aware of my escort habit. I'm going to request everyone refrain from turning this into an escort thread. This thread isn't about escorts; it's about my successes/failures at getting a free woman (and how to maximize the odds of getting a free woman)

@GoodMan32 Which hookup/dating websites have you had success on? For me, it was only POF.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't necessarily think it's anyone else's fault. I merely think it's an unfortunate fact I'm on the spectrum.

Then stop using that as a built in excuse and a self-limitation. All you keep talking about is how you are on the spectrum this and on the spectrum that. Anytime something doesn't work you fall back to your built in excuse.

Fvck that. That's not the real reason you failed. It's just the reason you tell yourself because it fits within your belief system.

CHANGE YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM.

It's going to be harder for you. So what? I'm sure there are math professors and math teachers that struggled in math when they went to school. They didn't care, they just worked harder and maybe had to learn different things to help them.

At the end of the day, it's all about how inconvenienced you are willing to be to make whatever you want a reality. Most people want something but only if it doesn't inconvenience them at all and that's when it becomes a pipe dream and not a real goal.

 

[GoodMan32]

@GoodMan32 Which hookup/dating websites have you had success on? For me, it was only POF.

As for the hookup websites, I mentioned to another poster that I had success with Craigslist (back when they allowed sex ads) and datehookup.

As for dating sites, I've had success with:

• OkCupid
• Craigslist personals (which wasn't quite the same as Craigslist sex ads; I'm pretty sure Craigslist doesn't even allow personals anymore though)
• POF (In fact, I got my longest relationship, an 8 monther, from POF. The relationship was sexless, however).
• Then there was this other dating site I got one date from back in 2012; I forget the name of it.

 

[GoodMan32]

Then stop using that as a built in excuse and a self-limitation. All you keep talking about is how you are on the spectrum this and on the spectrum that. Anytime something doesn't work you fall back to your built in excuse.

Fvck that. That's not the real reason you failed. It's just the reason you tell yourself because it fits within your belief system.

CHANGE YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM.

It's going to be harder for you. So what? I'm sure there are math professors and math teachers that struggled in math when they went to school. They didn't care, they just worked harder and maybe had toesrn different things to help them.

At the end of the day, it's all about how inconvenienced you are willing to be to make whatever you want a reality. Most people want something but only if it doesn't inconvenience them at all and that's when it becomes a pipe dream and not a real goal.

Ok, fair enough, I am willing to acknowledge the possibility it's possible for me to do better with the ladies.

I cannot stress enough, however, the fact a woman has compared me to Jeffrey Dahmer (I'm mentioning this to put into perspective the challenges I'm working with). That's a pretty huge hurdle to overcome, when you come across as a cannibal serial killer.

And as for the last woman I had a date with, while she never compared me to Jeffrey Dahmer, it all started to really go downhill with her when I failed to understand a joke she made (A joke which neurotypicals apparently had no trouble getting when I shared with neurotypicals). In this one instance at least, is it accurate to say being on the spectrum is why I failed (since being on the spectrum is why her joke went over my head)?

 

[TheGambino]

You guys underestimate the fact that you should get your smv up, hit the gym, buy nice clothes be the best version of you. Then you’ll get chosing signals from women which you should react on by approaching

 

[Canadian_Man]

A joke which neurotypicals apparently had no trouble getting when I shared with neurotypicals

Here's another suggestion, stop using terms like "autism", "neurotypical", "spectrum", and any other language of this sort.

The connotations you carry with it are part of your mental habits.

Mental habits create your mindset.

Changing this habit is one small tangible step of many you can take to help yourself.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ok, fair enough, I am willing to acknowledge the possibility it's possible for me to do better with the ladies.

I cannot stress enough, however, the fact a woman has compared me to Jeffrey Dahmer (I'm mentioning this to put into perspective the challenges I'm working with). That's a pretty huge hurdle to overcome, when you come across as a cannibal serial killer.

And as for the last woman I had a date with, while she never compared me to Jeffrey Dahmer, it all started to really go downhill with her when I failed to understand a joke she made (A joke which neurotypicals apparently had no trouble getting when I shared with neurotypicals). In this one instance at least, is it accurate to say being on the spectrum is why I failed (since being on the spectrum is why her joke went over my head)?

Why do you continue to put so much weight into what ONE SINGLE PERSON TOLD YOU, ONE TIME?

Why do you care what that person believed so much that it cripples you now?

That's what you need to figure out and fix. Until you do, all I can say is good luck. You are going to be spinning your wheels as if you are stuck on a giant ice patch.

That woman did not stop being interested in you because you didn't get a joke. It was likely the last straw to push her interest level below the threshold that allowed her to continue the interaction. Like the drop of water that caused the cup to overflow. That drop of water in an empty cup has no effect. The same drop when the glass is full caused it to spill over.

Either her interest level was never that high to begin with or it was falling throughout the interaction and that was the final thing that made it fall too far.

You could literally tell a woman you were Jeffrey Dahmer and if she was super interested in you she would probably laugh it off and wouldn't care.

The issue is you continue to make wrong assumptions based on your faulty belief system and you can't see otherwise and no amount of telling you differently or trying to show you differently is going to matter until you address that on your own. Nobody else can help you with that, you have to it for yourself.

But first, you have to accept that as a problem. That's the first step in fixing it. Until you do, nothing will change and you will keep going around in circles because you aren't addressing the root cause.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

As for the hookup websites, I mentioned to another poster that I had success with Craigslist (back when they allowed sex ads) and datehookup.

As for dating sites, I've had success with:

• OkCupid
• Craigslist personals (which wasn't quite the same as Craigslist sex ads; I'm pretty sure Craigslist doesn't even allow personals anymore though)
• POF (In fact, I got my longest relationship, an 8 monther, from POF. The relationship was sexless, however).
• Then there was this other dating site I got one date from back in 2012; I forget the name of it.

A sexless relationship isn't a relationship. It's a friendship just with the opposite sex. Quite sure she was having sex during that time. Just not with you.

 

[BaronOfHair]

In a way, the fact my case is mild hurts me even more. Since the average normie would never be able to tell I'm on the spectrum, they get freaked out by my social ineptitude (and apparent creepiness). Because as far as they can tell, I have no reason to be "off." They think I'm simply strange/dangerous (I've even had a woman compare me to Jeffrey Dahmer).

It's likely then advisable to focus more on continuing to refrain from carving up any of these escorts you patronize + Frying up and feasting on their flesh and internal organs afterwards, and less on trying to secure LTRs with "regular" women

 

[GoodMan32]

You guys underestimate the fact that you should get your smv up, hit the gym, buy nice clothes be the best version of you. Then you’ll get chosing signals from women which you should react on by approaching

I'm often the best-dressed employee at my workplace. In fact, the only male employee who rivals me (as far as clothing) is this total Chad of a VP.

 

[GoodMan32]

Why do you continue to put so much weight into what ONE SINGLE PERSON TOLD YOU, ONE TIME?

Why do you care what that person believed so much that it cripples you now?

That's what you need to figure out and fix. Until you do, all I can say is good luck. You are going to be spinning your wheels as if you are stuck on a giant ice patch.

That woman did not stop being interested in you because you didn't get a joke. It was likely the last straw to push her interest level below the threshold that allowed her to continue the interaction. Like the drop of water that caused the cup to overflow. That drop of water in an empty cup has no effect. The same drop when the glass is full caused it to spill over.

Either her interest level was never that high to begin with or it was falling throughout the interaction and that was the final thing that made it fall too far.

You could literally tell a woman you were Jeffrey Dahmer and if she was super interested in you she would probably laugh it off and wouldn't care.

The issue is you continue to make wrong assumptions based on your faulty belief system and you can't see otherwise and no amount of telling you differently or trying to show you differently is going to matter until you address that on your own. Nobody else can help you with that, you have to it for yourself.

But first, you have to accept that as a problem. That's the first step in fixing it. Until you do, nothing will change and you will keep going around in circles because you aren't addressing the root cause.

The Jeffrey Dahmer comment was part of a larger pattern. I was viewed as the freaky creep in middle school, high school, and college. Getting compared to Jeffrey Dahmer by a woman at 23 (after college) was a sign that even in the real world, my freaky creep aura was there. Had I been compared to him without the larger pattern, the single comment wouldn't mean as much.

As for the woman I had my last date with, you're probably right. Her interest level was likely already dropping (and my failure to get a joke was what made the cup overflow). The failure to get a joke happened a mere 4 days after I met her.

I've been told (on a different online community I belong to) that I'm too sex-crazed. But I have good reason to be sex-crazed. In my experience, a woman doesn't generally remain into me for long (case in point: the woman I just mentioned losing interest in me after 4 days). That means I have an extremely brief window to get into her pants. I want to get into her pants quickly not because I'm a pig, but because I'm enough of a realist to realize: If I don't get into her pants right away, I likely won't ever get into her pants.

 

[GoodMan32]

A sexless relationship isn't a relationship. It's a friendship just with the opposite sex. Quite sure she was having sex during that time. Just not with you.

We still did other stuff (cuddling, BJs, fondling each other, I even ate her out once, which tasted gross). The sexlessness was mainly because we both lived at home.

Also, worth mentioning: She was fat (and far below me on the looks scale). On more than one occasion, I've had to dip way below my place on the looks scale just so I could get a woman.

I had a friend in college who looked a lot like me. He had no trouble getting hot girlfriends.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

We still did other stuff (cuddling, BJs, fondling each other, I even ate her out once, which tasted gross). The sexlessness was mainly because we both lived at home.

Also, worth mentioning: She was fat (and far below me on the looks scale). On more than one occasion, I've had to dip way below my place on the looks scale just so I could get a woman.

I had a friend in college who looked a lot like me. He had no trouble getting hot girlfriends.

Yes, that's because he didn't have the same self-limiting belief system you do.

That should resonate with you, I hope and you should actually look at that as one reason why your belief system is wrong.

 

[SW15]

freaky creep aura

That's a problem if you're giving off this impression.

At the risk of making it sound like I'm using the spectrum thing as an excuse, I really think being on the spectrum is what's holding me back.

Being neurodivergent makes getting laid and getting into longer term relationships more difficult. The fact that you've had sex with 9 women without directly paying for it as a neurodivergent male is a good accomplishment.

The current sexual marketplace is difficult for neurotypical males. It's even more difficult for neurodivergent males.

I've been told (on a different online community I belong to) that I'm too sex-crazed. But I have good reason to be sex-crazed. In my experience, a woman doesn't generally remain into me for long (case in point: the woman I just mentioned losing interest in me after 4 days). That means I have an extremely brief window to get into her pants. I want to get into her pants quickly not because I'm a pig, but because I'm enough of a realist to realize: If I don't get into her pants right away, I likely won't ever get into her pants.

Moving fast is often a good idea if the primary goal is solely to get laid.

Moving fast is not as good of an idea if you're seeking something longer term. Even for men who want something longer term, it is better to make a move towards that sooner than later.

I don't think you're too sex crazed. The problem is more of the fact that you are not making the best possible impression and that's lowering their attraction for you. No woman is telling a 6'0"+ man with lower body fat, a nice tan, and nice muscle definition that he's too sex crazed.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

A sexless relationship isn't a relationship. It's a friendship just with the opposite sex. Quite sure she was having sex during that time. Just not with you.

yup i have high functioning autism as well, and i know what its like to be in a sexless relationship, i refuse to refer to her as an ex-girlfriend because of that, however, she claimed she was a virgin so its possible she wasn't ready, the only woman i had sex with for "free" was a situationship with a woman i had in 2017, i met her through POF.

 

[GoodMan32]

That's a problem if you're giving off this impression.



Being neurodivergent makes getting laid and getting into longer term relationships more difficult. The fact that you've had sex with 9 women without directly paying for it as a neurodivergent male is a good accomplishment.

The current sexual marketplace is difficult for neurotypical males. It's even more difficult for neurodivergent males.



Moving fast is often a good idea if the primary goal is solely to get laid.

Moving fast is not as good of an idea if you're seeking something longer term. Even for men who want something longer term, it is better to make a move towards that sooner than later.

I don't think you're too sex crazed. The problem is more of the fact that you are making the best possible impression and that's lowering their attraction for you. No woman is telling a 6'0"+ man with lower body fat, a nice tan, and nice muscle definition that he's too sex crazed.

I appreciate you telling me it's an accomplishment that I've gotten laid by 9 unpaid partners. Even if some were way below me in terms of looks, is it still an accomplishment? (I remember one woman from craigslist who never shared a picture with me before meeting up. When she showed up at my place, I thought to myself "I won't be able to do this"...because of how ugly she was. Yet I banged her anyway).

Regardless of your answer to the question I just asked, the hookup website game is a lot different today than in 2012 (6 of my 7 successes from hookup websites took place in 2012).

Overall, here's how I'd describe the looks of my free sex partners (I am going to list my free partners in chronological order):

First woman (craigslist): good looks
Second woman (craigslist): she's the one I mentioned where I thought to myself "I won't be able to do this"
Third woman (craigslist): decent looks if you're ok with thickness (which I am); she was wayyyyy older than me though (which wasn't a problem for me, but would be for a lot of men)
Fourth woman (craigslist): good looks
Fifth woman (datehookup): fat and ugly
Sixth woman (craigslist): good looks
Seventh woman (craigslist): She's the one free partner I had ongoing sex with. She was a married woman who had a month-long affair with me. I'd call her average in terms of looks (She was fat, which wasn't a problem for me. And she was way older than me, which also wasn't a problem for me)
Eighth woman (met in person): fat and ugly
Ninth woman (met in person): beautiful, 13 years older than me

The thing with moving fast; what you're saying is true, it makes sense to move fast if you want a sex-focused relationship. The problem is when I've moved fast outside of hookup websites, I end up scaring the woman away (The 2 free women I successfully nailed outside of hookup websites, I didn't necessarily try to move fast with. The first free woman just sort of happened right after we met; without deliberate effort on my part. The 2nd free woman, I had flirted with off and on for 2 years before finally getting sex from her. On the day I finally got sex from her, it just sort of happened though, without me putting in effort).

I've shared some images of myself with a few posters on here by DM. I don't remember if I've shared any with you. If you'd like to get an idea of what I'm working with (looks-wise), I'd be willing to share with you on DM.

 

[SW15]

Overall, here's how I'd describe the looks of my free sex partners (I am going to list my free partners in chronological order):

First woman (craigslist): good looks
Second woman (craigslist): she's the one I mentioned where I thought to myself "I won't be able to do this"
Third woman (craigslist): decent looks if you're ok with thickness (which I am); she was wayyyyy older than me though (which wasn't a problem for me, but would be for a lot of men)
Fourth woman (craigslist): good looks
Fifth woman (datehookup): fat and ugly
Sixth woman (craigslist): good looks
Seventh woman (craigslist): She's the one free partner I had ongoing sex with. She was a married woman who had a month-long affair with me. I'd call her average in terms of looks (She was fat, which wasn't a problem for me. And she was way older than me, which also wasn't a problem for me)
Eighth woman (met in person): fat and ugly
Ninth woman (met in person): beautiful, 13 years older than me

3 of the 9 women are quality as I would define quality taking your "good looks" description at face value. 5 of the 9 women are not quality. Attractive but substantially older is debatable. When a man goes much older, it can be a sign of him struggling to attractive women near his own age.

I appreciate you telling me it's an accomplishment that I've gotten laid by 9 unpaid partners. Even if some were way below me in terms of looks, is it still an accomplishment?

It is less of an accomplishment. It is common. In 5 of the 9 cases, you were taking hits in quality. Some might even call it dumpster diving.

I have seen enough men dumpster diving over the years in order to get laid in the short term or get some sort of longer term relationship. It's a common practice.

The problem is when I've moved fast outside of hookup websites, I end up scaring the woman away

If this is a persistent problem, then you'd want to examine why it is a frequent and reoccurring problem.

There are instances when even good looking neurotypical men scare off women by moving too fast. It can happen to anyone some of the time and for multiple reasons.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Dude, please, ask your neighbour out. Do it for all the Sosuave members locked up in relationships right now lol

 

[GoodMan32]

3 of the 9 women are quality as I would define quality taking your "good looks" description at face value. 5 of the 9 women are not quality. Attractive but substantially older is debatable. When a man goes much older, it can be a sign of him struggling to attractive women near his own age.



It is less of an accomplishment. It is common. In 5 of the 9 cases, you were taking hits in quality. Some might even call it dumpster diving.

I have seen enough men dumpster diving over the years in order to get laid in the short term or get some sort of longer term relationship. It's a common practice.



If this is a persistent problem, then you'd want to examine why it is a frequent and reoccurring problem.

There are instances when even good looking neurotypical men scare off women by moving too fast. It can happen to anyone some of the time and for multiple reasons.

Of the 6 partners I had sex with during college, 3 were 20-somethings (all 3 of which looked good). With the decent-looking (but thick and way older) woman, I posted an ad on craigslist specifically seeking out a much older woman. Don't get me wrong though, I obviously had a hard time getting with a young woman during college (Seeing as the only young women I could get laid by in college were on hookup websites. Sort of. There was a fourth young woman during college who ended up naked in my bed after the first date. We met through online dating. I opted out of the sex with her, despite being attracted to her. I inserted myself into her for a split second. Then I immediately quit...so I don't count her as a sex partner).

Even at my current age, I'm into much older. I have a thread about my neighbor in her early 50s whose pants I'd like to get into (I myself am in my early 30s).

I have some theories on why the scaring women away thing has been a recurring problem (On that note, my number I gave on my OP, where I said I've gone on dates with 8 women, is incorrect. I just remembered a 9th woman I went on a date with. We met on craigslist personals. I ultimately ended up scaring her away by being too sex-eager). That being said, hearing the same problem can even happen to attractive neurotypical men is alarming (And a catch 22. Men are supposed to move fast if they want a sex-dominated relationship. Yet if the man moves too quickly, he can end up scaring her away, even if he's a Chad)

 

[SW15]

We met on craigslist personals.

the hookup website game is a lot different today than in 2012 (6 of my 7 successes from hookup websites took place in 2012).

It's 2024 and we're talking about 2012 stuff. There's a case to be made that your tactics haven't changed with the times. Tactics tend to need to change more often than overall strategy. Overall strategy is based on fundamentals that tend to shift more slowly.

the 6 partners I had sex with during college

If you attended college from roughly ages 18-23, talking about college sex experiences isn't as relevant to today. There is a time and place for sharing college sex experiences. We even had a good thread on college sex experiences on this forum.

Observations about college sex life from someone that went to a party school.

I thought I'd share this as someone who went to a party school and was in a fraternity there as well. Not wanting to give too much about myself but I went to UGA and graduated a few years ago. While Athens has its hot girls, I do feel like the quality got worse every year due to the admission...

www.sosuave.net

I am in my early 40s and I attended college from 2001-2005. At this point, when I think about my college sex experience, I realize that some parts of my college sex experience might be dated. A college student today would not be able to use many of the game tactics that I used in the 2001-2005 era.

Also, if a college student is using tech methods to pursue non-college students, that is often a bit problematic and a sign that there are problems with him attracting women on campus.