Is 30 too old?

[TheMonkeyKing]

That's interesting to hear

How so Jaeger?

 

[Spence]

It's NEVER too late, ya hear.

I appreciate this, the tough American brawn approach, something I admire in our cousins across the pond.

I am 31 and currently dating a 23 year old... among others You are 30, so you do the maths!

For your self, I have experienced many characters such as yours (though obviously I have never met you). I will give you two pieces of advice that will hopefully see you successful from here onward.

1) Grow your own self worth.
Your lack of self worth is what is holding you back. It's not easy, but the only way to get what you want is to go out there and get it. It is easier said than done. You may not get it immediately, but the more you practice, the better you get. I am living proof of that. Allow yourself to become comfortable in social settings and when you see something you want, just go for it! If she turns you down, pfft, there's a thousand others like her and plenty more cueing up behind.

2) Protect your self worth.
Do not become too emotionally invested with anyone, not even when you are married. We set ourselves up for a fall when we do that; there are countless stories on this site displaying this fact. I again am living proof, on more than one occasion. Considering the history of your depression, if you let yourself fall, it may be much harder for you than most to pull yourself up again.

All the best.

You are right it is a self-esteem issue, I would say I am confident it's my self-worth that is lacking, depression really hits that, bipolar screws it totally but I will be working on controlling or calming those issues in such situations "allow yourself to become comfortable in social settings", this I will be working on.. Really great advice thank you.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

How so Jaeger?

Its great that your age hasn't stopped you from still being able to attract those 20-somethings

 

[Spence]

Its great that your age hasn't stopped you from still being able to attract those 20-somethings

Jaeger you are far from 30 what on earth are you doing with your constant and ridiculous posts.. really they do sound like that of a depressed adolescent... no offence but the posts are unbearable, from dangling carrots to these statements, to really immature comments about how you are so frustrated with and hate women and that you don't want to change... Can you stop? This is a thread about guys in their 30s dating younger girls in their early 20s, and not about you crying a river about everything.

Just as an example:

if only women could retain their youthfulness even longer

And why do women not deserve hatred and bitterness towards them?

but ya nobody will ever force me to embrace the role or card I was dealt with being a guy that I have to be the one to make something happen or make things happen with a girl, I hate taking responsibility with a huge raging passion, and I don't like how people argue how it supposedly gives us guys "power", women still have the final say, they control the outcome not us guys.

What the hell is this? Man the **** up... and I say this for your benefit.

 

[62Telecaster]

...I think a lot of this is overcomplication. For one thing, finding younger girls shouldn't be a chore. I live in a very large college town and overall growing small city, both the university and city are completely intertwined to the point where townies and students are pretty much mixed together frequently. I'm in walking distance to bars/clubs/lounges/restaurants and run into 20-30 year old girls constantly.

That's why meeting younger girls is easy for me...I'm living in an environment that is lively and social to the point where you almost have to do it. If you're living anywhere other than a younger section of a city or a large college town, it may be awkward and hard to naturally find girls within the age range that we're talking about. It's easy to do if there are lots of them around you constantly...shouldn't be finding a needle in a haystack.

Exactly what are you working with? Are you in a good location, or isolated in a small community? Numbers are everything...I'm 28 and have had no problems day/nite with meeting people since moving. Nobody really cares about my age one way or the other, and it's the complete opposite of the old town that I used to live in. Any girl that I talk to thinks that it's great that I'm not a student/have a career/bought a house/etc...just had two 23 year olds move in next door, they've stopped by randomly on their own to talk to me for three days straight. You need to find ways to make things easy on yourself and it'll happen for you. Start hanging out and networking with young professionals and students...20-early 30s is a legit age group with lots of friends and relationships to be had. People are all over the map in terms of life experience and achievements within that age range, so don't worry and stop thinking so much about it.

 

[FieldDay]

The posters on here have given you great advice to work with, but you guys continue to wallow in your own self-pity.

They are not saying you have to go after younger girls exclusively. If you are not comfortable with that right now, stick to a smaller age gap. Pretty soon you will find that your confidence attracts the young girls TO YOU.

And drop the self-pity, blame it on depression, blame your "disorder". While it very well may exist, it is not going to fix itself. I had a "chemical imbalance" myself when I was under 21. Get healthy, eat healthy, get exercise, sunlight and fresh air. Your physical and mental are intimately linked and you need to care for both. Find some new interests, get out in the world, be active and around new people. The universe will work out the rest.

ps. for depression you have to realize that ups and downs are a part of life. We are designed to feel a wide range of emotions and MISERABLE is one of them. If your miserable too often it means you need to make some changes in your life. (see above)

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

ps. for depression you have to realize that ups and downs are a part of life. We are designed to feel a wide range of emotions and MISERABLE is one of them. If your miserable too often it means you need to make some changes in your life.

Wow Field Day. I have lost count I have uttered these exact words to people. Consider yourself repped. Of course depression is a subjective experience and it is not for one to judge the experience of another. But the two most self-defeating symptoms of depression are as follows:

-'No one else understands'.
-'No one else has it as bad as me.

They usually do understand. As an outsider, they probably understand better than the sufferer. And usually because they have had it as bad, sometimes worse.

Spence:
Ha! I ain't a Yanky mate. I am closer than you think. PM me and I'll take you to meet some women. Hot ones. Really hot ones.

Jaeger:
I don't let my age nor anything else get in the way of what I want. It's not motivational spiel, it's not a mind-set. It's a way of life. I have realised that now, after months and months of practice. It's not easy. Really it's not. But it is neither impossible nor improbable too.

 

[VikingKing]

I dont understand how this thread has gone 5 pages. For Christ's sake.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I dont understand how this thread has gone 5 pages. For Christ's sake.

Iii know.... with my own extremely profound musings barely making it past 5 f*cking comments. gonna Start a t!tty w@nk thread. Bet that'l go some. Then I am going to have an actual t!t w@nk. :crazy:

 

[Spence]

The posters on here have given you great advice to work with, but you guys continue to wallow in your own self-pity.

They are not saying you have to go after younger girls exclusively. If you are not comfortable with that right now, stick to a smaller age gap. Pretty soon you will find that your confidence attracts the young girls TO YOU.

And drop the self-pity, blame it on depression, blame your "disorder". While it very well may exist, it is not going to fix itself. I had a "chemical imbalance" myself when I was under 21. Get healthy, eat healthy, get exercise, sunlight and fresh air. Your physical and mental are intimately linked and you need to care for both. Find some new interests, get out in the world, be active and around new people. The universe will work out the rest.

ps. for depression you have to realize that ups and downs are a part of life. We are designed to feel a wide range of emotions and MISERABLE is one of them. If your miserable too often it means you need to make some changes in your life. (see above)

Honestly this was a really unnecessary post, not sure who it's directed at but I'll take it was to me. There is no self-pity from my end, unless you are trying to read that into it what I have written. I have spoken very matter of factly about my situation and my desire to change it. I've also taken all the advice in and I am not the one continuing the thread!!!

Again I simply wanted some opinions of being in your 30s and getting with young girls, and I got many opinions so thank you all for that.

 

[62Telecaster]

Honestly this was a really unnecessary post, not sure who it's directed at but I'll take it was to me. There is no self-pity from my end, unless you are trying to read that into it what I have written. I have spoken very matter of factly about my situation and my desire to change it. I've also taken all the advice in and I am not the one continuing the thread!!!

Again I simply wanted some opinions of being in your 30s and getting with young girls, and I got many opinions so thank you all for that.

No Matter who it was directed towards....tough love is pretty damned appropriate here. You are the only reason why you haven't succeeded so far. Go grab some buddies and explain that you want to go out and talk to some girls, just go for it and keep moving on if you fail. It's not so much about dating younger girls as it is dating girls in general, and if you surround yourself regularly with girls within any specific age group...well, numbers apply and it becomes a lot easier.

Point in case, I just went to Target 20 minutes ago after working out...three employees stopped me to ask how I was doing, all of them in their 20s and fairly attractive, and the simple fact that I said "not too bad, and how about you?" was enough to start a conversation each time. It's like they were shocked that somebody was nice and asked them how they were...little things like that are what you could and should be working on. It seriously doesn't take much.

Well that's it for me...my advice is to manipulate and construct your every day life to where meeting people and seeing datable girls is common occurance and not a surprise. Now go back and read what everybody else has told you to do, as they're also right and offering good advise on exactly how to get over yourself.

 

[Spence]

No Matter who it was directed towards....tough love is pretty damned appropriate here. You are the only reason why you haven't succeeded so far.

I wish I could say that last part and take it on the chin, but it would be a lie. Bipolarism is not a choice, I can find no reason in the last 10 years for why I suffered so bad, people get managed for it for life and I'm afraid I may be one of those.

My problem is not situational i.e. not situational depression, I am fit, I exercise everyday, I am quite able to turn other aspects of my life around.. Changing my situation will not help the illness, for example I feel like **** before, during and after exercise, I still force myself to do it but it makes it that much harder. I will still feel like **** when I get with girls, although one situationally depressing aspect of my life would be being dealt with that's all.

I suppose let me rephrase the premise, my reason for not succeeding so far is my not being able to succesfully manage bipolarism and depressive bouts while approaching the subject. This is why I approached sosuave and other PUA material just to help me give me that edge while trying to manage the turmoil inside.

I suppose in this respect I can be blamed, although 3 years ago there is no way I was fit enough mentally to even approach the subject. It is meditation that got me back on my feet, not meds and therapy.

Anyway that's hopefully the last from me. Thanks everyone I very much appreciate the help..