Intorversion - (SERIOUSLY) help me make it a plus to get women!

[BrokenLeftWing]

Does not work.

Introversion and socialization DO NOT MIX!

Its like oil and water. You need to fix your introversion problem however you can.

Look up "low-self esteem" (and associationg behaviour patterns) and go from there.

what your asking for is a little tricky man. You want to stay to yourself and at the same time get women. There are a few ways I see this happening for you: 1. You have to get a girl interested in you first and then pull back. The problem your going to have here is that you say your only interested in yourself. When I talk to people that I don't get a damn what their saying, only thinking about hitting it, I just do a little n.l.p work and then its one. I'm only going to give you half of the puzzle, if you want more of it pm me.

 

[Babnik]

what your asking for is a little tricky man. You want to stay to yourself and at the same time get women. There are a few ways I see this happening for you: 1. You have to get a girl interested in you first and then pull back. The problem your going to have here is that you say your only interested in yourself. When I talk to people that I don't get a damn what their saying, only thinking about hitting it, I just do a little n.l.p work and then its one. I'm only going to give you half of the puzzle, if you want more of it pm me.

And which e-book are you selling?

 

[BrokenLeftWing]

And which e-book are you selling?

lol Thank you for thinking that, but I'm not selling anything. I just don't like to waste my knowledge on someone that is going to f around and never use it or never at least give it a shot. If he wants to know more, then he'll pm me.

 

[Socialreject]

Eh, i don't get it, if you are opposed to socializing then why do it? Obviously you have some kind of 'desire' that requires the company, and approval of others. If you only want a woman for sex and have absolutely no other interests in her, or anyone elses personality, then by all means, why not simply get a woman just for that? Or maybe you have already?

I guess what i'm saying is... i don't understand your 'question'?

How to use introversion to your advantage? Errr i really don't know, i guess it can be advantagious in such a way that you have more time to yourself, and hence more time to think and gather new knowledge of whatever it is that interests you...

I'm a bit of both myself, but much more extro than intro. I do really NEED my private space and time. I find it especially disturbing if people invade my home as some tend to do. So how has this need for privacy benefited me? Well i'm not sure, i suppose in a lot of ways i have used the time to plan things, which have turned out fairly well. Planning is one of those things i do entirely private rather than in communication with others.

 

[Babnik]

Eh, i don't get it, if you are opposed to socializing then why do it? Obviously you have some kind of 'desire' that requires the company, and approval of others. If you only want a woman for sex and have absolutely no other interests in her, or anyone elses personality, then by all means, why not simply get a woman just for that? Or maybe you have already?

I guess what i'm saying is... i don't understand your 'question'?

How to use introversion to your advantage? Errr i really don't know, i guess it can be advantagious in such a way that you have more time to yourself, and hence more time to think and gather new knowledge of whatever it is that interests you...

I'm a bit of both myself, but much more extro than intro. I do really NEED my private space and time. I find it especially disturbing if people invade my home as some tend to do. So how has this need for privacy benefited me? Well i'm not sure, i suppose in a lot of ways i have used the time to plan things, which have turned out fairly well. Planning is one of those things i do entirely private rather than in communication with others.

You can't get a woman in your bed without talking to her... body language by itself without words will create the vibe, but without words... look it just doesn't work this way!

 

[Socialreject]

Ok i guess what i was trying to say is...

If a female body to masturbate in is ALL you feel you need, there are ways to get that two. You'd essentially be buying her physical presence, and favors. I'm sure you can figure out what kind of women fall under this cathegory... hookers, gold diggers, etc. Alternatively, fukbuddies you can meet through various sources that don't involve talk, just a small fee for signing up, etc.

In essence, you can't expect a woman, that is a person, with self esteem, to give up her body and soul/personality, to a guy who only offers his body in return and nothing else. If you want sex for sex, you should just visit places that are specifically designed for just that.

If you go to a place like that, as a young attractive guy then trust me, you wont need to do any talking, asside form perhaps some sleazy pick up talk... you just pay the entry fee to the club and be done with it...

Tit for tat, that's how it goes.

 

[Babnik]

Ok i guess what i was trying to say is...

If a female body to masturbate in is ALL you feel you need, there are ways to get that two. You'd essentially be buying her physical presence, and favors. I'm sure you can figure out what kind of women fall under this cathegory... hookers, gold diggers, etc. Alternatively, fukbuddies you can meet through various sources that don't involve talk, just a small fee for signing up, etc.

In essence, you can't expect a woman, that is a person, with self esteem, to give up her body and soul/personality, to a guy who only offers his body in return and nothing else. If you want sex for sex, you should just visit places that are specifically designed for just that.

If you go to a place like that, as a young attractive guy then trust me, you wont need to do any talking, asside form perhaps some sleazy pick up talk... you just pay the entry fee to the club and be done with it...

Tit for tat, that's how it goes.

I've said it before. I went on dates where I didn't connect at ALL and the girl even told me that BUT still she wanted to get laid.

Girls love sex. Many are willing to do it even if there is no real attraction. You can always turn her on and do her and then just bye bye.

Its just it definitely doesn't work on majority of girls. They want to feel connected. I don't really. I don't actually WANT to be connected. No feelings = best.

 

[Bevo]

Hi Babnik,
didnt read the thread, but i can very much relate to you and the link you posted.

In my life introversion was always a big plus!!! I guess, because calmness shows you are sovereign. Now I am german and in germany there is a saying: "calm waters are deep", so i always perceived introversion as mysterious and sexy and so did the babes! Extroverts and social oriented people in my world always appeared as losers distracting from their feelings.
Let me tell you another thing: I had sex with girls I didnt know at all WITHOUT SPEAKING A DAMN WORD!! in train, on beach, on country road, in restrooms...

cheers!

 

[lyamdb]

I have been long search for a term that describes and now I understand that I am a natural INTROVERT.

One of the things I used to say is that "I am NOT antisocial, I don't have anxiety of people, I can give a speech to 1000s of people and do it WELL"

But it still bothered me that I didn't enjoy small talk or just socializing where is no real information present.

Then, I read this - http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

It describes me perfectly.



I'm 100% like that. I have friends, but I prefer a small group of friends and I hang out with them a few times a week.

I hate big parties. They drain the energy from me.


Here are some things I know for sure:

I don't care for others. I don't care how they feel or what they want. I don't care if she or her did something last night. Its not USEFUL information.

I admit to being this way and don't try to be an extrovert because it makes me feel like a self-denying loser.

I don't care what people think of me. My confidence comes from the INSIDE, without any help of people around me. I don't need compliments (I hate compliments).

I don't need a woman's company for anything else but sex. A woman can't make me feel better, she can't provide anything, but physical contact (cuddling, kissing, sex). I don't think I am being an ******* by being so. Its how I feel on the inside.


I realized my BIGGEST POWER is the confidence. I don't need social proof, I don't need attention of other women, I don't need anything and ANYONE to make myself feel good and to love myself. Guys try to act alpha and try to gain RESPECT from others. I don't. I already have it. I don't need their opinions. I just feel it and have it.

BIGGEST WEAKNESS - small talk about nothing which nearly VITAL. I am not interested what she studies, who her friends are, what she does for living, and what she did last night. Women can tell because my replies are FORCED and not natural, not honest. I don't say "Oh really?" with an a proper tone to seem interested. I say "Oh really"...



Generally speaking introversion is caring about your own mental stuff and not caring about others.


How can I use this more to my advantage because I am not planning on going against my nature. It drains me and depletes me. I need time ALONE and I love that time. It gives me power!

dude are you emotionaly and socialy satisfied in life? the fact that you have been searching web for dating tips, psychological definitions, and socialization skills tells me you know something's missing in your life. you\re just confused and don't know what it is. and if something IS missing, then you're not as introvert as you feel comfortable to be. if you were really as cold and disinterested in others as you like to think you are, you would never have found this forum. you have been searching for a long time. you have asked for help and advice several times. all this means you're not emotionally content. now let me give you another thesis which I think can describe you better than your own theory.
YOU DESPERATELY NEED MORE PEOPLE AND MORE SOCIAL FUN IN YOUR LIFE. its just probabely that because you've never had it before, you can't figure what's lacking. man what you describe isn't even introversion its cold-heartedness. introverts don't have many friends but they DO have very strong emotional bonds. they need women more than extroverts do. its just that the imporant part for them is the emotional part rather than the physical part. you're saying you don't need women for anything other than sex. that's not introversion. thats desperateness mixed with a feeling of hatred and revenge. add to it a chronic depression. you're just saying "the hell with women. who said I wanted them anyway? they're just pvssies." you are eliminationg the existance of what you need to kill your pain. you're just pretending to your self that there's nothing you need and don't have. and one more thing, have you ever heard the expression "you don't know what you're missing." ? that's it. you just don'y know what its like to be emotonally satisfied. you don't even know that emotional satisfaction exists.(according to your own words) that's why you can't figure what you need and therefore you try to eliminate the need to avoid confusion. get out of your comfort zone and try to mix with random people. you need to get to know yourself better. and the only thing that can help you with it is the live world our there. you will discover your interest in people. and I should tell you, no one is interested in what a random girl next to them in a bar is studying, etc. talking about that stuff is just for making the opportunity to establish a rapport and have some fun, laugh togeather. if its just informational talk about the chick's life it will be boring as hell, mostly for the chick.
get out of your comfortable cage.

 

[John_Galt]

Thats very wrong attitude because sometimes they try to start a conversation!!!!

Sometimes they give me a tone of "Why aren't you with the rest? Retarded?" and then I ignore them but sometimes they use it to get close to me.

Explaining what introvert means is just boring and not a good opening conversations.

I can't think of anything to say besides "I just like to chill by myself sometimes"

"I had a spontaneous erection and had to sit down and hide it. But you found me out, so you get first dibs."

 

[Babnik]

Hi Babnik,
didnt read the thread, but i can very much relate to you and the link you posted.

In my life introversion was always a big plus!!! I guess, because calmness shows you are sovereign. Now I am german and in germany there is a saying: "calm waters are deep", so i always perceived introversion as mysterious and sexy and so did the babes! Extroverts and social oriented people in my world always appeared as losers distracting from their feelings.
Let me tell you another thing: I had sex with girls I didnt know at all WITHOUT SPEAKING A DAMN WORD!! in train, on beach, on country road, in restrooms...

cheers!

Wow...how? I'm moving to Europe!

 

[Bevo]

hi Babnik, sorry I have no theories or general wisdoms, I suppose things work a bit different here in Europe, already the spanish women act VERY differently to the german (I mean, if you step out of the club-life which is the same all over the globe) In Spain women DO NOT HIDE THEIR DESIRES, not at all.
I dunno, I am not superb good looking, but I have tender, trustworthy but anyway somewhat sex-obsessed eyes. It goes all via the eyes. I think I just transmit that I am a tender guy who respects a no, but is superior (alpha) in matters of exchanging feelings and that I know about secret desires and that its an OK-thing.
Again. being introverted can appear superior and souvereign, as we dont seam like we need to prove something or need validation, if the women gets it just depends on what kind of woman you are dealing with. I go for sweet women that are thoughtful and sensible, but dont lack of sex fantasies eighter.
Look the reason I am here is to find out WHY I attract some of the best girls so fast. BTW they dont know it themselves.

 

[Babnik]

hi Babnik, sorry I have no theories or general wisdoms, I suppose things work a bit different here in Europe, already the spanish women act VERY differently to the german (I mean, if you step out of the club-life which is the same all over the globe) In Spain women DO NOT HIDE THEIR DESIRES, not at all.
I dunno, I am not superb good looking, but I have tender, trustworthy but anyway somewhat sex-obsessed eyes. It goes all via the eyes. I think I just transmit that I am a tender guy who respects a no, but is superior (alpha) in matters of exchanging feelings and that I know about secret desires and that its an OK-thing.
Again. being introverted can appear superior and souvereign, as we dont seam like we need to prove something or need validation, if the women gets it just depends on what kind of woman you are dealing with. I go for sweet women that are thoughtful and sensible, but dont lack of sex fantasies eighter.
Look the reason I am here is to find out WHY I attract some of the best girls so fast. BTW they dont know it themselves.

I sometimes want to just go and kiss a girl without saying anything. I am just too conditioned not to. I would THINK they'd find it awful hot!
I mean, thats to a girl who is looking at me and giving me a seductive look, and not just a random girl.

 

[Bevo]

I sometimes want to just go and kiss a girl without saying anything. I am just too conditioned not to. I would THINK they'd find it awful hot!
I mean, thats to a girl who is looking at me and giving me a seductive look, and not just a random girl.

sure it makes them hot, but it might scare them. Especially in public. You would have to be alone with her and then better step by step, learn how to "entertain" a girl with rather innocent touches, like conversation with touches, and hope they will see that sort of tenderness in you. if they are sensual they have a sensor for this.

i thought about it now and these encounters without words started by not being able to speak spanish in spain. THATS a delicate PRIVILEGE we have in europe! language barrier haha, not really a barrier.

 

[2Cool]

There a couple of decisions you have to make. I too am a natural introvert. Not in that I can't/don't care about other people, but I could survive just fine being alone much of the time. However, once I "decided" to open up, I simply had more fun. It will be the choice of people that you surround yourself with that will either make things pleasant or vice-versa for you.

Having a small group of close friends is perfectly sensisble. I would submit that most people have no more than 5 people that will support them when the chips are down and you need moral, spiritual, or financial assistance. So, this is right in line with your state of being. No big deal here.

Now, within your small group of friends use your interests and activities to establish your social scene. Basically, if you are around people you like, and doing things you enjoy the fatigue that you get should be lessened, and you are enjoying everyones company, in theory anyway.

Give it a shot, beyond that just be a recluse and see how many people you attract to you.

Your choice

 

[Babnik]

There a couple of decisions you have to make. I too am a natural introvert. Not in that I can't/don't care about other people, but I could survive just fine being alone much of the time. However, once I "decided" to open up, I simply had more fun. It will be the choice of people that you surround yourself with that will either make things pleasant or vice-versa for you.

Having a small group of close friends is perfectly sensisble. I would submit that most people have no more than 5 people that will support them when the chips are down and you need moral, spiritual, or financial assistance. So, this is right in line with your state of being. No big deal here.

Now, within your small group of friends use your interests and activities to establish your social scene. Basically, if you are around people you like, and doing things you enjoy the fatigue that you get should be lessened, and you are enjoying everyones company, in theory anyway.

Give it a shot, beyond that just be a recluse and see how many people you attract to you.

Your choice

Its true, once we spit out our common interests, things just get dull.

I'm saying that at the beginning I am like any extrovert, but I get tired very very soon of conversations.

I need much time to really THINK to myself.

 

[ObieJuan]

Its true, once we spit out our common interests, things just get dull.

I'm saying that at the beginning I am like any extrovert, but I get tired very very soon of conversations.

I need much time to really THINK to myself.

Yeah, that is true. It does feel like "work" sometimes because social interaction doesn't come completely natural. While I know it takes a lot of energy I've come to odds with the fact I need to put forth the effort.

As a DJ way of thinking it is improvement of a shortcoming I've had since I was a child. My mother didn't even know I could speak until I was 3! Nonetheless she was shocked when I spoke in sentences! lol! Come to think of it I don't even know how I ever had any friends- I suppose people just sort of liked me and stuck around until eventually they disappeared.

So how do we deal with this problem? I feel that the only way I can improve the social aspect is to set goals and accomplish whatever I can to feel confident and want to push and get out the rut I'm in to find these people that I might like to have in my life.

It all comes down to a reason...you will need to find whatever it is inside you that needs to be nurtured and try to feed it. I try to find in people qualities that I find in myself by elliciting values, giving opinions, making comments- it's a way for me to actually caring about who people are- details they keep tucked away from everyone else...that is what makes it interesting for me. Otherwise I'd rather be alone with my thoughts.

Dunno if I'm too good at making sense, maybe you can get something out of this post. Just try not to be Arrogant even if you feel superior. As they say- "No one likes a Braggart".

 

[Doggystyle]

There is nothing wrong with being introverted

 

[CoolBlue]

Old thread I'm digging up. I could use some help here also. I'm an introvert too, and I experience many things Babnik have described.


Basically, I am just not interested in fluff talk, and have no idea how to do it well. When I get together with the girls and sit down to talk, they'll talk about what they did, some people they know, or even obscure happenings they observe. I'm just not the sort of person who will care about something like that, I care about things that will make a difference. I also find it utterly ridiculous when people talk fantasy when I know they are not serious about it at all, yet they still say it really passionately. Y'know, when people say things like someday I will get a convertible ferrari and drive my friends halfway around the world, when I know they are nowhere near putting an effort to work towards getting any car. How can I learn to fluff and bull**** well?

Another thing is that I am wary about revealing too much about myself, and that can be for a good reason. I just feel if i reveal too much the world might not see me favorably. This causes me to hold back and not talk alot. What do you guys think?

 

[MikeYikes122]

I can relate to this thread but from a completely different perspective.

About three or four years back, I was wayyy too extroverted. I would demand way too much attention at all times and I was way too obsessed with attention from females. I had to have literally every girl in my college classes or at work attracted to me, or it would bother me. Sometimes I would even wonder what was wrong with me and allow my confidence to take a hit if I couldn't spark attraction with a girl. The more I think about it, the more I sounded like an AW.

I calmed down with it a little bit when I moved into an apartment alone and had to develop an introverted side. Now I can handle when a girl isn't attracted to me, and I am perfectly OK staying in on a Saturday night.

Anyway, the point is, it's acceptable to be introverted or extroverted, but you shouldn't be introverted to the point that you don't talk to anyone and come off as socially awkward. And on the other hand, you shouldn't be extroverted to the point that you absolutely need to be in the presence of other people. People who are on the extreme side of either personality type have serious confidence issues.

If you're a really introverted person, you have to develop an extroverted side. And if you are really extroverted and outgoing, you have to learn how to be alone.

It's not acceptable to be on the extreme side of either personality type. DJs, and well-rounded people for that matter, aren't necessarily extroverted or introverted. They're probably a modest combination of both.

The extreme extrovert is going to get more a$$ than the extreme introvert only because he isn't afraid to approach, but both have serious confidence issues that will be exposed eventually.