internet dating

[Stavrogin]

I've browsed those dating sites for years and can honestly say that I've only seen one woman who I wanted to communicate with. I decided not to because I could not believe that a woman that hot and intelligent would really use the internet to meet guys. I've heard that a lot of these women are non-subscribers and just use the dating sites to boost their egos. (For example, they want to see how many guys have looked at their profile.) That said, I now wonder whether I made a big mistake in listening to nay-sayers.

 

[MacAvoy]

I would respond with something about its good that she's health conscious and won't die from skin cancer, but then I would go on about the outdoors, mix that in with your hobbies.

Try put in another joke in there somewhere. Basic stuff, classic conversation skills in bible, listen, use something from it, and then finish with a question so that she has somewhere to go.

 

[AFC Savior]

Poonani, instead of being a chit chat clown, actually get her cell number or screen name so u can be C + F on her in real life

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Poonani, instead of being a chit chat clown, actually get her cell number or screen name so u can be C + F on her in real life

Better yet skip the phone call and just tell her to meet you someplace.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Better yet skip the phone call and just tell her to meet you someplace.

Amen. Close over email.

I've got a standard close that I cut & paste, works like a charm.

 

[Latinoman]

Ok, I took your advice MacAvoy and came up with this:

It's good that you are health conscious and won't die from skin cancer. Yeah walking through the forest all alone is great with the dead leaves and animals. I like skiing, fishing, hiking, and cycling in addition to swimming, tubing, rafting.

I've been knee-skiing since I was 4.

I got bit on the leg by a border collie last summer.

So where do you go for fun here in [where we live]?

And people tell me that "internet" and "real life" is the same? When you meet a woman in real life....and you interact with her...you don't have time to call people in SoSuave and ask "what should I say now?"

This is PRETTY PATHETIC coming from a mature man. Dude...I mean that. That's why I advice my female friends not to waste their time with dating sites as most of the men that search there are losers (not all...but most).

 

[guru1000]

Ok here's my planned response:

Yes, in the middle west part of it. Well, we shouldn't hang out because you're so used to being alone here, and I wouldn't want to ruin your "staying inside out of the sun" streak. So it wouldn't be such a good idea to go to Starbucks downtown tomorrow at 5:30 PM. Do you have a vehicle to get around in?

WOW, I can't remember ever being this out of sync.

There is alot more you need than a few simple lines.

 

[reset]

People have told me to give online dating a try but how can you tell if you're attracted to the woman without being next to her? Isn't attraction based on "face to face" interaction?

BUT-- if it gives you a chance to learn something about the person in advance, it might make your conversations more interesting in person.

All these commercials for E-harmony where all the "soul mates" have met makes it seem like a cure-all for real-world dating.

I did meet a girl once from online (years ago), we were "friends" though, I wasn't looking to date her. It kind of killed the "online" thing we had so eventually we just stopped talking period. It was weird.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Ok, then how do the, I'm terrible at this online thing. That's why I'm askin fer help.

This is easy.

A few sentences about what you do for fun.

Then, if she's near you, ask what she's doing this weekend. You're asking late. Usually you're supposed to close on a weekend before Wednesday.

Try:

(insert 3/4 sentences about what you do for fun)

"So, are you going to be around this Saturday or Sunday? If so, maybe we could meet up for a drink?"

That's it. Make her say yes or no.

 

[Latinoman]

This Poonani dude is setting himself for failure and embarrasment.

 

[wjh]

I could use some help online. I've read Francisco's stuff in this thread and it makes a lot of sense. Some of it is common sense.

However, to give some light as to how I project myself "In real life" I will include this e-mail.

I got an e-mail from a girl I pretty much told to f*ck off a year or so ago. She was giving me attitude for what seemed like no reason, and I got annoyed. So, I e-mailed her recently when I was bored. A mutual friend of ours is coming back from Iraq and I didn't want to have any problems with her when he returned (if/when we saw each other).

I don't seem to project the same sort of interest in women online. Please note that what I'm requesting has nothing to do with this girl specifically. I am simply trying to figure out how to convey the same "shamelessness" (to use her words) online:

her e-mail

hahaha... i KNOW.. you said maybe.. i was just wondering exactly what -WE- would actually do you know??

anyways.. my "seemingly" pissed off demeanor... no.. you know.. im not like that with anyone else.. its just that when i met you.. or re met you again.. it was like the first thing you did was check me out... like i was a piece of meat.. and i mean.. never have i met anyone that was soo... shameless... i mean.. you know what im saying??

most guys would at least check me out behind my back or something.. becuz i just felt like..only perverts check out girls with no shame. you know??

im sorry that i was like.. mean to you or whatever.. i just was very offended that you would do that right in front of me.
it really made me feel uncomfortable thats all.. thats why i was so mean to you.

ive never been around someone that made me feel out of my confort zone.. so i hope you understand.

i love to feel desireable.. but i also thnk that there is a place for all that. i mean.. i really dont know if you know wht im saying..

im not like the girls you get with.

really... id like to get along with you.. i just needed you to know that i really wasnt like what youre used to.
i know the types of girls youre into.. you are rather good looking and so im sure the girls flock to you by the bunches.. but maybe youre so used to getting those kinds of girls without really even trying that.. i dunno... made it less... idunno.. i dont even know how to dscribe it.

basically.. it doesnt take a lot for you to get girls and i felt like.. you thought you could just have me to check out or whatever.. whenever you wanted.. you get me?


oh and about you saying you never grabbed me or embarrassed me publically... id really like you to know why i was mean to you.. becuz i fet you -DID- embarrass me in front of all those people in the hotel room in vegas... the first time you checked me out.. you made it so OBVIOUS to everybody.. and seriously... i just want to say ..

if you must check me out... PLEASE do it so that not everyone sees. it just makes me feel uncomfortable that everyone who looks at you is aware of what you are doing thats all.. s***.. if you did it in secret... that would make me feel MORE desireable rather than creeped out.

anyways.. ive done my best to tell you how i felt and how you made me feel... and i hope that you seriously can understand why i acted the way i acted.

im really not that mean.. and im SURE youre not that creepy and perverted..

so... ive decided that i will really TRY and be cool with you. so be happy that im trying. ok?


Any ideas? When I reflect back to how I would interact with this girl, the way she described me is incredibly accurate. How do I do this online? Maybe there is no substitute for real life sarging?

 

[MikeEdward1973]

This isn't an Internet dating thing. You met this girl off line already. I'd call her, and just go from there.

 

[wjh]

I'm not looking for advice on how to deal with her particularly. I'm not an amateur. She's someone I can bag with ease.

Some people just have a hard time comprehending what I write, I suppose.

Anyway, I'll say it again:

When I reflect back to how I would interact with this girl, the way she described me is incredibly accurate. How do I do this online?

In other words; how do I project the same, or similar, mannerisms online as I do IRL? The way she describes me is how I go about dealing with women IRL and it's pretty damn successful. Not perfect, but good. If I could somehow translate that online I would do well with it.

Frankly, online, I have nearly no success.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well, she just messaged me back and here it is:

Subject: lalalaaaa

I have only skiied twice in my life. But I have only lived here for 2 months. Not much snow where I am from in southern Indiana.
I don't really go anywhere here. I moved here then some crazy things went on then I went back to Indiana for a few weeks and have only been back for 2 days. Unfortunately I don't know anyone here to hang out with, so I don't do much these days. Pretty, lame. lol...but i'm okay w/ it.
Do you live in [where we live]?! if so what do you do around here???
LiSa....

Yawwwnnnn....... Now why should she meet up with you?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

This is easy.

A few sentences about what you do for fun.

Then, if she's near you, ask what she's doing this weekend. You're asking late. Usually you're supposed to close on a weekend before Wednesday.

Try:

(insert 3/4 sentences about what you do for fun)

"So, are you going to be around this Saturday or Sunday? If so, maybe we could meet up for a drink?"

That's it. Make her say yes or no.

Better but I still thinks its too light. The bait isn't good enough and there is still ambiguity. I say make a plan, tell her what it is, where, when and what you plan to do, then tell her that she should join you. It'll either kickstart things offline or it will let you know that she isn't interested.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I could use some help online. I've read Francisco's stuff in this thread and it makes a lot of sense. Some of it is common sense.

This stuff is ridiculously easy as long as you are willing not do the things that haven't worked in the past, talk about common sense.

Now about the email you received. If you met a woman on the street and you told you all of this during your conversation what conclusion would you come to? What would the you do? Would it work? If it would why not do it in this situation? Common sense.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Better but I still thinks its too light. The bait isn't good enough and there is still ambiguity. I say make a plan, tell her what it is, where, when and what you plan to do, then tell her that she should join you. It'll either kickstart things offline or it will let you know that she isn't interested.

Your suggestion is certainly one way of doing it.

So, usually, before I send the above, I've already established that the person I'm corresponding with has a high interest level. Typically, I'll send an initial email, she'll reply, I'll send her another (always making sure to ask what part of the city she's in in this one), she'll reply, and on the 3rd email I use a light close, very similar to the one above, and 9 times out of 10 I've found that she'll say 'sure,' and then I'll suggest a time & place.

But that's just me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Frankly, online, I have nearly no success.

Some people just have a hard time comprehending what I write, I suppose.

When I reflect back to how I would interact with this girl, the way she described me is incredibly accurate. How do I do this online?

In other words; how do I project the same, or similar, mannerisms online as I do IRL? The way she describes me is how I go about dealing with women IRL and it's pretty damn successful. Not perfect, but good. If I could somehow translate that online I would do well with it.

It's about presenting your message by building blocks with a solid foundation. I took your message, moved things around and I think it's a bit more cohesive. You just need to do the same thing. All I think you need to do in put a little more effort into your responses while making sure that they are your responses. What I mean is that you should consider writing your responses in that they would be exactly what you would say if you sitting at a table with someone.

 

[Mr.Positive]

This Poonani dude is setting himself for failure and embarrasment.

Think positive Latinoman, you only fail when you don't try, and you only get embarrassed, when you let yourself...get embarrassed.

Everything else, is just one big life learning experience.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Ok I just sent this reply to her:

Yeah well, it's tough living here. Maybe you should consider moving back?

So what's the goal here, pen pals?