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c-do

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I came across this website in trying to figure you guys out. Just like you, women are often confused with how to interpret things, how to approach you, etc.. It looks like you are all giving each other good advice and are very supportive of one another's goals. So I guess I am approaching as a member of the "other team" asking for your help. I don't think that other women can answer my questions the way all of you can.

Here's my deal. There's this guy at work that I am extremely attracted to. I gave him my number about a month ago but he has never called. We see each other several times a week and he is always extrememly nice and tells me that he's going to call, but he's too busy (I know this is an excuse). The other day I found out from a friend of mine that he's seen as quite the player - that he is asking several women out under the guise of wanting to find that right woman to start a family with. Although my feeling were a little hurt, I can't be mad at him for not being attracted to me in that way. I didn't say anything at first because, hell, what CAN I say? But after a couple more days of him going on and on about how busy he is (without me asking) I realized he was just throwing excuses out there to prevent me from talking about the fact that he hasn't called. Yesterday he asked me if I was mad at him because he hasn't called and I told him no. Then he asked if I was mad because he told me he would call. So I pulled him aside and told him that yes I was but that he didn't owe it to me to call just because I gave him my number. I told him that I liked him and thought he was a nice guy but that I didn't want this "thing" between us about the phone call. I did tell him that I had heard about his reputation and that the only thing that told me was that he did have time and that he just didn't see me that way. I assured him that I wasn't going to trip out on him because of it and that if he never called, he wouldn't have to worry about me acting any differently towards him. I also told him that I thought it was a shame, that I thought we had a lot in common, but that not everyone's attraction is mutual. I guess my goal was just to clear the air. I know he said he would call, he knows he said he would call, and we both know he never did. Now we can go about interacting with each other without that black cloud over us.

Here's the problem though guys, I still like him. And I know for a fact that's he's attracted to me on some level because of signs like long eye contact, him touching me when he talks to me, and him always smiling at me. Maybe I shouldn't have called him to the mat, but I'm not a passive woman and am not going to have someone lying to me when it's obvious. Any ideas on whether there's anything I can do to get him to use my number?

Thanks. And if there's anything I can answer from a woman's point of view, I'd be glad to help.

Cece
 

Soma

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Personally, if a woman gives me her number, I'm less likely to call her up. Unless we've established some connection first and I find her interesting. Although, in all likliehood I would have got the info on my own anyway. Sometimes what happens is that a girl gives me her info, which is not as much fun as "working" for it...no challenge. I KNOW I can have that ass ANYTIME I want it, just as I'm sure this guy knows he can have you WHENEVER he feels the desire. Because of that, I won't get around to calling her. As times goes by it becomes even less likely that I'll call because I don't want her giving me sh!t about not calling way back when. But, when I want some backup action I MAY eventually call.

This guys knows you like him. And you ASSUME he's attracted to you, which is not necessarily true. He's a player, he's knows what's up. He's just flirting with you cause it's fun and keeps you interested in him, which shows to other women and makes them more interested in him...he knows this and uses it to keep you hooked. Like I said, backup booty action. I do it all the time to girls I know I can have but don't want at the moment.

That's probably exactly what you didn't want to hear, but it's honest.

Take care.
 

c-do

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Wow. Thanks for your input. Yeah, giving him my number was akward. But we were at work and he was telling me that he was going to come find me and talk to me. I'm very private about my personal life at work and the thought of him coming up to me at work and talking with me just made me think of all the talk (I'm a nurse and work with nothing but women) that was going to happen so I told him I felt uncomfortable at work so I was just going to give him my number. Obviously a bad move. But I can totally see what you're saying. Here's the big question then - why would a guy want someone to remain interested in them if they are not interested themselves? Is it really because of the attention that other women pay to it? Also, do you think that he would even care if I pulled back?
 

Soma

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why would a guy want someone to remain interested in them if they are not interested themselves? Is it really because of the attention that other women pay to it? Also, do you think that he would even care if I pulled back?

Because it's an ego boost. And yeah, because it raises his value in the eyes of other women. And of course because, like I said, he's keeping the burner on simmer, so to speak, and if it ever catches his fancy he'll call you up. Don't EXPECT that to happen though. The more you look at him with those hungry eyes and tell him that it bothered you that he didn't call, etc...the more he knows he has you in the palm of his hand.

Yes, your best bet is to pull back. Cut this dude off completely. He may start to pursue you JUST A BIT to bait you back into his charms. Don't fall for it. Cut him off and if he comes to you, make him jump through some hoops like a motherfvcker. You will now be a challenge and your value to him will increase. The more he can't have you, the more he'll want you.

Of course, he MAY just write you off completely. But really, the only chance you have is to cut him off and make him work for it if he comes for you.

-Soma
 

c-do

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Soma,

I'm loving your candor. And I think that you're absolutely right.

Here's another twist to the situation. He's only at my hospital until October 31st and then moves onto another hospital here, which mean I won't see him everytime I work. The other hospital is a teaching hospital and I am currently working on my master's there and am around there frequently - I also have several friends that work there. So I was thinking of how easy it would be to look him up and "casually" bump into him after several months have passed after he leaves. Maybe let time go by and have a different approach/attitude when I see him again? What do you think?

Can you tell I'm smitten?
 

Soma

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haha, you're smitten like a kitten alright.

Yeah, cut him off and see what happens when you meet him again later. Although I don't suggest initiating any unnecessary conversation with him when you meet. Just be friendly in a neutral way. Don't show any interest and don't show any pain (if there is any) about what happened in the past. Look at it like you being nice to him is a gift he must earn. Once he works for it, THEN show a LITTLE niceness back. Flirt with him. Do the girl version of what we, on this site, call ****y and funny.

If you really want to work it, flirt with your other male co-workers and be nice to them without making them work for it. Most guys aren't players, and I assume your other male co-workers don't fit the mold so by you just being nice to them, they will likely develop an interest in you. Though you can be nice to those guys as much as you want, always make the player guy chase you. Dangle the carrot in front of him and he just may go for a bite.

Oh yeah...almost forgot...be careful. He's a player and if you guys ever end up having sex that's as far as it will go. Maybe just a one night stand or fvck buddies. But if you're feeling that you'll be the one girl to change this guy...forget about it. Players are well aware that girls love the romantic notion that somehow the girl will change the guy, fall in love, yadda yadda. So we use it to our advantage...always making it seem like a special girl COULD come along and change us but it hasn't happened. Girls get HOOKED on the sh1t bigtime and will stay with us far longer than they think they will. So realize that a serious monagomous relationship won't come from this.

Alright, time for me to get ready to go out. It's Saturday night and time to have some fun! Take care.

-Soma
 

Lost In Translation

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You want us to help you destroy a fellow DJ ?

YOU ARE A SPY !


Quotes :
" Just like you, women are often confused with how to interpret things, how to approach you "

interpret things ?? women make no sense and contradict everything they say eg. i wish i could find a nice guy ( but they fu** some jerk every night )

this MAN is telling you EXACTLY what is going on

you gave him your number, the ball is in his court

HE IS NOT INTERESTED , HE DIDN'T CALL YOU

if it had been the opposite situation and he had given you his number and came on this forum asking for help he would be told your interest level is low, NEXT her. If he told us he was still pursuing you he would be asking for a comment about stalking.

but it's ok for a women to stalk a guy now isn't it :)

Quote:
" So I guess I am approaching as a member of the "other team" asking for your help. "

this guy you are posting about is abviously a DJ

how can you ask us to betray and murder our brother in arms ?

if we help you how many other women are going to start posting and getting us to help them kill off our DJ bretheren ?

SHOULD WE CHANGE THE NAME OF THE FORUM TO DOLLY MAGAZINE ? CLEO ?

Quote:
" The other day I found out from a friend of mine that he's seen as quite the player "

then as a typical b*tch you contradict yourself by saying

Quote:
" I told him that I liked him and thought he was a nice guy "

bull$hit ! if he was a nice guy you wouldn't want him, he is a DJ

Quote: " Here's the problem though guys, I still like him. "

hahahaha he owns you ! he is a DJ , the smiles , the kino , the not calling you IS HE A MEMBER OF THIS FOURM ? hahaha :)

your only hope is to tell him that now he owns you and that you are ready to do whatever he wants and that you are his b*tch and he is your pimp daddy

Quote:
" Any ideas on whether there's anything I can do to get him to use my number ? "

He is a DJ a real man, HE is in control, you cannot take his control away by manipulation ( a womans weapon of choice ) build a bridge and get over it.

Quote:
" if there's anything I can answer from a woman's point of view, I'd be glad to help. "

no thanks we got WaterTiger and she is all we need from your " team " :D




Lost In Translation

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c-do

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Lost in Translation,

Are you kidding me? This isn't a real war! I am not contradicting myself to say that other people think he's a player but that I think he's a nice guy. And I am certainly not stalking anyone. I am interested and don't feel bad about that. There's nothing deceptive in what I'm doing.

You sound like you really dislike women in general and dislike women who try to understand you even more. I'm not trying to "ruin" anyone's game or to "spy". Really, your nasty comments are so unwarranted. I hope that you're not a hippocrit and that you don't ask for advice since you seem to think you've got it all figured out! You are exactly the kind of guy that women get sick at the thought of.

cece
 
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Nature has assigned men to do the approach for a reason - we are more physical by nature and we pursue that which is pleasing to our eye!! Women do many things to try to make themselves pleasing to our eye but in the end iti s our decision of who and what attracts us!!!

It is ok to make yourself 'available' to men but don't initiate interest/number first unless obvious signals are given and he is a shy man!! "Players" are not shy!!!
 

c-do

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Yes, it is obvious that the whole giving my number thing was a HUGE mistake. I didn't give him any time or the opportunity to pursue me. I can't change that - it's done. It was a rash and foolish move on my part. I guess I'm just trying to find a way to redeem myself.

I don't doubt that he's attracted to my physically, I am an extremely attractive woman. I think it's all about the way I approached the whole thing. Believe me when I say I've learned a lesson from this whole thing.

It's just that I know what I want, which is him. I'm not trying to chase the man down though, just trying to get some insight on how to turn such an akward situation around to one where he doesn't necessarily feel he's got it in the bag.

cece
 

Lost In Translation

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Quote:
" Are you kidding me? This isn't a real war! "

i never mentioned war but ok, yes society has declared war on MAN and what being a real man is all about. The war is the pussification of man. man is on the endagered species list.

Quote:
" I am not contradicting myself to say that other people think he's a player but that I think he's a nice guy. "

he has a reputation and you can even quote one of his main pick up lines at the hospital

" that he is asking several women out under the guise of wanting to find that right woman to start a family with "

you KNOW he is a DJ and that is why like a moth to the flame you cannot overide your genetic code and you cannot resist him

Quote:
" And I am certainly not stalking anyone. "

i was just pointing out that it's ok for a women to go and pester some guy about calling her when he DOESN'T WANT TO but if a man did that to a women he is a stalker.

Quote:
" I am interested and don't feel bad about that. "

did i say you should ? reverse psychology ? i will make you feel bad Mr Lost In Translation so you will not see through my bull$hit.

you hoping some AFC on the forum is going to fall for the " hero factor " and come and save you from the big bad pimp breaking your post down into the truth

Quote:
" You sound like you really dislike women in general and dislike women who try to understand you even more. "

i like women as much as they love me ;)

Quote:
" I'm not trying to "ruin" anyone's game or to "spy". "

i was calling you a spy in jest

Quote:
" Really, your nasty comments are so unwarranted. "

this is a forum for MEN. nasty ? because i told you that they guy isn't interested in you ? because i told you what you didn't want to hear ? the truth ?

maybe you should have posted at the start of the thread :

only AFC's and guys who will help women keep men bowed down as slaves in society please reply

Quote:
" I hope that you're not a hippocrit and that you don't ask for advice since you seem to think you've got it all figured out! "

i do ask for advice from MEN on this MALE forum. Don't worry princess i won't ask YOU for advice because i have YOU all figured out.

Quote:
" You are exactly the kind of guy that women get sick at the thought of. "

coming from you i take that as the greatest compliment :D

THANKYOU

yes i am a scheming womans worst nightmare.....a mutha fu**ing DJ !



Lost In Translation

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My point was that you do not have the power to do this!!! Some women TRAP a disinterested man for a season but we eventually leave if not done through our own volition and interest!!!!!

And yes - if he wanted you he already has in you 'in a bag', as you say!!
 

c-do

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Lost in Translation,

You've got me all figured out? You know nothing about me. You're nasty comments included calling me a b*tch for no reason. Don't flatter yourself with all the other crap you spew.
 

c-do

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PR lover,

Thank you for your input. I appreciate it. Like I stated earlier, I have learned a huge lesson in this.

Sometimes it's hard for a woman to know what to do. We are bombarded with mixed messages about guys liking a woman that is a bit aggressive, that men like it when we call you out on your games, etc.. But it sounds like the men's point of view is that you do not like those things. That it means more to you to be able to do the pursuing. We are also put into the situation often where we feel like we have to point out where we're coming from and what we will/will not deal with. When women think about telling a man where she's at, she sees it as empowering herself. Whereas it seems that men take it a completely different way. Woman are explainers by nature - we always feel like we have to interpret things for others, especially men. Sometimes we feel that we are helping you out - for example I was trying to let that guy at work know that I wasn't mad at him, but that I didn't want him telling me something that wasn't true and that it was okay if he didn't call - and it gets taken as weakness. I guess that's the whole reason I'm interested in what you guys have to say. It seems that we women are giving each other poor advice.

So there are no ulterior motives here, just a true interest in how you guys are interpreting things.

cece
 

Danny21682

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Maybe if you showed some level of disinterest he'd be more compelled to call you? Maybe panicing when he notices you not fawning over him will inspire him into showing more attention. If I was in his situation (i.e., a quasi-player), I wouldn't want to lose clientele. ;)

Hope everything works out.

LIT, you should probably clean up your manners. One of the hallmarks of a "mutha f**king DJ!" is a subtle nobleness; sexism and condescension isn't on the list.
 

NewMan

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your pretty much fvcked.

1) he knows that he just has to turn on the charm and he has you in the bag.

2) You've not made him work one bit for what he's got. At best you'll be a booty call - or at the most he will look at you that way. He will call you when he's out of options/other chicks.

3) Your job is to make yourself available - not hand it to him on a silver platter.


You need to take back control. Forget this guy - don't ignore him, but don't go out of your way to talk/flirt with him. He had his chance - it's time to move on.
 

Lost In Translation

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***Welcome to DJ's who wants to be a millionaire

the aim of the game is to help this poor little chicklet who got lost on her way to the dolly forum bag herself a nice guy who wants to settle down and get married

ok here are the questions :

**QUESTION No.1**

Quote:
"I came across this website in trying to figure you guys out."

is there a line between her coming to a forum about being a DJ when the man she is trying to trap is a DJ ?

**QUESTION No.2**

Quote:
" There's this guy at work "

Where does this hot young lady work ?

**QUESTION No.3**

Quote:
" after a couple more days of him going on and on about how busy he is "

what does this DJ do for a living ?

**QUESTION No.4**

Quote:
" I'm a nurse and work with nothing but women "

if she is working with nothing but women what does the DJ all these women are trying to snag as a husband do for a living ?

**QUESTION No.5**

Quote:
" Here's another twist to the situation. He's only at my hospital until October 31st and then moves onto another hospital here, which mean I won't see him everytime I work. "

What is the DJ's job and what makes him so desirable as a husband that all the nurses want him and hurry because she is on a time limit to TRAP HIM before he meets some more nurses

**QUESTION No.6**

Does our brother in arms doctor DJ drive :

a. BMW
b. Mercedes
c. Porche
d. Pimped out Low Rider




Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

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icepick

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Hey c-do!

I have been in that guy's situation a few times. That is, there are some girls who--for one reason or another--are completely infatuated with me.

Maybe infatuated is too strong of a word, but there have been quite a few girls that did things like:

- giving me thier number when I barely knew them
- asking to "look at my phone" and then typing in thier number
- asking me for my number and then calling to make dates

And that can be good or bad depending on the situation.

But the MAIN thing that really REPELS me about many of the times I go out with these girls is that they seem to be too insecure.

The questions of did-you-have-fun, do-you-like-hanging-out-with-me, will-you-call, etc. coupled with the i-see-you-so-i-will-drop-everything-that-i-am-doing-just-to-say-hi-and-stare-at-you type of behavior is really stressing.

Almost like they think they are not worthy of talking to me at all.

You have to look at how you ACT around the guy you are "extremely" attracted to.

There is a certain TYPE of female interest that is actually SCARY to a guy. Most girls can control it (not all of them turn into full blown stalker crazies), but guys can still sniff it out.

In my not-so-humble opinion, you are SCARED that there is something that you COULD do but ARENT doing. You are scared that you are missing something that could make him interested in pursuing something with you.

And because you are scared, you start to want to TAKE CONTROL of things more and more. (Like if you see him, YOU go over to HIM; YOU give HIM your number without him even asking, etc., etc.)

You gotta wait until AFTER marriage before you can start controlling his life. ;) Not before. If we can tell what you are up to, it is frightening. You gotta set the hook 'fore you reel it in, catch my drift?

It works better if the guy THINKS he is in control or THINKS he has to do something.

I don't really know why this is, but it seems to be true in my experience.
 
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Originally posted by c-do
PR lover,


Sometimes it's hard for a woman to know what to do. We are bombarded with mixed messages about guys liking a woman that is a bit aggressive, that men like it when we call you out on your games, etc.. But it sounds like the men's point of view is that you do not like those things. That it means more to you to be able to do the pursuing. We are also put into the situation often where we feel like we have to point out where we're coming from and what we will/will not deal with. When women think about telling a man where she's at, she sees it as empowering herself. Whereas it seems that men take it a completely different way.
For the most part modern-day women have it wrong!!!

c-do, I seem to have a soft spot for you in my heart and a hard-on for you elsewhere (just kidding) so I shall enlighten you and make your journey into 'womanhood' more fruitful in regards to appealing to men in such a manner that they will initiiate the approach - this is your and every woman's goal!!!

DJ lost-in-Translation speaks truth in his messages but since we do not know you personally his comments may be unwarranted and may seem harsh - but in a forum like this we can only make generalizations about women - in most cases our stereotypes and generalizations are correct!

Read my thread (do a search) "The natural order of things - sexuality defined and explained" - this will give you insight of what men seek in a woman - then come back here if you need further guidance!
 
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