In a rut - Any light possible at the end of this tunnel?

[OnTheEdge]

Well this will probably come across as a pretty pathetic post but it's not like i'm a known poster on these boards anyway so if anyone feels the need to boost up their self esteem by shooting down someone coming out and asking for advice then by all means go for it.

Anyhow, the purpose of my post is because I would like to hear from other people on the forums who have made great strides in improving their life overall and if they were ever in the type of rut that I am going to describe. I would be alot more motivated/inspired/optimistic if I could hear from other people that getting out of this f*cking rut is possible other than the hopeless feeling I currently have. If it's not possible well then drugs are possible and well yeah if that doesnt work, we know what comes next.

I'm not THAT deep into a depression or anything yet though so no need to tell me to go call a suicidal hotline or anything But my current rut is pretty bad. I lack social skills to the Nth degree and do not have much interaction whatsoever. I basically go to work every day, come home and watch tv, get online and browse forums and thats my day, my life. I know that the only way I can ever see a change is if I take it upon myself but getting out of a rut like this feels hard, I don't even know where to begin, it would be nice if there was some sort of step by step guide out there on how to get out of such a rut. I am not a bad looking guy at all and at one point had social skills and confidence talking with women but this new job of mine has stripped all my social life away and I have lost all my friends and contact with family.

Has anyone else been in a horrible state/rut like this and been able to turn things around for the better and actually build a social network? Find themselves a strong group of friends? A girlfriend? I honestly would be very happy just with a small group of guy friends to hang out with when I have free time and a girlfriend to spend time with. Is that too much to ask for in this life...?

I just would like to hear if anyone else has been in a rut like this and how they managed to get out of it and how they are doing now. Any input from anyone would be very appreciated.

PS: This post will also probably serve as great stomping ground for flamers to toss out insults so enjoy! Just hoped on a site dedicated to men improving the quality of their life that I could get some type of feed back.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Okay buddy I sympathize greatly. Heres my story. I was once an extremely good wrestler/football player/track runner ect. I was ****ier than **** and then, making a long story short for you I fell into major depression and psychosis, at a severe level. During that period, I had no game no confidence and didn't even want to live, people had noticed a change. I started either not caring enough about what I looked like or caring waay too much. I just couldn't find a medium in anything. And even when I had my natural instincts as a player back for a while, I always managed to ruin relationships. I won't even go there. My advice to you is to GET HELP, BE A MAN , and think logically to get what you want, I know whree you're coming from, I felt like I couldn't do anything right. But now I'm out, and while **** isnt always perfect, it's much much better and more stable. Right now I'm trying to handle 5 girls at once and I'm just livin it up, I should be happier and not take **** for granted as I have been all today. Thank you for the post. and here is all of your help:

ima str8 up pimp
Don Juan


Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 52

Do you want REAL game?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay first I'm going to be honest and say that yes, this is definetly an ego booster for me, but this will also put all of you losers in your places, and all of you "senior, and master" "donjuans" that THINK you know what you're doing but really, you're still just scared PUSSIEES.

Ahhh ya know what I dont even know if I want to post this shhhhiiit because 3/4 of you idiots will STILL not listen to me, and go off in your idiot ways.

Okay here we go. For starters, so y'all have no doubts in me, I'm currenty "messing with 5 girls", and well one I actually have developed feelings for, but that's another story on it's own. At 16 I was hooking up with 20 yr olds, and not just one. Hmm one had a tongue ring, I can still remember that shyt lol .

Okay here are EXTREMELY VALID POINTERS:
1. This website generalizes women, each person is their own, women are human just like you and me, you asswholes. You cant generalize them, EVERYONE IS AN INDIVIDUAL
2. FEAR. Need I say more? You must just go for ****, attack and handle those broads, just be sexual and friendly mang. memorizing book lines for pick ups is very very weird, and is A SIGN OF FEAR. Think about it. SAYING YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MOVES TO MAKE WHEN IN FACT YOU LOSERS DO, YOU'RE JUST SCARED OF REJECTION.
3. Last, and I'm sorry to whoever this may offend but it's for the best. This site is incredibly misleading when in fact **** is sooooo very simple. Mr. DeAngelo is feeding off of men's insecurities. Y'all are trying to be a bunch of super players when in fact its sooo terribly easy. He's basicallly saying "Attraction is a very mystifying and unbelievable thing and women love it and you dont have it, you need to buy my book and learn about it if you ever want to get laid." BULL****!!!! I just want to stick up for yall.

4. Last but not least. Looks matter fools, that is sooo very obvious and easy to point out. Only a delusional retard believes the other way.

I work with what I have to get what I want to make me happy and it isn't always alot, but hell in this case, my girls make me happy and fufilled in life.

Okay now I want some feedback. __________________


Last but not least, I'm not going to lie to you mang, you seem pretty far into depression get help. I was once very very bad. I had major depression and psychosis (psychosis is losing touch with reality causing deteriorating social functioning) look it up. I ASKED to be evaluated like a real man and stayed in the hospital for 8 days. I had been in denial for what seemed like FOREVER, was was only a 1yr and 1/2 or so. Everyday ended rough in the inside.

 

[OnTheEdge]

Wow, thanks for the reply man! I will look into everything you said alot more tomorrow but wanted to ask what your opinion on meds was.

 

[Delta]

hey ontheedge,

that's my life too. down to a tee.... work, home, tv, surfing -- add books and magazines and working out and that's me.

as for wanting a few friends, and a girlfriend and whether that's too much to ask... boy i feel ya.

i consider myself a recovering afc... and i've undergone a lot of self development (working out [had no idea i actually had some of these muscles! don't get me wrong, i'm nowhere near 'the rock'... don't think i even gained much body weight... i don't look huge... but i have muscles now where there weren't before and shirts look a bit better on me and i stand a bit taller], getting a good wardrobe, studying and developing a good mindset to do this stuff).

EVEN SO, my life is just like yours. i don't have a lot of friends (and none to hit bars and clubs with) and so i'm kinda 'all dressed up with nowhere to go'.

and i've battled depression for a looong time now as well... in fact, just recently stepped off of paxil and replacing it with omega 3 fish oil (coromega is a good product) and multivitamins... these alone won't keep me undepressed but the omega3 in particular has been known to affect seretonin and it seems to take the edge off a bit.

exercise. you'll need muscles and such to assist in your game but cardio (even a brisk walk in the evening) DEFINITELY eases depression a bit. just get winded a bit so that you focus purely on breathing.

i started weightlifting (3 days a week) a few years ago and it has a tendency to amp up hormones and this also takes away some of the depression.

i would not have attempted to get off of paxil without working out.

paxil and other SSRI drugs do work and if you're on the very edge, talk to your doctor about it cuz it can alleviate somewhat... for me, it wasn't the depression so much as when it started turning into other things like hypochondria and OCD.... paxil DEFINITELY helped with the extreme symptoms and may have saved my life.

but even as it lops off the lows, it has a tendency to lop off the highs too. let's not overexaggerate - i wasn't a brain dead zombie... but everything did have a duller flavor (but compared to hyperactive worrying, it was preferable!).

and man... it took a LOOOOOOoooooong time to *** sometimes! like hours!

for me, it kind of left me grateful to be alive and that's it... no motivation, no energy to act, no ambition.

so that's why i've been here, trying to get out of that and getting off the paxil.

so far so good.

i even 'played' my way into dating this co-worker of mine for a few months and while it lasted, it was great. but it's gone now and i'm fighting back depression, self doubt and insecurity like crazy now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

my plan now is to somehow find a group in my area that goes on the prowl together...

i've heard them called "lairs".... and that might be a way to get out of the house.

cuz yes, it is very difficult to do this pickup stuff and i can't EVEN IMAGINE hitting a bar or club alone (although i suppose i could hit one on the way home from work as a ritual... hmmmmm....).

hang in there.

don't give up.

there are many of us who are just like you and many many more that were at one point or another.

delta

(p.s. your moment to moment thoughts and what you say to yourself has a tremendous amount of effect on you. look into affirmations... it sounds hokey as hell but i've read somewhere something that made things make more sense for me - that the mind is like an iceberg and the conscious part is the tip of it... but the 90% underwater is your subconscious and affirmations as well as MEDITATION can really help.

-exercise
-meditation
-affirmations

oh, and read "the luck factor" - book store or check it out first at a library... really really good. heard about it from an article in men's health.

 

[Delta]

oh hey,

any chance in hanging out with fellow workers? that's one immediate thing that can be developed. people at my work started going to big movie events together.

also, where do you live? maybe we can look into researching these 'lairs' together if you're in my area (los angeles).

luck again.. and seriously, if nothing else, read LUCK FACTOR... will make you much more hopeful. and keep reading these and other boards. when you're in a hole, just keep looking at more and more stuff... something might stir something in you.

even posting like this here was a step in the right direction. when you expose yourself, you're inviting something to happen. keep doing that. (strategy from the book).

and yeah, lots of people may jump on you because it's easy to do it and it makes them seem tough.

ignore it.

don't even read it.

just remember, there are lots of us just like you and each of us, every night, share both your plight and your pain. World of Warcraft isn't a global hit for no reason after all! that's another thing, try to have a sense of humor about it... in the darkest times, it's hard to make fun of yourself and see the humor in it... i know... i've been trying to. but it helps. so try.

we'll figure a way out.

delta

 

[OnTheEdge]

Ha! I played world of warcraft and everquest, damned games just ruin your lives if you let them. I am not in the Los Angelos area however but I have read about lairs and stuff to get out of the house. I guess my situation isnt TOO bad, I do have friends that I neglected from a while back that I could probably still call up that I talk to online occasionally but it just feels ackward now. I was thinking of going on paxil but I can't lose motivation during school, my grades would plummit.

 

[Desdinova]

What I did was get a part-time job where I had to interact with people on a regular basis. Talking to the customers and co-workers on a regular basis really helped me get used to interacting with people, and with the high turnover rate at this job, I was able to help make newbies feel more comfortable by being the first one to talk to them.

 

[spider_007]

KILL THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, AND DON'T START FEELING PUITTY FOR YOUR SELF. Keep buissy with things, other then work.

it's gonna feel like it's hard, but, it's easyer then you think it is.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

DEPAKOTE(bi polar, psychosis) and Effexor(depression)

 

[OnTheEdge]

are you saying I should try those?

Also, I was hoping that maybe a few people started their quest on self improvement in the predicament im in now and would share but I guess this is about as bad as it gets? Where do I even start? Do I need to get comftorable talking to people first and then i'll be able to build a social network?

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Ionno mang, just go see a Doc, connect with old friends, talk to co-workers, go to clubs and talk to girls, look your best.... You know what to do, and if you're making money, you will most definetly succeed because you have the tools to pimp yourself out, money for the doctors and all that good stuff.

There is light.

Don't look so :nervous: lolz I'm just playin lolz

I started off a stud, but fell into the deepest of depths so I know where you're coming from, I can relate, no matter how much you believe that those feelings are one-of-a-kind, no matter how much you believe you may be crazy, and everything you do is wrong, and just suffocation in feelings and emotion. It can be beat and you can become something great. Like I said, I'm livin dat lyfe brotha lolz... Read my other posts.. like the "experience post- enjoy"... You're gonna be okay and you'll rise higher than most for your ability to fight ::.

 

[knglerxt]

I feel you, man. I'm starting to come out of a severe depression myself. I became depressed about a year ago because I never have any interaction with women. I hated to go out places and see all these guys with their girlfriends, yet I can't even get a date. It still affects me now, but it's not as bad.

I totally destroyed my apartment because of this. I mean I put about 15 or 20 holes in my walls. I broke my T.V., computer, DVD player. I dropped out of college and lost my financial aid. I've had muscle twitches for the last year.

I still struggle with it everyday. I just started fixing my apartment the other day. Hopefully, I can get back in school this Fall.

 

[Kerpal]

I've been to the edge and back, anti depressants and exercising helped a great deal. I still kind of feel like I'm in the rut and I still get depressed sometimes but not to the point where I'll lock myself in my room and not eat anything for 3-4 days at a time (yes, I literally used to do that). I moved to a new town and got a job where I've met a few people. I still don't have any close friends and I haven't gotten laid in 2 years, but at least I'm moving in the right direction. Only a few months ago I was holding a loaded .45 to my head and contemplating suicide. Don't lose hope.

Here's a thread I wrote about this a few months ago: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=95031

PM me if you want to talk.

 

[Kerpal]

Oh, and if you go on medications DON'T JUST STOP TAKING THEM! I was put on a medication and after a few months I was feeling great and stopped taking them and stopped seeing my shrink because I felt like I didn't need them anymore, and once the last of the drug drained from my brain I slid back into depression. I'm back on a different medication now and doing great, but I had to go thru the side effects of starting taking it again (about a week of horrible insomnia). So whatever you do, don't just stop taking the meds suddenly. You have to wean yourself off of them.

 

[Bay area pimp]

I know this may sound kinda crazy but start doing affirmations every single day. At least three times. The best times to do them are in the morning when you wake up (alpha state) and before you go to bed (alpha state). Dont have time to go into detail but just google it and I'm sure you can find all the info you need. Above all make sure you quit focusing on the negative things as this will just make things worse. You are alive and anything is possible so just wake up and live. By the way I doubt you need any meds. Mindset can conquer almost anything

 

[dannowillbookem]

ah i feel you. all the positivity in bay areas reply there seemed so foreign to me, so impossible. i've fallen out of working out cause it didnt make me happier. nothing really does it for me lately.

im going to see a doc. somethings gotta give here.

 

[omgwtfm8]

A great way to get started is to get a job in a social enviroment. Work at a resturant, a major retail store (Circuit City, Best Buy, etc), work somewhere where you are forced to meet a bunch of new people.

I'm serious, this automatically gives you people that you are forced to meet and become friendly with, you'll find new friends to spend your free time with. Once you find your new guy friends, you'll link up to some of the girls they know. Them bam, insta-new friends.

Join a gym, get fit, boost confidence, etc.

Dress well, basically, don't wear what everyone else is wearing, stand out!

 

[Delta]

as i said, i was on paxil (and still have a crapload of bottles just in case!) and i weaned myself off and EVEN THAT wasn't a walk in the park!

not insomnia myself but little spasms while i'm drifting off to sleep (like a small electric shock), sweating, REALLY vivid dreams... i think they call it seretonin syndrome.

and yah, it does take a week or two for the drugs to really get a grip on your system.

also, for me, the drug didn't make me any happier... but it didn't seem so bad and it took the edge off.

if you guys are really miserable and the mental torment threatens your sanity and life, getting on drugs right away is a good emergency measure. but if you want to be actually happy and deal with the problems that are making you unhappy, a therapist or even pua training (if that's your sore spot) is probably worth looking into.

danno, yeah, especially when it doesn't seem like working out is bringing you any chicks, it's tough to keep going. but take joy in little steps, little accomplishments, little more muscle definition... try to approach your body like a little project and keep focusing on the results and it can be a means of building up your confidence little by little (gee, look what i did).

luck fellows.

delta

 

[Bay area pimp]

The best way to get yourself out of this rut is to make a change. If u just sit at home and think about how horrible your life is it will remain the same for a lot longer. I was very serious about the affirmations. They help soooooo much. At first it will be very hard but it gets easier and easier as time goes on. Then you start to notice a serious change. Start waking up earlier in the morning and go for a run. This clears the mind. While your running try to visualize the way you want your life to be. Visualize it until you start to get so excited that you get a feeling of empowerment in your stomach. I know this sounds very corny but it helps alot. You asked for advice from us so dont just read it and dismiss it. Take ACTION and you will notice a huge change. Feel free to send me a message if you need some support. I'd be more than happy to help! Take Care

 

[jack knife]

First of all, there is nothing wrong with recognizing that you have a problem and doing what needs to be done to fix it. If you broke your leg, you wouldn't sit around asking people online what to do about it, you would seek professional help. If you know you are depressed, then I strongly recommend seeking help. In the end it will be up to you to recover, but psychiatrists and medication can help lead the way.

I would also suggest finding more ways to occupy your time. Take up a sport, or take dance lessons (great way to meet women!). Find something healthy that you like to do and keep doing it. Me, I love to ski. Can't wait until winter.

Another great thing to do in times like these are to work out at a gym. If you are out of shape and don't know what to do at a gym, ask to hire a personal trainer for a couple of sessions, and they will tell you what you need and give you a routine that you can do on your own.



The best advice I can give you is to take care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep, maintain a healthy diet, and balance your work with your free time so you are not over-stressed. Maintain a clean room, brush your teeth twice a day, hell, go get your car washed, stuff like that. If you clutter your life and let the little things build up, they will complement your depression and make you feel even worse.