I'm 40, I want kids

[Vending Machine Veteran]

That's the worst part of the red pill

It's also the best part of the red-pill, because if you've accepted that, you've reached guru status

Not joking

 

[BaronOfHair]

My grandparents were fvcking poor in comparison to me, but they made it work. My grandfather farmed, pulp-wooded, drove a truck, whatever he could. But they always had food on the table

They scraped by, and had enough JUST ENOUGH to survive. Today, we have the possibility of gaining existences far more hearty than anything conceivable to all humans who lived in any prior era. The challenge is to provide more folks(especially men)with the tools necessary to achieve rich lives

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

They scraped by, and had enough JUST ENOUGH to survive. Today, we have the possibility of gaining existences far more hearty than anything conceivable to all humans who lived in any prior era. The challenge is to provide more folks(especially men)with the tools necessary to achieve rich lives

Marcus Aurelius

-- "Men seek retreats for themselves, houses in the country, sea-shores, and mountains; and thou too art wont to desire such things very much. But this is altogether a mark of the most common sort of men, for it is in thy power whenever thou shalt choose to retire into thyself. For nowhere either with more quiet or more freedom from trouble does a man retire than into his own soul, particularly when he has within him such thoughts that by looking into them he is immediately in perfect tranquility; and I affirm that tranquility is nothing else than the good ordering of the mind. Constantly then give to thyself this retreat, and renew thyself; and let thy principles be brief and fundamental, which, as soon as thou shalt recur to them, will be sufficient to cleanse the soul completely, and to send thee back free from all discontent with the things to which thou returnest. For with what art thou discontented? With the badness of men? Recall to thy mind this conclusion, that rational animals exist for one another, and that to endure is a part of justice, and that men do wrong involuntarily; and consider how many already, after mutual enmity, suspicion, hatred, and fighting, have been stretched dead, reduced to ashes; and be quiet at last.- But perhaps thou art dissatisfied with that which is assigned to thee out of the universe.- Recall to thy recollection this alternative; either there is providence or atoms, fortuitous concurrence of things; or remember the arguments by which it has been proved that the world is a kind of political community, and be quiet at last.- But perhaps corporeal things will still fasten upon thee.- Consider then further that the mind mingles not with the breath, whether moving gently or violently, when it has once drawn itself apart and discovered its own power, and think also of all that thou hast heard and assented to about pain and pleasure, and be quiet at last.- But perhaps the desire of the thing called fame will torment thee.- See how soon everything is forgotten, and look at the chaos of infinite time on each side of the present, and the emptiness of applause, and the changeableness and want of judgement in those who pretend to give praise, and the narrowness of the space within which it is circumscribed, and be quiet at last. For the whole earth is a point, and how small a nook in it is this thy dwelling, and how few are there in it, and what kind of people are they who will praise thee."

Long read, but worth it.

 

[BaronOfHair]

But I could have buckled down and made things work. I was capable in my 20s, just not resolute

All human beings fantasize about what could've been, had we made different decisions at some earlier date... By time we're 16, we're daydreaming about how life might have been, had we made other choices at 12

Unless Doc Brown is willing to lend you The Delorean though, there's very little to be gained from indulging in these thought experiments... Far more productive to focus on doing what you can with the life you have now. If you want kids, start hitting the town and dating women in their 20s and early 30s. If you have the trappings of a solid provider, snagging a decent chick may not be as tough as you think

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

Hey man, I remember your post about the miscarriages and the emotional cheating with her texting someone else. First things first, you need to decide if you still want to be with her and have children with her. If you do, then you'll likely need to start the relationship from zero-without grudges and resentments—because once you have a child, those unresolved issues will resurface in ways that can poison the family dynamic. Carrying past resentment into parenthood only makes co-parenting harder and creates an unstable environment for the child. A clean slate means better communication, mutual respect, and the ability to truly work as a team, which is essential when raising a child. Think of it like quitting drinking-if you want a fresh start, you have to cut out what's toxic and commit fully.

Alternatively, if she can't have children or if you'd rather find a new partner to start a family with, 40 isn't too old. Technology has advanced—IVF, IUl, and even medications to boost sperm count and motility-so it's still very possible to have a child in the next few years.

Lastly, if you do have a child and you're not wealthy, leaving the relationship later could get complicated. At your age, she'll likely push to keep the family unit intact. She'll involve both of your families, guilt-trip you about how much your child misses you, and use emotional manipulation before even considering taking you to court. It will get messy, and that's why starting from zero now-if you choose to stay—is the best way to protect yourself from that future chaos. As soon as you have a child with her she will be in the picture forever.

Thanks for remembering my situation, bro (not miscarriage though. My son fought for 5 days). I've mostly blocked it out of my mind. I can't handle it in my head

I've literally blocked it out of my mind. Thanks for reminding me lol

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

My old lady says i can't handle emotions lol

I handle them fine. I push them down into the depths, where they belong

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

I make fun of myself, because i'm a nobody and my life is meaningless.

But i'm a beast, too.

So are you. Don't forget it.

 

[Gamisch]

Let go of that pipedream.

The window for children is closed. Period. Focus on other things in life.

I know a guy who got a kid at 42 with a hot 27 y.o . She eventually cheated on him, and he kept telling me how tiring it is to climb trees and run behind balls while almost being 50.

Lot can be said, buy I'd prefer to go with the idea that you had your chances and for some reason the last 20 years you had different priorities. You made your choice so deal with it with grace

 

[zekko]

No you don't: As a male in Post-Industrial modernity, you didn't have the cash or emotional maturity to be a father and husband in your second decade of life, and this is true for MOST young to youngish guys, ESPECIALLY if you're living in a major metropolitan area. Unions where there's a 20 or more year age gap between the man and the woman are going to become more and more the norm in rich nations, where rising up the socioeconmic ladder requires an exhaustive amount of training and time on the clock

Bear in mind, I am by no means recommending having a kid in your 20s, or ever, really. But:

The thing about having kids in your 20s is yeah, you're not ready, financially or otherwise. But if you wait until you're ready, you'll probably never have kids. You're never ready, or so I hear. There are a lot of government programs set up to help people with kids, so that helps defray the costs somewhat. Also, when you are young, you are likely to have one or two of your parents still around, who can help you out - with babysitting, if nothing else.

It's interesting that the average age of a woman having a first child has increased from 21.5 in 1970 to 27.5 today. Of course more women back then still thought about making mother and housewife a career. And even though I believe men can date much younger, the vast majority of relationships are still within 3-5 years of each other.

 

[Gamisch]

Bear in mind, I am by no means recommending having a kid in your 20s, or ever, really. But:

The thing about having kids in your 20s is yeah, you're not ready, financially or otherwise. But if you wait until you're ready, you'll probably never have kids. You're never ready, or so I hear. There are a lot of government programs set up to help people with kids, so that helps defray the costs somewhat. Also, when you are young, you are likely to have one or two of your parents still around, who can help you out - with babysitting, if nothing else.

It's interesting that the average age of a woman having a first child has increased from 21.5 in 1970 to 27.5 today. Of course more women back then still thought about making mother and housewife a career. And even though I believe men can date much younger, the vast majority of relationships are still within 3-5 years of each other.

Plus don't forget ,when you're 20 something and you get the "usual thing "happening to you( she leaves and makes it extremely difficult to see your kids) you can bounce back.

If you're 40 something and she takes you to the cleaners, you're doomed. Ain't no coming back from that. It's a extremely emotionally tasking thing and very ,very depressing. Imo ime it takes 10 years easily to get over such a bad event. Then you get some messed up teenagers to deal with who don't respect you and have all kinda modern issues while you are nearing 60 and wanna chill out.

I'm not even talking about the necessary vetting process that will definitely be rushed.

 

[plumber]

Let go of that pipedream.

The window for children is closed. Period. Focus on other things in life.

I know a guy who got a kid at 42 with a hot 27 y.o . She eventually cheated on him, and he kept telling me how tiring it is to climb trees and run behind balls while almost being 50.

Lot can be said, buy I'd prefer to go with the idea that you had your chances and for some reason the last 20 years you had different priorities. You made your choice so deal with it with grace

ideas vary on this. back when I was 50, best shape of life physically. at 50 physical shape is still a choice. maybe at 80 it is not... don't know yet.

your right, such a man need to understand in detail RP. 99% chance it goes like you tell, if they do not get it.

a nice thing about kids later in life is or should be that money is not the problem.

older wiser men can guide kids better if they care and want to.

 

[Clockwerk50]

My old lady says i can't handle emotions lol

I handle them fine. I push them down into the depths, where they belong

That is not good. That is going to kill you inside. Do you have any friends? Any hobbies? It sounds like you are very isolated, physically and emotionally.

Just an assumption.

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

That is not good. That is going to kill you inside. Do you have any friends? Any hobbies? It sounds like you are very isolated, physically and emotionally.

Just an assumption.

Not gonna kill me, sweetheart.

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

That is not good. That is going to kill you inside. Do you have any friends? Any hobbies? It sounds like you are very isolated, physically and emotionally.

Just an assumption.

How many pills do you take a day?

 

[Clockwerk50]

How many pills do you take a day?

None. You?

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

None. You?

None, also.

It's nice to know i have followers on here

 

[Manure Spherian]

Wish i would have had kids in my 20s

I have two kids. I’m open to a third.

I’m asking in all seriousness (not a stupid gotcha question): why didn’t you have them yet?

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

I have two kids. I’m open to a third.

I’m asking in all seriousness (not a stupid gotcha question): why didn’t you have them yet?

What does your wife like?

I might be able to manage

 

[justaroundthecorner]

I see a lot of excuses in the thread why not to have a child (including age). Septimus Sever had first child after he was 40 years old, his first wife died childless and he saw a lot of violence and risked his own life many times before finally had some.

The thing about children is that they bring this incredibly powerful amount of purpose in your life. You look at your kid and suddenly you realise that some things have more sense than before. They also bring hope that all your work and material possessions you acquire may serve greater good in form of your descendants and their actions.

However children demand attention, energy and financial resources to grow properly - this also requires having a proper partner.

The best person for that is the person that matches your values (qualification just by SMV is a mistake) as you need to be able to transfer your knowledge and values to your children unopposed in this respect if your character has more virtues than vices - and another person with high values will help you with that (btw. my wife would never allow herself to be in any 'rotation' of lousy PUAs and that is what I will teach my girl as well )

Anyway, being 35-45 is a perfect age to finally properly qualify a woman you want to have children with - if you had them before, there is a chance that looks of your partner overshadowed deficiencies in her character (which also means they may be later passed to your children).

But having children requires being of character - you need to be giving, rather than demanding (but you will still need to demand proper behaviour), you need to be compassionate and patient a lot of times rather than short-tempered and uncaring. You need to have a logistician and strategist in yourself. You need to leave your egoism behind and also drop the idea that acquiring material possessions and experiences are the most important things -- nevertheless, you still need to acquire them for sake of your family. You need to be able to lead by example.

Therefore you really need to want to have children before having them and all the lures of having comfy life of 40+ childless player are strong (which is ok as it's quite Darwinian - people that possess qualities to bear children usually have them - even if those qualities are poorly developed/basic - most of the guys that have their first child in early 20's are examples of passing the most popular qualification for bearing children which is high sexual interest in their current female partner and having constant sexual access to her - this in spite of their experience, resources or virtues of character).